|I loved your story! I think i am going to read it again. I admire the way you introduced John, you made the connection right there, and whatever John said or thought would be stuck with the reader, because you allowed us to know this man. I loved how you spoke for him, normally a writer would use the first person P.O.V, for us to really know what's going on in the head, but you did really well using third person.
I felt really sad for John, and although I know that he is a criminal, You set the right mood and tone for us to sympathize with him. It was really peaceful, and I expected John to be more afraid and even angry, but the calmness he displayed was more powerful to me that screaming and cursing.
I feel like a conversation with the priest would have added a bit more emotion to the piece, and maybe here he could have some flashbacks, maybe shed some tears, we don't get much of the setting, which could even better with the mood, because I kept visioning the prison, and it's depressing state,but it worked out well nonetheless.
You developed John so well, as I said before that I felt as though he was my own brother, or father! I wanted to know even more, and wanted to shed my own tears when he saw death and could not do anything about it. Although I have never been imprisoned, I have had my days when I think too much or have bad day, so I could understand John's frustration, knowing that he could not avoid what was about to happen. (the feeling when you cant control your situation)
The girl definitely added a bit of fear and action to the story. she made us see that John could get angry, and this is where I really saw the criminal. she represented the average horror girl, so I was glad that she was not a frequent character, and made it too cliche, but I love how you dropped her in, because I was really curious to find out what John did (at first I thought she was the devil LOL). There was not much dialog, which was okay for me, because the narrator did a great job guiding us and filling in the details of the story. The plot was not so heart pounding for me, it was the resolution that gave the greatest impact. The fact that I knew what was about to happen made it even better, because I was anticipating that moment of impact, since the build up was so good.
There was nothing in this story that turned me off, you did so well, it was well written. I enjoyed the pace you kept, really smooth and calm, but effective enough to bring out the right emotions. I found no punctuation or spelling errors.
Definitely keep writing! I hope to read more of your work in my spare time :)
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