Not only do I believe the quality of your work is outstanding, I also agree with you. In the name of political correctness, we become robots without individuality. This piece sums up so perfectly how enslaved our nation has become to a set of social values to the greater majority of us. Christmas is not the only issue which faces this sort of snuffing. Thank you for sharing this piece; I enjoyed reading it.
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A wonderful piece, well written. I love the conversational format. It drives the point home exceptionally well. Since it is written about the old ways which gum up the lives of today's adoptive adults, it makes an extremely strong point. The old method of closed adoptions strips the adult adoptee of the most basic of human rights: knowlege of who s/he is. That is so much more than a name. Great work! Write on!
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Any parent's greatest fear, the loss of a child, is wonderfully portrayed in this piece. Even better since it first occurs as a premonition! While her husband poh-poh's the whole thing, a reader, male or female, feels the mothers fear acutely. I really like her recognition of that exact moment! Beautiful piece!
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What a twist! Instead of a Good vs Evil theme, you've created a warped Evil vs Evil scenario. This goofy Halloween story is a very fun read. I had a pretty good idea what the victim was by the end, but it was still fun getting there. I also like the aspect that the pixie's typical victim is a person we'd see gone anyway! A Brilliant character.
Thank you for entering The Ordinary Things Contest!
Impressions: An uplifting and nostalgic work.
Theme : What does laughter feel like?
Form: A poem written in tercet. No rhyme or meter used.
Imagery: Each stanza presents a strong image of an event in life which might evoke laughter. Well done. the second stanza breaks pattern by shifting images, though.
Grammar/Spelling:
No errors.
Rating outside contest:
Challenge Spirit and Competitive Uniqueness:
Your association technique is interesting, but not always powerful. Some images evoke greater feeling than others.
Rating in this arena:
Overall Rating:
This has been
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A wonderful forward-looking piece. It puts me in a very peaceful state of mind to read it. Its topic can prove difficult to write about without strong wording.
I like how you've presented mankind as a race which has lost its way. I am also impressed by the manner in which your images are used. The use of simple, common images to lead the mind away from the world's almost commonplace violence is commendable.
This is a beautiful and realistic look at the most noble of parenting acts: adoption. My nephew was adopted as an infant in an open adoption and is now the age of the young boy depicted here.
Through Jeremy, a very real picture of orphanage life is painted including the lack of hope older children often feel. I am also impressed by the fact that the outcome is left dangling. The point of the story is HIS quest not the outcome.
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A beautiful love poem! The rhyme scheme is constant and the flow is excellent. Great work on keeping the quatrains and keeping them smoothe. The work may not exhibit a meter, but not every poem does. I am also impressed by the internal turmoil displayed in the words. It's the classic "I didn't want it but it happened anyway," theme. Great writing!
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A great illustration of emotional loss! I'm one of many here who knows. The longing for death is palpable. The image of the cliff is superb. I love the title! It reminds me of a King novel. It's by-line was "sometimes a nightmare gets through." This piece is a beautiful illustration of a living nightmare. Write On!
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It's hard to find positive words for this sort of story. I can say it's positively horrifying. Having come close to hitting deer a couple of times myself, I know the kind of scare that causes.
Your imagery is superb as well. Yours usually is. The final image is the scariest of all! Now take a deep breath....Ohhhm....Ohhhhm.
Theme: Let's talk weekends! Most especially the day we all look forward to: if you work a steady week, it's always friday.
Imagery: Filled with images of what will happen at the end of this day, the poem made me remember when fridays meant so much to me.
Flow: Some of the lines are slightly rough, but not too bad.
Form: A triple acrostic, each sestet could likely stand on its own. The rhyme scheme, ababcc, is constant and the rhymes read smoothly. By adding rhyme, you've gone an extra mile for writing acrostic. No particular meter.
Suggestions:
No suggestions from me. The subject makes me think of younger days.
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Impressions: Provocative and well written. Very interesting and entertaining.
Plot: Two foes locked in repeating combat alternating between victory and defeat.
Character development: Pheonix: Named for the mythic avian symbol of rebirth, he is never meant to win but instead to be reborn as the dragon and fight his foe again.
Dragon: Waiting at the top of her tower for her foe, she devises a plan to break the cycle and the curse that creates it.
Imagery: Your images are strong and vivid. The battleground and the flying arrows are especially well depicted. You create a good scene!
Grammar/Structure: They loved her(,) that she knew -> remove comma man(,) clad all in black, a sole -> remove comma dripped (scarlett) blood -> one t Alternating through the (millenia) -> millennia as if to let someone, or something(,) speak.-> add comma (thine) selves worthy, (thine) curse shall be lifted -> 'thy' in both cases
Suggestions: No suggestions for changes in the story. I'm impressed with the work!
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Thank you for entering The Ordinary Things Contest!
Impressions: An entertaining little ditty. Strong in its purpose.
Theme : What does brewing coffee sound like?
Form: A poetic entry in two quatrains. The first of these rhymes as a,a/b,b/c,c/d,d. I found this clever, but the scheme was abandoned in the second stanza.
Imagery: Great use of onomatopoeia to focus most images on the auditory senses. Answers the prompt quite well.
Grammar/Spelling: No errors.
Rating outside contest:
Challenge Spirit and Competitive Uniqueness:
A strong and impressive work. As stated above, the onomatopoeia works well and it's a difficult thing to use in poetry. Good work!
Rating in this arena:
Overall Rating:
This has been
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Theme: This work is of a very deep and philosophical nature and centers around a natural landform.
Imagery: Vague yet vivid. Since I lived in Colorado for six years, the mention of red rocks brings to mind the "Garden of the Gods." Images depicting your activities there brung the place more to life.
Form: A Ghazal as defined, with all the earmarks described in the accompanying definition. Thank you for that, I did not know of this form previously. I'm not sure if meter is part of this form, so my rating my not be as well informed as I'd like.
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Impressions: Very strange and at times funny. Highly entertaining!
Theme: There really is no no single theme and none is intended.
Imagery: Each line presents a different image or idea. Some are hilarious others deep. I laughed heartily at "Pepperoni is evil."
Flow: This piece flows well and does it by jumping from topic to topic.
Suggestion: I'm not sure I'd call this a poem so much as Philosophical Stream of Consciousness. As for it's structure and wording, I have none.
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Theme: The work is less about the storm itself and more about contrasting reactions to it.
Imagery: Full marks here! Rich descriptions of time of night and storm severity make a reader experience the storm. Differing personal reactions create a sense of voyeurism.
Flow: Excellent! Few free forms move so well! I am very impressed.
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Theme: The worry one feels when a tumor is found in a loved one.
Imagery: Mostly this is confined to the image of the tumor, but there is no need for more.
Flow: This picks up a bit after the conclusion of the phone call. The internal conflict presented becomes more obvious as well.
Suggestions: I really have none. This poem is about one life as it affects another. These matters are what they are.
On a personal note, my father recently battled oral cancer. I am very keen to the emotions displayed here.
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Impression: Simple but direct as is the case of most Japanese forms.
Form: I don't understand why two line sets were joined in the middle of this work. I understand that the thought was still incomplete but visually the work becomes jumbled looking. Syllabically perfect though.
Imagery: This is very strong. The descriptions of plants going to seed as well as trees dropping their leaves are very well painted. The presonification of trees 'seeing' chimney smoke is a wonderful touch as well.
A beautiful descriptive piece and a wonderful read. Thanks again for the teaching session:)! Write On!
Form: Thanks for teaching me a new form!:) Syllabically speaking, the work fits it perfectly but the first stanza seems slightly forced to it. Read aloud, a listener may not recognize the line breaks as intended.
Imagery: Beautiful in both describing the flowers themselves and the reason for their sending.
A very enjoyable piece. Write On!
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Theme: The pairing of word with tune. If ever a match was made in heaven...
Imagery: The image of two artists speaking is constant though it is never said outright. I am also impressed by the alternate sensations of pleasure and pain used.
Form: The rhyme scheme for this form is kept perfectly. The choice of iambic pentameter makes this single stanza especially beautiful. I find no fault with it, either. The flow of the wording is also excellent.
Personal note: When I saw rime royale among your forms, I had to review it!
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Theme: The cro-magnon attitude a TV remote brings out and the grief it causes.
Form: A well written ballad format with the proper ABCB rhyme scheme. Of course a true balad meant for song usually has a chorus included, but that was usually a memory device in bardic epics. Only one line misses the meter you used. St.6, Ln.4 is 7 syls.
Imagery: Very vivid. The descriptions portray BOTH Joe's actions and his stupidity throughout life.
I enjoyed the piece. Truly, I've forgotten as much about poetic forms as I remember. I'm glad to find another who likes to use them. Write On!
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Form: An acrostic poem which sends its message well and leaves no doubts as to your feelings. No wordiness, so the flow is smooth.
Imagery: Images are few but strong. The best of these is the Testing the waters image in my opinion.
Other: The addition of the picture is a sweet touch.
This may be an issue of personal style, but in my own acrostic, I don't make the word/phrase so obvious. A very good poem and a fun read! Write on!
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Impressions: A powerfully worded, perhaps scolding work.
Theme: A happy birthday wish with a scalding twist. It leaves me wondering if the author is the daughter.
Form: The poem has good rhyming structure in ABAB. As mentioned by a previous reviewer, the meter is not perfect. This is a very difficult aspect of form poetry. One easy improvement would be to break the first 12 lines into quatrains (four line stanzas) which would give it the basic form of the English Sonnet.
Imagery: This is best displayed in images describing past birthdays. These add a stronger dimention to the work.
Not a bad read. these words obviously mean a great deal to you and you let the reader know it without vaguery. in this point the poem succeeds. Write on!
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Impressions: Suspenseful and entertaining. A fresh type of tale.
Plot: A recurrent dream which bleeds into the dreamer's waking life. The end is quite a surprise.
Character development:
Angela: The main character of the tale develops strangely but appropriately. This aspect is the story's biggest strength.
Imagery: Very good. The images of the panther and the forest are especially strong. You have painted scenes in your story well.
Grammar/mechanics: This is your downfall.
*The nature still (showing) all -> shows
*An anonymous voice (whispering) -> whispers
*the voice is (becoming) clearer -> becomes
*Suddenly there’s (this) strange smell -> replace with 'a'
*Sweat (running) down all over -> runs
*panther, about 13 (foot) away -> feet
*She nods (at her) reply. replace w/ 'in'
*Hitting the highway, leaving the city far behind.
fragment. Reword as 'She hit the highway, ...'
*There’s a small town visible in the distance(,) she moves towards it. -> use a semicolon
*some evening-post newspaper(s) in front of some houses.
*A small path (leads) to the east. -> needs a verb
*Angela moves towards to what is left
*An axe (lying) on the floor. -> Fragment. replace w/ 'lay' to correct.
A good story. Without these Grammatical errors the story would earn a 4.5! I really enjoyed it as a story.
Write On!
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Impressions: A light-hearted, fun, and easy read.
Grammar/Structure:
They loved her(,) that she knew -> remove comma
Suggestions:
No suggestions for changes in the story. I'm impressed with the work!