I really liked your story, where I could smell the flowers and the fruits, feel the sunshine streaming through windows, and just the whole "feel good" tone and tenor of the entire work. This is a good piece if you're feeling down and need a quick wake-up, like a cup of coffee or in this case, a fresh glass of morning cheer.
Hi, my name is Bob, and among my wanderings, I happened upon your brief story and decided to rest awhile, take a load off, relax, and smell the roses, some fruits and vegetables, and dew-dampened soil
My only criticism (and even that sounds too harsh) is that your exuberance shows just a tad too much here. What do I mean by that? Well, sometimes when we get excited about life and living, and in this case, the joy and abundance of emotion associated with your mom and all that represents to you, the words just come gushing out. Almost anything, if it's an adjective, fills the bill, so to speak
For example, in the opening paragraph below:
Every morning, the sun splashes our windows with golden paints, and the lacy cobwebs and dust sparkled and glowed under the warm light. But the warm light becomes a raging, old lady with a stick. With her long, thick stick, she whips and pokes at our skin and eyes, until we can not bare the heat anymore. Blankets thrusted aside, we swing our legs out of the bed and begin our morning routine.
That's your original above. Allow me to do a minor rewrite below and show what I'm talking about. Colorful adjectives are great, but it's important that they kind of all fit together, which emphasizes that we're flowing through the same river of thought, and not taking little side trips into separate streams along our way. Too much of a good thing is sometimes the problem, or too much all happening at the same time. Important also, is the idea that "my" words and phrasing are just that. Meaning they aren't intended to be superior to your own, but rather show you some added alternatives that are open to you, if you wanted to explore different possibilities. And when it comes to vivid descriptions, as you no doubt realize, they are endless in the choices of how use them. See what you think about my choices, and I'll finish up afterward.
Every morning, the sun painted our windows with golden pigments, while lacy cobwebs and particles of dust sparkled and glowed under the warm, forenoon light.
But the heated rays soon became a raging old lady, with a stick no less. Whipping the air with her long, thick rod, she would poke at our skin and eyes until we could no longer bare the warmth anymore. Blankets were thrust aside as we swung our legs to the floor, ready to begin our morning routine.
Hi, Kit. Two things are happening in my version. First I broke the paragraph into two pieces. This is always a good idea because it "opens" up paragraphs which are too stuffed otherwise. You'll want to do more of that with the paragraphs that remain. Secondly, you'll see how I changed the "tense" from your present tense, to past tense. I think you'll see how this lets the words read smoother, and our "frames of reference", so to speak, seem more connected.
I also moved adjectives around and sentence structures. By now you probably feel like your writing is like a carrot where the knife chops it into a hundred pieces
There is so much goodness here, like a big stew pot filled with all the right ingredients -- you've got fruits and veggies, flowers, sunlight, gardens and all the rest. We just need a good "recipe" to go by, which guides us in putting it all together.
Just in case you're interested, I put the last paragraph into the past tense as well, so you could get another "feel" for what I'm suggesting. See what you think: (I made a few other small changes, also)
Had a witch -- perhaps the old lady -- flown by and cast an enchanting spell upon my mother's garden? Though I knew it was no witch's spell, but beauty that was created by hardworking hands. My mother's hardworking hands.
Even with her fingers blackened by dirt and fingernails stained with mud, my mother's hands were the most wondrous and lovely things in that dew-glistening garden.
Kit, this is one of those pieces where a thesaurus is your best friend. And a dictionary. They should already be your two best buddies I know I gave you a lot to deal with here, and patience is certainly the name of the game. It's a slow, step-by-step process that pays off big-time in the end. If you're game to play.
Let me know if you have any questions and I'd be happy to help out in any way I can. Thanks for letting me dig around in your garden.