If this isn't the best Satire I have read on WDC. I really enjoyed your piece it had me rolling on the floor as I am a Para-legal. lol I would love to read more.
Fav Part: "The playa’ who loved you.
The employer who snubbed you.
Even the proctologist
who roughly rubber-gloved you." Well, I can relate to the first two parts already and I am sure by the end of my life the proctologist will follow too. lol
I enjoyed your write. I too write many love poems so it is easy for me to relate. I enjoyed the interesting perspective you showed throughout.
Fav Part: "Recapturing the passion and longing
For each other’s company." As I also enjoy writing love poems I could see myself expressing my feelings in a similar way.
Good write! Not only was this in correct form, but it also educates the reader about the form, nice to see that there are still authors out there thinking about those who are just starting out.
Fav Part: "struts in secret deception." How very true this statement is, I have felt this way many times.
Nice work, I enjoyed reading your work it is written in a unique way, which gave me a fresh feeling.
Fav Part: "And even now as I’m in that middle ground
I feel the groaning and creaking
Of time
And the ‘wondering why’
Of all this." To me this is the thing more people should ask themselves.
I don't usually read short stories, but couldn't resist this due to the fact that it was about doctors. I liked it, I think you could give ER, House or any of the like a run for thier money.
Fav Part: "Gently he turned her face toward his. The dimples in his cheeks deepened with his smile. “Hey, lady, I operated on you. I know what you look like on the inside.”" This sounds like a reply I would get from a Doctor at my bedside.
Beautiful poem...If this is about your husband though, wouldnt you already know this and not be wondering? Kinda ctrange collaberation of a poem and a decription of the poem itself. Ooops, I am sorry, this was written six years ago. So, you are 25 and married? I hope your husband fulfills all that you have set forth in this peoem that you waited for! Its beautifullucky to have you, and you...well, I dont know him, but I hope you are lucky to have him.
Fav Part:
"We will work through problems together;
Every storm we will weather.
I know you're out there somewhere and somehow, some way;
When the time is right, we'll find each other."
This is exactly the way I feel about finding my future husband..only Im 4 years older than you! Im not tying the knot tho, until I know its forever and always. Diesnt that make me such a square? Actually, it makes me smart and wise. I will only marry once. Thats the whole purpose, right? I hope you are very happy, it seems like it!
Are you okay?? Youre friends sound like azzes..excuse the french. I am so sorry you feel this way about your friends! Why dont you just drop all of them now? They obviously only have you as a friend so they can torment you or make fun of you..youre therir clown, do you have a painted face and a huge big red circular sponge hanging from your nose? I dont think you do, I do think you know what you should do and this poem is highly saddening. Why in the end, so you pray, they wont take you with them? Are they threatening you? Are you worried they are going to kidnap you and banish you to another country with no rights you will have? This scares me. I care about people, all of them. No friend would EVER make you feel like you are a gang member or apart of a clique you cannot break free from, especially if they are using you for a laugh. Keep your chin up and do in your heart what is right. I believe you already know the answer to that! Good luck to you, I am here if you need to talk. This wasnt a good feeling. Never let someone suck you down, with friends like that, who needs enemies? They are already at your doorstep, pretending to be something they arent. Truth is friendship, healing is friendship, not deception, destruction, and lies.
Fav Part?
"I do not need friends like that so the
can go take there cold harts and leave
just please don’t take me!!!"
Awesome and powerful at the end Meg. You deserve more than this. Promise me you wont allow this to continue.
I have one word for this poem. Methodical. It had a good flow, but the contents were a mixed contradiction of what you want out of life! Do you want to take over the workld or be lazy, the two dont go hand in hand. I liked some lines, just the whole gave me a feeling that you have some hidden ego just waiting to destroy all through being tired and lazy. This was very perplexing. Maybe you can allow me to understand this better. It seems I cant understand anyone lately. If you lived in my shoes, you'd know why. lol.
This was amazing...the whole contents within it! All of it was freat...I was creeped out at first, then I realzed what so many females do, when enough is enough. I think this story just shows how strong women are, even if they are being influenced and clouded in their thinknig in everyway. One day, they get it, and they leave their horrible abusers or fallen heroes, what hero would try and slowly kill a woman, so percious anyway? None worth staying for. I loved this story. One of empoewerment and justification, and what goes on behind closed foors that nobody sees except the most clouded and weak person...the woman, and the victim. Wonderful!
Fav Part?
" He fears the powerless state he is in at this moment. She bends, and after a moment, as his eyes begin to fade, and again the breathing slows, she whispers.
“I forgive you.”
Pressing the bottle in his cold, withered hand, she walks out the door."
This was too cute! My daughter is three and she already has to have all the latest fashions and loves to dress up and loves new shoes. Shes three! lol. Little people are just the cutest with their personalities growing into a future grown-ups. This story was so enjoyable, Axe, Hufh? Hes quite the little Ladies boy already! This made me smile. It is the description of both parent and child at that critical first stage of caring about things, like their looks. If only they coild learn to clean up after themselves and not make tornadoes in their room and in the house and it takes about as long as a tornados destruction takes for it to happen. 2 minutes or less. lol. Your son sounds like a wonder. My daufghter also has a little boyfriend already. Im worried how she'll be when shes in High School, or Middle School. Oh the joys of parenting. lol. Its worth it though, so much!
Fav Part:
""Johnny says to watch out when you put on Axe, because it makes the girls like you." Pause. "Johnny gots a girlfriend. You have to be cool to get a girlfriend."
"Oh yeah?" I said. "What makes you cool?"
"Axe," he answered simply. And with that, we finally left the house, in an aromatic cloud of "Phoenix" scented body spray."
Awwwww...You have a Don Juan already, and I have a lil Cleopatra. lol.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings to your son and to you!
Keep it up.
Cute poem. Simple, myserious, and I am imagining either you have children or grandchildren, but are hiding something else in that closet that makes you feel bashful, if discovered. Very witty.
Favorite Part?
"Held within it's dark enclosure
do forgotten treasures hide
held within these dust covered objects
do memories abide"
Very heartfelt and tender. I am getting alot of love poems on here today, and I am trying to stay detached from this viewpoint at the time. I should write somehting about this that will allow others to understand. I am challenging me and the opposite sex, to see who truly does love. Moreover, to prove to myself and God that thats all the love I need right now, for its unconditional, and thats how I love. Very good write! You have alot of talent.
Fav Part:
"In that moment,
In the dwelling place of eternity,
hearts and souls...
Became clear to me...
It was as if I understood everything that has happened in my life all these years...
And... the time which was to come
I became unbearably sad...
Akari's warmth, her spirit,
How should I treat them,
where should I bring them?
That was something I did not know."
Now do you see why I am taking this test for myself and God?
Great write! I hope this situation resolves itself.
Many unconditional loving Blessings,
Quite a story!! Names familiar...especially Joanna. I dont know what kind of morbidness this is trying to portray, however, It left me feeling uneasy. Why? I dont know. Maybe because you speak of this death so lightly as you and your family eat "McDonalds" How does one even eat when their daughter is about to die? The reference to the crash, explicitely could have been left out too, if caring is the whole point here, or even a tribute to a wonderful life. Very darkended, evil, and just a complete sad gloating.
Please help me understand the underlying meaning this story holds. I am quite confused. I look at all facets of writing, being a writer myself!
Unless this is fantasy, and even fantasy has reality within ones own mind combined, this is a little unpeaceful. Why is that? Why would you write about your family in such a way? I call this misery and depression at its best. If that was the point you were going for, you did it well! I only hope to God, this is not really the way you view your family in a fantasy. I am sure they wouldnt be happy about it. Or maybe they would. You never know. Good story, just not my style.
I pray for you and your lovely daughter Joanna. I hope she finally rests in peace. May God bless you in all areas. Seriously.
This was certainly a different literary style. I know the whole message behind it already. It doesnt even need to be clarified. I have two words to sum this poem up. "Slam Dunk". Very good at portraying how the playing field works. Although the description of the title gives the whole poem away. Might want to alter that if you are trying to be an effective mystery writer and get better feedback. Just looking out for you, Jordan.
Fav part:
"The buzzer sounds just as the ball swishes the net and the crowd goes wild shouting " JORDAN! JORDAN! JORDAN! " As he wins the match for his team, again. "
Keep it up! Good write. It was a pleasure to read.
Very mystical.. or (misty)cal should I say. Unbelievable write here. Very angered, very dark, very gothic. Good work. It speaks of madness and despair all at once. You encaptured those feelings well here. The poem flowed well, it had hardly any grammatical errors, just a little bit of a harshness to it that is not really clarified as to why. Thats fine. Its your Authorized work, and I am an authorized reviewer. We cant get to interpret them all so clearly, none of us reviewers, thats the magic of it. I loved the longing here, though I am not sure why you keep repeating that this person needs you. Nobody needs anyone, except their parents when they are small. We must first need ourselves to truly need another.
Fav Part?
"But stop me now,you can,
Just say that you don't need it.
And I shall leave you,I'll be damned!
You want to live? So be it!"
I hope that this issue resolves itself. I hope you find peace again within. Blessings.
This is a really intense felt write! I was amazed at the creativity of it, and its quite different form the other sponsered item of yours I reviewed. Impeccable grammar and word flow...kept me interested. That is the point of being a writer, and you nailed it pretty well.
This was absolutely incredible!! Its actually what I needed to see. What a heartfelt and unbelievable poem of a distanced love. You are an nagel to have written this. It was tender, true, flowed wonderfully, and had a warmth in the meaning that was worth a thousand words.
Fav Part?
"Mountains and Trees, Rivers and Plains
Stretch the distance between us
Overcame with tremendous ease
As our hearts reach to one another
They soar through the skies on wings of eagles"
I hope you and Emilia come together soon!! This is classic love.
This was creepy, and somewhat confusing, but brilliantly written! I love fantasy although I cant write them well. I admire this writing! It is wonderful. It seems that this is almost inescpable. And I say I love fairy-tales, however, they arent always with happy endings. Hopefullly they do have them, but it cant always be that way. You depicted that in a great way.
Unbelievable inspiration!! This story was so familiar and comfortable. I too, have an interest in this religious subject, yet am only a beginner with it. I thought the character "Alena" "Chen, and Priya". It just goes to show tyou, the things some people fear most are the very things that are safer thanb what they knew in the past. I loved this story! Absolutely incredible, and the unity in coming together was the ultimate treat!
Favorite part:
"But most importantly, there are four figures standing united on the beach, looking out to that blue horizon filled with hope and happiness, hand-in-hand."
This reminds me of a meditation I had. Very good and positive.
You are an amazing writer!
Keep this inspirational peace up!
You took the words right out of my mouth here! Brilliant description of God. You have a good head on your shoulders to write this. I love rejoicing in Gods meaning. This is my opinion exactly! You pegged this with such beauty and wonder! God Bless you for the tribute to him!!
Fav part:
"What will be, is now,
What you are, I am,
What I am, so are you-
There is not a single molecule
In the universe that is not connected.
From one source we came,
And to one source we shall return."
"
This was perfect as perfect can be. Please keep up these inspirational writes! You are so wonderful at communicating the meaning!
Unbelievable! I really love my Aunt too, and she was battling Cancer but survived. I can feel the hurt and the pain here, its a great tribute to your AAunt and also teaches a valuable lesson. Once someone is Gone, you do regret what you never had said to them or being closer. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure your Aunt is smiling down and very proud of you!!
Fav Part?
"You never truly realize
How fragile life is
Until someone close dies
And you didn’t say goodbye
Pain lined with regret
As the tears stream down
You’ll never forget
How you left without a sound"
What a way to put a very deep lesson about life and death. If you need to talk, I am here!
This is a geat teaching. I loved the message. I believe not many know this or of they do, they choose to look the other way. My take is there is always enough time to evolve and change the past, no matter what , or through what. This was a beautiful interpretation of how life should be or thoughts that should be more tended to.
Fav Part:
"Not once did I check for for the minor spelling and grammar errors nor contemplated whether indeed the whole construction of my work-in-progress was fundamentally flawed from the very first word on the very first page"
Thats me!! Not checking for spelling or grammar when I should. I admit my flaws. lol. There are many, just as anyone else.
Hi, I'm Anna! I have come to review your writing!! All of my reviewing is meant to inspire, encourage,
& always be as fair and honest as possible. Okay,Here We Go!!
My Thoughts On This Piece:
This is an inceredibly thought provoking piece. One of my favorites. Sorry your life is so messed up. Nobody deserves that! I feel this way sometimes, though it's getting better, and clearer, and I am not so afraid anymore. I just know about this feeling ad the way you described this was highly emotional and I felt every word you wrote!! This is truth, I like truth. Very admirable.
Fav Part:
"If I run, will I run back into it again? Will I run right back into the same thing? You can't run away from your problems, they follow you. Isn't that what they say? This vicious little circle of running and chaos. Chaos and running."
Hi, I am Anna. I have come to review your work! All of my reviews are honest, and fair, while inspiring and encouraging! Okay, Lets Get Started!
My thoughts on this piece:
I think I really felt this to be a liberating poem and I thought the power in it was highly apparent. I always seek knowledge, but do not commit myself to anything that i may not agree with. I believe this is a good free flowing poem with a good rhyme shceme!
I didnt agree with the sinnig and lying and gloating about it. I know we all sin and lie at times, however, the point is to have a balcance where you dont think its always acceptable to be in sin when making your life work for you. Balance is the key. I only know that too well. Otherwise, this was really impressive and honest and that is always a wonderful thing to see!
Fav part:
"Societal norms,
Keep my movement constricted,
My ambitions are banned,
Forbidden; restricted,
But wait,
Clear the slate,
For it’s not yet to late"
Hi, I am Anna. I have come to review your work! All of my reviews are honest, and fair, while inspiring and encouraging! Okay, Lets Get Started!
My thoughts on this piece:
Very interesting write. Tne ducks in the pond were extremely creative to make this story. I can't seem to think why one would want to scare another or others mfor that matter for no particular reason. This gave me the chills, it was very creepy, I am sure that was intended, however, why does he do nothing but laugh that they are scared?? I wish you said that. Overall, higly creative, like someones playing games just for fun or something. Had a halloween feel to it. I enjoyed this, yet was baffled by it. Good writing skill though!
Keep it Up!!
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