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Review of My Friend (At 8)  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,
This story is filled with pain and bad memories, and I was quite impressed that you were able to fill in so many details with so few words. The opening was the highlight of the story. You got right to the issue and it flowed from there. I feel as though there are so many gaps in the story, almost like a movie or book trailer where the creator deliberately leaves out parts to make the viewers and readers want more.

This story reminded me of the movie houndog, where a small girl was raped and she isolated herself from the world. its the same mood and tone which I think was effective for the genre. I find that emotional pieces can get a bit jarring, but because yours was so short and straight to the point. It was easy to keep up and understand what was happening at each section.

I felt distance from the characters. You wrote this in such a way that I felt as though I was looking in a window, not able to see everything on the other side. i got that from the main character as well. He narrated the story from a distance, which helped to emphasize regret and pain. It was effective for me because I felt as though he did not really want to go back there, not even in his mind.

I would not say you did an excellent character sketch. I had to create my own image of the characters. I didnt get any physical descriptions or even a name, so there was no real connection to them. I loved how you developed the setting though. It was as haunting and dark as the character. The father I felt would have added even more impact if we were allowed to see and hear from him.

I found that you also had punctuation errors. If you read through you will find lengthy sentences and commas out of place, especially in the first part (not good at punctuating either.) Overall, a good story. There is naturalness in your writing, which for me are the best pieces. Keep writing, you are good at it!
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Review of Girlhood  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Justine, I noticed you listed this as a feminist piece, so i felt compelled to read it.
I must say that you started off fine for me. You gave a bit of background, and without having to think much, we knew her name and what she looked like. we also got know what issues she was having at school. That was a bit of a problem for me, I felt like you could have been more descriptive introducing her, and showed up a bit more instead of telling. Apart from that mini problem, you started out good enough because I wanted to know more.

I have seen this happen to many girls and some, like Justine never stop it, which only perpetuates sexual stereotypes against women and their sexuality. I think it was good that you used a Latina because they represent a minority who are often used as sexual object, especially in the media. I think it was really fitting to allow readers to truly understand the message you were trying to bring across.

My favourite part was actually when Tommy came along, however after asking her on a date, it sort of went down for me. I could not make a link between feminism and this story. Based on my knowledge, feminist rally for equality and acceptance in all sectors of life. Valentina loved the boys touching her, she didn't seem to mind, and it was Tommy who looked more like a feminist. You tried to show that girls like her are at a disadvantage with her breasts, but left it high and dry by moving on to the dance.

I don't get the point of Tommy raping her because he was trying to teach her to stand up for herself and demand respect, I don't think you made him look like a bad guy. Maybe if you included him getting aroused amidst the life lessons? Forgive me if I didn't see the point, but I don't get the link between feminism and this story. I sort of understand that you were saying sexiness is no excuse to objectify women, but it wasn't clear.

Maybe rework this to get the message across more clearly, and please keep writing!

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Review of Off Politics  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Oh my word, you did not hold back! First of all, this was a good story, a scary one, and you delivered. This made me read with my eyes wide open. The genre itself is not so unique, but you did well with it. I could not stop reading, even though it was a bit disturbing, I had to find out how it would end.

I've heard many stories where children kill their parents and siblings, this felt like peeking into the mind of such a person. I am impressed and glad that you chose the third person point of view, because I usually do first person so that you get direct insight about how the person feels and thinks, and why they choose to do certain things. This narrative style works though.

The story really picked up when he went to kill his parents. I am so impressed that it was not too graphic, yet it was enough to make me feel a bit ill. The mother made the story even more interesting because she is the first character to actually witness the boy in action, even though she didnt live to tell the tale. The boy confuses me, when did he start hearing voices? He is a very frightening character? I noticed that you did not use dialogs, but it still worked. I would've loved to hear him a bit since someone else is telling his story. Maybe him responding to the darkness? The story flowed however, your transitions were good, especially with the italics between each part.

I loved the ending most of all. It made me intrigued to find out what would become of naughty Jeremy who lives in his head. It made me want more. Would he snap out and realize he killed his family? What if he gets nothing from the tooth fairy. You did not leave me hanging at all. I would just love to see what will happen after this.

I would say the low point of you story is the beginning, it started a bit slow for me. I realized that you did a lot of telling instead of showing. I feel like you could've been more descriptive in this section since it is the start. I was tempted to skip out that part because It felt like a dictation, a boring one. I also felt like it would be great to see more of his setting, his features, a bit more of him knocking out his brother's teeth. Make us feel a connection for a little bit, then lose them.

I loved your story, it was well written. Please keep writing!

## If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, feel free to disregard them.

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Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
haha, this was seriously an entertaining read. I did not expect it all. I like how effortless the humour was, and how the story flowed. I think it is impressive that you can write such a short piece, but it has enough details and does not leave the readers hanging. I found no major problems with grammar and punctuation. This was beautifully written, Keep writing!
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Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting story, definitely a common genre, but enjoyable nonetheless. I was actually woken up a bit more at the end, that is where the action started for me. I see potential in this story, and a curiosity to see how it will progress. I think this story reminded me of Maleficent,don't really know why, maybe the bird?

The story started out a bit slow for me. I think there should be a comma after the first village, for it to flow. Sometimes punctuation errors can affect how a story reads. However, I liked the style of an old tale, it suited the genre perfectly.

I realized that you mixed your tenses, most, if not all the story was written in the past tense, but you wrote, "It all starts..." You also had a typo
"As a child ha..." But apart from the minor issues, you have a good story, so Keep writing, just read over and you find the little things.

I liked your story, has potential so just work on it to smooth out the areas. Keep writing!
**Oh my favourite part was was she turned into a bird, I felt real sadness there ;(
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Review of For Julie  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
There are so many love stories and poems, but some rank better than others. I think you displayed difference with yours. I liked the voice in this story, there was a sense of pleading, with a hint of desperation that presented the right amount of balance. I enjoyed the imagery, especially the first line, "I want to swim in the crystal oceans of your eyes." Immediately I pictured a beautiful girl with blue eyes, especially with the use of ocean. It's a short poem, but it has enough details to let the readers know what is going on. well written, flowed and definitely a good read.
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Review by Renee
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A beautiful poem, I don't think it was terrible at all! I liked how the words rolled off my tongue because of the rhymes. It was easy and fun to read. Although this is a tribute to someone, I found it cheerful and heart warming, which is an element we often forget when remembering the dead. I expected sadness and gloom, but got the opposite. I enjoyed reading, you made the persona quite special and it was truly heart warming.
I found no punctuation or grammatical errors. keep writing!
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Review of My Friend  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sad poem,and it definitely struck a cord with me. There are many emotions seeping out in the poem. Anger and sadness seem to play out a bit more, but I could identify weakness and some sort of regret. It was easy to read and I liked the flow, the lines were short enough, which symbolized the weakness in the persona, it was significant of her strength leaving.

It was a good read, we have all had those days and those friends who we can no longer be around, and it hurts, so your poem connected with me. The only error for me, were that you had "Your" instead of "you're" in the first stanza, this seems to be an issue for many people. The strong point was when you state "I'm still giving my all to you,While you gradually leave me behind" This was the point when I realized the readers sadness and desire to have back the old friendship.

Your poem was filled with emotions, I could identify the passion. I think it is important that writers include emotions, because it makes it easier to read, and can keep the readers in tuned until the end. Well written, Keep writing!

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Review by Renee
Rated: E | (4.0)
An entertaining story, It reminds me of Christmas movies, but It was sort of different and fun to read. Christmas is basically over, and I felt Susie's desire to have Christmas in July, sometimes that happens to me, the season is too joyful and beautiful for anyone not to like it.

This is a nice reminder of childhood books and movies. It is almost like the typical children's movie or book, but you added different elements which made it a bit refreshing to read, although parts were similar to others I have read and seen, most of it was different and entertaining, you had me from the beginning until the final word.

I liked how you structured the dialogue, I knew who was saying what and too whom, that made it easier to read and gave your story a nice flow. I liked the interaction at the first part, between Donna and Susie, the shopkeeper seems to be a perky character and her personality drew in Susie.

I have only one question, what happened to the snow?, I saw that Susie had a problem with the amount of snow, but I don't know if it cleared up.
Overall, an interesting, entertaining read, Keep writing!
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Review of A Solemn Voyage  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This was an interesting read. I found your character to be very strong, and that made the story easy to read. I was very interested to see what would become of your character and what his fate would be, your story had a very strong start and you maintained that flow until the end.

I liked the flow, as mentioned before, but it didn't seem to have a high point for me. It was smooth until the end, but there wasn't really a part that made me squirm or feel anxious. This wasn't so much of a bad thing for me, but I felt like I wanted more when he was exploring around the Island, that would've made it even more interesting for me.

I like how you included the shadows, that was a nice touch of darkness for me, it goes perfectly with your genre.

Your use of Imagery has to be applauded, I really enjoyed how you went into details at the beginning, It was easy to know where the character was, based on your descriptions which was at it strongest in the first paragraph, well done!
You have a bit of punctuation errors in the story, that made me pause at some parts, it wasn't too much, so it did not really affect the flow for me. I would suggest that you read the story aloud, and you will recognize the parts that need a comma and so forth.
There is a particular part where you mixed your tenses, again read over and you will identify the part.

The major problem for me was the spacing, there was no space or paragraphs, which made it difficult for me to find when I paused. I would suggest that you include space to make it easier for the readers. I also realized that the character is nameless.

Overall, a good story. With editing, it will be even better, so please, Keep Writing :)
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Review of Unworthy  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
If I can remember well, you said this is a draft. Well, it is a good work, if its not yet done. You did a splendid job in opening the story. I felt sad, but mostly anxious. I saw that people were dying, and I waited nervously like Janet to see what would become of her. I was a bit scared, It gave me the feeling as though she had done wrong and her actions were punishable by death, and when I realized the tradition, it irritated me a bit (Just to show how well you manage to pen the happenings so well)

It reminds of the stories I read when I was younger, and these are the ones I usually choose first these days. I like dystopian-like genres because they allow us to escape reality, and even though they dont usually offer happy endings of a fairytale world, its realistic, so this suited me perfectly :)

The plot was really good, I admired the turn around and twist of events. I expected her to march off into a sunset because she was deemed worthy, but she had work to do, which added so much value to this story. I liked how you continued to develop her into a stronger person, a turn from the scared girl at first, she really turned into a woman and decided to put her life on the line by going to war.

I did not get much of her setting, but I understood that it was a dark time, so in my mind was a pitch black place. I liked how she spoke to others close to the end, so I could get a close view of what she was like out of her mind.

I liked when you introduced her to the others. I got a physical description that was unexpected. She was beautiful in my mind, although she doesnt seem to pleased with her self. I enjoyed that I could put a face to this girl, her descritption suited the unique environment that she was in.
I would not change anything. This is beautiful, and well written, so I would definitely implore you to keep writing :)

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Review of Leave Me Be  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
You made some strong points here. I believe persons would really leave you alone after this! What I liked about this was the passion you gave. I didnt get the idea that you were sad, I felt anger and desperation to be left alone. I can guarantee you that we have all felt this way to sit in a dark room and be with ourselves( very unhealthy though).

I liked the structure of your poem, it was easy to read, the spacing was good, the font grabs the attention like the overall theme and message, and the rhymes were catchy. All these together made your poem flow.

I felt like you gave the persona so much power in the piece which makes it so easy to read. I could hear the shouts at some points and the need in others. You did a good job with this, I am going to pat you on the shoulder for writing a really strong and passionate poem, but also another pat to let you know that the world is not such a bad place.
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Review of Our Only Kiss  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful! You had me from the beginning, and I felt the emotions instantly. I really enjoyed how simple your language was, but it was enough to make me understand and feel how the persona might have felt. I saw a sad person, full of regret and perhaps a bit of hope. I am not usually one to read love poems, and I rarely write them, but some are so different, and refreshing that you cant help but read it. I think you displayed that in your poem.

It brought me back to my high school days when I use to dream of moments like this, it registered with me well, sort of made me experience nostalgia. I am pleased with your inclusion of punctuation marks with made it even easier to read. Most persons forget these important symbols, and so it affects the flow, I did not experience that with this piece. Bravo!

As I said before, the flow was impressive, I am a fast reader, and sometimes I dont get the rhythm or the flow, sometimes I dont even get a full appreciation of the piece because I am rushing over the words. I slowed my reading for this one, and I am happy to say I got a taste and feel of every line, every word, so I felt the sadness of the persona and the regret.

You are a good writer, I enjoyed reading this, so of course, Keep writing!
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Review of Untitled  
Review by Renee
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first thing about this that grabbed my attention was the imagery. You managed to take the writer on the journey and place them in the setting which I think is so important when writing a piece. I liked how you kept us in one place, only for a short while, but it was enough to make me feel and understand what was going on, cheers to you for that.

I liked how you ended it, It is as like a continuation, although I don't really know what exactly was happening (was that your intention, keep us on our our toes perhaps?), but I didnt feel lost or as though you left me hanging. It fitted perfectly, and added depth to the piece. You went from a beautiful scenery around the fire to a more mysterious vibe, which I liked.
You did well with this, I hope you continue. There were no major problems for me. Keep writing!
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Review of Listen  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very interesting piece! This reminds me of legend stories I used to read when I was younger. I think you are very descriptive, which gave this so much life. I am happy that I could enhance my visualizations with the help of your words, that was definitely a plus. I really liked how you started the piece, it gave me something to look forward to, and as it progressed, I slowly became sated because you kept the pace, and really delivered. I was very impressed with that.

I have a problem with punctuation too, so forgive me if I am wrong, but I think a comma would read better after the first dead, instead of a full stop. I think it sounds off as a sentence to itself (He never dies). You write "will fish up your chair?", not sure if it is a typo, or it goes with the old English type of language you used.

None of the people you mentioned has a name, I learned from many on this website that the characters should have a name, However, others have given me reasons why they are not included a name.

There were no major issues to this piece, it was a beautiful, different type of story that I enjoyed reading. You did a good job with it, so keep writing because you have the talent :)
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Review by Renee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This was a very interesting read! I really enjoyed it. I definitely want to see how this piece progresses. I really understood your character and how she felt, but somehow I wasn't getting the evil jitters, maybe because she is old, I don't really know,but evil master was more convincing based on your descriptions, his dialogue made him sound stern in my head and how nervous Hagadorn seemed when he commanded her.

I found that you gradually did a build up and it made me anxious to read more, but I am somewhat curious how this will continue because you have given us a lot in chapter one. How many chapters do you plan on having? Because I realize that there will definitely be conflict between good and evil, so it makes me anxious to know how everything will unfold.

I like your descriptions, although you did a bit of telling in some parts, but overall it was really good.
I have a couple suggestions and since you requested help with finding any issues I decided to include those.

1. you used past and present tenses in some of your sentences. Here is an example, read aloud and you will find others.
She reached the edge of the Black Forest, her forest, and hide behind a thicket of briars.

2. A sharp pain coiled through her stomach as a warning and she clamped her lips and gums together to keep from groaning. (I think you would do well with a smoother transition after this sentence because I did not know that you had moved on from the evil witch)

3.The thought of harmony made her stomach feel queasy, so she thought of disharmony and it made her feel better. ( I feel like you could say more here, instead of just saying harmony. What exactly is this harmony?

These are just my suggestions and the major issues I found, apart from that you did a fabulous job of creating an intriguing character and although she seems wicked to others, her master controls her, so she isn't so bad after all. I really want to know what will happen with the queen and her babies and if evil will enter one. This is really good, you are a great writer, keep writing! Well done!

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Review by Renee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you so much for sharing this, I really needed it. It was a really sad poem, and what made it even more heart breaking is that its indeed reality. I liked how simple it was, and that really made an impression on me. I usually don't gravitate towards poems because some are just hard to understand. This was different, I could feel the emotions seeping through, and it felt so genuine, but really sad. I enjoyed reading your poem
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Review of Last Day  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved your story! I think i am going to read it again. I admire the way you introduced John, you made the connection right there, and whatever John said or thought would be stuck with the reader, because you allowed us to know this man. I loved how you spoke for him, normally a writer would use the first person P.O.V, for us to really know what's going on in the head, but you did really well using third person.

I felt really sad for John, and although I know that he is a criminal, You set the right mood and tone for us to sympathize with him. It was really peaceful, and I expected John to be more afraid and even angry, but the calmness he displayed was more powerful to me that screaming and cursing.

I feel like a conversation with the priest would have added a bit more emotion to the piece, and maybe here he could have some flashbacks, maybe shed some tears, we don't get much of the setting, which could even better with the mood, because I kept visioning the prison, and it's depressing state,but it worked out well nonetheless.

You developed John so well, as I said before that I felt as though he was my own brother, or father! I wanted to know even more, and wanted to shed my own tears when he saw death and could not do anything about it. Although I have never been imprisoned, I have had my days when I think too much or have bad day, so I could understand John's frustration, knowing that he could not avoid what was about to happen. (the feeling when you cant control your situation)

The girl definitely added a bit of fear and action to the story. she made us see that John could get angry, and this is where I really saw the criminal. she represented the average horror girl, so I was glad that she was not a frequent character, and made it too cliche, but I love how you dropped her in, because I was really curious to find out what John did (at first I thought she was the devil LOL). There was not much dialog, which was okay for me, because the narrator did a great job guiding us and filling in the details of the story. The plot was not so heart pounding for me, it was the resolution that gave the greatest impact. The fact that I knew what was about to happen made it even better, because I was anticipating that moment of impact, since the build up was so good.

There was nothing in this story that turned me off, you did so well, it was well written. I enjoyed the pace you kept, really smooth and calm, but effective enough to bring out the right emotions. I found no punctuation or spelling errors.

Definitely keep writing! I hope to read more of your work in my spare time :)

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Review of Rain  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Aww a really catchy poem. I really liked the rhythm you had going. I always think of the Earth getting a bath when it rains, washing all the bloodshed down the drains, so I am definitely in agreement with you. The first line was almost like the start of a nursery rhyme which kind of made me forget about the seriousness that you mentioned in the description. However, my mind went back to the issue as it progressed.

I was thinking of "cleanse the air" instead of "wash". Overall, I liked it, a really good read :)
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Review of Dream  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hello :)

This was a good story. It started off a bit slow for me, but then you picked up after the dream, and I finally felt the character's pain. You did fairly well with your descriptions, but Since the genre is horror, maybe it would've been more effective if it had more passion and depth. This story has a lot of potential. I hope you will continue, because there are many unanswered questions at the end. I would love to hear more about the character and all the drama that will unravel in the investigation.

You developed the character fairly well, but once again I didn't get much from him when I expected it the most. I wanted to feel his pain, and how numb he was before the hospital visit (when he passed out). You started to give out so much, and right as I was about to get off the edge of my seat, he was in the hospital. I wanted to see more of him inside the house, maybe a flashback, so he could find clues or just a basic reminder of his day before the horror began. You expressed his love for his brother Jimmy, It would've been so good to hear more about this bond they obviously shared.

Read aloud and you will find some punctuation errors. Many of the sentences were short, like "It was weird" and "I went inside". "who supposedly drinking his coffee while reading newspaper mostly at that time".( This sentence sounded a bit awkward for me. I didn't know how to read it).

("The time seemed to stop, the thing that you would always experience in a dream") Maybe you can take out "The" and write "Time seemed..." and "the thing..." sounds off for me.

I liked the part when he realized his dream and went to the bathroom. This part made me see his fear and the anxiety started coming on. I thought that was really good.

But as It progressed I felt like I was on my a limb, because I could see how good this was going to be, but didn't really get much from you towards the end. I also noticed that the character did not have a name. I really want to see more of the character, even his life without his family. I was intrigued when the Police showed him the finger, made me curious.

This was a good story. These are just my suggestions, you can ignore them if you don't agree. I make loads of mistakes and have to constantly edit. Polish this up and it will make a great story. ( I saw that your description needs revising)

You have the mind of a writer and the story has potential, so keep writing!

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Review of Emile and Jamie  
Review by Renee
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello!

Your story was incredible and well written. I felt tremendous sadness for Emily because your expression. You are really good with descriptions, as you showed the readers more than you told, I thought this was very impressive. The opening paragraph was indeed a grabber. I always think it is important to make sure you start off with a bang. I liked that you kept going with the pace, and remained consistent throughout the end.

I though the plot was well done. You did not give anything away, which made me so anxious to reach the end. It was really horrifying what happened, and you penned that well too.

I liked all of your story, but the ending stood out the most for me. you tied in everything so well, and I really didn't expect it, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I felt all the emotions here, and it kept me thinking about the women, even when I was finished reading. Great Job with that.

The part I liked least was not really an issue, more personal, was when she was embalming the body and the phone fell in the blood. I really don't like dead bodies. But no worries, it didn't stop me from reading to the end.

I found no punctuation errors. You spelt losing "loosing". This is a common mistake.
Overall, great piece. Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Steven Tarmer  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello!

When I read this sentence, "whose merciless hand governs our lives with her icy fist and gauntlets of steel". there was no way I would stop reading. I am glad you started off with a bang, because it is really the first sentence that determines whether I continue reading or not. I was really impressed with this. Well done for grabbing my attention at the beginning.

I understand that you are describing a lover. it was fun to read, but somehow I felt like it slowed down a bit in the middle. The descriptions following that sentence were not so powerful for me and I was left a bit unsated, as I expected more passion and fire in your words.

I felt the writer's love through her expression, and I was able to create the image of Steven in my head, because of how detailed it was. Although at points I felt like you could've avoid telling the readers about the eyes by saying " I shall start with the eyes". It would've flowed better for me if you just said something like "his eyes...." and fill in with descriptive words. This is just my suggestion, and maybe others will love it exactly the way it is. If you are comfortable with it, then that's okay.

I loved the Shakespeare vibe you had. It was consistent and suited the piece perfectly. It was a nice twist that gave your work a bit of uniqueness. Often times I stay away from Romantic pieces that focus too much on the physical features, but I really liked how you penned yours.

You had punctuation errors in some parts. If you read it aloud, you will catch some of those errors. I did not find any spelling errors and your vocabulary was quite good. I noticed that you used alliteration with the L's, it rolled off my tongue at the start, but after a while it was almost like a tongue twister.

My second favourite sentence was "They shine the blue of a deep ocean, sparkling like crystal drops of rain as they plummet into the vast sea". It picked up here again for me, and I fell inlove with your words once more. I think this was good. You did well, so definitely keep writing :)

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Review of Yesterday  
Review by Renee
Rated: E | (4.5)
There is much truth to this. I really liked how you penned this. I really like reading motivational pieces, but lately most are sounding the same, and I was about to try and self motivate. I liked how different this sounded, it was good to hear a different voice, somehow it made me feel better, and I feel ready to start moving again.

The language was simple, but effective. I really liked your beginning. I'm more of a prose reader, but I definitely enjoyed reading this. Normally I find a lot of repetition within this genre, but you wrote something new in each stanza, really enjoyed that.

Well written, love your expression and how I felt the passion and determination. Keep writing, you have talent

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Review of What If  
Review by Renee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there! I was taught the importance of starting with a bang, or I should hook my readers from the start. I loved how you had me from the start. Sometimes I try not to read the description for a piece, just to see if I can understand the story. You managed to do both, your fun fact about Martin Luther made me laugh and I understood your character and how she felt from the beginning.

I felt sorry for the girl and the death of her dear friend. I understood immediately that she was angry because of the language. she represents the typical teenager going through internal crisis, but she had a reason. I pitied her because I realized that she needed help, and even though she was against journalling her feelings, she did anyway which made me smile.

The story started getting really interesting when she mentioned the death of her friend. This is where we get to know what's going on in her head and gave background to why she felt dejected. I was intrigued to find out why she believed that she killed her friend, and felt genuinely sad for her since she blames herself for the death.

We are not told exactly where she is in the opening paragraph, but I'm guessing that she goes to counselling and that her mother picked her up. She reminded me of Hazel in the fault in our stars at this point :). I'm the type of person who gets excited about description, especially the setting. It would be nice to get a glimpse of the outdoors and her physical features.

I loved the ending, it really brought out the emotions. you expressed how she really felt, especially this line "But being responsible for the death of your best friend isn't really something you ever recover from" which made me think that she will never truly be happy,and since she plans to fake her recovery to end the sessions. It really interested me and I wanted more, to see her life outside of counselling, and how she plans to charter her own course.

Maybe this is just me, but the describing her body after the crash as "crumpled" made me see her as a piece of paper, and not exactly a human body destroyed.

I would love to see more of this and follow Emmeline's journey, to see what has come of her, especially since she mentioned that her summer was lonely. :) Great Job I really enjoyed your story. Im not a professional writer, but I really liked this, so I decided to let you know what I thought of it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Limbo  
Review by Renee
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What I really liked about your piece was the fact that it made me really understand dying a little more, which sort of made me sad. I knew you were talking about an illness that I have heard and seen, but something felt really different while I was reading. I felt like you expressed it well, and it seems as though you wrote from your heart. A beautiful, yet sad piece.
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