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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/muzzy43/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/14
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326
326
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)



This is a fun hiest.
Reminds me of a Cambidge Bank robber
in 1976. The theift didn't have a gun
and he never entered the bank. He took a small
waiste basket bag and strong magnets and secured
the bag in the overnight deposit bin. Before the bank
openned he'd pick up his bag of cash. He was a hippie
too.

+ ^
V
327
327
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)




I like the premmise, but you don't have to appologize for it.
I asked my uncle, who was a Priest until he died, what is
the soul? He said "It was that which makes alive." So I
asked did an animal have a soul? He said it did.
I asked him if a plant had a soul? He said it did.
I asked him if an ameba had a soul? He paused and said yes.
Now, I had him cornered and I asked, "If a single cell life form
can have a soul, how many souls are in our bodies?"
He smiled and answered, "I'll let you count those Angels."

Dogma is a statement of faith.
It can only be proven through Divine revelation.
It is irrational.

^ +
V
328
328
Review of THE LAST SWALLOW  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)


This is a gem. The whole in mordern man is his disconection from nature.
We are monsters. The story of the sparow is very true.
But, you can't put the geni back in the bottle.
I have seen a tornado in Lorance, MA tear up a block of row houses.
That is a humbling event.

I've never been to South Africa.
Basil Rathbone, the actor rembered for his performance of
Sherlock Holmes, was raised in South Africa.
He said his first love was the land and then his black nanny, Ethal.
He was a South African and a British citizen.

You have sweet story here.

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329
329
Review of Wheat penny  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)


This is a very appropriate tome.
Take all your coins and lay them face up.
You will see that Lincoln is looking to the right
and all the other Presidents are looking to the left.
That's because he was assassinated.
H.D.R. did away with the silver back dollar and
Nixon took away gold standard. What a dollar is now
is just a promissory note. If the Federal Reserve calls in
its notes, the economy will collapse.
I like how your stanzas line up like an actuary chart.
Was that intentional?
Collect your wheat pennies. They are prized amongst coin
collectors and will increase in value.
"When Lincoln speaks from copper lips" you wrote.
You can read his memoirs. He was a very prolific writer
and a great man.+


Thought provoking thread!

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330
330
Review of Obsidian Night  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


If someone kicks you down a flight of stairs, should you assume
they love you? This tragedy is lacking a dynamic: hate.
There's plenty of elaboration on the climate, but little insight into
the victims.
Here's an anecdote; "My sister was raped by a drunk.
He caught her in the park. She was 15 years old. She got pregnant
and herpes. She had an abortion. The drunk was never found.
But, I shot dead the first wino I saw in that park."
This is not justice, but it is selatius.

There are a couple of typos: "He saw Jessica stumbling out of the park,
which where she fell." It could go; Jessica fell leaving the park.
This is a syntax error. You can learn better sentence structure by listening
AM talk shows or watching old films: Wall Street.

My final advise is to write a revenge story with more venom.
Have you seen or read The Count of Monte Cristo?
"Avenging Angels should not expect forgiveness." a closing line
from this classic.+

On a cheerier note I saw SALT last night and it was smashing!
I loved the scene where Angelina is running bare foot through the
streets. She such a cougar.+

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331
331
Review of What is Erotica?  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)



I think you know what is erotica, unless your asexual.
I have yet to meet anyone, who did not have sexual fantasies.
What confuses people is how to express their true desires..
There are rules, even in fantasy. Pornography, is written or
pictorial erotica.. I do like the LEGS issue. I think legs are
very erotic.
Your survey is too short. I'd like to read your opions.
Concider the erotic entertainment avaible, what are they
selling? Dreams are liberating and if you don't dream you
will go mad. But, if you can't seperate dreams from exceptable
behavior; you are clinically insane.
Isn't it ironic that the Goddess Wisdom is the mother of Eros?
Those Greeks are mad!

Keep a dream journal.

Bob
332
332
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)


It sounds like English is a second language for you; Ivycheang.
"Lindsay Lohan had an excellent career, but fall quickly after that."
you wrote; "but fell quickly after that." is the correct declension.
"She got used to paparazzi now, according to a recent interview."
you wrote. Is a little choppy. "She's not bothered by the paparazzi
anymore." could help the syntax.
Do you listen the English speaking talk shows on the radio?
Sometimes, just listening to how people speak can help your writing.
I was impressed with your research on Lindsay Lohan. I didn't know
she had produced albums. I like the tittle, "Spirit In The Dark."
I think I'll buy that CD.

What can be said about Lindsay Lohan; that hasn't been said about
other child stars? Garry Coleman is a sad story. I guess all that glitters
is not gold.+

I enjoyed your article very much.

0 +
V

333
333
Review of Temperament Test  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.0)


I think temperament has a lot to do with how you perceive respect.
At Walmart there is the policy of "Respect for the individual." This is a
good idea. But, the work day can have many ups and downs. Sometimes,
things are said that aren't respectful. People get tired and cranky.
And, sadly a fist might punch someone in the face. I guess I'm melancholy.
I just can't forget the fist that punched me in the face.

:)

Maybe I'm hypnotized.
334
334
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)



You can see God;
the twisted trunk of weathered trees.
The tree that snaps:
when it can bend no lower.

(Familiar Form)

A fallen tree
has water inside and outside.
It blossoms weeds
and moans in a hollow trunk.

(Familiar Form)
335
335
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)


Yonder is the valley where yonder rose grows.

There is an innocent narcissism to your poem.
You see the beginning and the end of all paths.
A friend of my mine was studying to be a mechanic.
He hit a rock on the highway, while racing his motorcycle.
He was killed.

According to the law, his death was ruled accidental.
According to the laws of the spirit world he met his destiny.
I try not to judge a book by its cover.
But, Andy was a good man.+
He is survived by a wife and a twenty year old son.

Shalom
336
336
Review of Paper World.  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)


Were you aware the north american bumble bee is becoming extinct?
Pestacides mixed into the pollen on are carried back to the hive.
Bee farmers are suffering ..
Soon the only thing we can farm will be wheat.

Why does God allow it?
To teach us humility?

Zen knows no God.
It is the everlasting Sun
and the seasons in harmony.

Shalom+



337
337
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Prophet Mohamed married a Roman Catholic after his first wife died.
He was trying to cement a union with the Vatican. It failed.
Prophet Mohamed sent envoys to the Sanhedrin to inquire for a mosque in
Jerusalem. The Jews rejected it.
History is a cruel teacher. There can be no negotiation on faith.
Israel today cannot be a democracy. The majority, who are Muslim
living in Israel, would vote the Jewish state out of existence.
Your argument is flawed. Prophet Mohamed did not bring peace.
Prophet Jesus said, "I come with a sword to turn brother against brother."
Maybe, if the standard of living was improved for .... probably wouldn't change
the religious hatred... were doomed.

Shalom.+
338
338
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)



Now, this is a well written Vamp story.
Why I even feel happy for the little suckah.
I like stories that incorporate the daily humdrum.
And there's room for new chapters.
Oh, I can see a Fangora flick from this bloody tail.

Well, good luck
and keep writing.
339
339
Review of Who???  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (4.5)


This sounds a little winy.
But, then, I've never been married.
In nature there is the drive to be prolific.
And, then, the need to build a nest.
All, of which, leads to fledgling outburst.
A never ending circle.
340
340
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)



There are a lot of declarative sentences.
You might want to have some transition.
But, that's just a personal preference.

"No way she was going to marry the man they had chosen."
sounds like slang; which breaks with the rhythm of the classic proses.

A poem has merit in it's intent:

Glory be to God for dappled things
For skies of couple color as branded cows;
For roses on mole hills along stipple stream trout swim;
Fresh firecoal cooks chestnuts under flying finches wings;
Lanscape plotted and pierced fold, fallow and plow;
And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim.

All things counter, original spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled(who knows how?)
With swift, slow, sweet , sour, adazzle, dim;
He farthers forth whose beauty is past change:
Praise him.

Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
Shall not live in vain.

Amen.

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341
341
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)


I've got a flyer from the FIJA(Fully Informed Jury Association).
The FIJA wants a law requiring judges resume the practice of telling
jurors about their right to judge both the law and fact regarding each
and every charge against a defendant.
1972 DC Circuit Court of Appeals: "unreviewable and irreversible
power... to acquit in disregard of the instruction on the law given by
trial judge. The pages of history shine upon instances of the jury's
exercise of its prerogrative to disregard instructions of the judge;
for example, acquittals under the fugitive slave law." (473 F. 2d 1113)

It's a pity you didn't check out Maine.
342
342
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


No one is certain where water came from.
There's a theory that it fell to Earth on meteorites.
The water we have now has been recycling for eons.
In water is cells. The cells we are borne with are replaced
so that by the time we die we are an entirely different person.
You may believe you are in control of your body, but who are you?
Each drop of your blood can hold every detail of your body.
And 90% of our bodies is water.
Is water God? Does water connect us to all living creatures?
I have no empirical evidence.

Very thought provoking thread.
343
343
Review of What happened???  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Seven is the mystical number for women.
It the division of the moon cycle into for parts
and the half, full and waning menstruation.
In such a state of solitude it is a miracle that
women have anything to do with men other than
mating.

You have relayed the conflict well.
I would put aside the spacing.
But, that's just my preference.

Totally, unrelated I have had an image of
an eye composed of words.
A window to the soul?

~~~
<^>
344
344
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)



I kept hearing Woody Allen, "Paranoia is knowing your going to die and blaming yourself."
It's O.K. to be nervous about rigor mortis. I know a little fellah in a hardware store, whose
transplanted pancreas has shut down. He is experiencing blindness and fainting.
But, he keeps fighting for his job and hoping for a new pancreas. His faith in God is
not optimistic.


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345
345
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)


A place of "kith and kin"
"the soft breeze scented and soothing,"
all relays a time innocent and carefree.
It was quite relaxing and refreshing.

I think you would enjoy Dorothy Leigh Sayers:
"I need not shiver in silk stockings;
I had a hunch about wool before it was rationed;
Now I have knitted myself woolen stockings
That come a long way up. . .
As it happens, I like knitting
And nothing gratifies one more
Than to be admired for doing
what one likes."

=+=
346
346
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)




Sounds like a treasure hunt.
You've really done your research.
I like the history lesson.
Adolf Hitler had no sibblingz.
But, it is possible he might have a few bastards.

The N.A.Z.I's liked to F a lot.
347
347
Review of Not Myself  
Review by bob county
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Wow. This is very well written.
If she was intoxicated, how could she know who the father is?
I have this wild theory that she doesn't know.
So many possible threads.

Very good.
348
348
Review of IN THE MIST  
Review by bob county
Rated: E | (5.0)


"each year on the anniversary of her husband's suicide, there was dead silence from the family.
.. Eventually she began to avoid other days of commemoration: anniversaries and birthdays,
including her own. " Battle Scars p413; WOMEN WHO RUN WITH WOLVES: Clarissa Pinkola.

The ghosts haunt us,
but we are the living.

Very nice poem.
349
349
Review of Time Twist  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


Very imaginative. But, the story runs too fast after Hector is scooped by the time creature.
Funny thing about time travel you can never go back on your time line.
You might erase yourself. Who can be and not be?
Tighten up the action scenes. Maybe more narrative would help?


Bob
350
350
Review of Raven: Chapter 1  
Review by bob county
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Werewolf story? You should read Black Elk Speaks.
It's about a Shaman. He has a vision of running with a wolf pack
and flying like a hawk. He sees the Great Hoop of the world and
the end of his people.
I liked the beginning of this narrative, but then it slips off into
fantasy. My dad read Celtic lore to me in my childhood.
The opportunity here is to explore Raven's adolescence.
Can she love men?

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