Hallo Tempest*BurningMidnightCandle*  ! I will be reviewing your work The All-Kingdoms, Prologue Parts 1&2
Overall Impression:
 Format - Good use of the indent tag to separate main paragraphs and dialogue, making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: In a land that seems to be at war, we are introduced to characters eager to make a difference in protecting what they believe in.
Pluses: You do have a good idea for a story here and some of your characters are quite interesting especially Cellestina and Aldemar (why do I get the feeling that they might meet in future chapters?). The dialogue was appropriate enough for the situation -formal sounding which should be okay - and one can tell that you are quite comfortable writing about such fantasy-based personalities and situations.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Although it was a good idea to put some sort of introduction about the story and what it's all about, I can safely say that you might lose a few readers who are not familiar with the game. Your aim is to make the reader welcome to the story whether they're familiar with the characters or not - which would mean an extra effort in giving more details about the characters and their personalities or the set up in general.
>>I have yet to see a set guideline for how long a prologue ought to be, but from the many I've read over the years, I've got to say that yours was quite long for just a prologue. Keeping in mind that this should be an intro to the main story itself, you should be aiming for something shorter and sweet with just enough to whet the reader's appetite for more. [Okay, did a little research and the common consensus says that prologues should be kept shorter than the average chapter length.]
>>shoulder and arm pieces of blackened steel, as well as metal boots that top at the knees. The standard suit of armor for a squire of the Lily, such as himself.
I'd suggest placing a semi-colon in that section instead of the period since 'the standard suit...' reads as a fragment and doesn't quite make sense at first.
>>The Knight of Neraka, Sir Greven Galmar, Errant to Nordmaar, (was) a massive imposing man
>>respect honor and loyalty. The true merits of a worthy Knight.
Same as what I pointed above. Change the period after 'loyalty' to a semi-colon.
>>The Knighthood of Neraka does not, but has little resource to deal with them. Hence Greven's errantry. To collect information on the Draconians, Nordmaar, and their relations with each other.
Besides this section being a bit confusing, try (again) to limit the fragmented phrases. The Knighthood of Neraka does not, but has little resource(s)? to deal with them. Hence Greven's errantry. He was to collect information on the Draconians, Nordmaar, and their relations with each other.
>>Aldemar personally despises the creatures, and consideres(considers) them nothing
>>Bounding into the mountainous lands of Teyr, where reside one of the deadliest races on all of Ansalon, would be nothing more detrimental than the rest, in his mind.
Hmm...there was something not quite right with this section while reading it. Consider: In his mind, bounding into the mountainous lands of Teyr, where one of the deadliest races on all of Ansalon resided, would be nothing more detrimental than the rest.
>>Beware of 'shifts' within your story - as in moving from the present to past tense in one sentence or paragraph hence confusing the reader as to when the events are actually taking place. For more info on shifts, I'd suggest reading through: "Shifts" 
>>It's(Its') calls were evenly timed, it was almost
Remember that it's is the short form of it is and read that out loud to yourself to see why it wouldn't work in that sentence.
>>A quick whistle barely pierced the wind. (It was) Greven's call to Aldemar to move
>>die before her very eyes. As a result of her decisions.
Delete period after 'eyes'.
>>"Are you alright, milady?" He(he) asked,
>>"I am fine, Drake," She subtly waved him away, "just another of those dreams."
"I'm fine, Drake." She subtly waved him away. "Just another of those dreams."
>>"I will be fine, Drake," She sniffed now drying tears
"I'll be fine, Drake." She sniffed now drying tears
>>and that he had finally departed.
Since you used the underlined word in the previous sentence, try something else so it doesn't sound repetitive
>>that has grown to(o) pompus(pompous) for its own good.
>>He must have took(taken) the rest of the Gods with Him.
>>what I took from us, Eathan," She(she) whispered,
>>I know it's necessary to show the lands and environs that are imperative to your story, but again, we go back to the question of just how much can one put in a prologue. There was a particular section in Cellestina's story that had me quite confused after a while. When you begin to list all the regions and lands and the creation etc., this is something that could have been broken down into smaller bits for 'chapters' instead of creating an 'info dump' for the prologue. Always keep in mind that your prologue or beginning paragraphs of any story is to keep your reader engaged and eager to know more. Do not make them lose interest quickly, if you're bound to simply 'list' or narrate the story as if citing from a history book. 
 
Overall, this is a good attempt, and I can see the effort you're putting into this. With a little more work/editing, I have no doubt it will be an even better read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
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You've done a great job showing us Carlise's daily rigors of work and just how much anger is built within a person despite outward appearances. I liked the little twist at the end but man, it would have been so much cooler if it actually happened in real life! *lol* 
. Nice chapter!
A tension-filled chapter and well written with the dialogue especially the scene where it looks like he just might hit her. Let's hope his head doesn't really explode.
Good use of 'sound' in your opening paragraph - also the almost chaotic scene you paint with your words was quite good. We are all but thrust into this lady's life from the get-go.
I like the way you made use of the pop-up notes to translate some of the words the characters say. 
Good job with the descriptions - the reader is able to 'see' the settings and the characters as we read.
(It was) time for (the) children's breakfast
I have no doubt this must have brought a big smile to your daughter's face, and indeed to anyone who reads it. It's simple enough for children to understand, and there's even a moral of sorts at the end.
