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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sum1swriting
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2,861 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The End  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Horror Scribe,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         I've never written much Flash Fiction, and I'm not sure I can. At least not often. You have done well with this, but I really think it should be quite a bit longer. What I'm saying is this. A flash fiction piece should tell a complete story, and I realize this does. But it leaves so many questions in a reader's mind. In my humble opinion (and I know what that's worth), you should edit this. IF you choose to do that, consider the following.

1. Name your main character! You named his cohort/friend Tom, so why not him?

2. What did he do or create as a result of his incantation? This is big, very big. At that point, you had the chance to reflect on what he had done. Maybe you're like me, and when you wrote this, you had no idea (other than the tenuous one that prompted this story) what he had really done. You had a bit of time no to reflect on it, maybe you can expand it. After the incantation, what did he not do that could have stopped it? Or was it already too late then? I'd love to know more about this. I think of the possibilities with this short flash fiction, and find it mind boggling! There's no need to rename it, unless you write it long enough to have chapters, then you can name the last chapter 'The End'. *Smile*


         Thank you for sharing this, you've left me with so many questions. On purpose too! *Laugh* Well done!



Sum1

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2
2
Review of Homecoming  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Hullabaloo,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19th WDC Anniversary!

         In the last few months, you've sent me many reviews. It only seemed appropriate that I drop by and send you at least one! Happy FIRST WDC Anniversary!

         Your story is very sad, but one that's happened many times around the world. We all have to leave home sometime, but it shouldn't be under circumstances like those that Lottie encountered. This has a nice flow to it, making it an easy, pleasurable, read. There are a few things you should look at in this though, mainly a bit of very minor wording issues. Nothing that I can really put my finger on, but you might want to give this a good, thorough read over.

         You described Lottie well, by the end of the story, I felt I could see her in my mind. I think the main thing I read in this though, is a feeling of being rushed. I know you wrote this for a contest, but one thing I learned long ago about contests. Write the story/poem for the contest, then sit on it overnight. Read it the next day very carefully. Why very carefully? Because you wrote it, and will overlook minor details, unless you can force yourself to focus on it, looking for the smallest fault. My specific comments on it are below.


1. The house was exactly as she remembered it. Only that wasn't true; would never be true now, for Lottie had left it too late. It seems that you don't need the word 'it' in these lines. One is in the second paragraph of the story, the other just a paragraph later.

2. She sank down into her old chair.h It still stood in its old place at the table, pushed in, but ready if she had returned. You can see what I saw.



Sum1

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3
3
Review of Pain Pain go Away  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Kazi,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         I find it a little humorous that I chose to read this today. I have a mildly ruptured L5 Vertebrae, and once in a while it acts up on me. Last night I bent over and felt a twinge. I tried to adjust my stance, but it was too late. Once again, I'm saddled with chronic back pain. It's been about 10 years since it last acted up, and I'd almost forgotten what a chronic pain felt like. It's a not so pleasant reminder.

         I love your suggestions on how to deal with pain. The water one sticks out to me. I gave up sodas years ago, and other than a little alcohol off and on. Yeah, I know, alcohol is not that good for you, which is why I only drink it in great moderation. I've not over-indulged in alcohol in over 30 years now, and was never a heavy drinker. All of your suggestions are good, but I can't drink milk. I'm not lactose intolerant, but it does make me a little congested.

         Other than water, I think the one that really stands out for me, is Love. There's no babies around, so I'm out of luck there. But we have three dogs that are great, and I have someone who will care for me no matter how badly I feel. I'm very blessed there. I love fruit too, and am eating all I can of that, especially grapes and peaches (at the moment). I walk when I can, but right now, it's tough just to mosey around the house. Since it just started last night, I'll give it a few days, and see if I can do more then.

         Thank you for this! I think it's excellent advice!



Sum1

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4
4
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Rhyssa,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 19th (WOW!) WDC Anniversary!

         This story is a bit 'out there', and left me wondering. Don't get me wrong, it's well written, the flow is rapid but well structured, but there seems to be a lot of gaps that the reader has to fill in to complete this. Let me explain.

         The beginning is really good. You had me wondering who your unnamed main character really was. The bit about her golden eyes struck me, making me read on. (I had no intention of leaving no matter what anyway. It just gave me a good sense of anticipation of what was to come). But there are details missing in the middle part where you built the plot.

         One minute she's a beggar with bright gold eyes, the next she's the chosen vessel of an Unknown God? Just her moving from one moment of existence to the next is big enough, but an Unknown God? If he's an Unknown God, why is there a temple for him, why do priests do his bidding, and so many more questions. I think I know what you were doing with this, but it just seemed off to me.

         The next thing the reader knows, is the story is winding down, and she will be sacrificed. Why? The sacrificing part needs a little explanation in my humble opinion. Like I said, an excellent story, but it needs a little editing to make it stronger.



Sum1

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5
5
Review by Sum1
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very beautiful. A great tribute to a furred friend.
6
6
Review of Astromail  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Elle,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         First and foremost, I hated giving this a 3.5 star rating. It's a nice story, it has pretty good potential, depending on where you were taking it. Since you wrote this for a contest of some kind (now invalid), you may have been under a word limit. But it needs more! Let me explain.

         In reading this, I was surprised at the ending. That's not an ending my friend! You leave the reader hanging in mid-sentence essentially. There are three sections that make a good story, as you probably know. A nice beginning (you have that). A middle area where you build the plot and characters (that's missing), and an end (that's missing). Yes, we know that Mark is an Astronaut on a space station orbiting Earth. We know he's been there almost a week, and has a little less than 200 days left. We know he misses his wife, we know she misses him. That's ALL we know....

         Questions for you, should you decide to edit this, and 'finish it'. Why is Mark on the Space Station? He's a flight or aerospace enginner, yes. Why was he sent to the Station? Will he be checking new propulsion methods? Will he research methods to improve spaceflight? It seems most of that could be done on Earth, and use wind-tunnels to verify the design. What's going on with his wife? Are they really happy, or do things change over the 7 months he will be there? You have us started on this journey, but you only walked us to the corner, when we were supposed to go around the block. *Smile*

         Other thoughts about the story. Are the four astronauts good friends, or does friction develop between some of them? They are in a very confined space, so some amount of friction is bound to develop. How do they handle it? What will change on Earth while they are there? Maybe a Pandemic will occur that is far more deadly than COVID? There is a lot you can do with this. If you choose to.

         A good start to a story, but it needs more. A lot more.



Sum1

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7
7
Review of Sole Survivor  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Cat
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 7th WDC Anniversary!

         Despite the lack of dialog (other than your main character talking to themselves), this is really good. But you knew that.

         I wondered throughout the story if your character was an Android, Human (but that was a reach, since your character referred to them as 'humans'), Zombies, or something else entirely. What I found interesting is that this fits in well with what's going on today. And this new Swine virus in China that isn't in humans yet makes the future even more bleak.

         The only thing in this that I wonder about, is this. How much of the world would a Zombie really be able to see? It didn't seem like it knew how to fly a plane, so it's 'world' was probably pretty small. I agree with it though, most likely it's the same way all over the world. But there might be one small place that things remain relatively untouched. Unlikely, but me, I'd never give up hope.

         This is a really interesting story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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8
8
Review of Breaking Point  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Spidey,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 16th WDC Anniversary!

         I re-read Bobo The Clown, and see that you seem to lean towards stories that are dark. I don't think there are many darker than this one.

         I cannot imagine living like this, and if this was me, I know I'd rather be dead than living like that. Maybe that's what Beth wished too, we'll never know though. I have seen drugs take many people down the path that Beth trod. Thank God I've never even tried Marijuana, despite strong urging from friends early in my life. It just became something I had no desire to do.

         You described Abby briefly, but well. The insight into Beth's mind was a bit of an eye-opener. I had a heavyset grandmotherly type woman pictured for Abby, and a frail waif of a girl for Beth. The love Abby had for Beth was admirable, the kind of love a mother has for a daughter. It would have been nice to have Beth somehow recover from her madness, but I didn't see it happening, and was not surprised by your ending.

         A well written story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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9
9
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Natasha,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 3rd WDC Anniversary! I also dropped by to give you an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raid Review!


         Your story is cute, and very good. I found myself liking your Uncle Paul immediately, and can really relate to him. He's absolutely right, 'city folk' need to get out to the country to experience really fresh food. I remember the first time I tasted fresh Pineapple in Hawaii. So different from store bought pineapple, I found it amazing. I now live in a smaller town/city in Central Illinois and get to have farm fresh produce during the summer months.

         Your main character was described very well, though I would have loved to know her name. While you didn't mention her age (no need to really), I had her pictured as a mid to early teenage girl. Her love of cooking seemed to be contagious, and like her, I really enjoy baking. Now you've made me want to try a peach cobbler, with Lavender Honey.

         A very good story, one that brings family closer together. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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10
10
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Cookiebaby,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary! I also stopped by as part of the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  raid this weekend!


         Cats can be quite a handful every minute of the day. I love them like you do. They are cute, affectionate, demanding, much like children can be. Your descriptions of Cookie makes her sound very demanding and possessive. She might need cat counseling! *Laugh*

         While I enjoyed this story, it is full of run-on sentences. it consists of 9 sentences, but really should be at least twice that number. I've highlighted one below, and given you a small suggestion on editing it.

         There are a couple of other minor grammatical errors in this too, such as missing spaces between sentences, and the need for separate paragraphs in a couple of areas.


1. When I first brought her home it was like having a child I had to cat proof everything if anyone has a Siamese kitten they would tell you Siamese are very smart and they have to get into everything. My suggested edit, red text is extra text I'm suggesting be added. When I first brought her home it was like having a child. I had to cat proof everything, if anyone has a Siamese kitten they would tell you Siamese are very smart, Like most cats, they have to get into everything.




Sum1

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11
11
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Choconut
         I saw this on the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  raid page and thought I'd drop in to give you a raid review!

         This was a little bit of an eye opener. An eye opener in how the Ancient Greeks felt about food in general. I knew they probably had what's now called a Mediterranean Diet, but no idea about their feelings towards eating meat and such. I was in Algeria in late January/Early February, and learned quite a bit about their diet. While they don't approach the Greeks for the history and mythology, their diet is a bit similar. I found I loved their food, especially their spices.

         There are a couple of things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

1. Both of the images you reference in the article are no longer available.

2. Your crossword puzzle is tough! (Don't change it!)


         This was a short, but very good article, thank you for sharing.




Overall impressions:  


Sum1

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12
12
Review of Lake Michigan  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Kate,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 15th WDC Anniversary!

         For a story so short, this has a powerful message. In my humble opinion, you don't need the 'work of fiction' disclaimer. In a way, it detracts from the power of the story. You've already given it the genre of fiction, so it's redundant, isn't it? I loved the ending, loved the idea of your mother loving Lake Michigan that much. It flows well, and the showing was excellent. Thank you for sharing!




Sum1

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13
13
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey there!
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 4th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to admit, I've read your blog, ("Blog @ Work 2nd Edition" ) entries many times as I review blogs for the 30 DBC. Seeing it's your Anniversary Month, I thought I'd drop by and read more of your writings.

         I really enjoyed this, you had me wondering about the man with the voice also. Sometimes I really wish I had a voice like that, but I think mine isn't even suitable for radio! I loved the small twist when he turned out to be a young man, and in a wheelchair too! The last line was a kicker too, since like most of your other readers, I wondered what was going to happen afterwards, since you worked so hard to clean your apartment. In some of your blog entries, your mother lives with you. What did she have to say about this? *Smile*

         This is a very nice story, well worth reading, and very enjoyable. Thank you for sharing.




Sum1

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14
14
Review of Lover Boy  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey words
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 12th WDC Anniversary!

         This is written in a style that reminds me of one of my favorite authors. O'Henry. *Smile* And that's a compliment in my eyes.

         It flows well with a subject that makes one wonder where you're going with the story. I enjoyed the read, and could see Carton City in my mind. I did find one small item you might want to look at, should you consider editing this sometime.

1. The park where Lover had liberated the wallet was one of his favorite hunting-grounds, and it was there, some weeks after the loss of the photograph, that he found the twenty dollar bill. This is very minor to me, but worth mentioning. You left the word 'boy' out of this sentence.

         A very interesting story, well worth reading. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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15
15
Review of Work in Progress  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hey Riot,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 11th WDC Anniversary!

         I agree with your description, mankind is a work in progress. Whether you believe in God, Ancient Aliens, or random evolution, we are a work in progress. Sad thing is though, I don't think we're progressing all that much. True, we're advancing our knowledge, but we are definitely not progressing as a race.

         This is a nice poem, I don't recognize the format, if you used a particular format. That doesn't matter, it flows well, and is written nicely. A very enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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16
16
Review of Another Day  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hey Diane,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 18th WDC Anniversary!

         I've never known anyone that sensitive to types of fabric. Guess I've been lucky.

         This is short, quick, and to the point. Well written, I saw nothing I could comment on or a change to recommend.

         Shelly made a nice point about sewing a comfortable fabric inside the blouse. Clever, brilliant, something only one who had experienced the same situation might think of. That, or they're very sensitive and do well in thinking outside the box. Good story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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17
17
Review of Her First Time  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Zeke,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 13th WDC Anniversary!

         Somehow, I had a feeling of where this was going as I started reading it. That didn't stop me from enjoying it though. I can see why Glenda gave it an Awardicon, well done! I didn't see much I'd change, except maybe, somehow, you could build this a little more, making the readers mind go down the wrong path. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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18
18
Review of Bricks  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey Thomas,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a very good short story, I found myself really enjoying it. You painted a nice picture in my mind of your main character and his brick laying attempts. It's such a cute story that I hate giving it a 3.5 star rating. Here's my reasoning.

         The story line is excellent, one we've all seen before most likely, but still excellent.

         Some of your wording, especially in the dialog, is a bit off. It makes for a rough read. Mentioning your dialog, when you have multiple characters speaking, you should use a different paragraph for each one. This identifies each speaker to the reader, helping them understand who says what. This is the biggest problem I saw with this, it overrode my love for it.

         There are other things than these two items, but I don't want to mention each one, listing them all. Here's one that I must point out though.

1. I said that “I don't think you can help me sort this all out, it's a real mess. Besides how would he know which ones to save?” First, if you're replying, or saying something here, you don't need the word 'that'. The other thing is the second sentence there. Besides how would he know which ones to save?” If you're speaking, you wouldn't say he, you would ask him, "How do you know which ones to save?" This might seem minor, and they are. But when they occur 3-4 times in the story, it brings my rating down.

         This is a very nice story, I really did enjoy it. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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19
19
Review of The Book Worm  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Angus,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         I don't think I've ever been disappointed in anything you've written, and this one keeps that streak going. I can definitely relate to Chad, I was much like him in my youth. I would check 5-6 books out of the Bookmobile when it came by, and read every one of them within 3-4 days. Some books I read over and over, like "When Worlds Collide", or most anything by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Andre Norton. Those were my early teen favorite authors. Once I joined the Navy, I ventured to other authors. Robert A. Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, and a couple of others became my favs, then I found the Master. Stephen King. On my first submarine, I would bring about 50 books with me on an 'FBM Deterrent Patrol'. On most patrols, 3-5 of those books would become 'the book to read' by most of my friends. I'd loan a book out, and not get it back til the end of Patrol. At least I got them back though. Enough about my past.

         If I were to offer any comment on this at all, it would be to tell us a little more about what the authors told Chad. It doesn't have to be a long story. It shouldn't be one of their published ones either. It's one you make up, as if they wrote it! *Smile* Just a paragraph or three of one starting off, a break, and a paragraph or two to close it out. Use maybe 2-3 authors to do this. Then segue to your ending, which was brilliant. Love this story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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20
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Review of Washed Up  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey SandraLynn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         This is pretty cute, I loved it. I knew it was the washer early on. I mean geez, you left enough clues!

         I think it's a good thing our appliances can't talk, just think of all the juicy stories they know! Then again, it might be fun to listen to some of them too. *Smile*

         I did see one small thing you might want to look at, should you consider editing this.

1. No longer will I have to bare the burden of missing socks. Bare should be bear.


         A good, fun read. Thank you for sharing...


Sum1

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21
21
Review of No Way, José  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey Shannon,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 14th WDC Anniversary!

         Very nice story here, but you left me with a few questions, mainly centering around Pilar. It would have been nice to 'know' her more. You described her well, but I have to wonder at her motive in inviting Gabe to the outing. I think I'm about like him, and would have ended up in his shoes too, unless I somehow found I could run faster than Usain Bolt. Maybe the word count limit for the monthly contest was a concern. Still, a nicely told story, thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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22
22
Review of The Bridge  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Angus,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 9th WDC Anniversary!

         I think I read this a while back, and didn't review it because I knew your Anniversary was approaching. I saw it had been reviewed, and thought I'd do the same!

         This was pretty good Angus. Even though I was pretty sure where it was going the first time I read it, it didn't stop me from enjoying it. I think we've all met someone like Tim. One who will take advantage of any one, and any thing, whenever they can. The smart thing for Joey to have done, would be to get Tim to cross the bridge first! But then, since him and the Troll had an 'agreement', maybe the Troll wouldn't have taken him, making Joey even more sure it was safe to cross. Either way, well done. Thank you for sharing!


Sum1

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23
23
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey Korynn,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 17th WDC Anniversary!

         This is a pretty interesting story you have here. Moonkye captured me quickly, I found myself wanting to know more about him. Sadly, other than describing how he looked after his encounter with the supposed wolves was all we had to go on.

         You had quite a bit of showing here, and that's a good thing. Your telling dominated the story though, which made it not as engrossing as it could have been. Then you had the abrupt segue to the two young Mcketlo brothers. I said abrupt, and it was. One moment you're telling us about Moonkye and his death, the search that others made of the lake, and suddenly we're with the two boys as they decide they'll search the lake. I do have a few comments about it for you, should you decide to edit this.


1. No wonder, the man’s words always vile and bit those who spoke with him. You are missing the word 'were' before always.

2. A thoughtless statement, more from a day’s frustration rather than an actual thought, yet it a still hush fell about the raucous crowd as her words fit how Moonkye fretted and carried on about some loss. s you can see, I think the word it should be removed. Still, it seems this line might need a bit of rewording.

3. “Burn it” were the last words the town spoken about the matter as the chest, bag, and heart were placed into a makeshift bonfire and set ablaze. As written, this sentence does not make a lot of sense.

4. Two of the paragraphs are not indented like the others.

         Like I said initially, an interesting story. It does need a bit more showing, and less telling.


Sum1

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24
Review of Virtual Friend  
Review by Sum1
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Ken,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 10th WDC Anniversary!

         I have to admit, this puzzles me. I think you lost me in this somehow, and I'm not sure how. where, or when. It seems that Blake might be deceased, and can only make friends with those like himself. I'm not sure. Either way, this is well written, I just wish I understood it's message more. I may be having a gray hair (I refuse to call it a Senior Moment) moment. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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25
25
Review of Earthship  
Review by Sum1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Marie,
         I saw your suitcase on the Anniversary Review page and thought I'd drop in to honor this occasion, your 6th WDC Anniversary!

         Earthships have long interested me. I was in New Mexico (grew up there actually), on a business trip, and visited the Taos Earthship community. It was quite the experience to see one of these in person, and hear their discussion on building one. What I especially remember, is that the houses use the available 4 times. You mention it here a little bit, but seeing it, watching it, was phenomenal!

         This is pretty well done, but I do find myself wondering where you learned of this; what this essay is based on. You should review your second to last paragraph carefully. Here's one thing. For example, there have been people who created their own their own devices

         I agree with you wholeheartedly though, I think this is the home we need to look into living in. It blends in with the environment, and definitely reuses energy as much as it can. This was an interesting read, thank you for sharing!





Sum1

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