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Review of Endure the Night  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece Endure the Night and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- Wow, what a grueling read- but I mean that in a good way! In spite of the brevity of this tale, you've managed to describe the tortuous feat of endurance experienced during the course of an ultra-run. The struggles of the protagonist are felt by the reader and I couldn't help but cheer him on as he maintained his commitment to finish.

The Characters- Mainly it's just Wes Bascomb. The great thing about a story like this is that the focus is on one character which leads to a sense of " one man against the world". In a tale about a lone runner among the desolate reaches of sparsely populated America, this works wonderfully. And not only have you let the readers into his thoughts and feelings, but you've done a bang-up job describing his physical traits as well- all leading to a well rounded character development.


The Imagery- Beautifully rendered imagery all throughout. I'll just throe a few examples of that which I appreciated...An amalgamated scent of dew, rainwater and moist gravel wafted throughout the city into the mountains of the Strawberry Range.... I know this smell, and I can recall it instantly after reading this description!

his presence was merely an estimated suggestion than a calculated reality...this line jumped right off the screen at me- I can't say what it is I like about it, but I do. It must be in the wording *Smile*

The distant frozen mountain caps started to melt, forming gracious haze around the peaks which dripped down the boundless sky, icing twigs and grit subtended down below...In just one sentence, you've been able to create a mental picture of a mountain-scape that would rival just about any picture postcard. Amazing job...and these are but a few examples of the effectiveness of your word usage.


Errors?- I did find a few little odds and ends that struck me funny. I'll just run through 'em here.
The Errors I Found ▼


Overall Impression- I was really quite surprised at how much I enjoyed this story. I'm not much of one for athletic pursuits ( they just don't interest me) , but there was something beyond just a guy running a marathon here. The commitment and drive to succeed are themes that can apply to just about anyone in any situation, which gives the story a broad appeal.
I also like how different viewpoints could apply to the ending - Is he a former athlete who's using his love of running as a way to bond with his son? Or is he one of those broken down runners who's driving his son to be an ultra-runner like he was ? I prefer to think it's the former, and in any event, I'm glad to see he won his medal. Phenomenal job !

Scarecrow
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52
52
Review of The Way of Life  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece The Way of Life and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- A nifty little exploration of the differences between the lives on this planet. Being a member of the western "civilized" world, I find it easy to forget how fortunate I am. Sometimes it takes a side-by-side comparison such as this to bring about that realization.

The Characters- The characters aren't developed in a conventional sense; they seem more like set pieces against the larger backdrop of life which actually helps drive home the point that individual wants and needs are but a minute part of this global life experience.


The Imagery- I loved that first line. You've described starlight in a way I've never considered before... I never really think about the stars still shining upon us even when we can't see 'em. I'll never look at the daytime sky in the same way again.

All throughout are examples of great descriptive writing, but a few of the parts that really stuck with me were: The instability of never knowing where it will come from, or if you will be the next meal for someone else...and...He is on a cushioned mattress covered in layers of soft comfortable fabric, in a bright spacious room.- The stark contrast between the two worlds is wonderfully summed up in those two sentences, especially when held up so close to one another.


Errors?- Everything along the lines of spelling, punctuation and grammar are spot on, with the exception of one line near the bottom - He will live with in the beat of an ocean wave- Did you mean "live within the beat..."?


Overall Impression- Short and to the point. A nice little read that does wonders for putting things into perspective. Good job !


Scarecrow
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53
53
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I really like the simplicity of this particular poem. The straight-forward approach to your expression prevents the piece from getting overly bogged down in detail which allows for the subject matter to shine through in all its humble glory.



How's The Flow?- Since this is one of those free verse type of poems, the standards for rhythm are a little lower than they would be for a structured poem; That being said, I find you've been able to craft your thoughts into a certain mellow flow that fits perfectly with the natural theme.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Since this isn't one of those rhyme types of poems, there's nothing to be said for the rhymes.



Imagery- Simplicity at its finest. The bared down expression of your nocturnal experience is broad enough to appeal to most readers who have spent any time drinking in the wonder of a beautiful, starlit, summer night.
Lines such as... Under the trembling stars

or ...Inhaling scents of deep red roses
Lilting in the soft ocean breeze

or ...Nature unmasking it
For my eyes only ... are all examples of natural experiences to which I can truly relate.




Errors/ Suggestions- Well, there's no punctuation, but at the same time, I guess that there isn't much of a need for it since the ends of the lines can serve as a "pause point"... the spelling and grammar were all great.
Not an error or anything, but I was a little confused by the star placement... it was a little distracting to me. Was this your intention? I suppose it could fit in with the idea of a starry night in the country where things always seem to grab your attention (fireflies, shooting stars, crackling noises from the brush, etc.). No big deal, like I say, it just left me a tad perplexed.



Overall I truly admire your ability to write something that seems so simple yet can be so moving at the same time. Being a bit of a country boy, I've found myself sitting on the front step taking in all of nature's delights. There's that line near the end that struck me especially (Nature unmasking it
For my eyes only) since I've felt the same way on a number of occasions- That nature is putting on a show just for me to enjoy. I'm happy to see that others get to experience the magic as well. Great job !






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54
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- This story proved to be an interesting and thought-provoking tale. We meet Brett and Sheryl and learn of Sheryl's difficulty in obtaining "the Light". Through the dialogue driven tale, we get a peek into their lives as funeral directors (of a sort), and by story's end are met with a rewarding resolution. There are a number of points mentioned that I couldn't quite grasp ( the Light, Creation, the true nature of the funerals provided), but this seems intentionally done and made me appreciate the mysterious, supernatural tone of the story all the more.


The Characters-Both Sheryl and Brett are fairly well fleshed out, but I can visualize Brett better due to the description of his physical appearance. On the other hand, Sheryl seems to be the main character and as the story moves along, we're given more insight into her thoughts and feelings than we are Brett's. Most of their respective personalities comes out through their dialogue. Sheryl as the one who's insecure about her role, and Brett gently prodding her to take on what's hers.


The Imagery- I didn't find this story to be the most mentally visual story I've ever read, but I think that was mainly due to so much of it being dialogue. With that being said, I found the parts that weren't dialogue to be well executed, as in the descriptions of Brett (...his body was now a testament to the toll paid when serving the dead... His face, weathered with creases carved out by the sand, was somehow both strong and gentle) or during the Creation (Just as it seemed the flames had reached the sky, they were joined by the pure white Light... The flames and the Light danced together until they filled the horizon. )


Errors?- The only thing I could find wrong was with some of the capitalization. I understand words like Camp, Light and Shades being capitalized since they all seem to be proper nouns in the context of the tale, but I'm not so sure about the uppercase "F" in family business. Unless Brett and Sheryl's last name was Family, I suppose.
Also, at one point Brett says, "“I draw what I see. Ever since you were a little girl, I could see your light..." - you seemed to have to forgotten to capitalize "light" (just for the sake of continuity*Wink*)
Apart from that, all spelling, punctuation and grammar were spot on.


Overall Impression- Overall, this story made me think about what else could be going on in the world of these siblings. Something in how the story is written suggests that it's part of a much larger tale. So many questions remain for the reader: What is the Light? What is Creation? What kind of funeral parlour are these crazy kids running anyway? What's up with the violinist? Seriously though, I like when a story leaves a little to the reader's imagination. I also never realized how much I can appreciate good dialogue as a means of driving a story along until reading your work. Great job !


Scarecrow
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55
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- This poem is one to which I can definitely relate. Reading through, I could visualize the entire experience as it's something I have done myself. You captured the feeling of this type of communing with nature perfectly.



How's The Flow?- This isn't one of those strictly structured type of poems, so the flow is irrelevant. However, I will say that your choice of words gave the piece a certain melodic vibe that is often absent in the "free-form" genre.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Rhyme scheme doesn't apply in this particular case.



Imagery- Amazing imagery throughout. From the first line to the last, your poem is a cohesive collage of description that transports the reader to a cool and quiet summer night, looking at the stars.
Some personal highlights :
"...Quiet is the night that surrounds me"
"...The peace and tranquility of the midnight hour descends"
"...light streaks across the blackened depths"



Errors/ Suggestions- None that jump right out at me. I can't thin of any way to improve upon the piece, nor can I see any mistakes.



Overall Right from the beginning, I was hooked. That first line instantly brought me back to a simpler time when I could enjoy the cosmic light show available most nights (even when there wasn't a meteor shower). Then everything from the feeling of the ground beneath you to the anticipation of seeing the first shooting star are expressed in a way that drums up some serious nostalgia. And then, the icing on the cake is that final little bit of realizing our place in the grand scheme of things...how we're all so small, and yet a valid component of this crazy universe in which we exist. Spot on ! *Bigsmile*





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56
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece A Bushy-Tailed Intruder and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- A charming little tale of home-invasion, where a belligerent rodent underscores the point that we may not be as dominant over nature as we'd like to think.


The Characters- The main ones are the protagonist and the squirrel ( with a brief appearance of the protagonist's husband, acting as the voice of reason in an unreasonable situation).
Since the story is written in "first person" you've done a great job at giving the reader insight into the mind of someone at the mercy of an uncivilized beast. The thought process rings true for this reviewer, who has had similar experiences with similar feelings as a result.
The squirrel on the other hand is wriiten differently. Whereas the protagonist is fleshed out and brought to life using internal dialogue and the like, the squirrel is purely a physical presence. Squirrels (especially the grey ones) can be unsettling to begin with, but you've created a Cujo-esque menace in this little creature through the use of vivid description.


The Imagery- Just a few of the examples of what I liked about your imagery:

...I saw a huge wicked creature jumping and snarling

...my enemy emerged, the conquering hero, strolling out on to my driveway, sneering at me, a shivering frozen shell of my former self

...and then there are a few bits that don't really create an "image" per se, as much as they describe the mood. To wit:

..."What? Calm down," he instructed in that level-headed tone that I have come to loathe. I love him more than I loathe him by the way.

...(Being of Irish descent, I stand ever ready to play the martyr)


Errors?- Grammar, punctuation and spelling all seemed to be spot on. The only thing that seemed a little off to me was a line near the beginning where you mention the squirrel ...lurking, jumping, lying in wait for me- After a few re-reads, I'm starting to think that you were describing three of his activities but for some reason it comes across as elaborating on one. I think "jumping" seems out of place unless maybe you were to put "and" between "jumping" and "lying in wait". Then again, maybe I could read it later and nothing would seem askew. It doesn't detract from the story in any event.


Overall Impression- I thoroughly enjoyed this read. The brief, staccato style made for an easy read and a flow like a springtime river. The fact that I've been beset by various forms of nature's tyrants makes it all the more relatable. A well-written pleasure to read !

Sorry about your computer *Wink*


Scarecrow
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Review of Whisper  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I really liked the feel of this poem...not so much the subject material- an elderly lady dying of cancer is never something I'd like- but the rambling style and defiant undertone of the poem definitely were the shining points.



How's The Flow?- As mentioned above, the flow is a bit rambling, which is something I like once in a while. It gives the poem a heart-felt or emotional vibe; it reminds me of something you'd hear from an urban poet at a "Slam Poetry" meet near an abandoned dock. (This is a good thing)



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Due to the nature of the piece, the rhymes were randomly placed and scattered. Again, this may sound like a critique, but it isn't. I find when one rhymes in this manner, it delivers extra "punch" or emphasis to the point being made. I first noticed this style back in the 1990's among such artists as the Counting Crows and Jewel...so you're in good company!



Imagery- Fantastic imagery. Your use of words to paint a vivid mental picture is quite remarkable. Just a few quick examples :

The cancer may feed on her bones like a hungered vulture starved alone
like a ship in the ocean, breaking through the harsh old angry ocean



Errors/ Suggestions-I found a few minor ones, and here they are :
1st stanza- her brittle bones creek...you misspelled "creak"
2nd stanza- of a posture she knows not no more...I believe this is what's called a double negative. You could drop "not" from this line and it would sound good AND get the point across that the poor old soul barely recognizes herself.
3rd stanza- it shall not CONCOUR her mind...you misspelled "conquer"
final stanza- SHE WILL NOT DENY there lives,!...you misspelled "their", and also you don't need a comma and exclamation point after "lives". Just one or the other will do :)


Overall Despite the somewhat bleak subject matter of the poem, I really enjoyed the unusual rhythm and flow and also the sense of hope and determination bestowed upon this reader via the fightin' spirit of the fiesty protagonist.

Awesome job, keep up the good work !




Scarecrow
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58
58
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece Rise of the Flesh-Eaters and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- What I liked about this was seeing your interpretation of the societal breakdown that would come at the advent of a zombie apocalypse and how a person would handle it. I did find, however, that the story seemd to plod along somewhat, which was all right in the sense that it gave this reader a sense of the confused aimlessness of the protagonist, but at the same time, it made the story seem like it was looking for a proper jump-off point. Not to say the end of the world isn't a decent jump-off point, but I was looking more for what the characters are going to do about it. Of course, I realize that this is a part of a bigger story, so I can't be too picky. :)

The Characters- The main one, Jane, is relatively well fleshed out considering the brevity of the story. You've done a good job of describing the traumatic beginnings of her journey, and giving the reader a sense of her cynical mind-frame (her opinion of her dead parents, her resignation to fate at the end, etc.)

The only others to speak of are Winston and Silvia, and I was a tad confused about their role in the story. Again, since this is an excerpt of sorts, I wonder if they have any part previous since they meet their doom within the first few paragraphs and therefore haven't much of a future. Or are they introduced for the shock value of their unconventional relationship? Understandable if it's a reference to the B-movie genre, although this strikes me as more of an exploitation movie scene.


The Imagery- I love good imagery, and this story has it in spades !

For example: ...It stood high, bald, with giant, gaping holes in it's flesh, dripping with blotted, crimson blood...
...shone down like the sun does at a funeral, pale and mournful...
... Wearing a suit, torn at the sleeve to expose an arm which had been ensconced with various bodily juices, and sporting a hole in his throat the size of a small melon, still dripping with obfuscated blood...


...and really, this whole story is peppered with this stuff. Great work ! It's like I'm there and watching it all happen.

Also, I noticed a few examples of a unique writing style that don't really count as "imagery" per se, but I thought I'd mention them anyway.

...Sobbing, Jane sat below the streets. Mourning, Jane held the body over her baby brother. Hiding, Jane knew that these sewers wouldn't be safe for very long. Screaming, Jane's exodus had begun

... woke up and found her little brother in the hall way. Her little infant brother, Thomas, was laying in the hallway. He little infant brother, Thomas, was dead

...I'm sure that there's a technical term for this kind of literary device, but I just call it effective writing! The repetition really drives the writer's point home.



Errors?- Right then...I found quite a number of errors, but I have a tendency to be overly thourough and the errors are mostly punctuation, spelling and other minor things that don't necessarily detract from the tale as a whole. In any event, I'll go through by paragraph for easier reference.

6th paragraph- For just a few moment...you forgot the 's' on "moment"
7th paragraph- Jane held the body over her baby ...What body? Her body?
8th paragraph- It was a welcomed change...I believe it's just "welcome change"
lift Jane's spirits alittle... space missing betwixt "a" and "little"
10th paragraph- He little infant brother... 'r' missing on "her"
She past a million...she "passed" a million
asif it could change...space missing between "as" and "if"
Her eye's were coated...the plural form of "eyes" has no apostrophe
12th paragraph- It washed over everthing...misspelled "everything"
One single thought was shreiking it's way... "shrieking" and "its" were misspelled ('it's' is the abbreviated form of 'it is')
13th paragraph- which seemed asthough...space missing between "as" and "though"
14th paragraph- runing the only way she knew now...misspelled "running"
where many find there own...misspelled "their"
16th paragraph- crying, is some dark corner...I think you meant "[in] some dark corner"
17th paragraph- like a hangman's nouse...misspelled "noose"
18th paragraph- she was begining to wonder...misspelled "beginning"
the dry, hardend face...misspelled "hardened"

... and that's about all I could find in the way of spelling and punctuation errors. Just a few other things that will do nothing for the content of the story, but may make it slightly more aesthetically inviting are as follows:
- You may want put a space between your paragraphs; this was one of the first critiques I received myself, and I do find it makes the text seem much less visually overwhelming.
- I also find it helps guide the reader when one puts some form of demarcation between scenes...probably this is just a matter of preference, but I feel that if you seperated the Silvia and Winston part from the Jane part in some way, it would convey a sense of " OK, we're done here, let's see what's up elswhere." Even something as simple as - - - or * * * in between the pertinent paragraphs would imply a change of scene.


Overall Impression- So this may have seemed like a nit-picky, trivial-obsessed review, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it. It was a bit hard to judge on account of it being but a snippet of a larger story, but as far as it being an introductory, expositional piece, I found it to be fairly well done. The post-apocalyptic setting you've created, paired with the confused, angry and gritty heroine has the potential for story-tellin' magic !

Good stuff, keep 'er coming !


Scarecrow
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59
59
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece Tourist Trade and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- What a novel concept for a story ! The idea of a vampire offering guided tours as a source of income and sustenance is one I've never contemplated before which made this tale all the more enjoyable. I had a inkling of where the story was going from Constantin's first internal dialogue,but it didn't detract from the conclusion in the least.


The Characters- The protagonist (or is it an anti-hero?) Constantin. A centuries old entrepreneurial vampire. The fact that you were able to flesh out this character and display his cunning, charm, and contemptuousness of man in such a short space demonstrates an extraordinary writing skill. Smashing !


The Imagery- For such a short story, you managed to pack quite a bit of detail in there, although it centers more on the character than the surroundings per se. However, between the dramatic and borderline campiness of his tour presentation (which calls to mind virtually any of the tour guides I've encountered) and the internal asides that expose the reader to his crafty and ghoulish nature, you've done a remarkable job of creating a mental image of this undead scoundrel !


Errors?- As far as spelling, grammar and punctuation are concerned, I could find none. If anything, this story was too short, but what can ya do? It's flash fiction ! *Bigsmile*


Overall Impression-A truly enjoyable and well executed tale. Also, since I consider myself somewhat of a "Vlad-o-phile", I could really appreciate the historical references. The final bit about relocating Stateside could make for an entertaining springboard into a sequel or even a series of sorts. Great job !


Scarecrow
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60
Review of Heavenly Light  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- Upon first perusal, this poem instilled a sense of sadness bordering on melancholy over the contrast between the perceptions of the old world and the new regarding the sun.



How's The Flow?- Slightly choppy at times; I tend to base my opinions on syllable count, which I'm sure isn't the official way of judging such things, but I do find it makes for a more melodious flow. That being said, the "choppiness" is so slight as to be almost negligible.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) The word choices you've made in this poem are some of the most unique I've read. bespeckles...freckles/ hoary...glory/ proton...gone...proton ? I can honestly say that this is the first time I've seen proton used in a poem. Sometimes words can jump out from a piece and pleasantly surprise you; This poem has that in spades ! Awesome !



Imagery-This poem doesn't so much conjure up mental images of the Sun as much as it makes me reflect upon the dangers posed by its being there. That's not to say that this piece is devoid of imagery at all; I found the fourth stanza to be beautifully written. (Ironically enough I can totally visualize the moon of which you speak. In any event it makes the reader think and evokes an emotion (for this reviewer anyway), which is what it's all about.



Errors/ Suggestions-I gotta tell ya Ken, I've read through a few of your works and have found them to be impeccably written and devoid of any grammar, spelling or punctuation flaws. For some reason I feel the need to find flaws but you're too polished ! But then lo and behold, I think I found something...the second last stanza has the word "breathe" when I think the word you were going for was "breath"...ok one letter off, but I guess I still have the touch *Bigsmile*



Overall As I have come to expect from you, I really enjoyed reading your poem and reflecting on its message. It almost makes me yearn for a much simpler time of long ago when we as humans still felt awe and wonder at something that today's world sees as common (at best) or something to be "reviled" (at worst). Awesome job !





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Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece A Tarragon of Virtue and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- What I liked about this particular little tale was how it kept me guessing as to how things would turn out. Initially I thought it was going the way of a "fanfiction" of sorts with a different perspective on Gilligan's Island, then it took a hard right turn and became a sort of paralell universe...Frankly, I thought from the description that it would be a story about cannibalism, but this obviously wasn't the case. Great job at keeping me guessing.


The Characters- A veritable assortment of characters, all closely resembling the cast of "Gilligan's Island". The main focus is on Steven, and I found you did a great job letting the reader into the confused thoughts of a man awaking on the beach. It's a rather curt tale, so there wasn't much in the way of character growth and development, but since I have a pretty good mental image of the "castaways" from pop culture, it doesn't affect the story at all since it seems to be more plot driven than anything.


The Imagery- Yowza! From the get-go, I immediately noticed the richness of the descriptions of the environment. To wit: The surf rushed up the beach with a tell-tale sandpaper 'shuuush' Literally the first sentence grabbed me ! Other fine examples... the pungent odor of sea-air, tainted with fish and seaweed...bits of colored flotsam scattered like confetti. Absolutely magnificent ! I feel like I'm on the beach.


Errors?- As per usual, grammar, punctuation, and spelling were flawless (as far as I can tell)


Overall Impression- A truly enjoyable read. From the moment I saw "three hour tour", I had a grin on my face, although it was probably because I was certain that the story was going to devolve into a horrific recounting of the crew of the Minnow going all cannibal. The reference to the tale of the Stone Soup also brought back pleasant memories of a simpler time when I first heard the story of the crafty vagabond. I will admit that the final line had me a little befuddled, what else besides the food was causing groans? Heretofore undiscovered attacking natives? Gas? The churn of revolted stomachs? Doesn't really matter I guess, it leaves the story open-ended and makes me think about what lies ahead for Steve, Gil, et al. Fantastic job !


Scarecrow
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62
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Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece Hatfield’s versus McCoy’s and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- I wasn't quite sure what to expect based on the title and following description, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a humorous little tale about an age-old feud contemporized for today's wired world.


The Characters- The protagonist, Lora Hatfield-McCoy, who is quite well-rounded in spite of the brevity of this tale. Perhaps her former love of "the Feud" and her reluctance to sign up for Facebook make her seem so much more real since these factoids so closely mirror my own life.
Then there's Cousin Sara and Aunt Hattie, who make a brief yet catalystic appearance. These two could have been fleshed out a bit more, but since this was a contest entry, I understand you were most likely under a word-count limit.


The Imagery- There did seem to be a lack of imagery (as far as taking the reader to another place), but you did manage to conjure up certain familiar experiences (i.e.- the negative "snowball effect" that seems so prevalent in most social media sites) which were no less entertaining. Again, since you were likely under restraints, the lack of imagery can be forgiven *Wink*


Errors?- The first I noticed was the use of apostrophes in the title and a few other spots throughout Hatfield’s versus McCoy’s...the original Hatfield-McCoy’s...These are just the pluralized versions of their names and don't need apostrophes, which are more to show possession (i.e.- the Hatfield's pigs)

Also, in the fourth paragraph, you mispelled 'pearls'
...I’m not sure that the peals do exist...


Overall Impression- Overall, I found this to be a witty little tale of the unintended downsides of technology (one of my favorite themes) made all the more relevant by using universally relatable experiences. A fun quick read *Bigsmile*. Good job, write on !


Scarecrow
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63
63
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- This has got to be one of the most effective examples of descriptive wordplay I have ever had the pleasure to read. This poem instills a sense bleak emptiness that really strikes home with the final line. Fantastic work !



How's The Flow?- Not much of a flow in a rhythmic sense, but it isn't expected in this free-verse style of poem



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Again, whereas this is a free-verse type of poem, rhymes don't really apply.



Imagery- The imagery totally knocked my socks off! Just a few of the many examples of vivid imagery that particularly caught my attention :

...Honeyed ribbons of glutinous molasses
...a Sisyphean strain\Against the succulent warmth of the ground
...Against the dusty umber of long decaying sod

...Just absolutely phenomenal writing !



Errors/ Suggestions- No spelling, grammar, or punctuation mistakes to be found. If I had one qualm about this piece, it would be that some of it is almost too wordy ( I found myself having to Google a couple words *Smile*), but maybe I should take that as a cue to smarten up, as opposed to expecting a talent of this nature to " dumb it down"...Basically, I'm sayin' don't change a thing !



Overall Overall, I am completely blown away by this poem. As I mentioned, you've done a fantastic job of painting a dark and depressing mental picture for the reader which is capped off by the "ominous premonition" of a future imperfect. Great job on all fronts ! Keep up the amazing work!





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Review of A lady's tale  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece A lady's tale and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- I like the idea of a cyborg being stolen and kidnapped. I'm not a devout follower of Sci-Fi, but this seems like a rather novel concept to me. The turmoil the protagonist suffers through with a final sense of vindication in the end makes for a great storyline.

The Characters- " The Lady" - the half-human/half-machine protagonist deservedly gets the star treatment as far as character development goes.
She was a nice, genteel lady; an elderly example of her species, who nevertheless enjoyed her life...How she missed her old quarry, the singing toads and frogs, the magenta sunsets...her sweet mind was inside a steel oval buried deep within the secret bowels of all that machinery...these are but a few of the wonderful examples of how you've fleshed out both her mental and physical being.

Then there are the Despoilers and Environmentalists, the 'bad guys' of the story. These fellows could have used a bit more attention to be honest; you gave a brief overview of what they're all about and it doesn't really affect the overall tale to have left out more details, I just think perhaps you could really exploit their dastardliness for better effect.

Then there's a bunch of 'small players' to whom you've given just the right amount of detail and attention *Bigsmile*


The Imagery- As mentioned above, when you want to elaborate on something, you do it with vigor! The Lady was very well developed through the use of imagery, and here are but a few more examples of your wonderful use of words to paint a vivid mental image:

...in a remote place of this starry wheel we call the Galaxy. Although if you look at it another way it’s a village or town with just 2 main streets, look at pictures of most spiral galaxies and see if you agree.

...Some lived in stone and steel towers, higher up in the sky than one could believe, on stripped, polluted worlds

...Spot on! Great work!


Errors?- There's a few I noticed, here we go !
- Generally (as a rule), the words of a title should be capitalized.

- It makes a story seem less overwhelming if you put a space between paragraphs. (It may sound strange, I know; I got this same suggestion from a reviewer way back when I first joined the site, but I do find that it makes things tidier somehow.)

- The first paragraph makes a reference to the back-hearted pirates!...did you mean black-hearted pirates?

-Also in the first-There was a blocker put on her equipment, where she couldn’t get to it without hurting some delicate parts that helped keep her operating....this seemed a little confusing, I think I know what you were going for, maybe something along the lines of There was a blocker put on her equipment, which she couldn’t access without hurting some delicate operational parts.

-In the second paragraph you mention ...just 2 main streets...generally numbers are spelled out. I also noticed this towards the end of the story. For example:slurping a gallon or 2 of beef bouillon or and her 15 ft. tall egg shaped form Also I believe in the last example "foot" should also be spelled out fully i.e "fifteen foot".

-I think it's the third paragraph (the spacing has me thrown!) you introduce a bass voiced bull dozer...I believe 'bulldozer" is one word.

-The fifth paragraph(?) whilst discussing the motives of the Despoilers/Environmentalists, you say Two sets of thieving planetary pirates, with opposing bases for their actions, but going about the same thing....it may seem more clear if you were to say something along the lines of Two sets of thieving planetary pirates, with opposing reasons for their actions, but with the same results.

-Around halfway through the story, when you mentioned the Cyborg Distress Call, you went on to say It was & is little known outside... I'm pretty sure unless it's in the form of a proper noun (Barnes & Noble, Drysdale & Sons Contractors), ampersands should just be spelled out as "and". I also noticed this a few times in the tale Hers were & still are a large people or and then the air & space.

That's about all I found, don't worry if it seems like a lot of criticism, I can be rather thourough *Wink*


Overall Impression- Overall I liked this story. If I had one beef, it would be that in some parts the story seemed almost rushed, like you were trying to cram a novella-length concept into a short-story size. But in any event, I really enjoyed this read and see it almost as more of a space opera (a la Star Wars) than a Sci-Fi (a la Star Trek) story, with all kinds of potential for sequels, prequels and everything in between! Great job, keep 'er coming *Bigsmile*


Scarecrow
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Review of The Appeal  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece The Appeal and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot-As far as plot devices go, there are few that are as captivating and as fulfilling to read and write about as revenge. And there are few people more deserving of of retribution than a hit-man. So right away this story had me hooked- the macabre and supernatural forces at play gave this story a truly unique and original twist.


The Characters-The hit-man Joey Tomson is essentially the only character apart from the few others mentioned, but the type of person he is is expressed very well and the reader gets a good impression of the detached, emotionless and sadistic killer he is.

The Imagery- Phenomenal work on painting a vivid mental picture for the reader. Just a few examples of what I'm talking about are:

He still gave it a little squeeze though, hoping against hope to see maybe one final drop of blood, but the finger had given all it could give.

He could feel the muscles tighten, but nothing moved. It was as if he was encased in a block of cement.

...a man briefly stopped bouncing on his whore and turned his head to a noise.


Errors?- Perhaps the only thing I could find (and it's a really minor thing) was ...snapped the small finger 90 degrees.... Now, I'm not certain, but I think numbers are supposed to be written...you know...technically speaking ;)


Overall Impression- Once again, I was delighted to read one of your works. It's one of those stories that I finished reading and realized I was grinning to myself. The whole "revenge from beyond" theme conjured up pleasant childhood memories of nights spent perusing Tales from the Crypt comics. Thnaks for the memories, and a great story. Cheers!


Scarecrow
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Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece Death's Temptation and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- As I first read this, I looked at it as a straight forward story and found the plot to be well suited to that purpose but for a few little spots that left me somewhat in the dark ( the war, what her role in it was, and the story on Mikey to name a few). So in that sense, it made me feel as though I just read a chapter of a much larger tale.
Then, after mulling the tale around in my mind (as I am wont to do), I started to see it as more of a journey into the brain-bending philosophy of existentialism. I feel the line that brought me to this conclusion was the one where Life has just saved Samantha from submitting to Death... “Live,” she whispers. “You must live. For there is someone waiting for you, Samantha. Someone waits for you…”.
You see, in my overly analytical mind, I saw this as Life telling her that she must live so she can die (which is what we were all born to do). Whereas she meant to kill herself, Life interceded and saved her. Then she awakes and sees Mikey (or Death, whichever...), so I assume this is who waits. So in a sense it seems odd that Life would save her for he who waits, but then again maybe that's how she is meant to meet her end and not on her own terms. Of course, then again maybe I have it all wrong, and then yet again it was mostly a dream so maybe it was all just a dream.

In any event whatever your intention for the plot, you've done wonderfully !


The Characters- Considering that I found this to be more of a plot driven than a character driven tale, not to mention the fact that the story is relatively short, I was nonetheless amazed at how well you fleshed out the character of Samantha. The inner turmoil she experiences over her past and the uncertainty with which she faces her future fairly leaps off the screen at the reader.
As far as Death/Mikey, you've done well portraying him as a sinister force in Samantha's dreamland which carries over into her waking one and makes what for all outward appearances to be a benign presence (Mikey) seem much darker.
Fantastic !


The Imagery- Your imagery stands as the crown jewel in this treasure chest of a story ! From the first paragraph I was hooked. Such lines as ...hair as brown as chestnuts roasting over an open fire, and eyes as purple as dusk on a winter’s evening...or ... the thought of my imminent demise sending adrenaline rushing through me like an electric surge...were so well put together that I found myself unable to stop reading. And that was just the first paragraph !
The rest of the story follows in the same vein, painting an amazing mental picture for the reader to enjoy.
As a writer I'm green with envy, as a reader, enthralled !


Errors?- As far as SPaG (spelling, punctuation and grammar) goes I found none. This story was devoid of any errors of that sort, and to be sure the only issue I had ( and it's a relatively minor one) is that it seemed a wee bit lacking in the back story ( as mentioned up there under The Plot heading). Other than that, you're spotless !


Overall Impression- Initially I was a bit nervous to review a moderator, but said , "What the hay ?", and dove in head-first. Now I'm glad I did. From the imagery, to the plot line to the underlying philosophical theme (?), this story had it all, and was presented in award winning style ! Truly an enjoyable and thought-provoking read.

Great stuff *Bigsmile*


Scarecrow
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Review of Questions!  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- Initially, I found this poem to seem a little sparse, but after reflecting upon it and mulling it over in my head, I came to see it as being more of a "quality and not quantity" type of piece.

How's The Flow?- Now, I'm no poetic scholar, but I found the flow to be a tad choppy. Generally when I write poetry, I try to keep roughly the same number of syllables per line so as to make it somewhat rythmic. As I look through the poem, I see that it mostly maintains the syllable count, so maybe it's in the wording ? Just as an example, in the second verse you write :
Why must I question my fate?
Why do I seek my escape?

whereas maybe if the second line was Why am I looking to escape... it could run a touch smoother. Of course, maybe it's just me *Smile*




The Rhymes- (where applicable) The ryhmes by and large were well executed. I'm not one of the purists who feel that your words have to be exact ryhmes. Just a general phoenetic similarity works for me !



Imagery- This isn't so much one of those imagery poems. Although I will admit that you've asked many of the same questions that I've asked myself ( Why do I wait till tomorrow?...Why can’t I wait and be patient? )which helps me to understand where this poem is coming from. And beyond that, you've asked questions that have never even crossed my mind. i.e.- Why must I question my fate?...Why have I learned but don’t teach? ...which really gets me thinking





Errors/ Suggestions- None that I can find, Sir.



Overall Overall, with the exception of the slightly awkward rythym, I rather enjoyed this piece. It's bared down presentation really gets the reader to the root of the poem with no messin' around. Plus the subject matter is something to which many of us tortured artists can relate. Great job ! Keep the good stuff coming *Bigsmile*

Scarecrow





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Review of Hardened  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece
 Hardened  (E)
Life in an orphanage.
#1783050 by QX ~ Brenton->
and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- This wasn't so much of a plot driven story as it was an exploration of the deepest thoughts and inner turmoil of a young orphan. I really liked the way that the story was constructed. You began in the present , slipped back to the past then returned to the present with a glimpse of the future, which lent a nice touch of cohesiveness and gave the story a sense of closure.


The Characters- Just the orphan. This character has been really well fleshed out. You've definitely captured the torment that would undoubtably be present in a child who has suffered through such tragedy. The style in which you've decided to tell this story is also top notch. Not only have you remained in character throughout, you've also managed to write in a way that echoes the way people converse in their own heads. It brought to mind just a hint of Catcher in the Rye.


The Imagery- Spectacular imagery. I'm an admitted description junky, and you have certainly satisfied my jones *Bigsmile*. From the descriptions of the orphanage ...Enveloped in greyness, walls musty, cracked and reeking with urine...lined with grey wall paper with one single painting that just looks like a mass of paint thrown onto a piece of weathered cardboard, to the way she sees herself ...long brown hair has been cut short and is frayed and my eyes are hollow with self-pity and doubt, to the orphan's memory...the board throwing us up and down like we were just a piece of driftwood...watching the water like it’s falling over the edge of the world, , this whole tale was rife with the metaphors, similies and adjectives that get my mind a crankin'. Great stuff !

Errors?- Just one of each. The error I found was when the orphan remarks internally as to how the food isn't quite the same as her dad made on Sundays. You put an apostrophe in "Sundays" where there shouldn't be one.

As for the suggestion, you may want to consider indenting and spacing your paragraphs. Sure it doesn't change the story a whit, but it does make it seem a little less overwhelming when the reader isn't faced with a block of words.


Overall Impression- Overall this was a great read. It had no draggy parts, or bits that could be considered unnecessary. And the protagonist's final acceptance of her new position in life certainly ends a tragic story on an uplifting note. Keep that good stuff coming *Bigsmile*


Scarecrow
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Review of Any Minute Now  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece
 Any Minute Now  (E)
My second attempt at a short story is supposed to encompass the theme "any minute now..."
#1775169 by Liam
and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- This story fascinates me. The protagonist's concern at being followed, and his proactive approach to rectifying the matter always makes for aripping good tale. But then you go the extra step with the final sentence which gives the story a whole new dynamic.

The Characters- The unnamed protagonist and mysterious follower.
The former is adequately developped by virtue of his thought process. The inner turmoil and dismay at being pursued are very well expressed here.
The latter is fleshed out quite nicely from a physical perspective. You paint a picture in the reader's mind that echoes the protagonist's ; We can see enough to feel a hint of danger, yet not enough to accurately identify the chaser.

The Imagery- What makes this piece so incredible to me is how you've managed to stir up so many mental images in such a short amount of words. Lines like ...the moon's intermittent availability through the tall buildings, and ...a muted growl that hums continuously as he exhales. are the epitome of descriptive writing.
Through the course of the story there runs a gloomy and ominous darkness that really amps up the suspense. Spot on !

Errors?- None (that I can find anyways) *Bigsmile*


Overall Impression- Again, this is a great story. I feel it delivers more than most stories thrice as long. I feel that last sentence opens the door to so many questions " Is this really a dream? Or is that only what he hopes? If it is a dream, what kind of life does this person live that would conjure up such nocturnal visions? " ...and so on.
Absolutely fantastic. Keep on writin' *Wink*



Scarecrow
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Review of The Chase  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece...
The Chase  (E)
A story of a man, his dog, and a valuable lesson learned.
#1688606 by Simple Dykie
... and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on:

The Plot- A straight forward anecdote about the acquisition of a rambunctious family pet that ends with introspection and a life's lesson learned.

The Characters- Your family and Chase. The family wasn't overly well developped, but that's understandable whereas the story is more about the dog. Incidentally, Chase is very well developped as a character. I can actually visualize him as he tears around the countryside, and you've imbued him with a personality that almost transcends that of an animal. Great stuff.


The Imagery- On the whole, I found most of the imagery a little sparse. Don't get me wrong, it is a well crafted story and all, but I'm a huge fan of description and adjectives and metaphor and the like. However, the lack of imagery in the story as a whole is more than made up for by the detailed study on the dog, which is fitting since he's the star of the show.


Errors?- I found very few errors, but here are the ones I picked up on.
In the fourth paragraph you wrote... With tail wagging Chase’s long and pink tongue... I believe there should be a comma after 'wagging'.

I also noticed a few instances where you capitalized words that didn't need capitalization. The third paragraph contains a capitalized cheetah, and animals as a rule aren't capitalized unless you're naming a specific breed ( for example, you wouldn't capitalize the word dog, but you would capitalize Golden Retriever...which you did *Bigsmile* ). But just the general animal type isn't capitalized, i.e.- African elephant, Siamese cat.
Also, I'm fairly certain the word 'wife' isn't capitalized.


Overall Impression- Overall, I found this to be an enjoyable read. It has a definite feel of being a work of non-fiction, but I've been fooled before. Regardless, you've done a great job telling this story and I can truly appreciate how you went from a story of picking up a new family pet and had it progress to a parable of self-improvement to which we can all relate. Fantastic job, keep it up !


Scarecrow
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Review of Shattered  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- A rather melancholy piece, jam-packed with apocalyptic imagery.



How's The Flow?- This is more of a free verse type of poem, so the flow isn't as important as would be in a more structured style. However, you do a nice job keeping it from being clunky as tends to occasionally happen in free verse.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Again, whereas this is a free verse, no rhymes are really necessary.



Imagery- For four little verses, you've done a splendid job of painting a bleak mental image. The first verse is a fascinating take on something as simple as looking at the horizon.
Really, I have a hard time singling out any one aspect, because it's a very visual poem throughout.



Errors/ Suggestions- There were a few spelling errors. In the second verse, you mis-spelled volcanoes and Dying
And in the final verse, it would sound better if you pluralized the verbs ( converges and finds) since they relate to the strength of the force... or alternately, you could make them past tense (converged and found)



Overall Overall, I really liked the dreariness and gloom of this poem. Apart from the few mistakes I found it was well executed. That must have been one heck of a day at the airport !

Great Job !

Scarecrow





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Review of Jungle Juice High  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece
 Jungle Juice High  (E)
A different kind of "high"
#1519802 by Sticktalker
and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- A continuation of the Lunar Series, which is an old-timers recounting of his experiences as a Lunar worker on the Moon's colonies. I really like sci-fi that's set in the not-so-distant future. It seems easier to relate to perhaps.

The Characters- The main character would be the Lunar worker who seems to remain nameless. ( Maybe I just missed reading it... I know he's referred to as "Grandpa" in the first installment). Regardless, you've done a great job of fleshing him out. With his work hard,play hard mentality, he seems not so different than most of the laborers I know today. And his resourcefulness is evidences not only by his one-off booze still, but also by his creation of a rocket to assist in the resue of th Kaiser boys.
There are a few auxillary chracters (Gale, Mr. Wilson, Brickey) who weren't so well developped but served the story just as well. Besides, I'm sure I'll hear more from them as I continue the series.


The Imagery- You certainly have a way of painting a great visual image while maintaining the conversational tone. And that's quite a challenge. For example, the whole paragraph describing the construction of the Farm was quite successful at making me 'see' the construction process and by extension the end product. Ditto with the paragraph explaining the process for removing water from the rocks. The technical aspect of it all lends a truer sense of realism to the piece.


Errors?- Sorry Lyle, but I have to find errors. It's hard, but I think I found a few, but they're really trivial. To wit:

In the 4th paragraph there's a line You see Luna Corp planned on ... is there supposed to be a comma after You see?

In the 8th paragraph I got a little confused regarding the usage of the word "plants". Were you using a couple of th definitions of the word? Did you use it to refer to the factories and for the vegetation therein ? It just jumbled me up is all.

In the 13th paragraph you write when we had started on the hydro-oxy cracker Uncle Mark and I took off a couple of days for R&R ...I think there should be a comma after hydro-oxy cracker.

There seems to be a rogue bracket in the 29th paragraph.

35th paragraph Obviously, the 'cat and it's crew was in trouble ...souldn't it be were in trouble ? I suppose this is tricky since maybe that's just how your protagonist talks.

There's another bit later on...Essy tried to reach them, but since the 'cat had a low-power radio even if they heard Essy they probably couldn't get a message back to Essy. ...seems to me that maybe you've overused the word "Essy". You could probably switch the last usage for the word "them" with no harm done.

And lastly I think in the 47th (?) paragraph, around the part where he's finishing up the rocket and they're setting it up, you write that they stripped the wires back about three inches and bent them a hair's breath apart.....I'm pretty sure that it's breadth , with a 'd'



Overall Impression- I was most impressed by this story. I had read the first part a while back and always meant to continue with it. Now I regret having taken so long. Top to bottom, it was an engrossing read. I really admire the way you are able to keep it sounding like an older fella actually recounting his exploits. The conversational tone is what really makes this so enjoyable to me. And you never seem to fall out of that character all throughout, which is also quite admirable. All in all, this is one heck of a great story :)


Scarecrow
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Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece
Dames of the Dead Beginning Story   (E)
Inspired by Ray Bradbury's book "The Halloween Tree".
#1634954 by Revelry new writings soon
and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- Following the wanderings of a lost soul around Hallowe'en in what I assume to be a locale of Spanish influence. This piece certainly evokes the mood and essence of that time of year and kept me interested to the end.

The Characters- The main character is an unnamed protagonist. You've done well developing the character with plenty of adjectives and descriptive words in regards to her appearance and thought process.


The Imagery- The imagery was fantastic. Here are a few examples of what I really liked:
Incandescent blue eyes made more ominous than they already were by the dots and flower shaped paint around her eyes ...

...a group of children ran right past her dressed in a diversity of skeletons, devils and other creatures of lore...


Errors?- I found quite a few errors all throughout the story. I'll just throw you a few examples again:

The first three sentences came out a little clumsy. It almost seemed as if it was meant as a sort of free-verse intro. The sentences themselves just seemed too choppy.
As she walked through the village streets treading softly. Hidden in the shadows and candle light....you could have edited it down as such, She walked through the village streets treading softly, hidden in the shadows and candle light....not much difference, but it runs more smoothly. (my opinion only, no offence)

... or you could always stack the sentences, so they appear as a free-verse. It could mke for an unusual and unique poetic prologue to an decent story.

...her long brown and teal hair wrapped in an old fashioned bun with marigolds in her hair..... you mention the word hair twice, which is kind of redundant. Perhaps if you fidled around with the wording a bit...

her long brown and teal hair wrapped in an old fashioned bun and adorned (interspersed/bedecked/festooned?)with marigolds .


- You forgot to capitalize Hallowe'en.
- You misspelled rhyme


...She let her mind wander to the man drinking and playing his guitar she could faintly make out the words....here you should have put a period beween 'guitar' and 'she'. Or maybe even a semi-colon would work.



Overall Impression- Overall, I did like this piece for it's creativity. Here I am getting prepard for Cristmas and you've put me smack dab back in Hallowe'en mode. Your imagery was spot on and the story in and of itself was entertaining in a morbid sort of way. Apart from the errors, this story was well done. Plus those glowing, pulsating eyes on the image at the end really spooked me out !




Scarecrow
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Review of Think of Me  
Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.


Initial Impression- I liked this piece. Simple and to the point with a nifty full-cycle type feel.



How's The Flow?- Since this was more of a free-verse style of poem, there's no real flow to speak of. But the words ARE well articulated and avoid a clunky feel that some free-verse writers fall prey to.



The Rhymes- (where applicable) Again, this is free verse, so there are no rhymes to be found.



Imagery- The imagery was a little scant. I'm quite an adjective/adverb/similie/analogy junkie, so I tend to notice when these things are absent. A little more description may have made this piece even better



Errors/ Suggestions- When you can't sleep at night because your fears haunts you at night ....you could get away with omitting one of the " at night"s in the first line.

parished away ....I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be perished (?)

...Apart from those few things, all is well :)



Overall Overall, I liked this poem quite a bit. The way it has a definitive start ,middle and finish leaves the reader satisfied. I especially like how you tied in the last line to echo the second. And the repetition of "think of me" gives the piece a certain rhythm or feel....or something indescribable. I dunno....all I know is it's a well done poem ! Great job




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Review by Scarecrow
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Please Note:The following is simply my interpretation and opinion. Take it as you will.

I just finished reading your piece
STATIC
The Legend of Uriah Johnson  (18+)
2nd Place winner (September 2009 Short Shots Contest)
#1597513 by Shannon
and thought I'd offer my two cents worth. So here's my view on...

The Plot- I thought the plot was fantastic. As far as spook tales go, this one is a fairly original concept, and the manner in which the story is told makes it all the better.

The Characters-I guess the main one to speak of is Junior, and again, just the manner in which he tells his story aids in the development of his character. And as for Uriah, well, he was developed sufficiently for a ghost *Wink*

The Imagery- I loved the folksy expressions and lingo all throughout. It not only helped me visualize Junior , but by extension the type of environment in which he was raised. I can really imagine some type of slightly seedy, backwoods town and the characters that reside therein. Not too shabby for a tale of only 1800 words !


Errors?- Grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors abound, but I'm pretty sure it was intentional and as I've mentioned before adds immensely to the overall enjoyment. ( Bonus points for maintaining the style all the way to the end)


Overall Impression- So overall, as much as it's against my belief that nothing is perfect, I'm giving this one a perfect rating ! It was fast paced, enthralling and entertaining to the nines! Who knows? Maybe in a few years this will become a classic bit of folklore that parents will tell their kids around the campfire.


Phenomenal Job!


Scarecrow
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