iKïyå§ama-House Targaryen's (satet) Reviews

#4744743

Review of The Waiting Game

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hallo 🌕 HuntersMoon

!

I will be reviewing your work "The Waiting Game"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story written for a contest that required the writers to mix and match different genres within their works. From the cover image alone, something tells me this is going to be a fun one!

Pluses:

Dear Billy wakes up from a night of partying - the usual typing hangover situation - only in this scenario, he is visited by none other than good ol' Momma (from beyond the grave)!

The ensuing conversation - as this story is dialogue heavy - was quite hilarious. As always, you are able to give the reader a good picture of what is taking place while setting up your characters with unique characteristics/personalities.

Billy comes across as rather insensitive - I mean what was all that about poor Julie and her being a 'soft landing' (methinks Mom should make him take an extra time out just for that one alone). However, there's the underlying notion that Billy was too carefree and never really took good care of himself anyway. He might have been a good boy growing up, but who knows what troubles he got into as an adult that would lead him down this path?

Either way, the dark comedy of this lies in the fact that his stint in Purgatory would involve his mother being her usual nagging self and keeping him in line - or of course having the option of walking through a particular set of doors to a place that was definitely not a sauna of choice. Methinks Billy will choose to suffer being with his mother all over again until his trial is set.

This was another enjoyable short story, and it was a pleasure to pop into your port for just a little visit. Thanks for sharing, and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

27

#4744732

Review of Fitting In

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hallo 🌕 HuntersMoon

!

I will be reviewing your work "Fitting In"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Written for a short story contest, this is a tale of a teenage girl trying to fit -as best as possible - into her new high school.

Pluses:

I knew coming into your port would be a feast for the reading senses, and you did not disappoint with this short story. I guess the cover image should have been a dead give away, but I honestly didn't even pay attention to it. I was just curious to know what this tale entailed with the summary alone.

It starts out innocently enough; the typical teen deciding on what to wear and how to look in the morning for the gruelling torture that is a day in high school. Unfortunately, there's the added pressure of this being her first day at the place, and coming from a completely different side of the country; one can expect the culture shock and difficulty in adjusting.

We see our protagonist struggle to remember her mother's advice to not be judgemental/prejudiced, while doing her best to remain 'unseen' as much as possible. I don't want to go all stereotypical and state that the behaviour/reaction from not just the students, but the teacher should have given one the idea of what was to come, but it was still a shock anyway. Way to go, Southerners (not all of them though!).

The last scene tugged at the heartstrings. I can already imagine all the hardships she's bound to endure unless she's able to find even one person willing to stand up for her and show that she's just another ordinary human being. Wishful thinking sometimes with such situations, right?

As I stated earlier, your writing is always able to capture the tone of the situations, and your characters have a depth in their personalities that resonate with readers. It was a pleasure to read this story, and I thank you for sharing. Write on!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

28

#4744641

Review of The Arrogance Will Be Costly

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hallo elizjohn

!

I will be reviewing your work "The Arrogance Will Be Costly"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story written for a contest where the original word limit was set to 100 - that alone is a feat - but it's the subject matter that's striking and should leave the reader troubled.

Pluses:

As I mentioned above, it's not easy to write a whole story in just 100 words, but you state that you had to expand it a little, and I'm glad you did.

There isn't a lot in the way of descriptions, but through mostly dialogue and a few choice words, you've managed to set the tone for this. There's an ominous and dark heaviness with every sentence; the inexplicable fear that is rampant within the villagers and horrific sight after horrific sight is revealed. From what's left of the playground, we can already have an idea of what terrible event occurred there, and you did a great job creating that.

The characters themselves were also very well done. Again, not much in description, but from the way each speaks, we can already feel their panic, concern, and of course rage and what has transpired. All this is now transferred to the village elder, who has apparently not been as proactive as he could have been to protect his people.

His procrastination on appeasing their god - or whatever it is that's responsible for the gruesome deaths of their children - will need to be rectified quickly or there's the possibility of it happening again.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

I realize this was written a long time ago, but it does beg for even more details! Now, I'm dying to know what monster(s) was behind all of that, and if any resolution will come to the villagers. There is plenty of story there just waiting to be explored.

Thanks for the fun read, and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

29

#4744631

Review of Celebrating Irma

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo elizjohn

!

I will be reviewing your work "Celebrating Irma"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story that celebrates the life of a hurricane named Irma; but with a fun twist.

Pluses:

You hear/read about hurricanes and the first thing that comes to mind is natural disaster and all the chaos that ensues. However, for this story, you've taken what should be seen as an awful thing; and transformed it into a celebration of a person's life.

In this situation, you've fast-forwarded us a hundred years into the future, where there's a gathering of people there to pay tribute to one of their own. She's a woman, also named 'Irma', who was - oddly enough - born on the same day the hurricane hit Florida. And what does good ol' Irma do as she grows older; she becomes a shining example of how ordinary people can become great. She's dipped her hand into everything possible to assist others in need, and does not shy away from hard work.

Now, on her 100th birthday, everyone has converged to give her due which includes her favourite chocolate cake. I must say the tone of voice for this, I could picture some guy in a linen-suit speaking into a mic with a cheesy grin on his face while sweating excessively. Not sure that was the image you had in mind, but that was just the vibe I received while reading.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>“Ladies and gentleman,
(you started this off with dialogue quotes and we don't see a closing one. Best to just delete that and allow the story to read like a narrative)

>>She lifted them up, and she pointed (the) way.

Aside from the nitpicks up there, this was quite a fun read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

30

#4744626

Review of Two Funerals and a Reunion

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo Papillon

!

I will be reviewing your work "Two Funerals and a Reunion"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

In this article, the writer gives us an insight into her feelings dealing with the loss of her grandfather, the return to her childhood home to put him to rest, and meeting up with childhood friends, which force her to re-evaluate the priorities in her life.

Pluses:

The introductory paragraph was full of wonderful imagery of the mountains and the home where you grew up. I could clearly visualize the scenery as you were in that car returning to where you felt you belonged. Nicely done.

In the scene where you discuss how you heard the news of your grandfather's death was quite sad. I'm sure the reader will be able to empathize with having to confront such a revelation in the midst of ringing up customers and having to excuse yourself to go home. Even worse is having to rely on crying on the shoulder of someone you don't even really like. Regrets pour in, don't they? And the part where you state the irony of being in a place where you can buy anything but the one thing you really need - love? - excellent analogy there.

I realize the funeral was a sombre situation, but the way you write all the events that surround it; from your family's reactions to the L.D.S (your grandpa's brother was a member) deciding to override the family's choices to just doing whatever they wanted, to you meeting up an old classmate from high school you still had a grudge with over her not returning a class ring, to learning there was a 20-year-school reunion taking place on the same weekend as your grandpa's funeral...whoosh! so much going on, eh?

I like the way you summed up the entire events that took place at the end of this; that reunions and funerals were a way to say goodbye to what was in the past and then look forward to a better future. It can be a tough thing to do, but it is necessary for our mental health.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Again, hate to pinpoint this; but should you - or anyone who knows you - decide to pop in to see revisit this story, it could use a bit of a touch up/editing especially with typos noted here and there. I realize this is a personal piece, but it could make for some difficult reading in some parts.

Thanks for sharing this intimate and introspective look at what would be a wonderful tribute to your grandfather and yet a chance to reunite and forgive old grievances in the class reunion situation. Thanks for sharing. It was a pleasure to read.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

31

#4744617

Review of Her

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hallo Papillon

!

I will be reviewing your work "Her"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story that deals with a character's introspective thoughts about her relationship with a person she's always admired; yet there is more to this tale than meets the eye.

Pluses:

This isn't really a tale as it is a self-reflection - no pun intended for I see that the prompt used for this was based on a famous painting by Normal Rockwell of a girl looking into a mirror (although the image isn't actually here, I have seen it before and can clearly picture it while reading this piece).

What starts out as a possible 'crush' is soon revealed to be the narrator going through stages of her life and painting a complete picture of who she truly was without even realizing it. She had always stood aside 'admiring' and idealized version of herself; feeling like she was an outsider and putting on a show for others. In the end, she comes to realize that she is merely an amalgamation of all the women she's admired over the years. Quite the powerful imagery at the end there.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

It almost seems silly making suggestions as this portfolio has not been visited in years, but the hope that is that it at least draws in readers to get an idea of what self-reflection is all about. With that said, I'll try my best not to point out the few typos and punctuation/grammar errors noted here and there. Still does not deter from the overall message of course.

You might no longer be a part of the Writing.com community, but we are glad this item still remains as a symbol of what you were able to contribute to the writing world. Thanks for sharing this with us. It was a pleasure to read.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

32

#4744548

Review of `Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hallo StaiNed-House Targaryen

!

I will be reviewing your work "`Endless Night Dark Poetry Contest"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Created on October 24th, 2006, this is a contest that invites writers to submit their best dark and gothic poetry.

Pluses:

Aww, it appears there was a welcoming image there at one time, and I'm curious to know exactly what it was; as it had to be fitting enough for the theme of this activity.

Your intro is funny and cute despite it being for such a grim theme! "Cuddle, cuddle"? Is this romance...but then again, there could be romantic gothic and dark poetry, can't there? Hah!

The rules are clear and concise. The contest runs monthly and deadline is given for last day of submission. All items had to be newly written for the contest specifically and rated 'E' for the forum though ratings for the items themselves can be anything (okay, had me concerned there for a bit as I wondered if you'd have any entries at all if everything was stuck at 'E').

You provide different prompts that the writers have to pick from - only one prompt to pick. But here's the catch! You can enter three times per round, but each entry has to make use of a different prompt. Nice! However, just because you toss in three entries means you win three times. Only one win per person.

Any form of poetry is acceptable as long as you specify what kind of form it is in the item.

The prizes were quite generous for back then, which is why I'm sure you had a lot of participants since it went up to Round 40! Donations were also welcome to keep the activity running, and I'm not sure if I submitted anything (seeing as I still suck at poetry), but I'm glad to see I was a part of the donating team! Anything to keep the activity going...until you had to leave the site for a while.

Thanks for your contribution to the Writing.com community with this activity! Not sure if you'd want to revitalize it again, but I'm sure there would be some poets who will love to be a part of it.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

33

#4744539

Review of POETRY IN RHYME - RHYTHM CONTEST-winner

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo Dr M C Gupta

!

I will be reviewing your work "POETRY IN RHYME - RHYTHM CONTEST-winner"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Created on October 1st, 2005, this is a monthly contest that encourages writers to submit their best formal poems in rhyme and meter.

Pluses:

Clearly a lot of thought went into the creation of this contest with the link you've provided that shows a detailed explanation on the reasoning behind it - "DETAILED BACKGROUND OF MY POETRY CONTEST"

. I'm sure those who were a part of it appreciated the effort that went into your reasons because it's clear that your love for poetry was paramount.

You are clearly not one for 'decorations' as there are no header images or even use of emoticons to make it a bit more appealing. Not that it's necessary as we can all see from the number of posts/submissions, this was still a very popular activity.

The contest requires an 'entry fee' which is that you were required to review an item from the host's port. Well, that is one way of getting folks to go browsing through your portfolio. Nice!

There's also no prompt for this. Hmm. Only requirement was that the poem had to follow whatever form the writer chose for their entry. Seems fair enough. If you're going to be writing a Clerihew, then make sure it fits that form.

Old or new items could be submitted. You could edit those items until time for judging, but here's a rare catch, if revised edits are made after judging, you can ask the host to re-review the item. How's that for second opportunities?

The prizes were quite generous - especially for the time it was created - though I wonder the prize gps decreased after round 60?

My only critique is the listing of the donors in this way that takes up so much room. However, when I remember that all the current dropnote links etc. were not available at the time, I can understand your reasoning for doing this. Still a separate link just for donations would have sufficed as well.

To show just how popular the contest was, it was even featured in several newsletters, all of which are listed at the bottom of the forum.

Though this closed a long time ago, it showed how active and beneficial you were to promoting writers/poets within the Writing.com community. Thanks for creating the forum, and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

34

#4744523

Review of Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hallo StephBee - House Targaryen

!

I will be reviewing your forum "Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox"

for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Created on April 11th, 2006, this forum was designed to allow writers the opportunity to showcase their best writings in any given genre prompt for the month.

Pluses:

Ah, good times! I remember this one, Steph, and I might have submitted or two things? Can't remember. Still, this brings back so many memories! Perhaps this was the precursor to "The Bard's Hall Contest"

or were both running at the same time? Either way, my thoughts!

The forum shows off its features in two newsletters, which is always a great way to get more visibility and show off how well run it was.

The header image is definitely a throwback to the good ol' days of graphic designs and that familiar yellow background that was the staple of the old site layout. Love the ribbon as it encourages writers to present their best work.

We didn't have a lot of the WritingML extras and codes/links etc we have now, so we had to do our best to beautify our forums as best as possible, didn't we? Nothing too flashy here with your set-up though. You go straight into the rules and what the contest is about. Every month is a new genre with a max of 4,000 words to be submitted (that's a mini-novel there, Missy!

. Members had a month to get their items ready and the rules/guidelines are clearly stated.

There are links interspersed that connect you to the fund bank, should you wish to donate anything, as well as a link to the judging guidelines (very helpful}, and a list of the previous winners.

A bit sad to see most of the last set of winners items are all now invalid, but then again this was last opened 11 years ago!

And, of course, you gave your reason for why it had to be shut down. Life can get in the way sometimes, and tough choices have to be made.

You've always been such an integral part of Writing.com, and this is just one of the reasons why. Your encouragement of your fellow writers in any way possible is very much appreciated. Keep it going, my fellow Dragon!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

35

#4744477

Review of The Town Watcher

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo SandraLynn Team Florent!

!

I will be reviewing your work "The Town Watcher"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

In a small town, there's always one person willing and ready to be the neighbourhood watchdog/guard/snopey/nosey person. But you must not call dear Millicent any of that though. She's simply doing what needs to be done.

Pluses:

First off, happy Writing.com anniversary! We're glad you're a part of the community, and I hope you continue to grace us with your positive contributions for many more years to come.

Now, onto the story which had me going...whoa! Has she been spying on that lil' old lady that sits right across the library with the exact same gear? I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with this character you've conjured up? In such a short story, our protagonist - Millicent - appears to be one heck of a woman determined to do her duty to the fullest (well in memory of dear Sam who passed away doing the very same thing...how though? Now, I'm super curious about that).

In addition, your use of imagery - through her non-verbal narration - was very well done. From her thoughts we are able to get a picture of each individual that makes a cameo in this tale; and the grand finale...well, that should be enough to keep her entertained for a while to come!

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>With one final sigh (,) and a brief second to smooth her wrinkled skirt (,) Millicent tugged the binoculars

>>she had no intention of being anight watchman
(formatting error there)

>>Tossing a handful of peanuts to the ground (,) Millicent signaled

>>Across from the town square (,) Mr. Peabody dropped his

>>her parked car.Has he
(another formatting error)

>>Are you seeing this (,) Sam?

Aside from the little nitpicks with the punctuation, this was quite a delightful short story! Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

36

#4744464

Review of Mr. Moon, Shine on Me

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

!

I will be reviewing your work "Mr. Moon, Shine on Me"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A little boy finds himself trapped; where Mommy and Daddy seem to spend half of the time arguing over matters that might relate to him. Perhaps finding comfort in the brilliance of the moon, at night, is the only thing to help him get through it all.

Pluses:

Well, I was just about to throw hands at how this all started - but things clicked in after the fourth paragraph or so. Question is...why all the beatings? How does that solve anything? Or are his parents doing that to weaken his powers when he does transform?

Although, it might appear to be quite the predictable plot line, you are able to capture the fear, confusion, and yet simmering darkness beneath the narrator's feelings on the situation. We are immediately trapped in that basement with him, yearning for the moon as well. Perhaps, we can try to sympathize with his parents' 'fear' and 'concerns' (still think they could have gone about it differently, don't ask me how, I don't raise werewolves!) because who wants to know their kid's been running around eating the neighbour’s, am I right?

Still, the sweet moments you sneak in there - with the shaving scene - was a nice touch that when they're not all being frantic about moon swings (yes, I said 'moon swings'), they are a typical and nice family, who do love their boy.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Nothing in particular stands out to be to be changed; if anything, I'm really curious to know just why Mom and Dad always scream at each other and why the neighbours haven't called the cops yet. I figure it's because of Dad's need to get away from civilization when the time comes, but maybe he could take his boy and both of them make it a father-son outing or something? And Mom, guessing she's still a normal human - ah, I need more story, I guess.

Thanks for sharing the story with us. It was a fun read. Keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

37

#4744461

Review of A Christmas Story

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

!

I will be reviewing your work "A Christmas Story"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is yet another story prompted by this (dare I say mythical!) writing group that gives you assignments I'd be sobbing over before submitting.

How on earth is one to sneak in the choice words for the week into a story without sounding too pretentious? paresthisia, parthenogenesis, and psithurism (thank goodness you explained what they meant, I was already heading for the dictionary).

Pluses:

And yet with such 'big' words, you manage to sneak them into a plot that doesn't even attempt to be a cohesive fit when said out loud; Southern hicksville.

Our narrator, is as you said, a good ol' boy indeed. I truly enjoyed the tone of this and the way you managed to maintain the atmosphere of the story's location; via their dialect and mannerisms. Again, the imagery was well done, and I could clearly see each character and their personalities reflected as I read along.

The plot itself, for all its silliness, boils down to the simple and almost touching realization that our boy is still head over heels for our prego Mary Sue. Nothing brings past lovers like a good ol' birth scene in the back of a car on Christmas Day, eh?

As for your challenge to spot some of the song references in the story, here's what I found:

1. when she lost her lovin’ feelin’ (the Righteous Brothers)
2. she was still a virgin (hmm? 'Like a Virgin' by Madonna?)
3. better watch out. Better not lie, neither. I’m tellin’ you why (Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer)
4. But she's always a woman to me. (Billie Joel)
5. All the leaves were brown and the sky was gray. (Mommas and Papas - California Dreamin')
6. she was wearin’ blue velvet (Bobby Vinton?)
7. Away in a back seat, no crib for his bed, (Away in a Manger? Haha!)
8. We named him Jesse. (hah! 'Jessie's Girl' by Rick Springfield...yes? No?)

The use of 'Cousin Vinny' could be a blatant reference to the movie, not sure if I've heard any song on it though. Also 'Mary Sue'...could be a song as well. That name is just so typically Southern.

Some other lines stood out to me, but I just woke up and I don't intend to go googling every single one of them to find out.

Clever idea though, and you pulled it off without sounding too awkward or out of place with them.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>In (I) went into the church -

>>Don't know if you finally managed to wheedle it down to 1000 words as you wanted, but maybe less of the lines with the song references. I know you're trying to get them all in there, but the section where he goes to the church, for example, could be condensed a bit.

Overall, this was a fun read - and I see what you did there at the end of the story too! Hah! - Keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

38

#4744394

Review of In Dreams

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

!

I will be reviewing your work "In Dreams"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story that delves into the troubled thoughts of a young man who seems at a crossroads. His best friend and wife do not seem to see eye to eye over something and yet our protagonist seems powerless to stop it. Why?

Pluses:

Ooh, delightfully creepy conclusion! As that famous meme goes - 'you almost had us there in the first half'

But then again, as you read on, the questions start piling on as somethings don't quite add up.

Your use of imagery in this story was excellent. One is able to feel the heat of that room with your apt choice of words to describe the way Matt felt at the time. Then we are allowed to drift back through the memory banks as he recalls how he and his wife met, their courtship and then marriage. It all seems so romantic and idyllic, and yet there's an ominous tone beneath it all for some reason (or maybe I just can't find happiness in the little things. Hah!)

My hunches are proven right however, as the odd situation with the best friend is 'resolved' and his wife comes back to the bedroom. First...why was she arguing with his best friend? Why wasn't he down there to keep the peace if they were not seeing eye to eye? Why leave them both alone downstairs and he be stuck in a sweltering bedroom? Was his wife involved in a tryst with his friend? If so, Matt's being pretty cool about the whole situation, isn't he? So, that idea was crossed off my list.

Then came the idea that ol' Matt was actually not even with us 'in person', that he was merely a ghost reliving the good times and was stuck in the room because that was where he felt the most kinship with his wife. Definitely did not expect that it was the wife behind the deed in the first place. And why though? That's the puzzling bit. Did Matt cheat? Or was she just vindictive from the get go? I am going to need some explanations about that one.

All around, a very well-crafted dark story with a twist that should have the readers gasping in surprise. Thanks for sharing this piece, and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

39

#4744386

Review of A Green Christmas

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

!

I will be reviewing your work "A Green Christmas "

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

The challenge for this particular writing exercise - set about by his local writing group - was to write a short story based around Christmas time, incorporate the sci-fi, horror, or fantasy genre, set it in the winter solstice and have the world 'whelve' show up in there somewhere. Wow. Your writing group doesn't try to make things easy, do they?

Pluses:

And yet you managed to pull it off with this story, so kudos on checking off all that was required.

We've got our troubled protagonist - young Timmy - who feels that he's been wronged since the incident that took place was clearly his sister's fault. So what if he ended up painting her in shades of green and red? It was the Christmas season after all, wasn't it? Timmy feels that no one is on his side and feels slighted that his parents would send him on a 'time-out' to think about what he's done.

He manages to convince his parents that he'll be of good behaviour, but his inner thoughts prove otherwise. The dialogue was quite interesting actually; because we get to hear Timmy the kid act the role that his parents expect, but the inner Timmy is anything but innocent. I'm sure his parents would be aghast to know exactly what he thinks of most things. Probably will want to increase his visits to the child psychologist (that whole situation is a whole other matter by the way - therapy for kids at that age already? Unless he's murdered someone...why? But! I digress).

Timmy makes a detour to see the gifts purchased for Christmas, and is shocked to see the guests that suddenly make an appearance to visit him. Now, this was a very well done section as you do a great job capturing the tone of the ever lovable (Santa) Yoda and his trusted side kick R2. His sage advice to Timmy is one that has the boy contemplating his actions and not wanting to give in to the 'bad side' anymore. A good lesson learned all around.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

As much as I enjoyed Timmy's POV, I did feel that some of his thoughts were a wee bit too adult for his age. I mean, I'm sure there are brilliant kids out there, and I think you did mention he was gifted, but there were some moments there where he had thoughts I'd expect from a teenager at most. Just a personal opinion.

Aside from that, I thought it was a very fun read, and I thank you for sharing it with us. Keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

40

#4744356

Review of The Christmas Puppy

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "The Christmas Puppy"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story that was written for a challenge by the writer's local writing group; in where they had to make use of the word 'extrinsic' within the story itself.

Pluses:

What a twist, what a twist, what a twist, eh? With a title like 'The Christmas Puppy' one would expect that story to be cantered around the adorable pet, and while that really isn't the case in this one, the pup still factors in as one of the reasons why the narrator has a change of heart.

I enjoyed the tone of this story; as we are taken into the head of the narrator and his decision to engage in the act of robbery the night before Christmas. To him, he believes he's acting as a modern day Robin Hood; stealing for a man who he considers an SOB and perhaps giving the items he steals to those who deserve it. Entering said house appears to be easier than it seems, but it's what he encounters inside that makes a heck of a difference.

Through the dual appearance of the puppy and the young boy who is clearly a victim of abuse, our narrator makes a decision that might end up being the best gift of all for that young man. The theme of Evil vs. Evil - as you pointed out in your entry - seems to fit quite well. While our narrator might be the bad guy in wanting to steal something that didn't belong to him, who he's stealing from is no saint either.

Very clever story and the dialogue was very well done; the clear distinction in the narrator's voice gave his personality more depth and empathy at the end of the story.

Thanks for sharing this very well-written story with us. It was a pleasure to read!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

41

#4743384

Review of ~Share the Moments~

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "~Share the Moments~"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

An oldie but a goodie; this community c-note shop is filled with lovely messages to fit some very common occasions/situations.

Pluses:

You might be wondering why I'm reviewing your c-note shop of all places, and that's because it appears I've read just about everything in your portfolio!

Did I do some review raid in the past? Probably. Either way, let's take a look at this delightful fun little shop of yours, shall we?

Most of the images you've got here evoke a vintage theme against hand-drawn like backgrounds. The opening/welcoming image of the leaf, feather and book, with the title of 'Share the Moments' gives shoppers an idea of the kind of products you have in store.

The first image for the 'Kudos' c-note, shows a young woman reading on an open field. Would have probably chosen something a bit ‘livelier’ considering what the message is, as this image gives one soothing and warm vibes.

I like the photograph of the clouds and the sun peeking behind them for the 'Thinking of You' c-note. Does give one the idea of always looking up at the heavens to be reminded of a loved one.

The third that says 'Congratulations' with the cartoon band player is quite a funny choice. Definitely fits the vibe of the greeting. Lovely flowers used for the 'Happy Birthday' c-note, an adorable teddy bear flying off with a kit for the 'Welcome New Baby' c-note, and the nifty 'Greetings' c-note with the hand reaching for the mail. Ah
the good ol' days of early graphics design.

Love the old school style of it all. Even the words 'You've Got Mail' seems to be an homage to that familiar AOL greeting.

In addition to those, you've got 'Feel Better Soon' with the cute kitty, the clever 'You can Count on Me' with the abacus, and the okay, gotta admit a bit creepy negative photograph image of a couple hugging for 'Loving Moments' - ack! Might want to update that one. Last but not least is the most poignant of all, the 'Sympathy' card given to those who have lost someone dear to them.

Again, a wonderful dive into old school graphics with your c-note and for anyone who wants a little bit of nostalgia. You really have a little bit of something for every occasion in here. Thanks for sharing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

42

#4743361

Review of "Born before the Midnight Bell Tolls"

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work ""Born before the Midnight Bell Tolls""

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a short story that centres around the un-remembered events of a party held in the narrator's honour of her 'birth'. How then is she to explain the strange haunting/possession that refuses to let her be?

Pluses:

Okay, I have to confess that this took a couple of reads, but I did end up cracking up after reading the last paragraph.

You really had us going there, didn't you?

Now, is your narrator an actual witch or is she just happy she wasn't actually born on Halloween? Why was she so dramatic in the need to run away and hide? Although I'm thinking all of this has to do with one too many tequila shots.

I, again, marvel at your ability to paint scenes vividly. In this case, the morning after the shenanigans at the bar. Where did handsome man go? Had handsome man with the moustache even been there in the first place? Was he just a figment of her imagination? She really is an unreliable POV especially when you get to the end and you hear the voice message.

Good grief!

Nice twist indeed.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>The next morning, I find (found) myself lying in my bloomers
(only to match the rest of the tense in that paragraph as this was set in the past)

Aside from my little nitpick up there, this was a fun read! Thanks so much for sharing and keep on writing.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

43

#4743312

Review of ~I'm Coming Home~

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "~I'm Coming Home~"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Written for a flash fiction contest, this is a short story that tells of a woman's spontaneous, and rather bold, decision to make one of the biggest changes of her life.

Pluses:

It's never easy to pull off a complete - as much as possible - story with just 300 words, but I think you were able to do a good enough job here. The prompt was 'I have no regrets', which was used quite well with the story.

It starts off with setting up the scene; the mood is sombre and full of misery, thanks to the narrator's feelings of depression over the loss of her husband. His note, by the way, was quite rude. If any man is able to write all that over something that's probably not her fault, he isn't worth it.

As our narrator continues her journey, a flash of lightning exposes something rather strange in a ditch. It's a wrecked car, and though she's under no obligation to investigate what happened, our narrator chooses to go help those who might be in need. Unfortunately, she discovers that the adults are no longer alive, except for the shriek coming from the back seat where an uninjured, but clearly frightened, baby sits.

Protecting the child as best she can from shards of glass, our narrator makes the sudden decision to leave the border with her new precious gift. Now, while many might question this decision as I'm sure relatives are bound to ask questions or seek for the missing child, the narrator chooses not to look back as she prepares for a new life in a new country. Gutsy move.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

This was written quite some time ago, so I doubt you'll want to revisit it, all the same, should you choose to do so, I'll encourage more expansion on the woman's decision to take that baby away. I realize it's a 'gift' of sorts, but repercussions have to be considered especially as the child grows up and begins to question her origin.

Overall, this was a poignant tale that makes you think. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

44

#4743310

Review of No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This vignette is a snippet into the writer's trip with her son, to her mother's, for holiday and the shenanigans (if you call it that) that ensued during their stay.

Pluses:

I have to say, you could write a darn good brochure on places to not visit while driving around New England. Your humorous anecdotes make for a fun read, and you're able to take the reader through the entire trip.

It starts off with a warning to the wise - stop being too nice - actually, it's not to discourage anyone from doing good things, but just do them in moderation, I guess.

The trip was a nice enough gesture; to go see Mom and help her clean up the place. Question though, what was the reason for staying in a hotel? Was Mom's home just too cluttered for the extra guests? Or you just didn't want to put a burden on her?

Either way, seems like the hotel itself was no five-star wonder either. From your description, it appears the beds were not too comfortable and it was difficult to get enough sleep. That was much needed after all the gruelling hours spent cleaning out Mom's apartment. I could feel your aching joints and muscles - and I've got to say that your boy was a trooper for dealing with it. Not many children would have lasted an entire day let alone several doing such manual labour. He's a gem!

With the job finally done, you decide you've overstayed your welcome and choose to bolt from the scene, with your son, back to your nice comfy bed at home. For whatever reason, you decide you need to wash the bed lining, and poof! the machine decides to welcome you back in a most special way. If it wasn't for your son's quick thinking - who knows how much damage would have occurred?

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Based on true life events, not much I can say in the way of suggestions. Well written all around.

Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

45

#4743266

Review of White Balloons

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "White Balloons"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a free verse poem, which recounts the poet's view of a funeral witnessed while passing by a cemetery and her thoughts on whom might have been buried on that rainy day.

Pluses:

There's something rather haunting about white balloons amidst a crowd of black beneath gray skies. The stark purity of the white against such brooding colors, already gives one an idea of whom was being put to rest on that day.

Again, your imagery stands out, and you allow the reader to walk with you on that dreary day to witness the happenings at the same time.

I also like the way you interspersed questions between each stanza, as if asking if the dead was able to recognize and appreciate what was taking place.

One of the stand-out stanzas to me was this one:

They stand sentry still
stealthily grieving
one whose fight was lost
who sits among the clouds
free-spirited, yet
so stealthily spirited away.

I think that captures, perfectly, how one feels about the passing of a loved one. The most painful part of it all, as we get to the end of the piece, is the realization that the little girl clutching onto her parent could only be burying a fellow sibling; hence the use of the white balloons.

Very poignant indeed, especially the section where you wonder if the dead actually feels their love. One can only hope that the answer to that is a 'yes'.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

I can think of no suggestions to improve this as you're able to give voice to those thoughts we all seem to have while witnessing such occasions not related to us. Well done!

Thanks for sharing this wonderful poem, and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

46

#4743264

Review of Boiled Peanuts, Grits and Straw Hats

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "Boiled Peanuts, Grits and Straw Hats"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is a free verse poem dedicated to a set of characters who meet up in the Southern part of the country for holiday. They share their memories of the good ol' days and promise to meet each other again the very next year.

Pluses:

I truly enjoy poems that seem to tell a cohesive story, and this piece evokes memories of summer effectively. Now, it would seem ironic that in my last review, I felt you related more to the beauty of the North, but now in this one, you appear to love the South as well!

Can't say I blame you though, both sides do have their good bits.

In this poem, we are introduced to the summer setting of old colonial homes and bougainvillea (this isn't in Savannah, is it? No, wait, you did say Florida - well they are neighbouring states anyway). However, the 'stars' of this poem are the Scottish couple who decide to throw a farewell party for those who they deem worthy of being in their presence. The section where they 'scold' the Americans for not knowing how to celebrate the New Year, was actually quite funny, and I even read that in a Scottish accent in my head.

And guess what? I learned something new about that tradition of the tall dark and handsome man showing up at the doorstep with the coin, cake and coal. Fascinating indeed.

Another holiday-goer bemoans the loss of 'class' and 'elegance', as they recall days gone by when men wore their best suits and ties, while women were dressed to the nines (seriously, who has time these days to do all of that?) and what was the indignation about Chinet! (that had me snickering as well)

Gripes and moans aside, all of them agree that they will miss their little get-togethers are they prepare for their journeys back to cold and damp places they originally consider home.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Another well written piece with no room for suggestions.

Thanks for sharing! And keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

47

#4743262

Review of I Don’t See The Juncos, Anymore

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

!

I will be reviewing your work "I Don’t See The Juncos, Anymore"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Written as a free verse poem, this pays tribute to the lovely bird species called the Junco.

Pluses:

Don't laugh when I say I went 'awww' at the end of reading this. It's so very clear that you and Nature are one, and the love you have for your surroundings and everything that encompasses it, is present in this poem.

From the emails we've exchanged, as well as your updates on the newsfeed, being up North seems to mean so much more to you. In this poem, you paint a rather magical setting (and though I'm no fan of the cold and snow), I'd love to be able to sit on the porch to witness some of the sights and sounds you highlight in this piece.

Your imagery is vivid and brings to life the habits of these adorable birds (because yes, I did have to google to find out exactly what they looked like). With such lines as:

Starkly they stand-out, sweetly flitting, flirting; so it seems,
a perky pair brush against one another.

Why wouldn't one want to adopt them?

Another stand out section was where you described the setting of the trees where they perch on after snowfall:

...It will cover the long-armed boughs of the fir,
fitting them like a well tailored shirt.
Such is the unstarched finery from above.

It is so very easy to picture that scene while reading.

As for the ending of this, it's almost bittersweet as you are back South where it's unlikely for a Junco to be...or is it? For you believe that one just might have flown down to join you there if even for a moment. How magical would that have been?

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

No suggestions come to mind as this was a lovely piece to read.

Thanks so very much for sharing and keep on writing!

Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

48

#4743256

Review of To Robin Williams

Review by iKïyå§ama-Ho...

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)