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3,418 Public Reviews Given
3,466 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual for the most part. I will point out errors I see and offer suggested corrections. I like to focus on the content and formatting of the item. I love providing helpful comments and feedback that may improve the item if acted on.
I'm good at...
I like to provide suggestions to the author on things I see that may need a second look. I'm not afraid to do a little research to verify a poem's format, or the contents of a story (if requested).
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Horror, Sci-Fi, Comedy, and Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Honestly, I will read anything if asked. I just prefer those listed above.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novellas, books (though a review of that may take days/weeks due to my schedule), Poetry of any format.
Least Favorite Item Types
I find non-structured poetry difficult to review, unless there is a short disclaimer about this non-structure that would help in understanding the reason it's in that particular format.
I will not review...
I'm not interested in Vore, In and Out's, Growing/Shrinking, or other items that are similar to one of these.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Jumping Spiders  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Purple writing writing writing Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a visit.

         This is a very cute children's short story. I don't think I've heard of Jumping Spiders myself, it would be a little bit of a shock to see them. You did well meeting the WC prompt, all while telling a story that made sense! Way to go!

         I did enjoy reading this, but I also saw one very minor thing for you to consider, should you decide to edit this.

         1. The sporadic visits from her daughter and granddaughter only underline her loneliness. It seems that underline should be past tense.

         A very cute children's story. Thank you for sharing!






Sum1

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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey PGHubbard Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a visit. I see you're what is politely termed a 'Newbie' (less than 3 months on Writing.com, or WDC as we affectionately call it.

         I really have one question about this. How in the blue blazes did you view my life so easily? It looks like you and I have led similar lives in almost every way.

         After all, we're close in age (I'm 71 and I'm not asking your age either), I served in the Navy Submarine Force, not the USAF (but I have 2 children who did serve in the USAF), we both seemed to have similar marriages that failed, (we didn't separate that many times, but still) and have now found love again. WOW!

         I don't write free verse poetry anymore, there are too many forms to work with I've found. This is well done while also telling a story. To me it's a sad story, but also a part of life. We aren't the only ones who have gone through this. Gee, just look around at other WDC Members, it might surprise you. And no, I will not provide a list of names,

         Thank you for an eye opening read. Despite it all, I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing!





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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Maddie Stuffing Stone Author IconMail Icon.

         You relate a beautiful story withing this poem. The images you created in my mind are awesome. I see a log cabin type home, a horse standing nearby, its rider has his head bowed.

         I will say that this is well written, it includes the word prompts needed, and tells a story that is essentially incomplete. Why do I say that? Because you left me hanging! What does the man do? Does he exact revenge on the guilty ones? What does he do in town? Do he raise all sorts of hell there? To me, this poem needs to be at least twice as long. But, that's just MHO, I know what that's worth. *Smile* If you decide to edit this, tell us more about his revenge and actions!

         A beautiful, but sad poem that starts a story. Starts, not finishes. Thank you for sharing.




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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Naomi Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop in for a moment.

         First, knowing that Tagalog is most likely your native tongue, I will make no comments on your use of English. Anyone who can speak, and write, in a foreign tongue amazes me. My hat is off to you.

         I love this story, it helps me know you a little better. I dimly remember days like this, though we didn't gather around the radio as you describe. We didn't get a TV until the mid-60's, we listened to the radio too. I remember being disappointed that I couldn't listen to The Lone Ranger on the radio. After all, it was on the TV, so why couldn't I hear it on the radio? *Smile* Ah, the innocence of youth huh!

         I will tell you about one thing in this story that needs correcting, should you decide to edit it. You wrote, This song was written by Willie Nelson in the year 1961 and was popularized by Patsy Cline in the year 1968 when I was in my early teens. Patsy Cline's 'Crazy' was released in late 1961, not 1968. That date just seemed far too late to me, so I checked.

         An excellent story about childhood, and a song to remember. Thank you for sharing!





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Review of Fall Flies  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Soldier_Mike Author IconMail Icon.

         I found this on Read & Review, even though it's 55 words, you say a lot here.

         I think I have the same opinion of leaves that you do. Sadly, our backyard, though small, is fenced. The leaves just don't blow away. We did get a small reprieve in some ways though. Our neighbor's tree sitting next to the fence fell over during a wind storm a couple of months ago. One less tree to provide falling leaves! But, there are still quite a bit left. I'm just hoping my back heals enough, and is strong enough to allow me to get them raked. At lease most of them. *Leaf2Br* *Leaf2Y* *Smile* *LeafO* *LeafBr*




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Review of How Did You Know?  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey thereBdragons Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a visit.

         I like what you've written here, it's just that I want more! *Smile*

         I'd love to see this built more is what I mean. If you decide to edit this that is. You could it via a flashback really. Explain more bout Todd and his inappropriate advances towards your main character. You could describe what Todd did to her, but not in too much detail, unless you want to go there. Just writing I believed him until he forced his way inside and attacked me. It was humiliating! I couldn’t tell my husband, because I knew he wouldn’t wait for the police. causes a reader to want to know more/read more. Or you could leave it as is, but when she killed him, someone saw it happen and called the police. Then describe the trial, what happens in it, et. Is she found Not Guilty by Self Defense? IS she put in jail at at time? There's just so much you can do with this, should you want to lengthen it.

         It's still a very good story as it stands now. Thank you for sharing!





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Review of Under the Lights  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey Winchester Jones Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a visit!

         I think you're right, the lights went out at the perfect time. Muhammad Ali wouldn't have killed you, but I bet he would have made you wish you were dead!

         You would need to be a very experienced boxer to spend any amount of time in a ring with him. The man I fear more though, would be Mike Tyson. Even now. That man didn't know how to throw a jab. Every punch was meant to put you out!

         This is well done, though I do question the purpose of it. I realize one genre is Nonsense, I guess you could also add Comedy to it, but why? If you decide to edit this, you might consider lengthening it some, building up the dream sequence some. Start with him working at MSG and falling asleep, dreaming he's going to fight Ali in his prime. Describe this in good detail, including him being knocked down, an wakening when the lights got out.

         An interesting story that could stand a bit more backfill to it. Thank you for sharing!





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Review of Family Parties  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey THANKFUL SONALI Party Hopping! Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop by for a look-see.

         This is very cute, and while a Clerihew has only 4 lines, I wonder if you could write additional verses, or if that's allowed. You've done well with this one, but that 4th line is off on syllable count. I know it's not important in the Clerihew form, but it throws the reader off. You wrote: All he has to do is to pay the bill! That's 10 syllables, where the third line is only 8 syllables, that threw me off. If you choose to edit this, perhaps this would work. He only has to pay the bill! Eight characters, and it stands well in the poem, matching that 4th line.

         A nice Clerihew, I will have to try writing one. Thank you for sharing!





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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Improxablity Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in for a Review!

         This is a little comical (add that genre to your post), driven by Dialog. Apparently Barb and Ken (Barbie & Ken maybe? *Laugh* are in their Bomb Shelter after an explosion, and think they are the only survivors in the world.

         I really like that you didn't go into the design of the shelter, nor how much food was on hand, etc. You didn't need that. Well Done!

         I don't think Ken planned ahead much at all. He should have downloaded a lot of movies/Fave TV Shows, music of all kinds. With just the two of them in the shelter, they will need it. /nit to mention Novels to read! Those will be run through rather quickly too, unless he downloads hundreds of movies & TV Shows, and had just as many books on hand. He would also need A LOT of music MP3/MP4's too. Thousands. He just didn't think about living their lives alone in that shelter, with nothing to do, watch, read, or listen to. His problem, glad it's not mine.

         With the idea that the unthinkable did happen, I'm left wondering where their Electricity is coming from. They could have a generator, but how long would that last? Solar panels might work, depending on cloud cover caused by the Bomb/Nature. Again, you didn't go into that, well done!

         A nice light-hearted story driven by dialog. Thank you for sharing!





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10
10
Review of Life As A Cliche  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hey bobaturn Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review (again), and just had to stop in for a review.

         You had me smiling the whole time I read this. I'm not big on cliche's, but I'd say you hit the ball out of the park with this story. Well done!

         I didn't read the contest prompt before reading your story, I really should have. I thought it was a bit heavy on using Cliche's, until I saw the prompt. Wow.

         I loved his boss' phrase, putting myself out to pasture. I did that back in May, though I wasn't anyone's boss. I was never asked back,(that's a good thing too), I think they were happy to be rid of me! *Smile* It was a win-win if that's the case.

         An excellent story full of Cliche's. Thank you for sharing!





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11
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Review of Maybel Bledsoe  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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Hey Than Pence Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in.

         You had me wondering where your story was going. I'd already seen that it wasn't too long and knew there was no way anything sexual would happen. Not even a quickie.

         You wrote Maybel as a nice person, a little low in intelligence it seemed, but nice nonetheless. Her encounter with the young man was a little odd it seemed, making me wonder what was really going on. Then you hit me with the twist. Well done!

         Some of your wording seems a little off in places, you might want to look this over carefully should you decide to edit it. Here's an example: Maybel took a deep breath to puff up her seemingly deflated chest. It made her feel better for but a moment. You don't need the word but here. There are other examples, I will not point them out now because I have no wish to seemingly tear this apart.

         I found it a little humorous that Maybel's area was robbed while the young man distracted her.

         You can change the rating of this to 13+, there's nothing written that warrants an 18+ Rating. Lowering the rating might make it visible to others who have their view filter set to a maximum of 13+. It's a decent story, thank you for sharing!




Jim


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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Soldier_Mike Author IconMail Icon,


         I found this on Read & Review and thought stop by!

         I love it! A story that's almost all dialog, with an inquisitive 6 year old that doesn't know when, or how, to stop asking questions.

         Teddy sounded so cute! Full of questions, maybe a tad hard of hearing? That, or Uncle Jeff whispered a couple of times. I looked for any kind of error I could think of, none found! Excellent job there!

         Thanks for sharing this enjoyable read!




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Review of All Hallows' Eve  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey tj gives thanks for all things Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on the newsfeed and thought I'd drop in.

         I won't say much here, but this is great! I make a point to rarely give a 5 star rating, but this deserves all I can give it. Thank you. Happy All Hallows Eve to you tomorrow my friend,.



Jim

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Review of Volunteering 101  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey Jacky Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop in!

         You have a few interesting ideas about Volunteering. I say ideas, because I think it's important that you state that these are your opinions (we all know what those are worth), and not based on fact. If these are not opinions, you should provide a reference for each. Why? Because it's important that readers understand why you typed this. Here's a link to an article that provides ten tips on volunteering. It contains 2 of the points in your article, well done there!



         That article is good for me to pay attention to, as is yours, because I retired in May, and plan on doing some volunteer work. (I needed to have surgery on my back first is why it's been 6 months now). Probably at a local hospital, but we'll see where I end up.

         I have to say that 'Taking Charge' is something I disagree with. Again, why? Take the idea of volunteering at a hospital. You don't need someone in charge, you need to know where you're needed, where you're scheduled to be. You don't need to take charge. But, if you're volunteering at an event, the story is different. You may (emphasis on MAY) need to take charge. It all depends on what you're volunteering to do.

         It's an interesting article/Flash Fiction, I just think you need to rethink your points. Thank you for sharing!






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Review of Apparition  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hey cassierobbins Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop by for a minute.

         You've penned a very interesting story, and despite my comments here, I loved it!

         The one thing that caught my attention though, was the part where the Native American apparition appeared. That whole part of the story seemed to be rushed. Almost as if you knew where the scene was going, but didn't build it enough, or weren't quite sure how to build it. You might consider starting with this line (assuming you decide to edit this), The atmosphere around him changed, the hairs on his arms standing erect. But what triggered his body’s reaction?, and ask yourself, Could I slow the pacing some? Can I build this a little?

         1. This sentence could be worded slightly differently, should you decide to edit this. He was convinced there would be nothing of interest inside having investigated sites like this enough times to know he’d come up empty handed. Perhaps this would work for you. Having investigated sites like this enough times before, he was convinced there would be nothing of interest inside and was fairly certain he’d come up empty handed.

         2. If you do choose to edit your story, you might add a comma here. He felt a stillness devoid of sound lingering within, much like the sensation he’d felt when stumbling upon old cemeteries, something that happened often in his line of work.

         3. Another minor comment for you with a re-wording suggestion. Clint turned the flashlight on his cell phone hoping to reveal more details. Perhaps something like this. Clint turned on the flashlight of his cell phone hoping to reveal more details.

         4. An added problem was that dusk was rapidly approaching with golden light fading into dove. I don't understand the use of the word 'dove' in this sentence. Is this a typo?

         5. I would use single quotation marks here to stress that he's thinking. I would also move the line after it so they're in the same paragraph. You desecrate a holy place. 'You desecrate a holy place.'

         You've written an excellent story here, it might need a little editing TLC is all. Thank you for sharing!




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16
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Review of Trapped  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey BIG BAD WOLF is Howling Author IconMail Icon.

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in.

         Wow, what a fix this crow was in! I can't imagine what went through its mind as it struggled to free itself.

         This is an excellent free-verse poem, I think your summary below the poem answered many questions someone might have. I only wonder about the act of snapping his trapped foot off. Did you find the foot, or is that an assumption on your part. Just curious is all. Crows are so intelligent though, amazing birds.

         I looked at your portfolio, two members listed there are members no longer. I don't know if that's important to you, I just thought I'd mention it.

         A sad story about a trapped crow, told well in a free-verse poem. Thank you for sharing!




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Review of What I remember  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey WakeUpAndLive~NOV Word Monger Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop in.

         I think it's easy to read something and know it's written from the heart like this one is. It's so hard to have a pet, watch them grow, and enjoy everything they can offer. Their unconditional love.

         Then you have to watch them enter their senior years, and realize you don't have much left with them. Like you in your poem, we went thru this with our Pumpkin 3 years ago.


Pumpkin


         I'm so glad you moved past their passing and are happy now.

         I saw nothing I can comment on in this poem, it's beautiful on its own. Thank you for sharing!



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Review of LIFE  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Naomi Author IconMail Icon,
         I saw your suitcase on the Read & Review page and thought I'd drop in Review this. While there, I realized it's your Anniversary Month, so why not send an Anniversary Review also, even if the from is on vacation until the New Year? Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!

         You are very right in saying that things in our lives don't turn out the way we expect them too. After all, I'm not wealthy yet, nor will I ever be really. But I'm rarely disappointed with my life, I've lived a good life, it's not been perfect, but I'm okay with that.

         The second paragraph is excellent, I agree that The Most High created us for a purpose, and has a plan for everyone. (I'm glad I don't have to keep track of those billions of plans!) I mentioned being wealthy earlier, I keep in mind the song from Fiddler On The Roof, sung by Tevye. If I Were A Rich Man. Yeah, I doubt I'd know what to do with the money. I would love to help others in any ways The Most High guided me. I do not kid myself that I'd waste some of it. Most of it would be used to help others though.

         My only suggestion/comment about your Documentary is that I wish it was a little longer. Maybe adding more about your personal life (not too personal though). Your ambitions, things you love to do or experience. Basic stuff, nothing more. Thank you for sharing, and again, Happy 3rd WDC Anniversary!




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Review of Suspicions  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey NormaJean AKA MarilynMonroe Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in.

         Marie sounds so much like the neighborhood nosy person! The banter between her and George was good, it carried the story. Marie reminded me of Mrs. Ochmonek from Alf. She always had her nose in everything the Tanner's did.

         Your closing line about the new neighbors being too nice was perfect. I didn't see any obvious errors to comment on though. Thank you for sharing!



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Review of Part 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey justanotherpoethero Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop in.

         You made Tommy and the gang very real to me as I read this. I've never been one to hang out at a bar though, but they were real to me. I enjoyed their back and forth banter, it seemed that you might have based on personal experiences?

         I think the dialog carried this, and carried it well. Despite all the love I have for this, I did see a couple of things you might want to look at, should you decide to edit this.

         1. Sure, they set up a speaker behind there on Fridays that means the house band will shatter your eardrums before they’ve finished tuning, and you wouldn’t want to be anywhere on Saturday mornings except up at the bar watching the games and betting pints, but I like to think perfection would’ve robbed that booth of its charm (or at the very least, invited competition from the other regulars). This sentence is a bit long, of the run-on' type. You might consider breaking this up, should you decide to edit this. Here's an example" Sure, they set up a speaker behind there on Fridays. That means the house band will shatter your eardrums before they’ve finished tuning. You wouldn’t want to be anywhere on Saturday mornings except up at the bar watching the games and betting pints. I like to think perfection would’ve robbed that booth of its charm (or at the very least, invited competition from the other regulars), but it hasn't happened yet.

         2. There are 2 or 3 paragraph first lines that are not indented like the others. Here's an example: Colleen rolled her eyes. Then, after a few seconds of putting up with our nonsense in silence, she turned to Tommy and casually asked, “So, wanna make out?” Use the {indent} command to indent the first line the same for each paragraph. Maybe you already know this and just forgot, or didn't preview this before posting it.


         A very nice story of your people enjoying themselves. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review of The Quarry WC 239  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey jackiesmuse Author IconMail Icon

         I really loved the idea of your story! This is exactly what young boys would do given the time. I could see them in my mind as they jumped into the quarry. One question (of many) comes to mind. Did Joey really have a cramp, or was his leg also grabbed, like the others?

         I do have one overall comment about it though. It's far too short! You start out watching Grandma Katherine make her famous strudel. Your main character is bored, and his mind shifts to the previous day. That's where you can broaden this, should you choose to edit it.

         You could go Creature From The Black Lagoon with this if you so chose. Personally, how about a long piece of a kelp like substance that moves almost on its own? It could seemingly grab an ankle. Maybe it doesn't move on its own, but is alive, a bit like Godzilla or Kong. You didn't say you were under a word count; if you were at the time you wrote this, that time has passed, so edit if you like? It just needs more if you ask me.

         A good story, but it's far too short.



Sum1

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Review of I Choose to Write  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Andrew Hinkley Author IconMail Icon,

         I saw this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop in. Boy, am I glad I did!

         I really enjoyed your story. The pacing of it was excellent, the plot was tight. The dialog between your main character and the King, the Shadow Figure, and his younger self really moved the story along.

         I have two comments for you, neither is meant to be a detraction of the story.

         1. Many of us here on WDC are a little older, seeing small font can be challenging. If you decide to edit this, you would use the {Size} command to do this. There are two ways you can accomplish this using WritingML. First, click the gear icon in the upper right corner and select Edit. Next, highlight the entire story and click the icon that has 3 S's on it. You'll then see a font size to choose (this review is written in font size 4). That's all there is to it! After you do that, you'll see {Size:4} (assuming you wanted to use font 4) in front of the first word, and {/size} after the last word. Obviously you can do this by manually typing the Size command (in brackets of course, along with the desired size), and the /size command, again in brackets, after the last word.

         2. The other things you can do, should you decide to edit this, is place the title of the story above the main body of the story, and bold the text. Make that text slightly larger than the body's text if you like. You might consider placing a blank space between paragraphs also. These comments are my preferences, nothing more.

         An excellent story! I hope to read more of your work in the future.



Sum1

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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hey thereBdragons Author IconMail Icon,

         I found this on Read & Review and thought I'd stop by.

         When Sam and Judith left on that walk, I was almost sure Sam would kill her. Glad to find I was wrong. That twist at the end was tremendous, thank you!

         I enjoyed reading this, it was a cute, though a slightly short, story. Personally, I would like to have known a little more about both characters. That's just my inquisitive nature though.

         I did see one very small thing you might want to consider looking at, should you decide to edit this.

         1. There actually centuries worth of them. There should be they're. There is used to point out that they are in a location. They're means There are centuries worth of them.

         Thank you for sharing!








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Review by Jim Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Hiya iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon,
         I saw this on Read & Review and thought I'd drop by for a visit.

         Well, been there, done that. I bet we all have. Not in this fashion, not as blunt as this. And today, we're married. It was a bit of a road to tread, but we did it. She reminds me once in a while about it, I know it's in our past, she can't let go.

         I will say that your main character made the same mistake that my buddy Ariel made when he broke up with his girlfriend Mary. I told him he shouldn't, what more can I say? She wanted to get married, he didn't. That was the biggest issue they faced. Maybe they'll get back together, he does feel he made a mistake.

         Well written here. Thank you for sharing!



Sum1

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Review of the candle  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
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Hey The Artful Codger Author IconMail Icon,
         I found this on the Read & Review page and thought I'd stop in.

         I like your story, but it's far too short. It also needs a good bit of editing TLC.

         Every story needs a beginning, and your story has that, in a way. It also needs an area in which the plot and characters can be built. That's missing. The ending is nice in its own way, but it's abrupt and leaves a reader hanging. Here are questions in my mind after reading it.

         1. How did Rose come to have a Stiletto in her side? (How did she come to be stabbed.)

         2. What significance does the black candle have in relation to your story? Candle is in BOLD text, almost as if you were writing this to meet a prompt. Warrent is also in BOLD font, and misspelled. It should be Warrant, the sang Wild Cherry.

         3. Why did Rose lay the stiletto across her sisters throat. Again, what's the significance of that action.

         What's missing here are details. The details of any story are the devil. It seems that you have the whole story in your mind. You know what's going on, it's there like a movie playing in your head. Your readers don't have this luxury, and have to guess what's going on. Tell us all about it, tell (and show!) us what's going on.

         Other than capitalizing Rose's name at the beginning of this, nothing else is. Except the name of the song Cherry Pie. Other misspellings include extacy, it should be ecstasy. Give this story a nice solid 'look over', edit it, add to it so details of what's happening. Then you'll see better reviews, with higher grades. Honestly, I'm floored that it has an average rating of 4 stars.


Sum1

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