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2,960 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Five Elements  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Master Om,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1st WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, I really saw a review of this as I was updating "Anniversary Reviews, and thought I'd give it a look. I'm very happy I did, this is an excellent poem!

         The first line in each verse really stands out, and is what makes this an excellent poem. Your rhyme scheme in each verse matches that first line, I loved the way your move the elements names each time, then rhymed to fit the last word in the line. You tell a story, in a poetic way by doing that, and kept this readers interest throughout.

         This is an excellent poem that everyone should read! Thank you for sharing.


Sum1

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2
2
Review of Asylum  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Timtu,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Well, I had to come back and find something else of yours to read. This fit the bill nicely, but left me with even more questions.

         I will say that in my minds eye, this story could be edited a little bit, and fit in well with your story "Last Contact. Why do I say that? Because my impression throughout the story, is that Adelia was not human. Large lizards, even dragons are mentioned in your story, and could easily be adapted to fit the first story I read.

         I know that may seem a bit of a reach, but you got me going with the First Contact story, now this one can stand alone, or tie to that one.

         The only thing that got me a little bit about this story, is the end. You didn't tie in the reptilian, lizard-like monsters to this, other than to tell us that they had attacked the guards, which gave her more time to escape. Then she jumps from the cliff to the waters below, and the story ends. a Cliffhanger ending (no pun intended), that was a bit of a letdown it seemed. To quote an old movie from the 80's, "Need more input!",, or need more info.. *Smile*

A very good story, I guess I just wanted more. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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3
3
Review of Last Contact  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Timtu,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Somehow I knew from the beginning that the people on board the spacecraft were not human, and that the 'aliens' on the planet below were. I liked the way you hid this from the reader though, it helped move the story along and kept my interest.

         Being one who reads a lot and has done a bit of research on any number of topics, I find your story does have one flaw when it comes to being factual. That I know of, we didn't fire on the UFO that crashed near Roswell. We definitely didn't have weapons that would reach into space, though you don't specify where this spacecraft was when the story begins. It could have been in our atmosphere after all. However, we still didn't fire on the UFO, nor did we have any weapons nearby that could have reached the skies of Roswell from a base in El Paso or an other location. I know, I'm being picky about small details.

         One of the things that makes me pause a moment though, is this thought. 'What happened to the two who ejected from the spacecraft? Did their escape pod shoot out in to space, or end up on Earth? If it ended up on Earth, where did it go, and who discovered them, or have they not been discovered yet? See, you leave me with more than just one question, which is good. At the same time, this could be the start of a much longer story if you so chose to edit it. A story about the Roswell UFO crash, and what happened afterwards, told from an Aliens' point of view. Imagine if they were humanoid in appearance and managed to somehow assimilate themselves into the American society of the late 1940's. Think of the possibilities! They would be more intelligent than almost any human. There's little they wouldn't have been able to do! Expand on this story some, clarify a bit (maybe their original craft was damaged somehow, instead of being fired on by the alien race below), tell us what happened to those two who ejected, and how they thrived on Earth afterwards.

         This is a good story, I just think it could be added to and end up being a Novella or Novel. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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4
4
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey wolfwalker,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         You made me smile reading this, and that was your intention. As a young child I could put my foot in my mouth, I'm sure I can't now, nor will I even try. I can see the looks on people's faces if I asked this question at work. Most would wrinkle their lips in disgust, I doubt anyone would even try it. Then again, with the pandemic all around us, everyone works from home right now, another reason I wouldn't be able to ask this question. *Smile*

         I used to have that talent you have or opening mouth, insert foot. I've learned to stop a moment and think about what to say before beginning to speak. It does help, and prevents people from forming unwelcome opinions about you. Then again, I'll be retiring in a couple of years, and will no longer care, will I?

         This a cute, interesting story that people should read if they want to smile. Thank you for sharing!





Sum1

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5
5
Review of What's Behind Me?  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Bad Wolf,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a cute parody of a lot of horror movies. At times the dialog didn't seem to carry it well, then I re-read the genres listed, and realized what you were doing.

         At the same time, I loved the dialog between Henry and Hank, that was very good. IT really brought out the character of the story overall, making me smile as I completed the read. The ending was excellent, though I didn't recognize the character wearing a yellow raincoat with a hook for one hand. Didn't matter, it was still a very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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6
6
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Dad,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20th WDC Anniversary!

         Well, I actually saw a review of this while updating the "Anniversary Reviews forum and figured I'd give this a look. It's not a really lousy poem at all, give yourself a little credit!

         Don't get me wrong, this is not a great poem, but it's definitely not really lousy. It relates a nice story, but some of your wording is a little off, or 'unusual to this old man's eyes. Grudge-L? Hex-ed? The rhyme scheme is good, but the rhythm count is off. Those don't matter to me really, but I did want to mention them. The last line of the second verse is particularly lengthy compared to the others, and throws off the read a little. However, I have no suggestions to offer, other than removing the first word in the line.

         Don't be fooled by the title everyone, this is a pretty good poem. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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7
7
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Dawsongirl,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         I saw your title, and knew I HAD to read this. I am very glad I did, I love your story!

         I've been near Shanksville, I've visited this site. I had to, if you know me, I had to. I try and visit National Monuments/Parks whenever I travel, I used to travel frequently, but not right now. As I said, I visited this field, toured the visitor center, toured the area, and could not stop the tears.

         Your story is a great tribute to those forty souls on that flight. I agree too, about Don McLean's song, a song I really enjoy listening to. I can only imagine how you must feel, longing to hear a small plane flying overhead. I can't imagine going to dinner at a nearby restaurant and seeing all those people in the area, an area that is normally very rural in nature with few people around. I wrote a small poem in tribute to the flight also, "An Empty Field.

         I really enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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8
8
Review of A Reason  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
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Hey Velicity,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         This is an interesting story you've started. I say started because it seems to be incomplete. That, and the formatting/font size makes it difficult to read on a large monitor, I can't even think about how small it would look on a laptop or tablet. I'm old fashioned in many ways, my comments may not ring true to you, but here's my take on your story.

1. No dialogue. Your story needs a bit of dialogue. Using dialogue helps bring a story to life, engages the reader, and provides clarity in places that seem lacking in detail.

2. Font size. Yes, at 67 my eyes aren't what they once were, but the font you used seems awfully small. Perhaps using the font size {size:3.5}size{{/size} command in WritingML would make it easier for readers to read the story.

3. There are a couple of grammatical errors. I will highlight one for you. He lived in a twisted crazy family where he only made since to himself. Since should be sense.

4. I really liked the poem at the end of your story. This is an opinion comment, nothing more. I think that centering the poem on the page would enhance the looks of things that much more.

5. You do a lot of 'telling' in your story. You want, and need your readers to be engaged, you want them to want to read more. The way to do this is to show us what's going on, don't tell. Dialog would help show us the story, better descriptions would enable the readers to imagine the scenes more. So get your readers involved!

         This is a good start to a story, it just needs a bit of editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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9
9
Review of A Woman of Honor  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Dee,
         Thank you for requesting a review of this! It's always an honor to be asked to review a poem or story by another WDC member.

         This is a good story that flows well at times, then seems to either bog down, or speed along at a rapid pace. The ending in particular, seems frantic and not well thought out. Some of your descriptions are a little vague, and in some cases, inaccurate (seawater temperature of 31 degrees for example).

         Liz seems to be consumed with learning more about her ancestor Elspeth Coit. It's not clear why. You describe Elspeth as Liz's great grandmother, but shouldn't there be a couple more greats in that statement? There are 200 years between Elspeth and Liz, if you assume 50 years per generation, that's 4 generations, so she would be Liz's great great great grandmother. That's a minor point I know, but needs to be clarified.

         My specific comments are below



Title:  It fits the story well



Description:  What made Elspeth famous? Liz discovers her diary, but there's very little said about the contents, other than the first page she reads that tells us why she was famous.


General Comments:  

1. Furniture, and trunks filled with sketches, documents, and paintings lined the walls. I think you can remove the comma after Furniture. Also, describe the furniture for us? Perhaps something like this? Dusty furniture from a bygone age more suited to colonial times than the present, and trunks filled with sketches, documents, and paintings, lined the walls. My thought is, give the furniture in the attic a sense of age.

2. Very minor comment here. "Grotto. A small cave, or an artificial one in a park or garden, or an indoor structure, resembling a cave. Oh, great! Even if I find one, I have no idea what I'm looking for." You and I both know that her speaking the words she reads from the dictionary end with the word 'cave'. Yet with the quotation marks, it seems as if she's still reading from the dictionary. To highlight which part is the dictionary, and which is her commenting afterwards, use Italics to highlight the dictionary part.

3. A very general comment. You mention the location of the house as being on the tip of Jupiter Point in Setauket. I don't know if you meant this to be a fictional location or not, but there is a Setauket NY, but it's on Long Island sound, not facing the ocean. Also, there's no cliff overlooking anything there. Nothing raises very high above the ocean. At least that's how it seems. I could be wrong though. You might want to change the name to a fictional one is all. Just a thought.

4. As Liz approaches the ocean and heads to the west side, she starts down a sandy path. Then she slides into 'several of them'. Them what? We all know she's looking for grottos, but you never say she's entering grottos, just that she's entering them. You might want to make it obvious that's she is entering the grottos. When she decides to head for the east side, you write It took longer than expected since the west side was even rockier, and more dangerous. This is just a bit vague. You might want to add something about her traversing from the west side to the east, and as she went, it took longer than she expected. The west side was rockier than the east (she had gone to the west side first, so you might want to say that the east side was ever rockier and more dangerous.

5. Even in July, the ocean averaged a cool 31 degrees. We both know that 31 degrees is below freezing. But, with all the water action in the ocean, there's no way it will freeze, except maybe on the shore in low movement areas. But it's July, no way it will freeze. You should though, check the ocean temperatures online (I Googled it since the number 31 seemed way too low). https://seatemperature.info/july/sagaponack-water-... shows that the water temperature in Sagaponack NY in July averages around 65-70 degrees. I know you didn't state where Setauket is, but I would think that even in Maine the temperatures would be no where near 31 degrees. Change your temperature value to something in the high 50's at least.

6. There are at least two places in the paragraph immediately following her trek to the East side where Liz utters phrases in her head. An example is "I don't believe it!" Anytime she's thinking thoughts and not speaking them, use italics to separate that from actual speech.

7. After Liz find the metal box, things pick up pace. Her trek back to sandy ground seemed to go rather quickly, it was there she sat and read the first page of the 200 year old diary. You introduce Anna Smith, but who is she? What does she have to do with this story? I realize she's a patriot who seems to work alongside Elspeth, but what does that have to do with the story? One more thing here. She jumps up and runs toward the house. The trek down seemed to lengthy, if she's sitting in a 'rare area of sand' here, it's at the bottom of the cliffs. She wouldn't be able to run to the house, she has to climb the cliff first. IF she previously climbed the cliff, then she can't be sitting in sand.... Consistency, always consistency in your locations, characters, and descriptions.

8. One last thing. If Liz had found a diary that is 200 years old, it doesn't seem that reading it in the open with the wind blowing would be a good idea. It's been stored in a metal box, wrapped in cloth. The paper would be very fragile and crumble easily it seems. The diary would be best read under controlled conditions. She might give it to Uncle Rob, but I don't think having it read by anyone at the part would be a good idea.


Overall impressions:  The story ends way too quickly, almost as if you were in a rush to complete it. Don't rush! Take your time and lead us there at the same pace that the rest of the story used. A good story that needs a bit of TLC attention to get the flow of it consistent.



Sum1



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10
10
Review of Deli Gals  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Lightspeed,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute, but you did miss your chance., It would have been a lame reply, pretty predictable, but still. When she said, "Sir, I have no breasts!" , you could have replied with something like, "Well, what do you call those hiding under your top?" *Laugh* Like I said, predictable and lame, but you don't get many chances like this. Your reply was cute, but still....

         I did see a couple of minor things you might want to consider, should you decide to edit this.

1. Starting here, you need quotation marks for the speakers. Sir! Number 22! She shouted down the counter.

Yea! Right here!

Sir! I have no breasts!

2. Early in the story you describe looking over menus to decide where to go for lunch. This caught my eye. "Where are we going for Lunch today?" Lunch should not be capitalized.

         A very cute story, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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11
11
Review of If Been  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Mitch,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty sweet, or in my parlance, pretty cool. However, I think you could improve this a little, because it seems you might have lost focus and gotten off track. Let me explain.

         Early on your tell us what an IF is (drop), as well as a BEEN (Splatter). In my eyes, everywhere you use the words drop or splatter should be instead, IF or BEEN. I realize this ends up using those words more often, but read it and substitute those words. See what you think.

         Also, you might consider making IF and BEEN lower case, but maybe different colors. If it was me (and we both know it's not), I would use blue for one, green for another. The title is fine as it is, it's the text of the poem where I'd make that change. Using different colors for the two words still brings attention to them, which is what you did in using upper case. Using those words though, brings focus to what you're saying in the poem. I just think it's a little easier to read, and easier on the eyes. Just my opinion, and I know what it's worth.

         This is a nice poem, a pleasant read, thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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12
12
Review of Visual Poetry  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey StoryMistress!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21st WDC Anniversary!

         I know that you and The ScaryMaster know what this site means to many of us. While I may not be as active as I once was, this site is my home away from home. You list a lot of things that occur every day on the site. I love shape poems, I've written a couple myself. They can be challenging, at the same time, a lot of fun. This is 'cool', thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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13
13
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hey StoryMaster!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21st WDC Anniversary!

         Okay, I will admit this isn't perfect, there are a couple of very minor errors/typos. But sometimes in writing, minor errors exist, and should remain. Such is the case here. I would love to have known your Grandpa! He did things that I can only dream of. Trains. I've always wanted one such as the one in the basement that you describe. Horses and racetracks. I've been to horseraces only twice in my life, loved it both times. I'm not a big gambler, and when younger, never had enough money to bet with, so I didn't go. At least I was smart enough to recognize limitations, and go with what I had. Computers. I'm WAY behind you and him, then again, I don't own my own website, have never had my own business. I chose a different path, and have no regrets about it at all.

         You show a lot of love for your Grandpa in this, every line just screams how proud you are of him. That's the one big thing I hold against my parents. My father left home when he was 14-15, or so he told us. We never met his family. They were in California. My mother's family was, and is, in South Carolina. We left the south in 1960, I have seen my mothers family once since then, when I drove her to South Carolina from New Mexico. I was 18! So I never got that chance to grow up with senior family members around. Losing my Father when I was 17 didn't help either. I envy people like you who have had that experience.

         I found this to be a great tribute to a man you certainly admired, and rightly so. I wouldn't have made it through reading this either. I might not have made it past the first paragraph. Great tribute though, thank you for sharing, and giving me the chance to read it.



Jim


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14
14
Review of Remission List  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey Rhyssa,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20th WDC Anniversary!

         I had to read this, and I'll tell you why. In April, I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a rare form of Blood Cancer. Right now, it's in my bone marrow only, I'm undergoing Chemo shots (Not IV's), and oral Medication. In four months, they will sample my bone marrow again, then we'll know what the next step is. Of all things too, I lost a good friend to Prostate/Bladder/Pancreatic/Liver Cancer three weeks ago today. Funny how a friend gets Cancer, you get it, and all of a sudden, it seems it's everywhere. I've since known of two people who do minor jobs for us to have some form of cancer. So you see, I had to read this.

         Your story is excellent and a nice flow and dialog. I can see something like this happening in the world. Riding in a hot air balloon is on my bucket list also. I'd would love to go home to Albuquerque this year for the hot air balloon fiesta, but it's not going to happen. When I do get there for it, I plan on riding in one of the balloons!

         The only comment I have about your story is this. Jack seemed very sick, on his death=bed so to speak. To have him be in complete remission a year later seemed a bit of a reach. Then again, I don't know much about cancer, despite being 'blessed' with it. It just seemed a bit out there, the change in his health. Nothing wrong necessarily, it just struck me as a bit odd.

         A very good story, well worth the read. Thank you for sharing!\


Sum1

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15
15
Review of Biography  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Norma Jean,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         Nicely done! BUT! It's too short... Surely there must be more you can share about yourself. You grew up in NE Ohio, now live in Roundup Montana. You didn't share what caused you to move to Montana in the first place. Why did you choose Montana, and why Gardiner, then Roundup? There's so much more you could tell us without being too personal. What I'm getting at, is I thought this was far too general in nature than giving us any real history of you. Then again, if that's something you wish to keep private, by all means do. Just my thoughts is all. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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16
16
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Joy
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20th WDC Anniversary!

         This is quite a story here Joy. I must admit that I felt early on that Iain was the vampire, but could not tell you why. Your story is deep and involved, with twists at every turn. There's a lot to this story though, and if you didn't pay attention, you would lose focus.

         This is not meant to be a criticism of the story because I really enjoyed it. But it seemed to ramble some, almost as if you lost your own focus while writing it. Your characters were well defined and described, Violet's Mum being psychic was a surprise to me. It was the end that got me. Your story had flowed very well with the twists and turns I mentioned earlier. Then, it seemed you just dropped things. Violet's Mum revealed her own secret and the story just seems to end. The end is more of a summary of things, instead of details. Maybe that's best, I don't know. I do know I enjoyed it, and intend to read more of your writing in the future!

         Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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17
17
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Rob,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute, I loved the banter back and forth between Mellifera Apis and the host, but especially loved the banter between her and Brian! B Eater. I would love to know what the two of them ended up doing to the host.

         All dialog, very hard to accomplish well, but you hit it spot on. The only comment I have for the whole item, is to use Quotation marks. Yes, I know it's marked all dialog, but that doesn't take away the requirement to use quotation marks.

         A very cute story that only needs a very little amount of editing TLC. That may be a personal preference on my part (quotation marks), but I don't think so. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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18
18
Review of On Giving Reviews  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Rosielle,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!


         Wow, what a great article! I love reviewing, but anymore sending a lengthy, detailed review is a rarity. Being the owner of Anniversary Reviews, I've had the chance to read reviews from many of our members. As you know, some people know how to write a good review, and some just plain.... well, we won't say that word here....

         I am not a write who knows the technical side of writing at all. I tagged this in a notebook entry and mentioned that I know little of how to really write. At least that's how I word it. I can identify improper usage of the English language in many cases, but there's no way I can tell the author why it's incorrect. I'm fine with that. Yeah, English was my worst subject in school, I really struggled to get B's, if I didn't work at it much, I'd get C's.

         There are a couple of very minor things you may want to look at, should you decide to edit this.


1. Writers are often too close to their own words to know that works and what needs help. Is 'that' supposed to be what?

2. Characters are one of the very most important things about a story. It seems you don't need the word 'very' in this line.

3. The writer should (ideally) include a clear thesis statement that outlines her main idea and major points in the first paragraph. Are all writers female? *Laugh* You might want to change it to her/his.


         Overall, I think you provide excellent advice in this, and wish some of our reviewers would 'read and heed' your words. Myself included.



Sum1

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19
19
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Hey Jace!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary! Actually, being the featured author for the month, there's no way I'd let the month pass without sending you at least one review.

         While I have each of these in the past, it's always fun to re-read them. As much as I'd love to say I have a favorite one, I can't, I love them all. As I've aged though, I've come to realize that while we Americans are a great people overall, so are the people who live in other countries. They were not lucky enough to be born in a country where so much can be earned if you try. I see what's going on in our beautiful land today, and it makes me cringe. I'm almost glad that I won't be around forever because I'd hate to see what becomes of the U.S.A. Personal opinion, and I know what it's worth.

         I love making others smile, this one cause that same reaction in me. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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20
20
Review of Buzz, Buzz  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Adrian,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         You have a good start to a nice story here, but I have to say, it should be a little longer. Of course, that's just my opinion, I didn't write this. What I mean by my comment is, you've shown us the hook, and in some cases, set it. Then you dropped us like a hot potato.

         You spent some time developing Gracie's character. I bet more than half the story is setting up Gracie, Hannah, and Cassie's characters. There was a little bit devoted to their party at the bar, followed by a few lines about Adam texting her. Except it wasn't Adam. It was about this time that you introduced the antagonist, perhaps a killer. And suddenly, you dropped it all, and left it to our imagination. There's nothing wrong with that, but man, you could have built this so nicely! Bring in the antagonist, Gracie rushes home... Are Adam and Max dead? Is Adam playing a trick on her, maybe a prank? Is Adam really the man she thinks he is, or is there another side to him that she has no idea about? These are things that pop in my head, and I know you wanted the reader to use their imagination. Nothing wrong with that. But, editing this so it's longer, a few more answers, yet leaving the reader still hanging at the end would have made this such a great story! Again, just my opinion. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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21
21
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Ben,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to confess that I was wondering where this was going. It seemed too short to have much of a plot or underlying story. Then, the second part of the story arrived, and things shifted. You left me wondering if the human's that were thrown on the beach lived or not. *Smile* Nice twist, I really enjoyed it!




Sum1

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22
22
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
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Hey Daniella,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         First, let me say that your story is pretty good, and it probably more truthful that most. This probably happens more than I care to think about, I just hope this is a work of fiction.

         I always try to send Anniversary Reviews that uplift someone, but I must be honest, and can't for this one. There are several grammatical issues in this, as well as formatting issues. If I may, here are my comments, and advice on it, if you choose to edit this.

1. When a new character speaks, you should start a new paragraph. In using paragraphs, double space them. This is not a requirement, it makes it easier to read in a soft copy format like this.

2. I mentioned grammatical issues. There are many misspelled words, as well as incorrect word usage. This is what I saw, it is not a complete list.

         a.  That is all you really need to know for know, you will learn the rest as we go on. The second know should be now.

         b.  I just don’t understand what one earth I could have done. One should be on.

         c.  “Maybe if I stay quite he will just go away." Quite should be quiet.

         d.  “You thought I would you were off the hook, huh?” As written, this sentence does not make much sense. You have a couple of extra words here, I'm not sure which ones you want to keep.

3. I mentioned using paragraphs. Here's an example where you could use a new paragraph.

“Mom, can I go with Janie tonight to her house to hang out?” Sarah asked. Her mother didn’t answer right away; she just sat there washing dishes like a robot. Ever since family starting falling apart she had been this way. She was always depressed, once in awhile she would be in a really good mood and she take Sarah and Zach out of school for a day and go do all kinds of fun stuff with them. That was usually only when their dad was away though. “Yeah, I guess. What time will you be home?” “How about 10 since it isn’t a school night?” Sarah replied. Her mom didn’t answer so she took that as a yes and left.


         I have no desire to point out every small thing I see, but I hope this gives you a good idea what your story needs edit-wise. Again, it's a good story, but it needs a bit of editing TLC. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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23
23
Review of Haunted  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Lori,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I absolutely love this. I wouldn't change a word, nor fix any errors someone might point out. (I didn't see any myself). This just lays your love for your husband out there for all to see. That's how it should be. This was written 14 years ago, I hope by now your heart has healed and allowed you to live somewhat happily. I know you'll never forget him, nor should you. But I do hope you have been living your life.

         Being in my middle age (okay, senior years), I appreciate so much in life that I took for granted years ago. One of the many things I've come to realize is this. Life does go on. We have all lost loved ones, though I've not lost anyone like you have. All we can do is continue to live our lives. So that's my hope and prayer for you. Excellent essay here, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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24
24
Review of Arrival  
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey Chris,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 8th WDC Anniversary!

         I love anything to do with Santa, and I couldn't tell you why. *Smile* This is a nice story, but it needs a little 'meat' added to it. I love the concept you propose here of a colony on Mars and Santa visiting in a cargo ship. I have to tell you though, there's an awful lot of telling in most of the story, and very little showing. Read your first four paragraphs again and see what you think. There's no dialog, other than the computer voice announcing the airlock is secured. Dialog can really help carry a story, and provide some depth, and well as providing showing. As I read those first paragraphs, even in my mind it seemed almost monotone. Think of the old commercial where a guy worked for a pizza joint. It was about him waking up each morning, and what he did at work. "Go to the freezer and get some cheese. Go to the pantry and get some flour for the crust..." The dialog in this commercial was very monotone in nature, exactly how I 'pictured' those fist paragraphs.

         The story really improved once the squad met the Gingerbread man. And guess what? That's where the dialog really started....

Suggestions:

1. Somehow, work some dialog into those first paragraphs. I know I sound like a broken record typing that again, but that will help.

2. Provide a little more background about the colony, and your main character. It really is pretty dry.

I did see a couple of things you should look at, if you decide to edit this.

1. I was assigned to a colony on Mars. Alpha One Port was a science colony on Mars. Using the word Mars in quick succession sort of sets the tone for the story. Maybe use the word 'there' in place of the second usage of Mars.

2. The atmosphere on Mars was also poisonous and the climate uninhabitable. This statement is redundant in that if you say the atmosphere is poisonous, then it's obviously uninhabitable.

3. I was assigned as part of a squad of grunts meant to police the scientists and solve any issues that might arise. The wording here seems strange, a little off. What I mean is, why do you have to 'police the scientists'? I would think you were assigned there to provide security. That's all you need to say, nothing more. I know, people will ask, why would you need security on Mars? Well, suppose there were Martians somewhere on the planet, or some other life form? Suppose a different corporation or renegade faction on Earth wanted to take over? That's why you're there it seems.

4. After all they survive the time they spend in San Francisco every year just fine. You're missing a Y at the end of they


         Don't take all my comments here wrong though. It's a good story, you have a nice start here. It's just awfully dry reading it. A little editing TLC will improve it a lot. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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25
25
Review by I'm A GrueSum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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III

Hey Bikerider,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         I remember writing a poem to this prompt also, a quite different story. Your story is very good, but I confess that when Catherine told Abel what she would name their child, I knew Abel would not make it home from that voyage. The flow was very good, and the dialog in it really carried it well.

         I love the idea behind this story, I'm sure something factual happened almost just like this many times in the past. I have mentioned that I knew Abel wouldn't return from this voyage, it was due to the title mainly.

         I don't recall if there was a word limit to this contest or not, but once Abel left port, things happened pretty quickly. I know you said it was the fifth day since leaving, but it seems you could have added a couple of things during the previous four to help it flow a little better. Especially now that this contest is long over.

         I will say that it seems Abel was alerted to the storm itself rather late, And while I've never been on a sailing vessel before, it would seem that the one at the helm would have lowered the sails long before Abel was alerted to the storm. If he didn't have the authority to do that himself, then he should have alerted the Captain much sooner.

         I did see a few things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.


1. I"LL Name Him Abel I'm not sure why you used closing quotation marks here instead of an apostrophe. Also, the L's should be lower case, even if it does look goofy.

2. He stopped himself from thinking about how much he would miss her during his voyage, and how much he would miss about her. I think you typed this twice without really thinking about it.


3. “Mr. Brewster,” shouted Able, This is one of 2 places you misspelled Abel's name.


4. “It has only been five days since Able sailed.” This is the other.


         This is a good story that just needs a little minor editing TLC.



Sum1

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