|A House Stark review for "Invalid Item" , for Fran 🏅🇬🇧🇬🇧🏅 of House Hightower.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS As a mom, my first reaction to the description was, "Actually, this mom kind of enjoys being right occasionally."
WHAT I LIKED
1.) I loved the title and description — had me smiling before I ever started reading. I suspect most parents will have that reaction. Great way to connect to a reader.
2.) Good use of dialogue to move the plot along — essential in flash fiction.
1.) In flash fiction always be on the look out for unnecessary words or phrases as this leaves more room for other things. Example: “No,” Lauren said, pondering, “I suppose...." I think you could delete pondering because the dialogue makes it obvious that this is something the mother is mulling over.
1.) M-dash — Technically speaking, there should be no space before or after an m-dash. Example: "up – I’m...." Instead: "up——I'm...." However, as you can see from my own disregard of this rule, I understand. On WDD, the text is just too crowded. Just remember if you submit somewhere else to fix this tiny blip. Sometimes I double up on the m-dash to spread it out.
2.) Comma in direct address and capitalization — Always set off a direct address with a comma. Also, Mum should be capitalized when the speaker is directly speaking to her mother. Example: "love mum!" Instead: "love, Mum!"
3.) Commonly confused words — Example: "it’s own good." Instead: "its own good." Remember to only use "it's" when you can substitute "it is" in its place.
PARTING COMMENTS Great piece of flash fiction with just a few minor editing issues.
This review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"