I am di judge for dees here contest! (One of them)
I absolutely adored this write. It was simple, heaart aching, strong, and short, all at once. That is quite difficult to do. I liked the quote you used to describe this pain. This is fabulous and I must give it 5 stars! It deserves it! I am amazed at all the wonderful poets. I liked how you referenced the rose, to be the wilted yet undying character of the poem itself. Very imaginative! Greatedt luck to you in the contest..and Tanks so much, for enterin!! It was such a pleasure to read your write!
Fav Part?
"Another still and silent night alone.
Up and lonely this rose has grown.
Unnoticed by the passing crowd.
Even though it's colors are loud.
Unnoticed even as a seedling.
Unknowing of what it's bringing.
Precious little hands grasp tight.
But, I don't fuss or put up a fight."
I am really very happy I reviewed today! With all these lovely love poems..It doesn't just appear that spring is in the air, but love as well...and since I am a sucker for iiiitttt...
I must say this poem was beautiful, reminded me of how I have felt at times and how others I am sure feel too. It was a grace to have this passed before my eyes. "Got that lovin feelin" today, and your work was a pleasing read.
Trust me, you are not invisible...Only in your head do you think these things. I wish you the best of luck in getting your love back and don't run from it this time! lol. Good luck getting that clue, I have been looking for mine for awhile..lol. It's like a scavenger hunt on a deserted Island. It'll get better though, that I promise, maybe not the way tyou envisioned, but it will get better. Whwn we are at the bottom, we can only rise up, not down. Okay, enough with my inspiration, right?? I get the point. On to the review of your work...
Fav Part:
"I never knew how this began.
I really don't, I simply ran.
I ran away from how I felt.
And there's so much that I have dealt.
I dealt with how I felt for you.
I know there's nothing I can do.
It sticks to me like paste and glue.
If you know, then give me a clue."
Maybe some things are left to be be a mystery. Just like this unbelievable poem that made me think about truth and integrity and how much they really do mean. I am truthful, however, it's a rare trait to find in some people. Unfortunately. Keep your chin up! I hope that love comes back to you! If you'd like to talk, I am all open to you. Love to help.
Violet
First poem to make me weld up today. The tears, you know. this almost reminded me of a poem I wrote...called "Truthfully Yours". Much shorter, but still, highly tender and anyone is lucky to have ths written for them. You stirred my loving emotion, and that's difficult to do in a way so impactful. Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you and your "Forever", don't part, but continue on..
Fav Part:
"I remember all those days far past,
When I thought those moments would last.
The touch of your hand, they spoke sweet words
Delivering messages, like of shining white birds
I would give everything, to have you again
But death rends the vail of all that had been
Lovingly of course,
Forever yours."
I absolutely am enamoured by this write. Do not ask me why, I am just very stirred both emotionally and intellectually by it. In a good way.
This item is a great "second impressional" piece. In the beginning, it starts with a really somber undertone, and it somewhat chilling, however, not at all over the top. Then, in the end, it speaks of the innocence and tranquility that reverses the forst impression of the poem to a complete alteration in the readers' thinking and reaction. That's a creative poem! Highly endearing in the end, and still gives those mixed feelings that keeps the reader in mystery. I loved this. I give it a 5! I have not yet saw a poem on here that shifts in mood structure quite like this does in a very short summary. Genius poem and I'm speechless.
Fav Part:
"I need you always
To hold me…
When I cry
Be my shoulder and my rock
I need you always
To smile…
When I act like a fool
I don’t ask for much
And in return I give you
EVERYTHING
Powerful write. I believe we all feel alone at times in life. I sure have been. This is a great twisted way to descrbe the pain of it, yet it really could be stronger, I believe. I think the words are very vaque in a couple parts, so the pain is not easily recognized. Other than that, you did a great job with freeverse. I am awful with free verse. Call me Dr. Suess..lol You have a knack for freeverse..keep that up!
Fav Part:
"Looking for someone....
anyone...
to save me....
I'm all alone in this world
nothing but the dirt under my feet, is with me
Is there anyone out there?
SAVE me..."
Very suspenseful, macabre, sullen, gripping, and the emotions kept pouring into every word you used to compose this story. It was delightful, almost in a "John Grisham" way. I really enjoyed the mystery, the characters' pain, the plot, the narrator(very funny, sounded like me at t imes with her thoughts..lol) Very enjoyable to read, and overall a great piece. Good fictional write! It is highly moving to the reader. I ,love how you finished the story with the Shakesperian inspired Quartet.
I give it a five..lol.You only have a three and a half?? Well, I'll bring your rating up....k? Unless this story is real, I can't see why people wouldn't enjoy it. If it's real then...ummmmm....Blessings to you?
Fav Part:
"Hey, sweetie," I hear him say with a yawn. "Are you alright?"
No. I'm not alright. I'm horrible. We've been living in stolen cars and worse for four months. We're felons. You killed an innocent girl, guilty only of having someone be in love with her. I can't even use your real name anymore, and here you are asking if I'm alright? No. I'm not alright. But I won't tell you that. "I'm fine," I say half-heartedly.
"Why are you still here?" he asks, and I look at him for a moment.
"I don't know," I say. "I should have left you by now. I should never have come with you."
"I know. I'm really sorry," he says for the hundredth time, also mentioning my name. My real one. "I should never have gotten you into this."
Vivivd, brilliantly colored, genius, etc...these are all things that encumber a great message and a wondeful memory come to life, in a short impactful write! Very good details and vocabulary to give the story a bright projection. I liked this very much.
Fav Part:
". The wind sweeps them around in circles, forming a multitude of kaleidoscopic tempests, putting on a show for an audience of one.
The man sits in his wooden chair by the window, taut and stoic. The room around him is unadorned, much like the man himself. A sparse fire staunchly endures in a fireplace which appears to be made more of rubble than actual stone. As the sun reflects on the window, so does the climate mirror in the man’s eyes.
He sees not only the performance of creation but the shadows of his life. Gazing into the foliage as it twirls he is aware of an inner movement. He sees a woman with a small child before her. She looks tired but happy, shadowed halos around her mouth and eyes. She pulls the boy to her so he can not see the tears gently beginning to swell. "
Very tenderly written and just shows that true love is able to weather any storm...even if others' don't want the love to happen. I thikn we have all felt this way, and it's a shame that love is like this. You kept a beautiful flow contained in the message. I hope this situation works out for you!! Keep your chin up.
Fav Part:
"I keep her safe in my heart.
I don’t want anyone to harm her.
Even though we’re far apart,
I still get to cherish her.
I don’t care what others say.
I don’t mind what they see.
I don’t care if they block my way,
Just as long as we’re meant to be"
This was a completely delightening poem. They say that the most patient onesand the ones who love you form afar,yet allow to livem, and hope for your return, re the ones who truly love you more than anything else on the planet. You described that vividly and brightly here...I am enamoured by this piece of literature, it's so true and yet many fail to see the message that you conyey. Fate is Fate, you cannot force it, only if you are really in lovew, will you be led to the person eventually, without any forceful influence, just a knowing that this person is siurprisingly way more truthful thabn you could have ever thought before! That is a miracle. Don'y let it slip by you. Not many people hold this trait or shall I say traits?
Fav Part:
"Holes and gaps forming has already begun,
Through those spaces has her sweet encouragement run.
Urging me to try, to push, to fight,
Call on my heart's strength and give it all my might!
Already the wall crumbles, shatters, and downward falls,
Soon all will be laid bare, no smoke, masks, or hard walls."
This is highly meaningful to me, it's a struggle I have dealt with from others personally. A mere untrusting illusion. Quite a ride! You seem much different though than any of those people who purposely deceive and destrust for laughs and out of negative boredom. You are an angel, well, almost.
Keep it up!!
Very good poem about the attraction between male and female, and how ONE person is better than a flock of nothingness. I view love in the same way. only ONE captures me, and I am gone. lol. The rest, I do not see. Great way of encapturing that thought, only from a male's pespective. It was still very much alive in feeling and in depth of meaning. Thank you for sharing this!
Fav Part:
"Dredged in your mind
Obliterated in mine
Illuminated as the girl
That suddenly, amazingly, dazzling
Passed me uninterrupted, unstopped, with my jaw dropped"
The ending, of course.
Keep it up! Alot of talent you have, especially in line rythm. The format of the poem was almost mathematic, and very catchy to the eye.
Unbelievable tribute yo a love that was lost, my condolences. This has to be one of the sweetest love poems I have seen! Its so tender, the flow is like a river in the calm, it's all so beautiful. If there were such thing as perfect, this poem would be it, me mate. Great imagery too. Congratulations on winning!!
Fave Part:
"The world about them may well be
Enveloped in a mist,
For in their hearts and minds they feel
that they alone exist.
Together their love conquers all
the stumbling blocks of life.
She has the strength he gives to her,
He has his loving wife."
Simple, powerful, and impressive....so full of love, and a bit of sadness underlying, but it's conquered by tranquility in words. You are a wonderful writer!!
Congratulations on winning, me Mate!! You have talent!!
Fav part?
"But for now
We find park benches in our minds
Still waters in our souls
We can find a little fog if we just look
Quiet moments need no setting
Only a willingness to show love"
Beautifully written!! Keep it up!
Truly,
Violet!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is a real sad write! I am so sorry! Is this real? I hope not! Anyway, I wish you the best in healing from this. I have never had a lover die on me, however, I have had them leave me high and dry. lol. So, It could be the same thing or so it feels. It hurts. Its never to be forgotten in my mind. A treasured piece of eternal keepskae. Can you tell I have been hurt? I think we all have though. Great write! You are in my thoughts and prayers! This is highly saddenening to me.
I enjoyed your write. The flow made it easy to read and the message was clear. I am also a very spiritual person so I took a special interest in this piece.
Fav Part: "“It must be the will of Allah, he needs me in the end.”" I enjoyed this part as I have been studying the Koran lately.
I loved this short but strong write. I am always happy to see positive pieces which have had an impact on the authors life. I also have a similar poem which I recite daily and it too helps me through.
Fav Part: "My mind is in another place" This is me to a tee, I am a scatter brain.
I enjoyed your write. We have some common areas as seen through my work and this piece. The flow was consistent making for easy reading.
Fav Part: "I am not the lamb or the wolf
I am the lamb dressed as the wolf" I have often thought of myself in a similar way. I really enjoy finding that special part of a work which I can relate to.
A very enjoyable piece. I particularly like the alternating rhythmic patter which ensured the flow was smooth making for easy reading.
Fav Part: "He has managed to steal
All of me, all that I am,
My heart nor my life will not heal.
This time I don’t give a damn." I enjoyed this part the most as it reminded me of my ex and the things he did to me.
Hi, I am Violet, the Juggling Nun, your Troubadour shipmate! I am so sorry to see that you had to deal with your fathers passing. My condolences and prayers. You bio blew mine away...its a poof of dust now. lol. You touched on many things! My fav movie is Tommyboy too...Loved Chris Frley. Gypsy proposed I be "Christie Farley" on the ship, so thats what Im doing. I hate liars too. Ummmm..yeah, a guy farted in my face once and I dont think he knows I know, but I did, and it was pretty gross. Kinda made him go form supermodel to "Fartman" in a minute. lol. Wht would someone fart in your face? Is that a token of appreciation...kinda like belching to the Cook? I dunno. lol. Anyyyyway....I also loved much ado about nothing...with emma thompson...great actress...I love tivial pursuit and "Flowers in the Attic was awesome...Its how I have been living for over six months now, minus the rat-poisoning Grandma or the bro-sis incest. Liked the bio, and whenever you need a laugh, Nikki, I am here!!! You are a gemini, and I am a leo-virgo. (on the cusp) Always got along well with Gemini's!! They are too funny! "Ahhhooooyyy"
Very strong message you relay with your work. I enjoyed the write for the message which it delivers. I thought it had a consistent flow which made for pleasurable reading.
Fav Part: "NO NO NO! Time true Patriots stand and shout “Impeach these Bums!”" I couldn't agree more. How many more Americans must suffer before we take back the control over our future.
Interesting story. I was really impressed by the choice of some of vocabulary which added to this already descriptive and captivating work.
Fav Part: "In one quick motion her walking staff flew to her, she mounted it and whirred off the ground. Some ways off, she halted and turned back." I enjoyed this part the most because it reminded me of the classical witch scene.
Loved your poem. I am also a sappy love poem type. I especially liked the rhythmic patter which made the flow of the poem rum smoothly.
Fav Part: "I love the man, so cold, alone,
eternal stranger doomed to roam
who haunts my nights; he gives, but keeps
what chains him as his prison sleeps." As I stated above I enjoy love poems and I can relate to this part as it sounds like me.
I really enjoy reading your work with it's consistent flow and rhyming patter. The flow is always smooth and makes for enjoyable reading. We share like opinions and topics perhaps you should check out some of my work.
Fav Part: "Finding lost pets is truly a blessing,
Hands posting signs and calling around." As someone who has lost a pet which was later returned I couldn't agree more with this.
I enjoyed your write. I love the way you hold the readers attention making them want to read on.
Fav Part: "Continue to strive for greatness,
And live free – " I enjoyed this part as it sounds just like me, I always strive for greatness which from time to time also causes my demise.
Suggestions: I would work on the spacing in this poem, I think with a little time you could make this work a lot easier to read.
I enjoyed your write. I have to admit I was laughing throughout as I am a girl and it is funny to read as a girl. I liked your rhythmic patter which you followed to the end. The flow made the work easy to read.
Fav Part: " If she is already hot, garnish with fruit.
If she is frozen, set aside, use substitute." As a girl I think more men should follow this it would make life so much easier for us girls. lol
I enjoyed your write. I think that we share some very similar views.
Fav Part: "So open up your hardened hearts
And let God enter in –" I enjoyed this part I think that if more people would let god in the world be a much better place, which I express is some of my pieces check them out.
Suggestions: I would try and play with the spacing a little, you may find a way to make the poem easier to read.
Keep it up!
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I get the point. On to the review of your work...
Just like this unbelievable poem that made me think about truth and integrity and how much they really do mean. I am truthful, however, it's a rare trait to find in some people. Unfortunately. Keep your chin up! I hope that love comes back to you! If you'd like to talk, I am all open to you. Love to help.
