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196 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tracey,

What a beautiful poem to celebrate nature!

Your rhyme scheme and rhythm are very solid. Your topic is very enjoyable. Your message is very clear.

Suggestions

the answers I seek, but are never told.

the answer I seek, but am never told.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
27
27
Review of Look Away  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

How true. It's very sad what goes on in the world today. It would be nice to find a solution to the problems of homelessness, violence, and mental instability.

Suggestions

S2, L1: people should be capitalized, Just should be lowercase.
L2: Period should be used in place of question mark.

S4, L2: I would consider changing this to read in haste they move their feet.

S5: You go from people ignoring the homeless to the homeless looking for someplace to go, without changing your subject. This makes it seem as though those who are ignoring are the ones looking for someplace to go.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
28
28
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Tracey,

Another wonderful libonelle. I very much appreciate the story. I couldn't imagine being a mother who has lost her son, but this does a pretty good job of relaying those feelings.

Suggestions

The lines are way too long in this poem. I would consider completely revising this so that they are shorter and easier to read. For instance, S1:

These changes are only suggestions and up to your own personal judgements

She walked the sloped, flowered covered grounds trying to find her son.
She found him resting peacefully under the elegant hundred year old oak.
It was a nice, beautiful day, with the sun shining brightly upon the glistening grass.
She heard a voice coming from under the tree, as she looked up she and saw her son standing there.


This would make it read:

She walked the grounds, trying to find her son.
She found him resting under the hundred year oak.
It was a beautiful day, with the sun shining upon the grass.
She heard a voice from under the tree; she looked and saw her son.

I hope that you found this review helpful!

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
29
29
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tracey,

Wow! What a couple of difficult prompts to do acrostics with! The last one is such a long phrase and you did well keeping to the same subject.

Suggestions

Again, your punctuation makes the flow choppy. You have periods where you should have no punctuation. If you have a thought continuing to the next line, it doesn't need anything for separation.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
30
30
Review of The Trap of Anger  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again Tracey,

Anger is definitely a horrible emotion that wastes more energy than it's worth.

Suggestions

I like how you start off with short lines in the first stanza. I also like how you repeat the first stanza as the last.

There are punctuation problems in this poem:

S1, L1: No punctuation needed
L2: Period
L3: Period
L4: No change

S2, L1: No punctuation needed
L2: No change
L3: No punctuation needed
L4: Question mark

S3, L1: No punctuation needed
L2: No change
L3: Period
L4: No change

S4, L1: Period
L2: No change (also my favorite line in the poem!)
L3: No punctuation needed, or period.
L4: No change.

S5: Same as S1.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
31
31
Review of Serenity  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

Serenity in Nata Uta form. You stuck to the form very well, and definitely reminded me what it feels like to be in a state of serenity.

Suggestions

Again, this poem is mostly technically sound. The major problems are with punctuation.

Line 2: Period
Line 6: No punctuation needed
Line 9: Period
Line 10: Period
Line 11: Semicolon
Line 12: Period
Line 14: Period
Line 16: No punctuation needed

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
32
32
Review of Slow Death  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

Another dodoitsu. *Smile* This time, about a girl whose parents shelter her from the world, and who wants to explore and experience life.

Suggestions

Mostly, this poem is sound. But there are a few spots where punctuation is used but not needed. A good example of this is the line 3 in stanza 3. No punctuation is needed here.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
33
33
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

Another libonelle that is well done! *Smile* You do quite well with this form (and every other form I've read of yours as well). It has a soothing affect on the reader. If you need to de-stress, this poem will definitely help!

I have no suggestions to offer.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
34
34
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

This poem teaches children a great lesson. I like that you made it so that the subject of the poem turned out to really like Jim (and I won't give the rest away!).

Suggestions

I'd omit the because in line 2 in stanza 1. It'll help the flow.

Line 2 of stanza 3 also messes up the rhythm. I would consider revising this line to read:

I asked around and to find his name is Jim

Line 2 of stanza 4 is incredibly long! I would consider shortening this line:

I gave him my number, one day, and asked him to phone (this is still really long, too, but the best I could come up with).

Line 2 in stanza 8 is also very long. I would consider shortening this one as well.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
35
35
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again Tracey,

All of the things around us are, indeed, inspiration for our writing. I like how you incorporated it into this poem. I also like your use of vocabulary. The words you've chosen makes this poem flow so well!

I have no suggestions to offer. This poem is technically sound.

Thanks for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
36
36
Review of Night Time Creek  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tracey,

This was a very good use of the Libonelle. I very much enjoyed reading this poem. The description of how a libonelle is written, at the top of your poem, was a little confusing. But I understood it by seeing your working example.

I have no suggestions to offer.

Thanks for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
37
37
Review of My Furbabies  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

What a wonderful poem about your dogs. *Smile* I like the title, it's so fitting! Furbabies they are, and furbabies they'll always be. You definitely express how much you love them!

I have no suggestions to offer. This poem is technically sound.

Thank you for sharing!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
38
38
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

This poem is a wonderful remembrance of Jesus, and a wonderful tribute. I like the rhyme and rhythm of this, and the message. Your title and description are very fitting, and I like that the description takes some lines from your poem and mixes them together to rhyme.

Suggestions

I'd title He in your brief description.

The rhythm of your last line is a little off. Maybe changing it to read for being my shield and my sword.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
39
39
Review of Homesick  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

It is true that once we leave what is familiar and taken for granted, we find out how much it means to us. This poem describes exactly what it is to be homesick. I reflected very well with your words.

I have no suggestions to offer. This poem is technically sound.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
40
40
Review of Lonely Crossroads  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Tracey,

This poem tells the story about all of the decisions in your life very well, and shows how thankful you are to have what you have. You've done very well demonstrating this through your words.

I have no suggestions to offer. This poem is technically sound.

Thanks for sharing!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
41
41
Review of My Child  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tracey,

What a cute little poem for you to write for your children! It reads like something you would recite to them every evening at bedtime, so that they would know they're safe from monsters and bad dreams. *Smile*

I have no suggestions to offer. This poem is technically sound.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
42
42
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tracey,

Acrostics are so fun to write! *Smile* You can take just about any word and make it into something good or bad, whatever your heart desires.

This acrostic touches on rainfall, using raindrops as its inspiration. It reads in a soothing manner and contains a lot of descriptive imagery that put me in the middle of the rainshower.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
43
43
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tracey,

I wrote for this Writer's Cramp prompt, too. I admire that you wrote it in pantoum form. It is a very difficult form to write! You did a good job telling the story and keeping true to the history.

Suggestions

The rhythm on this is very inconsistant throughout the poem. Some lines are way too long for it to flow very well. An example:

The passengers were screaming as the train was falling, the momentum building up pace.

I'd revise this line to read:

Passengers were screaming, the train was falling; momentum building up pace.

There are a lot of lines where you can omit needless words (such as the) and it will help the flow immensely.

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
44
44
Review of The Song of Hope  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tracey,

You used a great inspirational to begin this poem. Emily Dickenson is one of my favorite poets. My favorite line(s) in your poem:

The fire of hope may flicker,
but the flame will never die,


Suggestions

Your image isn't working. Is this something you deleted recently?

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
45
45
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Tracey,

This is a very creepy poem! I could feel the ghost breathing down the back of my neck as I read this!

Suggestions

I would consider reading this aloud so that you can find any inconsistancies in the rhythm. There were a few spots where there was an extra syllable.

Thanks for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
46
46
Review of Story Master  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Intuey,

What an adorable tribute to Writing.Com, the Convention Pirates, and most of all the StoryMaster!

I think you stuck to the original song's rhythm pretty well.

I have no suggestions to offer. This parody is technically sound.

Thanks for sharing!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
47
47
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Frost Cry,

I love reading stories and poems in the fantasy genre. There is something about lands that exist only in our imagination and beings that we cannot see with our own two eyes that is exciting. This is a wonderful start to your novel.

Your dialogue and description are well done. I also like that you include a pronounciation guide for your names and geographic locations. I don't know how many times I've read a story and had to try to figure it out on my own.

Suggestions

Shouldn't Echos, as in your title, be Echoes?

Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Reviewathon Reviewer
48
48
Review of the perfect coat  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello gifted,

This love poem has an interesting approach!

When reading it, I feel as though it is too broken up, though. You could combine several of the stanzas together to make it less broken.

Stanza 7, line 1 - You should be You'd.

Thank you for sharing this and welcome to Writing.Com!
49
49
Review of Justice  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello rhigmus,

This is a very interesting poem. It's very choppy in rhthym, which is OK for a freestyle verse, but it makes it read difficult.

Your last stanza is very provoking and powerful, though. It finishes the poem off on a strong note and leaves the reader to ponder.

Thank you for sharing this and welcome to Writing.Com!
50
50
Review of Beautiful Dawn  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JumpStartHeart !

Wow. "Beautiful Dawn just about had me in tears. I could feel your pain as if I were experiencing the death of my own husband.

My favorite:
Within minutes the room is clear of all equipment. It looks and feels empty. You are not here to fill it up with your loud laugh or your dazzling personality.

My suggestions:
There are a few misspelled words throughout the story. Running a spellcheck will easily fix this.
Sometimes, you've jumped from the story's present to flashbacks of memories. At times, this was confusing. Italicizing the flashbacks would help to separate them from the present. A good place for this would be the second paragraph, especially.

All in all, I enjoyed reading this story. I felt the sadness you felt, and like how you portrayed the way that everything seemed foreign or out-of-body.

Have a wonderful day!
-Mel
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