Warped Sanity's (warpedsanity) Reviews

Create New Item

Read & Review

Community

Browse By Type

Browse By Genre

Writing Resources

Mon, Jul 14, 2025

4:15pm EDT

Members: 828

Guests: 2,423

Total Online: 3,251

SPONSORED ITEMS

You know it's Sci Fi when...

Themes, Elements, and Tropes. Some things that Science Fiction is best known for.

Example Quiz: Writing.Com History Trivia

An example quiz about Writing.Com that uses Correct Scoring.

The Writer's Cramp

Write the best poem or story in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPS!

The Writer's Cramp

Write the best poem or story in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPS!

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Adriana's Tale

Something evil lives on Nob Hill that only a human sacrifice can satisfy.

Hook of the Book Prompt

This is the picture prompt for the Hook of the Book Contest!

AR, AP, TG.

an interactive about AR / AP. 300 pts for adds

...And Still the Wind and Rain

Nature shows no mercy, yet mercy might be found

READ A NEWBIE

~Sojourn.

Embracing trials as catalysts for soul growth, inner transformation, and eternal freedom.

Flight of the Hawk

Young Native American goes on a vision quest

Carlo Dela Cruz

Bio I had ghost writer in me but no one told me back then I needed copy rights to my songs

~Sojourn.

Embracing trials as catalysts for soul growth, inner transformation, and eternal freedom.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Groundhog Day

Vince has to work on his birthday. Again. For Tales Shown, Not Told Contest Quill Nominee

Whimsical Alphabetical Reversal

A nonsensical poetical experiment

Hypnotic Journey

Ash goes on a journey with a unique Pokéflute. GP's for additions.

Some Caring for Karen

She pokes at your side, but never lets you subside

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/warpedsanity/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10

Warped Sanity

Review Requests: OFF

1,223 Public Reviews Given

1,228 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return.

I'm good at...

I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.

Favorite Genres

I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.

Least Favorite Genres

Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.

Favorite Item Types

Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology

Least Favorite Item Types

Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.

I will not review...

I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.

Public Reviews

Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 13 14 15 ... Next

226

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346339

Review of WFTH Poetry Contest - ON HIATUS

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
Every month I have peeked in on this contest, but alas, I get stumped, because romance is the most challenging genre for me to write in, that is unless it is a romance with a horror setting

. Now that I have a romantic muse in my life, maybe I will have more fuel for romantic writing.

Strengths
The contest is put together well. Rules are precise and clear without any confusing bits. Possible rewards are shown, that way those who submit poems know what they are working towards.

Prompts have not been something that I can relate to, but going by writing I have read on here, they are relevant to a larger group here on WdC.

Suggestions
This is put together well and I could not find anything that I can suggest to make it better. I would say prompts, but I understand that I am just an odd one and don't speak for the majority.

Final thoughts
This is a well put together contest. Judging by the large amount of romantic poetry that I have read here on WdC, I am surprised that you do not get more submissions.

Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

227

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346329

Review of Shadows and Light Poetry Contest

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This is a well put together contest, offering those of us to share free verse poems. Since it does not have a set theme, it allows for more free writing about any topic.

Strengths
Directions and awards are easy to understand without any confusion. You even show a list of current submissions and those who have won the previous round. What writer doesn't want their work highlighted, so this helps to encourage people to submit more.

The special months, like this one, where you double rewards is a great idea, because it is kind of like saying thank you and come share our anniversary with us.

From my experience, when I submitted to the contest, judging is fairly quick, so there is not too much wait time, which is nice for the writer who submitted to the contest.

Suggestions
Honestly, this is put together really well without any errors, so I have no suggestions that would aid in improvement.

Final thoughts
I love this contest and how it encourages more free thought and expression. Thank you for creating this space.

Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

228

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346199

Review of Sacrifices

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
First of all, I just want to say this was an excellent use of the prompt. Those who served to defend our country do commit to the ultimate self-sacrifice. My first step-father (My mother married 5 times), who I considered my only true father was a Vietnam Veteran and I saw a lot of him in this poem.

Strengths
You take the reader on a journey through the emotions of one who has survived a war, yet lost many great friends. He is not exactly overly prideful, but instead when he sees himself he remembers his younger self and those who did not survive, along with the loves he sacrificed do to his service to our country.

Reading it, I thought of my father who left behind a woman and three children while he served two terms in Vietnam. My boss is also a Vietnam Veteran and while he was serving in the war he sacrificed witnessing the birth of his son and did not meet his own son until it was almost his first birthday.

Structurally, the poem flows well without any forced rhymes. The poem is emotive and one that many could relate to because they have either experienced the emotions or know someone who is a veteran.

Suggestions
This is a well edited poem, so as far as my perceptions can see, there are no errors.

Final thoughts
This was an excellent poem and excellent use of the prompt. Thank you for sharing it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

229

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345246

Review of Rapunzel

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
I am a huge Monty Python fan and that is what I thought of when I first read this. I could so see this being one of their skits!

Strengths

You did well taking the prompt to a unique level. Mostly, I appreciate the dry humor in this. The ladder thing and the pulling of the hair made me giggle. I mean really, in that old fairy tale, wouldn't you think that she would be upset by him climbing up her hair?!

Then that ending, was a surprise that I didn't see coming. Yep, like I mentioned, very Monty Python

. I don't want to give the ending away to the few people that might read this review, so I will just say, it is a great ending to an unusual take on an old fairy tale.

Suggestions

“Seriously?” she said. “You didn’t bring a ladder?” - rather than "said" body language might enhance the story more. It would also show more character development.

In spite of her protestations- I am not sure about your word choice here. Wouldn't reservations work better than protestations?

The prince touched his fingers to his own sparse goatee, and felt, in a word, resentful.- this would read better without "in a word"

Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read. I love the sarcasm and dark humor. Most importantly it is unique.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

230

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345111

Review of Virtue

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
Since I read the other poem, I figured I should read this one. I love the way you put the words on the right side because it obviously was meant to be the opposite of the other poem.

Strengths
Since this was meant, obviously, to be read with the other poem, the structure is interesting. Both poems could easily be on the same page, while displayed on each side of the screen. The titles are exact opposite of the other poem titles, which is a unique invented form.

The poem flows well when read outloud without any forced rhyming. Also, like the other poem, there is some valuable advice present in the writing.

Suggestions
Other than thinking that this should include some punctuation, I really do not see any issues.

Final thoughts
This was a very creative way to present your poems. I might give this a try some time, but with a different topic.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

231

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345100

Review of Sin

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This was an interesting interpretation of the seven deadly sins. There's some valuable advice in here as well.

Strengths
Rhymes are consistant and there is a lot of less commonly used rhymes, such as "offload" and "corrode".

There are some strong lines that encourage thought. My favorite is "Always determined to get more/Will cost you in this spiritual war." These lines could also hint to the spiritual wars that are going on right now. It seems that religion is the largest excuse to cause harm on other countries, when the real reason for the war actually has nothing to do with God and is instead about monetary gain.

Suggestions
It is challenging sometimes to decide whether a poem should include punctuation or not. Honestly, this poem, I believe would benefit from some punctuation.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed reading your perception of the seven deadly sins. There were some powerful lessons given in it that could relate to society as we know it today.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

232

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345088

Review of School Pressures

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
It seems that you are expressing the assembly line mentality in our society. We are expected to sit in a desk and learn, then go off to college for some money making career.
Creativity is less encouraged than academic grades, which is sad.

Strengths
Rhyme is consistent with the form and they flow smoothly without feeling forced. When read out loud it flows beautifully.

The subject matter of the poem, most can relate too, especially us writers. Some of us are academics, but above all, we value our creativity.

That last line is the perfect way to conclude this poem. Interestingly, I am at that age (40ish) where we reflect back on our lives. I have come to realize that no, it is not worth it if it is not what brings me true happiness. Life is too short.

Suggestions
With grades given at the instructor's discretion.- This is a sentence fragment. The line before it should have a comma, rather than a period.

Final thoughts
This is a great poem addressing an aspect in our society, that many can agree on.

Like the other poem I reviewed, there is no need to capitalize the first letter of every line.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

233

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345084

Review of Too Little, Too Late

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
I believe that most readers can relate to the words that you express. By the time we are adults, we usually have loved and lost at least once in our lives.

Strengths
Rhymes are consitant without being forced. You also have some less commonly rhymed words, such as "reminisce" and "amiss". You also stay true to the form chosen.

It seems to be a trend with newer poets to think that they have to put a comma after every line or when they want a pause. Though, just as in other forms of writing, punctuation should be correct. It was refreshing to see that you applied punctuation rules correctly to your poem.

There are some good lines. The one that hits me the most is, "My pride unwilling to concede the fight." I have only been dumped once. For me it was hard to think of that person as being gone, because I was not emotionally done with the relationship. Of course for the other person, they have closure.

Suggestions
The only suggestion I have is not to begin every line with a capital and instead capitalize where it is appropriate with the punctuation.

Final thoughts
You apparently revisited a sad time in your life for this poem. Most have been in the position of the subject of this poem, at one time or another. It is a struggle overcoming the ego to accept our part in the loss.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

234

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4344251

Review of The Wooden Sphere

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
The main character in this story would make a great addition to a larger works, possibly a novel. As always, I've enjoyed your twisted tale. You took a mundane thing that most of us do, find images in wood grains, and spun an intriguing story out of it.

Strengths
I love the imagery in this story. The reader can really feel the story as if they are experiencing it with him. In some ways the imagery is almost poetic because of the metaphors used. My favorite is "Nausea rolled like a slop of chilled oysters in my stomach."

Then the ending leaves me with the feeling that it isn't mental illness at all and that he has a gift, or curse depending on perception. It was a great way to close the story, but I am left wondering what he will do with this gift.

Suggestions
This has apparently been well edited, though I did find one error.

while my mind drown in a sea of claustrophobia.- Did you mean to write drowned?

Final thoughts
I was hooked from beginning to end and can't wait to see what other goodies you have in your port for me to read.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

235

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4344226

Review of The Abandoned

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This seems like a glimpse into a larger works. The basic idea is interesting, but it seems unfinished.

Strengths
The story flows well without any confusing bits. Also, you did well making it obvious that the man in the story has an evil plan.

Suggestions
This seems like more of a list of girls and then a description on what the man plans to do with them. We are mostly told the story, rather than shown.

It also seems unfinished. We know that he plans on doing something with these young women, but we do not know the outcome.

Also, there needs to be a twist somewhere. This story is pretty much straight forward, with very little mystery.

Final thoughts
I could see this evolving with some editing. Maybe consider expanding on it and adding more clarity to the conclusion.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

236

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4344214

Review of First Memory

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This was an intriguing concept for a short story. Of course it is a little similar to the movie that you mentioned, but at least you express that you are aware of it in the beginning. Also, it almost seems more like a first chapter than a short story.

Strengths
You do well with dialogue. For the most part the words inside the quotation marks flow like normal speech patterns without seeming overly formal.

You also do well with hooking your reader right away with that first paragraph. The reader is immediately taken to the action, which encourages the reader to continue reading.

Suggestions
I would suggest adding some body language with the dialogue. Her husband thinks she is dead and then sees her, don't you think a person would be more emotional about that?

We are left with the knowledge that she left a message for herself, which I suspect is supposed to be the evidence, yet we are never told what that evidence is. If this is meant to be a short story and not a chapter, it seems unfinished.

Final thoughts
The overall idea is a good one. You just need to fine tune it a little.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

237

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343868

Review of Crash Bandicoot Muscle Growth

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (2.5)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This is an interesting story concept that with some editing, I can see being turned into a longer story.

Strengths
The strength here is the creative concept. I am pretty sure that I have never read a story that included a young man gaining extreme strength from finding a magical ring.

Suggestions
There are a lot of issues in the delivery of this story. First of all, you have lumped it all into one paragraph, when it should be separated into several paragraphs.

Also, you use said way too much. Maybe think of some more creative ways to express speech that show the emotions of the characters, such as growled. Sometimes this isn't even needed with dialogue. Instead, you can just add dialogue into the actions of the story because it is obvious that someone said something by the quotation marks. Below is an example of what I mean.

While he was walking through the jungle, a ring fell from a branch on the tallest tree, and hit poor-ol' Crash smack in the head. "Ow!" Crash exclaimed. "What was that?"

Example of correction: A ring fell from a branch and hit poor ol' Crash in the head, "Ow! What was that?"

You also constantly switch from present tense to past tense, which is confusing.

Final thoughts
This seems like a rough draft. The story concept is an interesting one, but it just needs to be edited quite a bit.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

238

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343823

Review of The Sun Also Sets

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This was a creative way to share a bit of history in literature and bull fighting. It was an entertaining read.

Strengths
The whole idea of having your cow persona travel back in time was a cool way to write a tribute to a great author. In such a short write, you add quite a bit of character development. I particularly like how you used perceptions about what we know about Hemmingway to develop his character.

This was a light and non-abrasive way to show a bit of dark history in bull fighting. It is really cruel how they are stabbed. It seems so unfair.

Then adding that Hooves is actually the bull in his book, was quite brilliant. Hooves seems quite proud, going by the character you developed in the story.

Suggestions
Honestly, this is a well written little story and I could not find anything to suggest that would improve on it.

Final thoughts
I have enjoyed the read. Thanks for the smiles. This light read was a lovely way to start my day in reviewing. Oh, and the book that you used as your muse was required reading when I was in High School, too.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

239

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343599

Review of Imbolc ~

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
I was attracted to this by the title, since I am Pagan. Reading it I found it to be very ritualistic and beautifully written. There were a few words that I do not see often that I had to look up, such as nascent, which threw me off a little, but that is more out of my ignorance.

Flow
You stay true to your chosen rhyme scheme and syllable count, which helps with the flow. The rhyming with the first words was a very creative approach and executed well. Though, I am not really fond of the use of dumb. It seems a little forced. Also, the reversal of the subject and the prediate throws of the flow in that line.

imagery
You use all the symbolism associate with the Goddess in an eloquent way. I particularly like that last stanza. It perfectly concludes the poem, by expressing that these elements are no longer silenced. In other words, you seem to be expressing to listen to them.

Except for that little issue that I mentioned, I feel that this was an excellent poem. The delivery was creative and I could see it maybe being read during a an Imbolc ritual. The only other thing that I would suggest, but this is just a preference, is that you don't begin every line with a capital and instead just add capitalization that matches the punctuation.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I have enjoyed the read. Remember, the thoughts here, are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

240

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343567

Review of The Curious Case of Pierre Tanner

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (3.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This is an interesting tale that you have spun.

Strengths
You did well with dialogue. There is a lot of character development in the dialogue. You also utilize a lot of body language rather than overusing "he said" "she said".

The characters are interesting. I know the wife is supposed to be bad, but I couldn't help but be sympathetic. After all, she did walk in on them. Most would go at least a little crazy in such a situation.

Suggestions
I am a little confused by the way you used italics. It would make sense to me if you used them more so to show inner dialogue. You also switch tenses from present to past tense, which is a little confusing.

We are told in the beginning that she actually killed her husband, which takes the mystery out of the story. Maybe consider making that the punchline, but steer the reader to thinking otherwise. Maybe you could tell it from the other actresses point of view, thinking she is crazy and then finding out that she is in prison when the wife actually did it. Just a suggestion.

Final thoughts
The overall idea for this story is a really good one, you just need to work a little on the execution. With some editing, this will be a great story.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

241

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343562

Review of Modern History

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This was an interesting read. The fact that nobody would tell her about this mysterious woman kept me reading. I was curious to what her significance would be,but I was more expecting her to be related, so the end was a surprise.

Strengths
You did really well with dialogue in this, avoiding the overuse of said and the words spoken flow like normal speech patterns. Instead, you inserted the dialogue into the actions of the story. You also utilize a lot of body language for character development.

Paragraphs flow well. There are plenty of hints without giving the whole plot away.

Suggestions
Honestly, I am a little confused with the references to alcohol. At first when her father accused her of it, I thought it was just pretty much saying that he thought she was not thinking strait, but I get the feeling that maybe you were trying to add that she had a previous alcohol problem. Then the conversation she hears with her father about someone falling of the wagon just seems out of place. Maybe work on adding some more clarity here.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed the read. Just add a little more clarity to the alcohol thing and I think this would be an excellent story.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

242

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343425

Review of Blue Coma

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (3.5)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
After reading this all the way through, It seems to have some spiritual significance. The concept that you have described is actually quite beautiful.

Strengths
I like the way that the writing surprises the reader. Along the way, I had no idea about the conclusion, which is a plus.

Suggestions
There is some issue with the paragraph spacing, which made this challenging to read. Putting spaces between paragraphs is much easier on the reader's eyes.

I’ve arrived, though fearful, and suddenly cold, unsure of where I am; I know I’m going to be okay though, I can tell by the care and love I feel.
- This sentence is a bit long winded. Did you intend to put a period instead of a semicolon?

You use a lot of repetive words, like "yet" and "though". Maybe consider revising it with more creative wording in those areas. WdC has a handy counter, which is in the area where you click when choosing to edit. It not only tells you your word count, but it also lets you know what words you use the most. It is quite handy to use when analyzing if particular words are being overly used.

Final thoughts
This was a sweet story. It almost seems as if you are insinuating reincarnation, especially since he is aware of the blue comma.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

243

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4343393

Review of Unlucky Seven

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House"

! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones"

First Impression
This was quite the twisted tale and the delivery was exceptional, especially since this was written when you were a newer writer.

Strengths
For me, the strongest aspect in this writing is the character development. You did really well in developing Harold's character into an egotistical narcissist. That whole spiel about the money he spent towards his new girlfriend's body works well with his development. Then the girlfriend I imagined being extremely vain. Well done.

The little hints about the wife kept me reading this. You gave just enough hints, without giving the whole conclusion away.

Suggestions
Honestly, I don't see anything that I would suggest improving on. This seems well edited, but since it was written in the 90's, you apparently have had plenty of time to edit it.

Final thoughts
This was a well written mystery. That ending was a shocker, which is refreshing. By the end of the story, honestly, I felt Harold deserved his outcome. Though, there is a hint of what will eventually happen to the girlfriend, I sort of felt bad for her. Although she is vain and not such a great person, it kind of feels like she is innocent in all this, especially since she doesn't really know his past.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

244

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4339976

Review of The Hunted -- Chp. 1

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

Hi Fifthwood! This is quite an intriguing first chapter. Thanks for sharing it with Wdc, so that we can get a glimpse at your novel.

The hook
The chapter begins strong with the actions of the story, which grabbed me right away. Though, to strengthen it I would suggest adding some stronger descriptions, that have more of an emotional impact on the reader.

He liked hunting in his human form and running naked through the woods
Maybe consider adding something like, He loved the challenge of hunting in his human form and the freedom of being naked in the woods.

Character development
You did a good job of developing characters, for the most part. With the wolf's last words, I am wondering if this is going to have a Native American theme.

When the man is changing into a wolf, you use the word "like" again to describe his emotions toward the change. In order to develop his character more and create more of an emotional impact on the reader, I suggest using more descriptive words. After all his skeletal system is in the process of converting to a different form, so "like" seems to mellow of a description of his emotions toward the change.

Scenery
We know that the story takes place in the woods, but we do not have an idea of where exactly. Is it in the United States, Canada, a fantasy world? If you added an explanation into the actions of the story, this would help the reader get a stronger grasp on the scenery. Maybe you could add it in somehow in the beginning when the man is hunting.

Dialogue
The dialogue is realistic, following normal speech patterns, rather than seeming to formal. To make the writing even stronger, you could utilize the dialogue more to develop your characters. For example, instead of the redundant "he said" "he responded" etc., you could add more body language instead. Below is an example of what I mean.

“Don’t suppose you have any whiskey?” requested the Senator.
The Senator shuffled his feet in the dirt before reluctantly looking up at his friend. "Don't suppose you have any whiskey?"

At the thoughts of juice, the Senator let out a sarcastic breath and rolled his eyes. "Don't suppose you have any whiskey?"

Notice how adding the body language strengthens character development? Maybe look at all the places that you put "he said" etc. and add body language instead.

Plot
The overall plot is interesting. There are plenty of hints in the first chapter that leave the reader curious enough to read the next chapter. Then the end suggests that maybe the Senator is going to lead a hunt of these creatures.

Final thoughts
There were a few issues that can be fixed easily with some editing, but for the most part, this is well written. I enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are the opinions of one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine what advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. When you get around to editing, I would be happy to read this again, and up my rating according to corrections.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

245

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4339166

Review of The Witch's House

Review by Warped Sanity

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Here is my little donation.

246

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4334917

Review of The Galaxy Launches Her Miracle

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

Hi Ethan. You had requested a review of this poem, so I am here to give my thoughts on it.

First thoughts
The theme of the poem is interesting. It begins in a way that makes the main character in the poem seem as though he doesn't value women much, besides the external. Then it ends kind of angry, as if it is about a particular woman, which hints that maybe he views her as plastic and this poem is a means of saying goodbye.

Imagery
There is actually some pretty good imagery here such as the women being "perfect little mannequins" that he stuffs in a closet. Also "weep like lost lovers at the profits of the modern poet" is a pretty good line. Us poets do seem to profit in a literary sense from the woes of others.

Form, rhythm, and rhyme.
In some places, I see where you are trying to create a beat, as if this should be spoken with Jazz music, especially at the end. Though visually, it looks more like a prose, rather than a poem. In my opinion, this would flow better with enjambment and ideas would be more powerful expressed with less words. Below is an example of what I mean.

Your original lines:
or consoles crude businessmen, tall as their city towers, sedating them
with dreams of dollar signs and clothing brands and pretty women fresh from shiny new assembly lines,

How I would correct it:
or consoles crude businessmen,
tall as their city towers,

sedating them with dreams
of dollar signs,
clothing brands
and assembly line women,

You could also use some capitalization to increase the emotional appeal by capitalizing curled hair etc., since you are calling the person that as a name.

Mechanics
For the most part you are grammatically correct in the writing, but towards the end you are missing some commas in the last few sentences. Though, I think it is a little much to make all of the writing just one huge sentence with commas and semicolons. I would suggest that when you edit this that you add some other punctuation, such as periods and exclamation points, rather than the redundant "and" and "or".

Final thoughts
Overall the wording is interesting in the poem. With some editing, I think that it has potential. Hopefully you will revisit the piece.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. When you get around to making repairs, make sure to let me know. I am always happy to reread and up my rating according to repairs.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

247

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4311402

Review of See You in the Morning, Mom!

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi, Jay! I'm here visiting again to conduct my M2M reviews for Rising Stars. You had this front and center in your profile, so I figured you were proud of it and wanted reviews on it. It is a touching read and the love that you have for your mother is obvious throughout.

First thoughts
With the first read though, my first impression was that this was probably highly emotional for you to write. The memories that you display in poetic form are touching and it is obvious that she was a great mother.

Imagery
For the most part you use blunt imagery describing experiences with your mother, such as cooking and bringing your mother flowers. Though you do use some metaphor. At first your use of soap confused me, but as I read it again, I realized that you were saying that our efforts in life are not what cleanse us and that Christ does.

Rhyme and Flow
You stayed true to the abab rhyme scheme that you chose. Also, you use less commonly rhymed words, such as "enjoyed" and "employed". When read out loud it flows well and the only place that I tripped was the use of "soap" as an analogy, but that was more of an analytical pause on my part.

Mechanics
It seems that our Comma Sense course has paid off for you. Even on the second read through I could not find any grammatical errors.

Final thoughts
This was a touching poem and lovely dedication to your mother. Any mother would feel honored to get such praise from her son.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read.

Created by Of_fire_born for Rising Stars' Reviewers

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

248

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4311388

Review of The Island of WDC

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi, Angel! I'm here again to conduct my M2M review for Rising Stars. This was a creative approach to the assignment and I enjoyed the read.

The hook
I believe that you began your adventure over WdC in an interesting and fun way. Surely, most on this site can relate to the fear of heights. Then you continue to the second paragraph in a whimsical fashion, which I would imagine a hot air balloon ride would seem like. These paragraphs do grab the reader, in my opinion.

Imagery
Your descriptions of each place on the site gives the writing a magical feel. I particularly enjoyed your descriptions as you hovered over the Personification Contest and Whispers of the Soul.

Mechanics
For the most part, the writing is error free. Though I did find an issue right away.

It is the day of the balloon ride, (needs a period, rather than a comma)

Other suggestions
When I first saw this assignment, I saw it as an opportunity to show community spirit, spreading the word about activities and other members. You have done well advertising a lot of places on the site. All of the groups that you mentioned I have visited, except for Team GB PWW Coffee Shop Campfire.

I would suggest including the group titles in item format so that others can find them easier. Imagine being new on this site and reading this. The member would be very confused. Besides, if you are going to advertise the contests, you might as well make it easier for them to find it.

Final thoughts
Your creativity with this assignment made it fun to read. I believe that anyone who reads this would want to check out the interesting places that you described.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read. Remember, the opinions expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Most importantly, keep writing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

249

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4307847

Review of Unadulterated Pleasure

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

This review and the last short one will not count as the reviews that I owe you. I had to click on this story because the title made it seem that somehow this was supposed to go along with the last story I read.

Again, my mind went there. So, you are going to have to tell me whether I just truly have a warped mind or if your intention was to insinuate sexuality in the writing.

The only think I would have to argue with in this piece, is that cake is not creamy. Maybe the icing is, but if the cake is creamy it means it is raw. Moist would make more sense in referring to cake.

Thank you for sharing your writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

250

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4303982

Review of One Busy Night in Chicago

Review by Warped Sanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

You are so versatile as a writer. Reading through your port, there are so many genre options and all are well written. I read this one because the file was first in your port, which makes it obvious that you would like readers to read this first. Typically detective stories are not what I enjoy reading, but you may have changed my mind on that opinion. I enjoyed reading this.

The hook
That opening line really grabs the reader. It hints that something adventuresome and crime-filled is going to occur in the story.

Character development
While reading the story, I felt like I was watching one of those old classic detective movies. All characters are developed well into the actions of the story and dialogue. My favorite character is the detective. He really had that grungy, yet sexy 1930's feel to his character. Also, I love that you didn't exactly make the dame weak. She was obviously smart enough to reject his directions to stay put.

Dialogue
You use slang that is fitting for the time the story takes place in. This really helped to bring the reader in as if they were right there in the past, experiencing the actions of the story.

Scene
Paired with the dialogue, mafia-like characters, the 1930's Chicago scene was brought to life with visual descriptions. Those descriptions were brought into the actions of the story, avoiding long drawn out descriptions. There are a lot of interesting visuals in this story. For example, the one light being on in the building, inviting her to run to his office for help, sets the mysterious atmosphere.

Plot
I was glued to this chapter from beginning to end. All the little twists, such as him pretending to be a drunk, make this story a fun read. Everything that happened was unexpected, which was refreshing. It was a perfect way to end the chapter as well. It made me want to read the next chapter to see what happens next and I did

.

Final thoughts

This was a great read! You just might have changed my mind about reading detective stories.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed stalking your port.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/warpedsanity/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10