Very creative, and a well-deserved Flash win. I'm not sure you needed “I need to make a stock purchase.” The rest of the story was just vague enough to encourage me to think, and by the end I had no doubt what John was going to do.
I was surfing through whatever came up on the "Read & Review" link, and voila. After reading at least seven entries, one is worth five stars. Being a cat lover, I grew a bit concerned, but you came through for Paddie in the end.
Hidee Ho, Angus! I really liked the absurdity of this story. The way you presented it as a serious tale but threw in an occasional reminder that it's a comedy was inspired. To me, the best laughs in a story come when I'm not expecting them, and this piece had several of those moments.
One thought - I'm not sure you need the last two paragraphs, because the two before those imply the final two in the same subtle way you presented the rest of the tale.
I haven't read anyone else's entries in quite a while, so I'm glad this one welcomed me back to reviewer status with a bang.
I think periods at the ends of sentences would have made it smoother to read. You have a question mark after some sentences, so periods elsewhere would have made it more consistent.
The pacing is almost perfect, with two exceptions:
“Now I have boobs that I don't want” would fit better if you delete “that”.
“But you won't see boobs like this again” could be something like “But you'll not see such boobs again”.
This is a well-written and informative piece that I hope has an impact on everyone who reads it.
It’s sad that many people think nothing of tossing an empty plastic container into the trash, even though plastic’s environmental impact has been well-documented for years. I volunteer at a local food pantry that did no recycling until three years ago, when I set up a container for recycling glass/plastic/cardboard (which can be combined in our town), and another container for plastic shopping bags (which aren’t allowed with other recyclable plastic, but which can be returned to any local grocery store). Even with these conveniences, I frequently find recyclable plastic in the trash containers (and vice-versa). The only benefit has been the few dollars I’ve made retrieving soda bottles from the trash and collecting a 5-cent deposit on each when I turn them in.
As an animal lover myself, I appreciate your desire to instill that characteristic in your daughter. I grew up with a fear of bees, having been stung a few times while playing in the yard or woods. But over time I learned the value and temperament of honeybees and bumblebees, and gradually became very comfortable around them (while maintaining caution around wasps). These days, some of my most enjoyable summer moments are when I’m crawling around weeding our flower garden and listening to the buzzing all around me.
I like the irreverent tone and the quirky description of God. But when you say "A God" rather than just "God," it looks like you're writing about any old generic god (in which case it should have a lowercase "g").
Starting with "Uh? That's new," it's unclear who's talking. God says, "Ah, pun intended?," so that implies that the narrator speaks the next line. But from there it's hard to tell. If all the lines in quotes are God's and the rest are the narrator's, I suggest you combine any multiple lines spoken by the narrator - e.g., put "Uh? That's new..." and "You... Can hear me?" onto one line.
Finally, the last line left me wondering what comes next.
I like that I could almost see the changes your character was describing. And although I felt a bit disappointed when he decided it was all a dream, you quickly restored my enjoyment by assuring me that it was no dream, but rather the weird reality you carried through the entire story.
Generally I avoid reading works by people who review my stuff, so as not to establish a feeling of obligation to keep reviewing and comparing each other’s work, and matching (or trying to outdo) each others comments. But I decided to break my resolution and take a look at one of yours, and I’m glad I did. Nice job.
And a Happy 2018 to you. Only three more years until the country gets its sanity back!
It's odd how a piece about people in sad situations can be such an enjoyable read. But it's so well written that it's almost like two poems. Everyone should read it once to savor the poetry, and a second time to absorb the story behind it.
I must admit that the title piqued my interest because I interpreted it as suggesting some connection between undies and Matchbox toys. But that misunderstanding did nothing to dilute my thorough enjoyment of your story. As a typical male, I had no dolls, but I'm sure every girl I knew had at least one Barbie. And having seen them a few times, I'd say your description was perfect (especially the legs-to-armpits).
I never had a GI Joe, and now I'm wondering whether he wore underwear? And if so, were they boxers or briefs?
Except for this story reminding me of all the unfinished chores that await me, I really enjoyed it.
Believe it or not, when I read "the cat snuggled up against my leg," I immediately thought, "it would be funny if it turned out that the character didn't have a cat." But that thought didn't diminish my pleasure at all when I read the last sentence.
Nicely done, Rhyssa. I've always pictured carnivals as a combination (or should I say 'melange') of magic and sadness, and you captured both very well. The cadence was a bit uneven in parts, but that did nothing to compromise the imagery. I especially liked the second verse.