*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rinsoxy/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/23
Review Requests: ON
1,746 Public Reviews Given
1,747 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 19 20 21 22 -23- 24 25 26 27 28 ... Next
551
551
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, so cute and sweet, god sending an angel to help the jester fulfill his destiny. It is also a sad story of childhood death. Not an easy subject to give someone a warm fuzzy with but you did. Good job. I liked this poem a lot and I think the formatting of having a different color for the heaven parts helped a lot though why did you choose blue?
552
552
Review of The Young Jester  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem isn't as smoothly written as the first one or the third one, but it is essential to the story. Now I understand how he grew to be the man he is. Something about this poem is a little stiffer and less fluid than the other to poems but it is a good poem, just not the same kind of poem. I intend to explore the rest of the folder.
553
553
Review of The Jester  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I read the third poem first and whoa. I like it even more knowing what I know now about the jester. He is the best kind of person. He is giving everything he can to take them out of their reality for just a little while. You don't know this in the beginning of the poem and when you find out who his audience is it hits like a brick wall.
554
554
Review of The Jesters' Lie  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-written poem that uses the form to move the story on and the rhymes don't seem stretched. The subject while centuries-old seems new and fresh because of the energy of this poem. The mortality of the jester is clear and his duty to keep his suffering from others reminds me of a friend who died of prostate cancer. I can't say more than this poem spoke to me and I appreciated the message.
555
555
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It rhymes and has rhythm. The subject matter is solid. Who doesn't like to read about knights and battles. Okay, well maybe me, it lacks a passion I find in a freer form of poetry, it doesn't have anything new to contribute to the genre. It could have been written whenever it isn't tied to any age. I guess that makes it timeless, but overall I didn't really like this one too much.
556
556
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Okay, long-winded much? The vocabulary used in this piece is unnecessarily complex for the tale being told. Basically, it's a guy who walked into a bar, talked literature with a bartender disagreeing. Then a bunch of rowdy storm partiers came in and the author left, drove home, and enter the house he had rewired last year. He greets his dog, sits down to write and the whole time an outrageous storm is going on. Nuff said.
557
557
Review of Summer Love  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very romantic poem. At first I thought it was a woman speaking but it turns out it is a man's voice speaking. That surprises me because I never really got the impression that men could be this romantic about the idea of summer love. The speaker of the poem seems to be a sweet soul and deserves an answer to this sort of prayer.
558
558
Review of Eureka!  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a very emphatic poem. From the note, at the bottom, I assume that it is not in the least bit true of the author. Unfortunately, I feel there is a grain of truth to what the poem supposes. Excessively neat and meticulous people don't necessarily see the beauty and purpose in a little chaos. Sometimes you have to shove your mind so far from the problem that the answer you come up with should make no sense whatsoever, and yet it does.
559
559
Review of Different  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This demonstrates perfectly the angst I felt in highschool. It was back when my body was deciding to change on me. Before puberty, everything had been so simple. After puberty, everything seemed to require just that little bit more effort. Dealing with the people around me was so hard and I wasn't aware that they were all going through the exact same thing as I was.
560
560
Review of You  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very emotionally charged poem I took it personally, I could really see my mirror saying some of this to me. I think it is a really broadly written poem so almost anyone could have the same experience as I did. I think everyone feels like this at least once in a while. This poem is highly relatable. Yes, that is the word it brings to mind.
561
561
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This story is made up entirely of dialog, was it written for the dialog 500 perhaps? If not you should check that contest out and enter it because you would do splendidly. The format is a little hard to follow who is saying and thinking what, but I managed to get through it. It was a lovely story thank you for putting it out here for us to read.
562
562
Review of Dandelions  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a sweet and positive poem. I think it follows the described prompt well. It is a good poem, not a great poem. It is missing energy of some kind. It drifts, oh I get it! It is drifting like a dandelion. That makes this a pretty good poem. I wouldn't have written it, it isn't my style yet it still speaks to me.
563
563
Review of Superman No More  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a tear-jerking way of describing a father's feelings as his kids begin to grow beyond him. It is bittersweet. I remember when my dad was Superman. Then he turned to Lex Luthor. I am glad this poem didn't go there. Still, it made me think of my dad fondly, which I think is what it was meant to do.
564
564
Review of Job Wanted  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a strange little story. I didn't quite get why there wouldn't be any more lightning strikes. I also didn't get how lightning could be one of the conversants. Is that a word? The way the lightning checks out is very Elvis has left the building. Mention of the temperature of the lightning seemed to be a random fact, was it researched? Cool use if it was. Overall, I like this story.
565
565
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It is a good story, but it suffers from formatting issues that make it difficult to read. First, every time you go to a new person's dialog you need to start a new paragraph. Second, you definitely need a new paragraph for the beginning of a flashback or a return from one.
Third, paragraph breaks also occur at subject shifts.
Basically it is a huge lump of text that needs more of a break up so it can be followed. Also, minor point but on this website it is usually a good idea to put an extra return between paragraphs so you can tell them apart.
566
566
Review of Shaman's Trance  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
intriguing poem. I like the whitespace you have to traverse to get to the poem it definitely evokes the process of entering into a meditative state. Using bold text to identify the one meditating makes those thoughts more solid and allows the rest, the words of the other to be more ephemeral. Good job using the look of the text on the page
567
567
Review of Crossing Over  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Whoa, did not expect that ending. Great revenge for a spirit. I really like the weight of the story. I like the whole darn thing. I only wish I had written it. But I don't do mysteries well. This is totally the opposite of a paranormal romance, or perhaps ultimately the best fulfillment of it. I like the powerful nearly poetic language you used.
568
568
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Interesting... god, I start a lot of reviews with that word, but it usually applies. Your argument is very interesting. Arguing the essential immorality of morality. Perhaps it isn't morality itself that is immoral but the application of that morality that is moral. Application is wherein the human element enters the equation.

Remove the human element and morality can absolutely be moral, but absent of humanity is there any reason to have morality.

Just a few thoughts I had after reading this piece. Thank you for making my brain work!
569
569
for entry "Ch. 2: The Proposal" 
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Dialog from different people belongs in different paragraphs. It lessens the confusion over who is saying what. The fourth paragraph is a tangle of who is saying what, even with the conversation tags.

For that matter, a new paragraph should be started with any new subject changes, not that you seem to have had a problem with that.

I like the pace and the characters, but introducing people as fox people or tiger people sounds almost racist to me, it makes it less about who that character is and more about what. I prefer it when a character just happens to be of a species and you might have to work a little harder to figure out which one.

overall I like the first three chapters of this story and would definitely read more.
570
570
Review of The Well  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It is good, but you have formatted it like prose in paragraphs here is how I would format it in stanzas as poetry in the parentheses are spelling or wording suggestions.



On an island by the coast, where the tide does rise the most, lies a house beneath a hill. Twas at this hill that blood did spill, an act most dark and grim. Come and sit by the fire pit, and listen if you will, to the tale of a man and the ones who wronged him.

It was long ago, so very long, before either of us were born. A man named Jack picked up an axe,and murdered his family purely out of scorn. Some say he was drunk that terrible night, others that he simply went mad. After his arrest, he did not protest, saying it was the must fun he’d ever had.

He dragged their bodies one by one, out back to the family well. He tossed them in, and with each splash, he cursed their souls to hell. After his capture he was sent to rapture, via electric chair. And to this day, the people say, his victims’ spirits are still there. Deep below the ground, amount the damp and cold. Their bones black with rot, and covered with stinking mold.

And on certain nights,
when the moon is full,
and you can see it’s glowing beams,
you can still hear the sound of a chopping axe,
and ungodly, ghastly screams.
So if you’re ever down that way,
by that terrible island rock,
stay away from that acursed (accursed) well,
lest you join their flock.
They’ll grab you by the hand,
with a strong and icy grip,
drag you to the bottom,
and from your body your life will slip.

Then you’ll be trapped down their forever,
with the other victims of Jack.
Because once you set foot on that wretched island, (Once foot is set on that wretched island)
you’re doomed to never come back.
So heed my words, one and all,
people young and old.
Stay away from that forsaken island,
or be drowned in deathly cold.
571
571
Review by Sox and Sandals
Rated: E | (4.5)
suggestion, put original song's lyrics in a dropnote to work off from. I can't remember how the song goes well enough to add more.
572
572
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
THis is a sad poem. Of love falling apart. I dislike reading about the loss of love like this. Falling out of love is a real experience and when it comes to reading about love I prefer the fantasy of everlasting first love. But there is a place and an audience for the realities of falling out of love. This is a good example of that kind of poem. Well done.
573
573
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I love this story. the personification is perfect. I love the talking, tree climbing, bunny chasing car. There is a problem though, there are a lot of point-of-view inconsistencies. It doesn't come to the point of confusing characters, but it is pretty jarring trying to follow the narrative from one head to another. A rewrite with the focus of staying in Carmen Impala's head would be good, or if you must jump back and forth do it only with clear scene transistions. One scene you are following Carmen's thoughts, feelings and opinions, in the next you are finding out just how crazy John thinks he is going.

I like the idea of a romance between the drivers and the vehicles. perhaps a little more time should be diverted to this from the obvious crazy plotline. It would be a real payoff if they have a successful date. Though how would that work? Would they meet somewhere so Carmen and the GMC could interact or would John pick the girl up in Carmen which would leave the GMC sitting in the driveway. I can't see him liking that.
574
574
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like this story. At first I didn't understand how it qualified as a paranormal romance but by the end I got it. I think the end is just a bit too open though. It doesn't end really it just runs out of steam. It isn't as sad as the build up. I would also like a more definite answer to where she went.
575
575
Review of A Jump in Time  
Review by Sox and Sandals
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this story, it reminds me of quantum leap. I loved that show. I wish they would reboot it like they have so many other shows. There was another show, nowhere cafe I think it was about a magical diner. Anyway, the idea isn't incredibly new or novel, but it is well done and I loved the parrot as the guide person.
I would love to find out where he was supposed to be jumping to. A continuation of this story would be an interesting read I think. It is well put together for being the response to such a wild prompt. Sometimes following such weird prompts can lead to complete disconnects in the stories that result. I think you did well, tying everything together and making it plausible. The wild nature of the prompt gave the piece more of a hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy feel. I like that.
nothing grammatical jumped out and drug me from the enjoyment of the story so I think you did well there too. I would also like to find out how the dude got recruited to the time jumping gig. Great story!
816 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 33 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rinsoxy/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/23