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76
76
Review of Scenes of My Soul  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Leslie! I am Noelle ~ TY Anon! *Smile*!
         Let me be one of the first to welcome you to Writing.com! Writing is a passion of mine, and when I place my work on this site, it’s like putting my soul on display for all to view. I imagine it might be the same for you and all authors here on Writing.com. I have had the pleasure of reading your work, and I am offering you this review in the spirit of support and encouragement.

My initial Thoughts~ A poem with an understandable message of one bearing her heart and soul for nothing but rejection and despair. I have just a couple thoughts and suggestions to share with you.

What I ‘Got’ From Your Writing~
* The voice, in the first person, opens up emotionally, but is rejected: I am told to expose my heart;...
to be gobbled up, devoured,
then spit out and rejected
* She questions why she gives so much of herself when it is not reciprocated: Why now do I stretch my hand,...towards those eyes,
like laser swords, cutting my flesh,
burning my soul?
My Humble Opinion And Suggestions~
**I am just a bit curious about your comparison here, expose my heart;
bear it like sticky peanut butter, because you continue on to say it is spit out and rejected. I completely understand what your saying that the love is rejected. However, most people that I know love peanut butter. *Smile* There are some, I know, who do not. In fact, my brother-in-law is French and in his country, peanut butter is typically considered disgusting! But, not here where I live in the US. So, perhaps, you might have a stronger statement if you used another comparison. This is just my opinion. You are the best judge of your work!
** Poems are such a wonderful way for people to use writig as a sort of therapy, and because of this, they often have very personal meanings- which I can appreciate. I just thought I'd mention that I was a bit confused at the end; I didn't understand the reference to "one last monument to mourn for tomorrow's children".

What I Like About Your Unique Writing~ I like your use of repetition and strong ver usage in this line: Why does the soul insist,
the core implore,
toward harmony within throes of pain WRITE ON!

Thank you so much for sharing your poem with us, and Keep on writing!

         I am a proud member of "The WDC Angel Army"  [ASR]. Please check out this fun group for great support and friendship! Tell Kiya that Noelle sent you! *Smile*
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If you happen to make further changes on your item that I have reviewed, please feel free to let me know and I would be happy to do a re-rate and re-review!

*Flower2*Write On!*Flower2*

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77
77
Review of This is the poem  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello and welcome to Writing.com!

I love poetry because it is often such a personal and therapeutic way to express ourselves as writers. Sometimes, I think, this is why poems can be hard for the reader to understand. I had a little trouble following this poem until I re-read your description and then re-read the poem again. Then, your final line brought it together for me and the lightbulb went on! I like it! My suggestion might be to, perhaps, title the poem after your last line rather than your first line. Maybe your reader would be less confused, but it's just a thought and my humble opinion.*Smile* You are the best judge of your own writing!

Your use of imagry is well done. My favortie line is This is the poem that blows
in the whirlwind of my mind These 2 lines are well crafted and very appropriate for your poem's message! *Thumbsup*

Write On!
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78
78
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
My initial reaction~ A piece "in a league of its own" *Smile* that tugged a my heart strings.

Things I "got" from your writing~
         Nina is a bit of a 'neat freak' who probably holds high standards for herself and others - Her tidy apartment; She kicked off her shoes, then nudged them carefully with a stockinged toe until they were perfectly aligned under the entryway bench. and ...chose a t-shirt from a neat stack in the drawer.; and here is the high expectations of others part I picked up on: Self-righteous resolve comforted Nina as she shoved the card back into its envelope and crossed the room to the shelves.; and "Dani here. I’m out living today like it’s my last. Leave me a message, then go do the same!"
         Nina was oblivious to her illness and even tought she had just lost weight by her own personal neglect- She had to spin the skirt she was wearing around her waist to find the enclosure, which had made its way from the back to her left hip.; The caller ID said ‘Memorial Hospital’. Odd, she had just come from there.
         Dani was a lifeline that Nina took for granted just as she had taken her own life for granted~ They grew up best friends, inseparable. Dani was present in every one of Nina’s childhood memories. ; Her hand closed around the card, ruining the paper with ugly creases.; and People passed her with smiling faces and carefree gaits, unaware that a great shift in the universe had taken place.

My Favorite Part~
         My favorite part was the ending. This was where it really brought home the emotion when Nina broke down. Your descriptive 'soft sobs racked her thing frame' was a vivid, heart-wrenching image: Nina hung up, soft sobs racked her thin frame. You gave the sense that she might have regrets and maybe we might hear more about Nina and Dani together again once more??!
My Suggestions and Humble opinion~

         ** I think this line, [Odd, she had just come from there.] would read better if you put it in italics and replace 'she had' with 'I' like this- She thought, Odd, I just came from there. Also, to me the word 'now' refers to the present tense, so if you decide to keep it the way you had it, you might consider saying, She began sobbing. or At that point, she broke down., or something like that??

         ** I don't believe you need a comma after 'eyes', rather a period: Tears began to fill her eyes, “I just made the appointment because I lost a bunch of weight.

         ** Here, again a period rather than a comma following 'now' She was sobbing now, “I don’t have cancer. OR, just write: She sobbed, "I don't have cancer."

I hope you found something in my review helpful *Smile*. Overall, it is a well written story that left me wanting more!
Do Write On!

*Heart*Noelle
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79
79
Review of Saying Good-bye  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A completely precious story! I think I like it so much because it offers such a realistic image of sweet, sweet childhood. Kids- how resilient they are!

Write On!
*Heart*Noelle

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80
80
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
Your poem has a powerful message that brought tears to my eyes. It is difficult for people to understand this disease. It's wonderful that you wrote this "heartfelt" piece to bring attention to it and show others where to get more information about it. Good for you!

*flower*Write On!*flower*
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81
81
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is such a nice Thanksgiving story. It is very inspiring to read a story in which something good comes out of bad weather! Your descriptive writing made me feel like I was there, and the memory was mine, too! A suggestion that I'd like to offer you is maybe writing, "then slowly made their way to the parents' home of the newly christianed child.", or to make it even more concise, you could leave out parents' since the reader will assume the baby doesn't live alone! *Smile* The other thing I thought maybe you could say, "So, when the Christening date of the newest member of the family was set around Thanksgiving time," - that would make it so the baby would have posession instead of the family. Overall, I really enjoyed this family story!! I can't wait to read more from you. By the way, I tried this recipe and it is wonderful!! I will be serving this on my table this Thanksgiving! Thank you for posting it!!!!
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