I´m not a big fan of not capitalizing, but in this case I decided to overlook it, since the emotion, and the imagry in this piece took over so much that I began not notice it, until it faded from my sight completely.
This is so clear that it needs no analysis, I don´t think it´s needs anything.
I don´t know how to put this, but this is just plain EXCELLENT!!!
If we, the people of this planet, would only heed these
words and suggestions, we would see a completely different place. Though I find everything you have written here to be completely non-debatable, true, and actually a very simple solution to the terrible mess we have created, I still have my doubts about whether we will wake up in time. Before we self destruct.
It seems strange doesn´t it, that the simplest and most logical solutions to the problems of the world, are the hardest ones for us to apply?
Our emotions aren´t logical. Maybe it IS because we have been brainwashed into believing that the "eye for an eye" concept IS the solution, but it´s hard to believe that we can´t see through it.
Anyway, all I really meant to say was that I find this an outstanding, thought provoking, piece of work, and I applaud you for it! / AL
Ok. What do you say? This piece is written by a full fledged wordsmith if ever I saw one. I am amazed.
I have read this 4 times now, I will have to read it at least 4 more, to even be able to start to grasp it´s full meaning and content. Not because it is unclearly written, but because the use of metaphor, and the beautiful prosaic style of this piece forces the reader to stretch and expand his or her mind in order to fully understand it.
I was at first taken a bit aback due to the use of long sentances that lack punctuation, but at a second glance, I realized that it would be unnecessary and out of place. The sentances flow like running water the way they are, and it takes great talent to be able to pull something like that off.
This is the kind of piece that is immediatly recognized and understood by your soul, but that takes a while to translate into something that your brain can understand.
Here is a piece that taps into the very essence of what it means to be a writer, and the sacrifice and aloneness that inevitably comes with it. That it involves retreating from the world, and the social, everyday goings on, that society usually takes for granted as the way to live. Marriage, children, friends, 9-5 jobs, are all sacrificed for the sake of something in the very core of the writer that refuses to be comprimised.
This I´m sure is what being a true writer really entails, and I´m sure that the author of this piece must have sacrificed a lot in order to become the brilliant writer he/she obviously is.
I´m going to save this in my favorites, and read it again and again, and use it as a reminder and an example of the kind of writer, I in my dreams, might one day hope to be.
Not only by the profound depth of clarity, honesty, and insight you have so generously shared in this piece, but also by the way it stabbed my heart with recognition.
I have also always pondered about breaking the circle of child abuse, and thought that the "Just stop!" was the right way to go, but never realized that being over protective could actually be a kind of abuse too, robbing children from experiences that were important to their spiritual growth.
We live in a very confusing world, where grown up children have children, and are expected to know what it means to be an adult.
Abused children have to fend for themselves and try to figure out what this means on their own, since their "role models" have most often been more abused than THEY have.
Though this "Breaking of the cycle" takes things forward for the next generation, the "children who break them" who have never had someone to do this for them, feel guilty of their "inadequacies", and can´t always see the magnitude in the steps they have taken.
Besides this being a very well written and thought provoking piece, it really touched my soul and probably healed something there in the process.
Well, If this is as you say your first attempt at poetry, than I must say that you certainly have potential! I think this is great! I could actually feel the stillness and emptiness, the depressing feeling of defeat and meaninglessness, lack of worldly ambition and loneliness. I could envision many different kinds of people and reasons for being in this state, but the one that comes to mind most clearly is and old person, maybe in a retirement home or something, left alone and just staring into nothingness waiting for the end to come. The way you have structured it, and the flow, makes it almost hypnotic. VERY GOOD!! I´d like to see more, so please keep it up! / AL
Hi! Though I haven´t read through your whole journal yet, it has become one of the ones I keep going back to and checking out. You are one of the kind that writes so well and with such flow, that you can make the simplest anecdote interesting enough to keep the readers attention. I like your sense of humor, your honesty and the way your "strong, independant woman" personality is woven through almost everything you say.
I´m actually glad that I haven´t read it all yet, because it means that I still have something to look forward too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. / AL
I´ve read through your whole folder and I absolutly love it!!! It´s so funny and so true!!! I have been working in restaurants, cafe´s and fast food places most of my life, and though I live in Sweden, I´ll tell you, people are the same where ever you go. It´s really unbelieveable. Thank you for sharing your experiences! This has even inspired me to maybe write something about the insane things that I have experienced in the business myself. / AL
OH!! This is great! I´ve seen the term Clerihew around here, but I never knew what it was! This seems to be something that is right up my ally!! Thank you so much for explaining in this newsletter and I am really looking forward to tying out my hand at this for the first time! Thanks again! / AL
I know that there are so, SO many people on this site that it is of course impossible to notice everyone, but I still am so surprised that I haven´t seen you before. I have gone through your port and I have to say that I was stunned. This poem and actually all of them are absolutly breathtaking. You are very talented, and I enjoyed every word.
How absolutly beautiful!!! The imagry is so life-like that it feels as though I am there myself, seeing what you see and feeling the same. I can fell the sunshine on my face, feel the air softly blowing though my hair, and smell the scent of flowers jeweled with glistening raindrops. You have captured the wonder, mystery and beauty of nature in a most excellent way.
You connote the essence of being seen through the eyes of one who is grateful, to be a part of the gift of life.
Hi!! I think that you, as well as the people who have reviewed you, are maybe reading too much of your own opinions into the quote than necessary.
To say that East is East and West is West, is about the same thing as saying, that what is, is what is.
Left is left and right is right. Light is light and dark is dark. And so on.
I think it connotes that nothing is going to change. He sees the world, (though it does sound depressing) as something unchangeable, that it doesn´t matter whatever new ideas are born, people will still not change their minds. It sounds like a sigh to me.
Whatever ratings you are given for this, and how you take it, is probably all encapsuled in the title of your poem. People see what they want to see. / AL
If there is one creature on this earth that I just can´t stand, it´s wasps. Here though, you have in very humoruos way portrayed life from their point of view. It reminds me of the movie "Ants", and actually I think it could very well be adjusted to an animated film. " The Stermin" Is a wonderful way of describing an exterminator as the boogie man, the devil, or just some terrible monster legend passed down from "wasp" generation to generation. You have used great imagry here, and also metaphor. I didn´t notice any grammar or spelling errors, and if there are any, they fade in sight of this very entertaining and quite funny piece. You have also given me a bit more compassion for the insects, maybe you are talking about termites, but I am no entomologist. You are very articulate, and on the whole a well written piece with humor that also forces the reader into some philosophical thinking. / AL
Hi Bhaskar!!! I found you through your forum "Kill in the name of God". I´m going on my 3rd month here at wdc and have found your port to be one of the most interesting so far. I´ve been going through it for over 2 hours now and am facinated. I chose to write to you in this comment box only because I´m still laughing. You have such wonderful insight into so many things and the necessary sense of humor to balance the seriousness of both worldly and spiritual issues. You sound like a person who is on the very verge of becoming WHOLE, and that is a rare thing in this world indeed. Well, I just want to thank you for sharing yourself with everyone. / AL
First I want to say that this is a very lovely poem! I would like to give you some suggestions though that I believe would make it stand out better. First, you make the same mistake as I always do, and that´s, not putting a space after the commas. I also believe that you don´t need them at all if you make a new line with the chosen words instead. F. ex, 1st stanza:
Please do stop
Thou makest no difference
And so on...
I also think that it would present itself better if you capitalized the first letter in every line.
You also have a very long blank space before the R&R box.
Otherwise, a very good poem, the content is wonderful, and you have used beautiful wording.
I see you´re new here, I´ve only been here for little over 2 months and know what a jungle this place can seem to be at first. I have started to find my way around quite well now though, So if you have any questions, please ask, and I´d be happy to help as much as I can. / AL
You make me cry. I can´t put into words what I feel about your writing, really I can´t. You are so so so very talented. It´s absolutly unbelievable that you´re not published. I would like to give this poem to everyone I know who has lost a child, and I do know a few. It´s magnificent. / AL
I liked this .You have painted a very vivid picture of the weariness that can come over everyone at one time or another.You have done well with the flow but in the part "In communion with Him
I Him almost hear now",
The second "Him" sounds a bit akward flow-wise.Though it does sound that way I don´t know what you could do to change it.Otherwise, I could feel the greyness and and the sense of giving up very clearly.Good job.
You have written this piece well without any obvious errors.I´m not really sure what you want to be commented on, do you want the opinions of the readers or are you just stating facts? Though you have clearly argued the reason you find polygamy acceptable,I would have liked to hear your opinion on why those who believe in monogamy don´t.It sounds here like you´re saying that men have no self control in sexual matters,and that women do.Actually the need of a law like this seems more degrading towards men than towards women.It sounds like a law that contributes to inequality rather than the opposite.Again,you are a very good writer,but for the sake of the reader I think you should put a little more into the content.
First, I find this very well written.You have brought up a very complex and controversial issue.Your opinions are clear and you have argued well for them.What I find missing is is a more indepth discussion of the question of rape.you have only mentioned this in passing,and in doing so, you you have left out a very important aspect of the issue.Many women are actually raped in their own homes by their spouses,who believe they have a right to do this by marriage.You have written about a very important issue,but again,I believe you should elaborate more on what you think a woman should do if she is raped.It is a very valid question,and shouldn´t be left out.
Asolutly,wonderfully,useful!Perfectly stuctured,easy to understand,and as far as I can see,nothing of importance left out.I believe you have answered the questions of very many members,who would otherwise have to run around and try to piece it all together themselves.Thank you for doing all that work for us.
This is very,VERY,good.you mispelled break,I didn´t really notice anything else,I was so wrapped up in what you were saying.I was going to give you a 4.5 but when I looked back at it I changed my mind.It´s incredibly hard to put the feelings you´ve conveyed into words,and still you managed to do it.BRAVO!
You have conveyed the fears and helplessness of most parents here.I´m not sure about the grammar,but the heart of what you´ve written is painfully clear.The thought of not being able to protect our children,and the feeling of guilt for either interfereing ,or not, is a very large dilemma.No one wants their children to loose their innocence,but being trapped in society is a hard thing to deal with.
I wrote this very long review about this about an hour ago,and it somehow got deleted so I`ll try to give a summary here again.I liked your piece very much,it was very vivid and colorful.The theme about being born with certain gifts and skills that don´t necessarily have to be genetic,is very interesting and I belive true.I noticed a thing that I might be wrong about,I think maybe you should put a "was"between "crone" and "predicting" or between "square" and "a".Another thing has been racking my brain-the part about him putting one hand on the buck,and the other on his father,and him seeing the buck´s last vision.I am almost certain I have seen this in some movie or TV show,but I can´t remember which one.I just thought you should know before you publish it,and as far as I´ve read,I think you should.I am easily bored,but your peice didn´t bore me at all,and I read it thoroughly.Thank you.