Sum1's (jim-d) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

3,278 Public Reviews Given

3,326 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.

I'm good at...

I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).

Favorite Genres

Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense

Least Favorite Genres

Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.

Favorite Item Types

Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.

Least Favorite Item Types

I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.

I will not review...

I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.

1

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#4823577

Review of The Not So Calm Before the Storm

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Webby!
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^th WDC Anniversary!

Your story has a bit of comedy to it, as well as being adventurous. What it could use though, is a bit more showing and less telling. I see this was written about the time you joined WDC. I bet if you were to write it today, you would write it quite differently, with far more showing than is in it now.

You did a good job describing your group, I especially liked the description of the one you nicknamed Mr. Twitch. That was cute, and a nice touch.

I'm sure you know all about showing and not telling, if I may, I will give you one example where you could have done a better job of showing. I noticed a lovely window facing the lake. Mr. Twitch grabbed a spot next to it and just stood there casting weird shadows with his jerking head movements. He then spoke of his academic accomplishments and recent promotion to professorship at his Ivy League college. Who would have thought he possessed the intelligence to even get dressed in the morning? Maybe something like this here, instead of what you currently have.

I noticed a lovely window facing the lake. Mr. Twitch grabbed a spot next to it and stood there casting weird shadows with his jerking head movements. He turned to face me and said, "Y'know, you probably don't realize it, but I've accomplished quite a bit at Columbia. I don't mean to brag, but I do have a PhD in Physics, and have been promoted to be the President of the Physics & Chemistry Department."

My first thought was, 'Who would have thought he possessed the intelligence to even get dressed in the morning'? As you know, it's small things like this that help draw a reader in even more, and shows, doesn't tell, what's going on.

Overall though, it was an enjoyable story. I find myself wondering what happened later that night, and what the older woman ended up doing. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4823143

Review of Will I Wake Tomorrow From This Nightmare

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HeyRothschild

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13^th WDC Anniversary!

First, I've never reviewed a play, nor have I seen a script for one before. You do a nice job in describing the scene and situation in your play. I could almost picture the restaurant scene in my mind as I read. This reminds me of the movie '12 Angry Men'. Why? Because the group argues about inane things that should be left for much later. It just seems that they would work together more and not argue so much. This could just be me though.

I mentioned their arguing just now, and while this next comment is about arguing, it seemed out of place considering what was happening. Marie Ann and Danny discuss some pretty personal things going on in Marie Ann's life. Especially considering their circumstances. It might be better to bring that to light in later acts.

The gunmen tell the police they have hostages, and these people are the hostages? From what I know about a hostage situation (which is really little), the gunmen usually have the hostages in sight at all times. This whole concept really makes me shake my head.

Enough about my thoughts on what's going on. I do have comments about your writing.

1. Marie Ann: Geek, not Arabic. They’re not AL Qaeda. Geek should be Greek.

2. Tony: It was a reflex, an honest to god reflex. I’m so sorry. God should be capitalized. God is always capitalized.

3, In Act II - (Sit down, notices that Frank’s fast asleep) Sit should be sits

4. Tony: Wife and daughter. Sounds like a sweat gig. Sweat should be sweet.

5. Tony intern screams out in pain. Intern should be in turn.

You have a nice play going on here, keep it up! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4822895

Review of ONLY IF

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Joy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 24^th WDC Anniversary!

Y'know, your story makes me very happy that I never chose to be a car salesman! I think that Howard was polite to a very difficult customer. My impression is that Mr. Dimmit knew exactly what Howard was saying every time. I also feel that Mr. Dimmit knew he had a 'Newbie' on hand, and decided to make their encounter as difficult as he could. Shame on him!

You wrote this as a comical exchange, that was good. I think I would have had a very tough time being polite to Mr. Dimmit. Yes, I realize he is a Psychologist, and has the title of Doctor. Being the Psychologist he is, he took advantage of the situation. I just felt he came across as rude to poor Howard. Let's just say your portrayal of him caused me to dislike him intensely. Excellent writing on your part to cause that! I know that I would have a difficult time relating to a person like this.

A very enjoyable story, even if I personally didn't like one of the characters. To me, that's a sign of a good story. Nothing says I have to like the characters or the story. What matters is, the writing brought those feelings to the surface! Thank you for sharing.

Sum1

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#4822826

Review of The Great God Cernunnos

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey batbird117

bird},
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 1^st WDC Anniversary!

You hit the nail on the head with this one,giving it the genre of Comedy. I found Pete to be a bit Schizo and Paranoid. He really should have placed more trust in his wife! I mean the places his mind went on hearing things they discussed in the group. The Great God Cernnunos? Very well hung according to several women in the group? SMH over all that. There comes a point where one has to say to themselves, 'This is complete idiocy. I have to trust her and the love we share.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I was unfaithful in my first marriage. I won't go into why here, but I was. Now married a second time, there's no way I'd be unfaithful. UNLESS.... No, not even then.

This is very good, but it needs a little WDC formatting if you choose to edit this. Here are my comments:

1. Use the {indent} (exactly as you see it here) in the first line of each paragraph. No spaces! Just type that and begin typing. The first line will be indented automatically, the same amount, every time. I'm doing this during this review.

2. This comment is a personal preference. Highlight the title, and click the 'center' icon above the title. IF you like, also click the B to bold that text.

3. Your keyboard must be set to a non-USA layout because your opening quotation marks are centered on the letter. Here's an example: "He's making the rounds," This is a little odd. In your story, the opening quotation mark is about halfway down the letter, but in my review, it's correctly placed. You can change this if you like. If you want, let me know and I'll help you set it.

A very humorous story of infidelity, except it wasn't infidelity. Loved it!

Sum1

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#4822512

Review of Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Review of "Walks are like Days"

Review of "walkout"

Hey audra_branson

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

I can really relate to your entry. I think I've spent most of my life on my feet. In my Nay Career I frequently stood a watch, on my feet of course. You get used to it of course, but still. I also walked quite a bit on watch, touring the Engineering Spaces. Add to it a tour of duty teaching classes, and that number (of steps, though they were never counted back then) in my life has exponentially increased. I say exponentially because after retiring in 1992, I worked in general labor for two years, then six years as a maintenance person at a Tire Plant, and 24 years teaching technicians all about the radios, and radio systems we manufactured. I retired for good last month, my feet are still feeling it!

But your post about taking walks is excellent. You point out that although you enjoy walking, it's not always easy to complete. Bravo to you for doing this! I read other posts, especially the one about having 30 students in a classroom, and your argument against cutbacks. I can't begin to imagine. The max allowed in my classes was only 12! Plus, I could teach without the necessity of having a degree. For crying out loud, all I have is a high school diploma! I can't imagine what you go through on a daily basis trying to teach. 30 Students! Shaking my head over that. My hat is off to you, I mean that. Teaching Adults is so much easier.

The only comment I have is that your last entry is September 2, 2024. If you ever have enough energy, please write more entries, perhaps on a more daily basis. Thank you for sharing, and writing.

Sum1

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#4822360

Review of Last-minute Shopping day

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Happy to write

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 5^th WDC Anniversary!

Y'know, this is a nice poem that talks about the holiday season. It's a non-rhyming poem, but it has a large change in your rhythm scheme. In the first verse, the first line has 12 syllables, the other 3 lines have 14-15 each. In the second verse, the longest line has 14 syllables, and the shortest (the third and fourth lines) have 6. Read this aloud and see what you think. Poetry, even an unrhyming poem, should flow off the tongue smoothly. Your poem does not do that, at least for me.

Yes, it has a wonderful message to the reader. But it needs to flow. In poetry, often, less is more. What I mean is, fewer words con convey the same message. I'm providing an example. I won't say this is correct, but the line is a lot shorter.

My son came down the stairs on Christmas day to only that one small box that day (19 syllables) with the next line having 8.

My son came down on Christmas day to find that one small box (14 syllables)

The follow on line of 8 syllables does have 2 words repeated. I'm sure you could correct all this if you wanted.

A nice poem that needs a little editing TLC.

Sum1

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#4822234

Review of Kady's Phone Call

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Cadie Laine

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10^th WDC Anniversary!

Damn,I hope this isn't a true story! If it is, I hope you've somehow managed to move on these past 5 years.

Your story hit me pretty hard. Being older now (My oldest daughter is your age!), things like this are hard for me. Your story has enough showing in it for me though, you grabbed me with it, and wouldn't let go.

I can't comment further though. But I was left with a thought about your story.

1. Would I be correct in assuming that the familiar ring tone meant that the caller used James's phone for the call? I did find it strange that she was called by the authorities, and not told in person.

An excellent heart-breaking story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4821978

Review of The Myth Of The Blister Babies

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Geoff

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11_th WDC Anniversary!

Well, what a story! There's a lot of telling here, very little showing. I found this to be more of an Essay than a story. If this is true, you have quite the story to relate! I see this is Party 1 of a longer work, but I did not see any future offerings about The Blister Babies.

I said there's a lot of telling here. What I mean is, very little of this pulled me in and made me feel like I was invested in the story. Shifting tenses didn't help either, you might consider editing that. But, that might take away some of the charm this possesses. That would be your call of course.

A Google Search did not show me any links to the term Blister Babies, I can only assume this is a work of fiction. But, you did make a compelling case for it being true. Either way, it was a bit entertaining. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4821770

Review of Creation's Mystery

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey brom21

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your WDC 15^thAnniversary!

I really enjoyed your poem about Creation's Mystery. It speaks volumes about our creation, who created us, yet also speaks of our lack of honoring him. Excellet move there.

All that being said, while it has a nice flow to it, the rythm scheme is a little off at this line. Yet our thanks towards Him grows fader. The line above it has 11 syllables, the line below has 10, this line has 9. That throws the reader off the 'cadence' so to speak, at least it threw me off.

IF I may make a small suggestion for that line.... Simply add the word (or words if you like). Yet our thanks toward Him grows ever (more) fader Read it aloud, see what you think. Adding one word gives it 10 lines of course, adding both words gives it 11. IF you choose to edit this, it's your choice on one or two words, or none at all. It's a really nice poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4821668

Review of Loves of a Bibliophile

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Heyspidey

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

You read a lot, this is quite a list! I will say that IF I could remember most every book I've read that my list would be a long as yours, maybe longer.

We've read a few Authors in common. Stephen King, Ray Bradbury, Ursula K. Leguin, George Orwell (I loved Animal Farm!), I started reading The Fountainhead & Atlas Shrugged, but those novels never hooked me. This is an excellent list! You've been busy. I used to visit the book mobile weekly and check-out 5 or so books. I read them all. The authors I read as a youngster were Andre Norton, Ray Bradbury, Stephen King, Ursula K LeGuin, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and so many more.

This is an excellent list. My only recommendation would be to Chronological Order at the top with the statement "Lists Are In Chronological Order", instead of having the same statement at each year.

Thank you for sharing this interesting list!

Sum1

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#4821488

Review of Wink and a hug

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Smee

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19^th WDC Anniversary!

I'm sure you've heard the saying that money is the root of call Evil. I have to say I agree with that saying. While I don't see humans ever adopting this Idea of Social Contact replacing money, I do love it!

Despite loving the idea of your story, I have to wonder about this. I think that in today's world, a lot of people would be broke!

But living in a world such as this might bring people to the conclusion that being kind does have its benefits.

Like I said, I love the concept of your story. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4821363

Review of The End of The Beginning

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey super sleuth

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

You've written an interesting story here, and I must confess that I'm happy I never went down the path your main character did. Thank God for small favors.

You start out by telling us that your wife left you two years ago. That makes me wonder when it was you met Cindy Lu. And that horrible accident you were involved in, was that before or after your wife left you? What I mean is, the timeline in your story could be important. It could set the stage better for a reader.

As much as I liked the storyline, there are several issues with it. I will detail them a bit, but I will not point out every one of them.

1. There are several instances of using commas that aren't needed. Here's an example. Crazy drivers on the road in a damned hurry to get to the mall before they sell out of, who knows what? You don't need the comma after the word 'of'. This happens in a few places in your story.

2. There's a lot of telling in this story, with very little showing. What I mean is, I wasn't grabbed and pulled into the story. It was as if the narrator was telling me about it as we sat in an office.

3. There were a couple of places that you worded things incorrectly. An example would be here - Beside, my suits are all custom fitted. Why would I want to ruin a good suit. Beside should be 'Besides'. At least it seems that way to me. Another example is here - I guess I should be great full for that. Grate full should be grateful.

You've written a nice story here. It just needs a little tidying up, a little editing TLC as I call it. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4821257

Review of Cookies, Cookies, Cookies

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hello Amay

,
You know I couldn't let today pass without stopping in for a review, however brief it may be. Happy 15^th Anniversary!

Well, these all sound scrumptious, but you never made any for me!

Of course I never expected you too either.

I love a good cookie though, especially homemade ones. It's been so long since I baked Cookies though, I bet I've forgotten how....

It would be fantastic to meet once more and spend an afternoon baking, wouldn't it?

I hope you've had a great 15th Anniversary today, I hope even more that you've received a lot of Anniversary Reviews today. I miss you, always love you. Thank you for the recipes, and sharing them!

JD

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#4821136

Review of He Inspires Me

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey blkkatwriting

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

I found your poetry to be special. The rhyme scheme in the first three poems was excellent, but each line was a little too long. It seems it would be better to break the lines into two separate lines without changing a word. The first poem lines are fine, but there are places where you placed a word at the end of the line, it would fit better in the next line or just deleted. I deleted the word in the following example..

Right now you’re away in some faraway place, so
I close my eyes and I picture your face

Right now you’re away in some faraway place,
I close my eyes and I picture your face

Many times in poetry, less is more, or less is better. Repetitive use of the same word, or words can become monotonous. Here's an example, and how this might be edited.

Are you searching inside yourself trying to find where we went wrong
Are you looking back and seeing we have not been here too long.

Are you searching inside yourself
Trying to find where we went wrong
Maybe looking back and seeing
We have not been here too long.

You can see the change in wording, and how the lines were left alone, but now two lines.

You have a nice collection of poems, but you stopped your rhyme scheme in some. It seems you would want to stay with the same format (rhyme scheme). I will not suggest how to edit this, that's entirely up to you. A good poem collection as I said, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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14 days may be credited.

#4820977

Review of The New Writing Process

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Elerad

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 21^st WDC Anniversary!

Okay, so this didn't make me laugh out loud, but you had me smiling throughout. I will say that it was a little difficult to follow your four characters, what you ethnicity wanted them to represent, and why you couldn't write then in that context. Still, it's an amazing idea, and even though you might write through a filter of sorts, I think you should do it!

You can read any number of stories/books by authors who were in the same predicament as you, yet they still wrote their story. Why? Because they wanted to, and felt there was a message to be delivered. Some were successful, some weren't/

I don't know if you really intend to write a story of this kind, I get the impression your funny bone had a good time with this. I also think that this is as far as you'll take this thought. Maybe not. I encourage you to write whatever your muse tells you to write, and not worry about qualifications to write about that subject, filter or no filter.

This is a humorous story that people should read to make this smile a little. The world needs more smiles. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4820736

Review of Values

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey The Curiosity Shop

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17^th WDC Anniversary!

This is an interesting article, but it's also lacking. Lacking in points to address the loss of values in the younger generation. My question to you would be, "Who teaches these values to the young? A simple answer would be 'US', the older generation. That's a very simple answer really, the full answer is much more complex.

Your line that states, They feel that it is their given right to show disrespect to their elders in front of them and therefore to them their elders seem like fools for which they are not. You must ask yourself why do they have this feeling? Because they have not been taught otherwise. I'm not here to critique your reasoning though, just your writing, so I'll move on.

There are several instances of improper use of English in this. Here are some examples, but not all.

1. In this line - We were also taught to respect our elder’s words and not to question them openly when the elders were about least that we cause offense to their wisdom. Least should be lest.

2. And this line - The words and wisdom imparted by the elders should be treated in the same way that the manna was treated when it fell upon there fore-bearers from the heavens. fore-bearers is one word There should be their.

3. My last example - Punish where punishment is asked of, reward where reward is asked of. You should provide an example of what punishment is and how given. The same for rewards.

You have a nice idea here, you need to make it stronger, which will make it better, able to receive higher ratings. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4820609

Review of Holiday Eavesdroppers

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Mriana

I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

Well, I have to confess that I knew what was really happening in the 'Captain's Mess' early on. That didn't matter, it was still a bit comical. As a former Military member, this didn't 'sit right' with me, mainly for one reason.

First, the Captain and his First Officer would not do something like this, they have a starship to run. The Captain is always on call, he's ultimately responsible for the operation of the ship. As much as he would love to do this, he can't. And won't. But, putting all that aside, I really enjoyed the back n forth of the crew. Yep, that's how people are, and how rumors get started.

Being a former Enlisted Sailor, I have to wonder what was going on for the rest of the crew. There's no way the Captain and First Mate could have made enough turkey for the entire crew. That's okay, but it does make me wonder.

While some of your dialog was not realistic (in my opinion), it did help carry this to a nice conclusion. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4820172

Review of Far Right Fish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey DB Cooper

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 22^nd WDC Anniversary!

The one thing I will say about your article, and you chose it as a genre, is that this is your opinion. You wrote this almost 5 years ago, and edited it a couple of years ago. I feel it's great to voice your opinion, however, I will say that some of your should be backed by references. And that's the issue here. You voice opinions only, but fail to provide hard facts. This reads more like a rant against the far-right than an opinion. In reading this a second time, it seems you wrote this in a hurry. Here's an example of why I get that impression. Conservatives try to scare people with healthcare horror stories and at the same time say people would like it too much and couldn't be replaced with a cheaper alternative. It seems there are a couple of words missing here. Words that would have been seen if you had read this after writing it. A suggested alternative might be something like this. Republican Conservatives like to scare people with healthcare horror stories. At the same time, they say that people would like it too much, that it and couldn't be replaced with a cheaper alternative.

I don't understand that line completely. How can anyone (you named the Conservatives in this) scare people with horror stories, yet also say that like it too much. Scare people? But they like it? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Sentences like this are what made me think that this is more of a rant than an opinion. In writing something like this, you cannot give in to anger. You need to remain calm with your mind at ease so your readers see you as an intelligent person, not someone on a vendetta. It is informative though. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

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#4819922

Review of Moonlit Night

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

HeyArismeir

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

I really enjoyed reading your story. I have to say that it would be a lot stronger, a lot better read if there were more showing and less telling. This could be accomplished with the use of dialog. That might be hard in this story, but I always feel a story is made a lot stronger with the use of dialog. This allows the author to move from telling to showing, as I've already mentioned. One use might be in the following passage.

A “flair,” as April would call it, the creation of which was one of her obsessions. If we visited somewhere to which she expected us to return, she would scurry about, leaving hearts, knickknacks, ribbons, anything really, so that next time we could spend a day finding them all. “They all say, ‘April was here,’” she explained. “It helps make memories.” I wish she hadn’t been so correct. Maybe a slight change would do ther trick. A “flair,” as April would call it. She would leave anything that came to mind and say, "When we return we can find these memories and recall what we did here together. After all, they all say, ‘April and your unnamed narrator was here,’” (provide us with a name for your narrator) she explained. I wish she hadn’t been so correct. This is not perfect, I added that on the fly. Thinking about it would make it stronger and better, much better than my attempt here to demonstrate it.

I really enjoyed this story though, even with the distractions around me that occurred while reading it. The storyline reminded me a little of the movie "Ladyhawke". Just a little. In that movie a man is cursed to be a wolf at night and a man by day. Meanwhile his lady is cursed to be a woman at night, and a hawk during the day. It starred Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeiffer.

I did see a couple of things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. In one fell swoop, April careens forwards and the equipment strapped about her neck swings to the front, throwing even greater momentum into her fall. Attempts should not be plural. In one fell swoop, April careens forward and the equipment strapped about her neck swings to the front, throwing even greater momentum into her fall.

2. As I pass, the wood fades into stone and I can practically smell the sweat of many nights spent to fatigue. I don't understand the usage of the word 'to' before fatigue. But, I'm not sure what word to substitute here. I just know that the word to makes this sentence awkward.

This is a very good story though, one that is easily enjoyed. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4819779

Review of Daily Cascade

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Review for "Those Drive-in Movie Theaters!"

Hey Joy

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 24^th WDC Anniversary!

I remember a time when going to a Drive In was the thing to do, much like in the movie you mentioned, Grease. I will keep things private here, but let's just say I'm guilty of about everything mentioned in this entry. I always loved Drive-In's, and miss them a lot. I was never one that was mercilessly bitten. Then again, I don't think Hawaii has many night-time insects. Now, the closest Drive-In to me is about 45 minutes away.

I've always thought the Drive-In idea was an excellent one. To see a movie in the privacy of your own vehicle without distractions (hopefully) from others. Yes, it can get hot in your car, in more ways than one.

I've seen Grease many times, but my first time was not at a Drive-In, it was a walk-in Theater. What is it about being in your car in a public place that makes couples want to 'Make Out', or take it to the next level? Besides a Drive-In, what about parking in a certain place that couples congregate in. Living in Albuquerque, that place was a rest area on 'Nine-Mile Hill. The one time my girlfriend and I went there, we actually sat and enjoyed the lights of Albuquerque, and just talked.

Like I said though, bugs don't seem to bother me at night. The location doesn't matter, I just don't get bit, very often at least.

I really enjoyed your blog entry. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4819483

Review of The Hem of His Garment

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Alex Morgan

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7^th WDC Anniversary!

You did a good job with the dialog here, using words that might have been used so long ago. I found the dialog easy to read, and thought it helped move the story along. I thought your plot was also good, but it takes a little press of the 'I believe' button to move from the idea of touching Jesus to just touching the hem of his robe. That was a stretch if you ask me.

Another stretch also, was the idea that Jesus would feel power leave him. “I felt power leave me,” Jesus said. That's more of a stretch than moving from speaking to him to touching his robe. I think if you elaborate a little on both of these ideas it would really help. You don't need extensive details, but a little explanation on how Rachel came to the conclusion that touching his robe would suffice, as well as how or why he felt power leave him.

I did see a couple of errors that you might want to correct, should you decide to edit this.

1. And those useless physicians with their foul-tasting medicine sand rancid-smelling poultices. It seems that 'medicine sand' should be 'medicines and'.

2. She thrust out her free arm and grabbed him of his robe. It seems that this needs a slight wording change. She thrust out her free arm and grabbed the hem of his robe

This is a pretty good story. A little editing TLC should allow it to receive better reviews in the future. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4819356

Review of The Thing from the Fridge

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey nomlet

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 20^th WDC Anniversary!

Okay, I'll admit you've confused me with this story. It's a decent enough story, the dialog is good, but confusing. Here's what I didn't get from this.

1. First, if Simon and Jill are just cleaning out a refrigerator at school, why are they worried about sugar content? Why is that so important to them.

2. Simon mentions a level of fermentation they are seeing. How did they measure it accurately?

3. While I enjoyed the story, it seems to lack. A lot. Here's my thoughts on it.

Every story needs a beginning, a middle for plot development, and an ending. You seemed to jump in the middle of things with your opening. I realize the two of them are chemistry students, but you need to remember that your readers are most likely not. It seems they are a bit nerdy too, trying to gauge the sugar content in an unknown Tupperware container. And the end. To me you just hit a point and stopped writing because it's convenient. They should have had that fridge cleaned out that afternoon, not the end of the week! Then again, if they are being nerdy about every dish, maybe not. Still, the ending is very week.

This is a decent enough story, but I didn't find it funny at all. That is on me though. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4818898

Review of Short, sweet or scary

for entry "Busted!"

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey WakeUpAndLive

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9^th WDC Anniversary!

I was wondering why you were being arrested, then my mind clicked on the fact that you were probably doing research for a story or book. For once, I was right!

I liked the flow of your story, even though it was a little quick, Since this wasn't a horror story, I knew you were writing for the Daily Flash Fiction. Yep, definitely word count limited, so it had to flow quickly.

I did like the twist when you said you were writing a book. I do wonder what happened at the police station though. It would seem they almost had to take you in. I know you couldn't write about it because of your word limit. This is a nice, interesting piece of flash fiction. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4818867

Review of A Requiem For The Lost

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey AngelFire

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18^th WDC Anniversary!

I've gotten away from Free Verse Poetry, I rarely read it now. This one though, it hits a nerve in me for some reason. Your message in the poem is great, I love it. The last line is very special to me. I've lost siblings in the past, as well as close friends, so it resonates.

I will say that in your second verse, the last three lines could be combined into one. If you used ellipses(....) it could be considered a pause after each. It's what I use at times, no matter what critics or reviewers might say. I use it as a pause in speaking, nothing more. It's your call though, you wrote this.

This is a very nice free verse poem, thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4818448

Review of The Sandman

Review by Sum1

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break"

Hey Ned

,
I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6^th WDC Anniversary!

Wow, this is some story you've written here. I didn't buy the idea that Kyle was in love with Mara, that's the fodder for her romance novels, not real-life. I loved the flow of this, the plot, just about everything to do with the story. But, I didn't think Mara was so gullible as she turned out to be., However, love can blind you, do those kind of things to you.

You hinted at Mara being aware of the happenings with these line. Mara felt as if she were a character in one of her novels. She told herself she was being foolish. It was crazy to fall in love with a beach bum, but she had and she didn’t care. Yep, love can make you not care about getting too involved. Yeah, experience speaking here.

I hate to say it, but I think Kyle got what he deserved at the end. What the old woman had given Mara was incredible. Too bad it's not really available. Maybe I should thank God it's not available. We would have a lot of people dying on beaches perhaps, and quite a few people being put behind bars.

A very interesting story, a great love story in its own way. Thank you for sharing!

Sum1

WDC POWER RAIDER

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .