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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mordee2
Review Requests: ON
108 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Tower  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done, Jacky! I suspected the ending when I read "happy, jingly music," but it was a complete mystery until that point.

One thought - When you said "I automatically aimed at it," I assumed you were going to fire a weapon at it. If you want to prevent that assumption, I'd suggest "I automatically aimed for it."


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Man Of The World  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
It appears that yours was the only entry, and that's too bad. This story is good enough to beat ten others. Thank you for sharing a heart-warming account of two very special people.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Life  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice job. I could picture myself spinning in the hammock.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very creative, and a well-deserved Flash win. I'm not sure you needed “I need to make a stock purchase.” The rest of the story was just vague enough to encourage me to think, and by the end I had no doubt what John was going to do.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Fixed It  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was surfing through whatever came up on the "Read & Review" link, and voila. After reading at least seven entries, one is worth five stars. Being a cat lover, I grew a bit concerned, but you came through for Paddie in the end.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Convictions  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I usually have trouble coming up with a powerful or surprising (or both, preferably) ending, but you nailed this one. Nice work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Westbury.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well done. You deserved the win.
8
8
Review of ZANAMON  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hidee Ho, Angus! I really liked the absurdity of this story. The way you presented it as a serious tale but threw in an occasional reminder that it's a comedy was inspired. To me, the best laughs in a story come when I'm not expecting them, and this piece had several of those moments.

One thought - I'm not sure you need the last two paragraphs, because the two before those imply the final two in the same subtle way you presented the rest of the tale.

I haven't read anyone else's entries in quite a while, so I'm glad this one welcomed me back to reviewer status with a bang.

Stay healthy,
Dan


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Enrichment  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice work, Don. You described the situation so well that I thought I was right there in the food court (which is either a good thing or a bad thing). *BigSmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of The Gypsy's Curse  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Funny and well-rhymed.

I think periods at the ends of sentences would have made it smoother to read. You have a question mark after some sentences, so periods elsewhere would have made it more consistent.

The pacing is almost perfect, with two exceptions:
“Now I have boobs that I don't want” would fit better if you delete “that”.
“But you won't see boobs like this again” could be something like “But you'll not see such boobs again”.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
In that new and unfamiliar territory, he must have been scared stiff. *Smirk2*

I liked that it seemed like general sci-fi until "amiable vertical bone," which made me think, wait a second. There's something more going on (or in) here.

The meter is a tad shaky in parts, but the humor makes up for that. Nice work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-written and informative piece that I hope has an impact on everyone who reads it.

It’s sad that many people think nothing of tossing an empty plastic container into the trash, even though plastic’s environmental impact has been well-documented for years. I volunteer at a local food pantry that did no recycling until three years ago, when I set up a container for recycling glass/plastic/cardboard (which can be combined in our town), and another container for plastic shopping bags (which aren’t allowed with other recyclable plastic, but which can be returned to any local grocery store). Even with these conveniences, I frequently find recyclable plastic in the trash containers (and vice-versa). The only benefit has been the few dollars I’ve made retrieving soda bottles from the trash and collecting a 5-cent deposit on each when I turn them in.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Step Right Up!  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A complete story in 140 characters. Very nice. I really like that this leaves a lot to the imagination, but also stands alone, with no need for the reader to conjure up more details.

If the challenge allowed 1000 characters, you could save the other 860 for your next story *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
As an animal lover myself, I appreciate your desire to instill that characteristic in your daughter. I grew up with a fear of bees, having been stung a few times while playing in the yard or woods. But over time I learned the value and temperament of honeybees and bumblebees, and gradually became very comfortable around them (while maintaining caution around wasps). These days, some of my most enjoyable summer moments are when I’m crawling around weeding our flower garden and listening to the buzzing all around me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
for entry "Abundance
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
These are beautiful words and thoughts, Ken. And speaking of nurturing, Mother Teresa inspired you to write a poem that inspired me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the irreverent tone and the quirky description of God. But when you say "A God" rather than just "God," it looks like you're writing about any old generic god (in which case it should have a lowercase "g").

Starting with "Uh? That's new," it's unclear who's talking. God says, "Ah, pun intended?," so that implies that the narrator speaks the next line. But from there it's hard to tell. If all the lines in quotes are God's and the rest are the narrator's, I suggest you combine any multiple lines spoken by the narrator - e.g., put "Uh? That's new..." and "You... Can hear me?" onto one line.

Finally, the last line left me wondering what comes next.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Rated: E | (5.0)
As one who loves the peace and beauty of the woods, I really enjoyed this poem. And I like the way you created a sense of rhyming lines with some near-rhymes and similar endings (e.g. "ing").

The last two lines sum it up perfectly. It's a special feeling to return to a patch of woods and wonder if anyone has been there since you last visited, or if it's your private space.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Out Of Place  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ho, Angus,

I like that I could almost see the changes your character was describing. And although I felt a bit disappointed when he decided it was all a dream, you quickly restored my enjoyment by assuring me that it was no dream, but rather the weird reality you carried through the entire story.

Generally I avoid reading works by people who review my stuff, so as not to establish a feeling of obligation to keep reviewing and comparing each other’s work, and matching (or trying to outdo) each others comments. But I decided to break my resolution and take a look at one of yours, and I’m glad I did. Nice job.

And a Happy 2018 to you. Only three more years until the country gets its sanity back!

Regards and all that,
Dan


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of You  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Exceptional - Congratulations on your win!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
It's odd how a piece about people in sad situations can be such an enjoyable read. But it's so well written that it's almost like two poems. Everyone should read it once to savor the poetry, and a second time to absorb the story behind it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I must admit that the title piqued my interest because I interpreted it as suggesting some connection between undies and Matchbox toys. But that misunderstanding did nothing to dilute my thorough enjoyment of your story. As a typical male, I had no dolls, but I'm sure every girl I knew had at least one Barbie. And having seen them a few times, I'd say your description was perfect (especially the legs-to-armpits).

I never had a GI Joe, and now I'm wondering whether he wore underwear? And if so, were they boxers or briefs?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Dear Me  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the concept, and you did a nice job with it. I especially like the line about the gecko, for no other reason than that geckos don't get enough recognition. *Smile*

One small correction - "Your wincing slightly" should be "you're wincing slightly."


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Messy Room  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cute story. I wish I had an under-the-bed monster when I was young.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Chores  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Except for this story reminding me of all the unfinished chores that await me, I really enjoyed it.

Believe it or not, when I read "the cat snuggled up against my leg," I immediately thought, "it would be funny if it turned out that the character didn't have a cat." But that thought didn't diminish my pleasure at all when I read the last sentence.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Nicely done, Rhyssa. I've always pictured carnivals as a combination (or should I say 'melange') of magic and sadness, and you captured both very well. The cadence was a bit uneven in parts, but that did nothing to compromise the imagery. I especially liked the second verse.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mordee2