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196 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Renegade !

"Under a funeral seizure is a very heavy in emotion. It has a strong ending and, again, your use of vocabulary to convey your meaning is very strong.

My favorite:
The entire third stanza.

My suggestion:
The beginning doesn't feel as strong as the end. Your metaphors in the third stanza are the strongest. If the first two stanzas were this strong, the poem would be five star material.

Overall, this is a well-written poem. The sadness was overwhelming.

Thank you for sharing this!
-Mel
52
52
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Renegade !

"Auguries of suicide is a poem regarding suicide.

Your use of vocabulary to get your point across is very strong. It helps to tell the story effectively.

My favorite:
He is the victim of no fault
And the erroneous assaulter of himself


My suggestions:
Revise lines 13 and 14, as the repetition of "all misery" makes it read awkwardly.

Thank you for sharing this! Have a wonderful day!

-Mel
53
53
Review of Poetry Forms  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello b_boonstra!

I'm glad to see that you've returned to Writing.com and brought your poetry forms journal back with you. *Smile* I hope that this weekend finds you in good spirits and good health!

There's a lot in this journal that wasn't in the previous one. I'm so happy that someone takes the time to detail the how-to's of the various poetic forms.

*Idea* Suggestions -

You used to have an entry about the Pantuoum, but I don't see it in this journal. Is there a reason for that, or have you just not gotten to it yet?

Just a thought!

Thank you again for keeping track of the numerous poetic forms for Writing.com! This is an invaluable resource and something I refer to quite often!

Have a wonderful weekend!
- Mel
54
54
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Leger~ !

"15 for 15 Contest --- Closed is a great contest idea! I think almost everyone can come up with a spare 15 minutes a day. Count me in.

My only question is, if I have to go out of town for 3 of the days, do I just have to make up the prompts later? The rules aren't clear on the specifics of missed days, only if you're joining while the contest is already in progress.

What a grand idea!

*Kiss*
-Mel
55
55
Review of Sweet & Sour  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Casey !

"Sweet & Sour is a Count-Up poem written for The Writer's Cramp. It's interesting to see what different pieces each writer can come up with from the same prompt. Yours is about a McDonald's nugget happy meal. Very cute!

I got a good giggle from this. Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful evening.

Write on!
-Mel
56
56
Review of March Winds  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello cottontail !

I found "March Winds via the 6/30 Noticing Newbies newsletter. Congratulations on being an editor's pick! *Smile*

This is an adorable little poem about an aunt using her nephew as a kite. It has a steady rhythm and a consistant rhyme scheme. It reads well both silently and aloud.

Suggestions:
Check for end quotation marks in the first stanza. I got confused in the second stanza, thinking that the person speaking in the first was still speaking.
In stanza 8, removing the second instance of the word "the" won't affect the rhythm and will strengthen that line a little bit by removing the repetition.

Thank you for sharing this.
Have a wonderful evening!
Write on!
-Mel
57
57
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello David J IS Death & Taxes !

""Paging Mr. Liston" is a humerous story about a man's growing middle, that I also happened to come upon by reading the 6/30 comedy newsletter.

I enjoyed reading this. I liked the length for the story. It read well and was engaging. I don't have any suggestions for improvement.

Thank you for sharing this and have a wonderful weekend!
Write on!
-Mel
58
58
Review of It Takes A Thief  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Chuckster !

"It Takes A Thief is a humerous story about a mistaken forklift identity. *Laugh*

I found the anecdote to be very humerous and I can't believe that the police drew guns on you! That must have been not-so-funny at the time. It's good that you can look back on it now and laugh, though. *Smile*

The only suggestion I can offer is to fix some of the formatting flaws. I assume you copy/pasted this from Word? There are a few extra, unnecessary line breaks.

Thanks for sharing this and have a wonderful weekend!
Write on!
-Mel
59
59
Review of Knights' Fall  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Colin Back on the Ghost Roads !

"Knights' Fall is a story about a group of friends rallying together (with some help) to defeat an enemy that is much more powerful than they are.

I think what's added to my bias of this piece is that I've heard you read a few aloud before at previous conventions, so I know how it should be voiced. This made it even better for me, because I could hear you reading it in my head. lol

I don't have any suggestions to offer... other than you need to close the quotation mark on the very last line. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing this, and have a wonderful weekend!
Write on!
-Mel
60
60
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello peppermint pretty !

"Sisters in Sorcery is a campfire full of action. In fact, I found this campfire via the 6/30 Action/Adventure newsletter! *Smile* Congratulations on being a feature.

I enjoyed reading this campfire. For the most part, the story was consistant from one campfire participant to another. One thing that was confusing to me, though, was that the character descriptions weren't one after another (or before the story actually began), and also weren't in a story format so didn't really add to the story. Another that was confusing was the switching of person between the different writers (some wrote in 3rd person, some in 1st person).

Thank you to your group for sharing this campfire. You are all very talented writers.

Have a wonderful weekend! *Smile*
Write on!
-Mel

61
61
Review of Letters  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello unrequitedlove !

"Letters is a story, written in the form of a letter from a wife to her military husband.

I enjoyed reading this story. I liked that it was written in the form of a letter. I'm not sure if I like that it's split into segments (part 1, part 2, part 3).

With a quick spell check and revision, this story could be very strong! There were a few misspelled words and a couple of phrases that were missing a word (I do that a lot, too. lol - My mind thinks faster than I can type sometimes).

Thanks for sharing this! Have a wonderful day.
Write on!
-Mel
62
62
Review of Today's News  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Zoo - Salted and Roasted !

"Today's News is a poem about how today's life has become an uphill battle. We rarely take a moment to enjoy going slow and finding solitude. The last stanza ties it all together perfectly.

I have no suggestions that could make this better.

Thanks for sharing this, ZD!

Have a wonderful day and write on!
-Mel
63
63
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello kiss of the dark !

"When You Think Of November is a poem about loss and the subject's coping. It is very well written and utilizes a bit of repetition to its advantage. I know I will never think of November the same again after reading this! *Wink*

It is mechanically sound and I can offer no suggestions for improvement.

Thanks for sharing this and have a great evening!
Write on!
-Mel
64
64
Review of Folding the Flag  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MIKEL !

"Folding the Flag is a poem that would be a great tool to teach kids (or even adults!) about how to fold an American flag.

I like the way this poem reads. It's simple and would be easy to memorize.

Suggestions:
I noticed that there was nothing listed for what the 6th fold stands for. Is this poem still in progress?
I also noticed that there is nothing about the 13th fold. Or did I miss that?

Thank you for sharing this!
Have a wonderful evening and write on!
-Mel
65
65
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello poetjackson !

"This thing between us is a poem that really wowed me with it's descriptions, imagery, and message! I really enjoyed reading this. I love the repetition of "thing between us" at the end of each stanza, and also the way that each line was organized.

My only question to you is, why isn't this rated? It won't be available for search without some kind of rating on it, and for others on Writing.com to miss this poem would be sad.

Thank you for sharing this!
Have a wonderful weekend and write on!
-Mel
66
66
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello R.K.Singh !

"STAINS STAY LIKE SIN is a very short and to the point poem.

I found it to be very effective in its length. The last two lines make the poem very powerful and memorable.

I enjoyed reading this poem! Thank you for sharing it.

Have a wonderful weekend!
Write on!
-Mel
67
67
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello two of four !

I came across "Me, Me and More Me via another review on the public review page. The title caught my eye, as well as the glowing review it received.

After reading this, I can understand why it received such a glowing review. I relate to this completely, and feel like you were writing this about me! A very awesome job, two of four .

Thank you very much for sharing this!
68
68
Review of Byron Lynn  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville !

"Byron Lynn is a very moving piece about death and the emotions that go with it.

I like the way the rhyme scheme is set up, and how this reads altogether. I also like the way the stanzas are set up and the way this reads aloud.

Cancer is an awful means of death. You have shown how it affects those who are touched by it.

Thanks so much for sharing this. Write on!

-Mel
69
69
Review of The Fuzzy  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello WunderBubble !

"The Fuzzy is a cute and funny little piece about... lint? *Laugh* I love it!

Read aloud, this poem mostly keeps a steady rhythm. The last stanza is a little less steady, but altogether it works well.

This would be something that I would read to my son, and he would probably get a laugh from it.

Thank you for sharing this, and write on!

-Mel
70
70
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile*

I found this to be a very interesting article full of a lot of historical information based on the Clinton scandal. I like how you presented the information without interjecting your own personal beliefs until the end, when you drew your conclusion.

This article would be much easier to read if you cleaned it up a bit. When using a comma, it should immediately follow the preceeding word and then a space should go between it and the next word (like in this sentence). You did this in some places, but not in others and this inconsistancy is distracting to the reader.

Thank you for sharing this and have a wonderful day! *Smile*
71
71
Review of Little Johnny  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello! *Smile*

This poem was very sad and made me realize how many children lose their parents at a young age, and makes me thankful that I did not have to go through the same emotions that Johnny did.

I would suggest reading this poem aloud, because in some places I stumbled and had to reread to get the correct rhythm and catch the rhyme (although the 2nd time I did catch it - it could just be me! *Wink*). A couple of these places were stanza 2 (no rhythm problem just had to reread to see the rhyme), stanza 5 (I got the rhyme, but the rhythm was off in the final line), and stanza 6 (both the rhythm and the rhyme). I think the problem that I had was mostly because staza one is very simple in both rhyme scheme and rhythm, so it leads the reader to think that the rest of the poem will be the same.

Thank you for sharing this, and have a wonderful day! *Smile*
72
72
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! *Smile*

I know how it is to be loved and not loved in return. I think that this poem describes that feeling very well.

I only have one suggestion for improvement. In stanza 5, lines 3 and 4, you start both lines with 'The', but line 4 could start with something else to give it more meaning and also remove that feeling of unneeded repetition for those two lines. Maybe replace the with 'An' in line 4?

Thanks for sharing this and have a wonderful day!
73
73
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Hello!

I thought this poem was quaint and easy to read, for the most part. I liked the novel idea behind having the things we need emotionally being as readily available as the things we need physically.

The only problems I noticed were when you got into the ingredients and things in stanza 4. It interrupted the flow quite a bit, although it picked right back up in the following stanzas.

Thank you for sharing this little poem! It was my pleasure to stumble upon and read this!

Welcome to Writing.com and have a wonderful day!
74
74
Review of The Living Tree  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Thank you for sharing this!

I really liked some of your descriptions. They really added to the story and helped it to flow.

Artistically, this is very well put together. I really enjoyed your opening paragraph.

Technically, this is pretty sound. There were a couple of small spelling errors (wheals instead of wheels; cam instead of came), and some run-on sentences (She knew the road well, when they were young, she - She knew the road well. When they were young, she...).

Thanks again for sharing this. I enjoyed it!

Welcome to Writing.com!

75
75
Review of My Life  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A very touching piece *Smile* You've written the sadness in with a sense of hope. Technically, it's very strong. My only suggestion is to try to revise some of the repetition. An example of this is the stanza:

The names may change
But the answers the same
I laugh on the outside
But the pains still the same
So I sit and wait
In a world of hate
With only myself to blame


You end 2 lines with "same" and I would also revise your usage of "the". If you read the poem aloud you might hear what I'm talking about.

Thank you for sharing this with us here at Writing.com *Smile* I'm glad to have the chance to read it. I hope you're enjoying Writing.com, too!

Write on,
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