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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mordee2
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95 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
In that new and unfamiliar territory, he must have been scared stiff. *Smirk2*

I liked that it seemed like general sci-fi until "amiable vertical bone," which made me think, wait a second. There's something more going on (or in) here.

The meter is a tad shaky in parts, but the humor makes up for that. Nice work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of JURY DUTY  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bad news, TJ - I got my third summons at 68. But, unlike my Cramp story, I didn't get called to the courtroom the third time. Here in the U.S. they can still summon me right up to your mom's age (and later, probably), but anyone 70 or older can use age as an excuse, and I just turned 72.

Thanks for the congrats on my half of our victory, and the same to you for yours. As for your tale, it gave me shivers, because much of it was so close to my experiences that I felt I was reliving them.

By the way, I also have major tinnitus, but I wear hearing aids, and they do a great job of masking it.

Happy writing,
Dan


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-written and informative piece that I hope has an impact on everyone who reads it.

It’s sad that many people think nothing of tossing an empty plastic container into the trash, even though plastic’s environmental impact has been well-documented for years. I volunteer at a local food pantry that did no recycling until three years ago, when I set up a container for recycling glass/plastic/cardboard (which can be combined in our town), and another container for plastic shopping bags (which aren’t allowed with other recyclable plastic, but which can be returned to any local grocery store). Even with these conveniences, I frequently find recyclable plastic in the trash containers (and vice-versa). The only benefit has been the few dollars I’ve made retrieving soda bottles from the trash and collecting a 5-cent deposit on each when I turn them in.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Step Right Up!  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.5)
A complete story in 140 characters. Very nice. I really like that this leaves a lot to the imagination, but also stands alone, with no need for the reader to conjure up more details.

If the challenge allowed 1000 characters, you could save the other 860 for your next story *Smile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (5.0)
As an animal lover myself, I appreciate your desire to instill that characteristic in your daughter. I grew up with a fear of bees, having been stung a few times while playing in the yard or woods. But over time I learned the value and temperament of honeybees and bumblebees, and gradually became very comfortable around them (while maintaining caution around wasps). These days, some of my most enjoyable summer moments are when I’m crawling around weeding our flower garden and listening to the buzzing all around me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
for entry "Abundance
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
These are beautiful words and thoughts, Ken. And speaking of nurturing, Mother Teresa inspired you to write a poem that inspired me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the irreverent tone and the quirky description of God. But when you say "A God" rather than just "God," it looks like you're writing about any old generic god (in which case it should have a lowercase "g").

Starting with "Uh? That's new," it's unclear who's talking. God says, "Ah, pun intended?," so that implies that the narrator speaks the next line. But from there it's hard to tell. If all the lines in quotes are God's and the rest are the narrator's, I suggest you combine any multiple lines spoken by the narrator - e.g., put "Uh? That's new..." and "You... Can hear me?" onto one line.

Finally, the last line left me wondering what comes next.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (5.0)
As one who loves the peace and beauty of the woods, I really enjoyed this poem. And I like the way you created a sense of rhyming lines with some near-rhymes and similar endings (e.g. "ing").

The last two lines sum it up perfectly. It's a special feeling to return to a patch of woods and wonder if anyone has been there since you last visited, or if it's your private space.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Out Of Place  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ho, Angus,

I like that I could almost see the changes your character was describing. And although I felt a bit disappointed when he decided it was all a dream, you quickly restored my enjoyment by assuring me that it was no dream, but rather the weird reality you carried through the entire story.

Generally I avoid reading works by people who review my stuff, so as not to establish a feeling of obligation to keep reviewing and comparing each other’s work, and matching (or trying to outdo) each others comments. But I decided to break my resolution and take a look at one of yours, and I’m glad I did. Nice job.

And a Happy 2018 to you. Only three more years until the country gets its sanity back!

Regards and all that,
Dan


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of You  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Exceptional - Congratulations on your win!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Mordee2
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
It's odd how a piece about people in sad situations can be such an enjoyable read. But it's so well written that it's almost like two poems. Everyone should read it once to savor the poetry, and a second time to absorb the story behind it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of MATCHBOX UNDIES  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I must admit that the title piqued my interest because I interpreted it as suggesting some connection between undies and Matchbox toys. But that misunderstanding did nothing to dilute my thorough enjoyment of your story. As a typical male, I had no dolls, but I'm sure every girl I knew had at least one Barbie. And having seen them a few times, I'd say your description was perfect (especially the legs-to-armpits).

I never had a GI Joe, and now I'm wondering whether he wore underwear? And if so, were they boxers or briefs?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the concept, and you did a nice job with it. I especially like the line about the gecko, for no other reason than that geckos don't get enough recognition. *Smile*

One small correction - "Your wincing slightly" should be "you're wincing slightly."


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Messy Room  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cute story. I wish I had an under-the-bed monster when I was young.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Chores  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.5)
Except for this story reminding me of all the unfinished chores that await me, I really enjoyed it.

Believe it or not, when I read "the cat snuggled up against my leg," I immediately thought, "it would be funny if it turned out that the character didn't have a cat." But that thought didn't diminish my pleasure at all when I read the last sentence.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Mordee2
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Nicely done, Rhyssa. I've always pictured carnivals as a combination (or should I say 'melange') of magic and sadness, and you captured both very well. The cadence was a bit uneven in parts, but that did nothing to compromise the imagery. I especially liked the second verse.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Let It Go  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.0)
As one who groans when he sees too many typos and examples of poor usage, I really appreciated this piece.

Or, to put it another way:

As won (or is it Aswan?) who growns when he seize two many typos and examples of pore usage, I really appreciated this peace. *Smirk*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.0)
Not sure whether all of this is genuine or just a writing exercise. For the sake of this response, I'll assume you're really describing yourself.

I know others like you, and they seem to have one thing in common. Offering them advice usually elicits responses like, "I know you're right, but I just can't change." You (with or without help from others) can spend a lifetime analyzing your situation, but chances are that whatever brought you to where your head is now is still embedded in your mind, and won't go away. It's up to you to slay your demons and convince yourself that you can cope. And, speaking from experience, it can be done.

As for your fears about others finding out who you really are, if they do, and if they really care about you, they'll accept you. If they don't, you have to accept that they're not as important to you as you thought they were, and then you should seek out others who do accept you. It's a big world. I'm sure they're somewhere out there.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Gender Less  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Eeeyowww! Tell it like it is, Raven!

I remember a local fair (or some similar function) where the women's room was packed, and several women were standing in line in the men's room. Several men were using the urinals, no one of either gender seemed to care, and all was cool and incident-free. I miss those days.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Paying the Piper  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Genipher. This is an creative and well-written update on the classic tale.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of What They Said  
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.0)
Modern-day life in a nutshell *Sad*
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22
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A very well-constructed piece in a poetry form that was new to me. The repeated phrases fit nicely, and created such an interesting flow that I didn’t notice the rhyming pattern of the lines until I read the poem a second time. And it definitely was worth reading a second time.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I liked the rhyme pattern and the repeating line, “Sparkles of silver-light.” Anything about gypsies should be mysterious and magical, and you made it both.

From a grammatical point, you don’t need hyphens for “silver-light,” “rainbow-dust,” or “bare-feet”, but their presence doesn’t compromise the poem at all.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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24
Review by Mordee2
Rated: E | (4.0)
Funny and clever - that's always a winning combination in my book *Smile*.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review by Mordee2
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Generally, I get picky about grammatical issues (e.g., the lowercase "i" in "But i have kept a piece for you," even though all other occurrences of "I" are uppercase). However, I'm guessing that everything here is intentional. If not, so be it. I liked everything about it. I really felt I could understand the anguish of your character.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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