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1,223 Public Reviews Given
1,228 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return.
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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Review of The Idea  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A holiday image on share for reviews



With my tablet, for some reason genre and previous story ratings are invisible to me. So, since I could not see the genre, I was surprised more so by the outcome, especially since what you mostly write is horror.

This was an interesting take on those who carved the presidents into that mountain. Those who onserved, must have thought they were insane. Also, like you mentioned, it must have been miserable working in the heat and cold.

The only issue I see here is that "said" is a little redundant. You are an excellent writer, so I would encourage you to improve it even more so by incorporating other descriptions to explain speech, or better yet show the story more by including more body language instead.

I enjoyed your imaginative peek into the past. Thank you for sharing your writing. ♡


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

A holiday image on share for reviews




This was hilarious! I (almost) feel guilty getting a Yule tree this year.

The author names was a good touch. Very creative.

You do well with dark satire. In the letter there is a hint at horror with the murderous descriptions. With the tree personified, it is easy to imagine a human telling the story.

Great story! Thanks for sharing your imagination with me.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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178
Review of Angelique  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


What a sweet tale! I wasn't sure where exactly you were taking this, but since you didn't include it as being in the horror genre, I suspected it might be more inspirational.

The hook
Right away we are introduced to one of the main characters, who is obviosly out of place in a youthful enviroment. We know that he has been running from something, which increases interest in the reader.


Dialogue
You handle dialogue like a pro. Spoken words in quotation marks follow normal speech patterns, rather than being unrealistically formal. There is also a lot of character development in their words. In addition, you use plenty of body language, instead of the redundant "said"

Character development
Personalities shine through in the actions of the story. Characters are interesting. There are plenty of hints to the main character's full identity, without giving the secret out completely.

Mrs. Belvoir is an interesting woman. Her interest in Michael is obvious, and at first I was thinking maybe she was a demon, hence the group name Demon Spawn. Nice little detour.

Scenery
There is plenty of descriptions in the actions of the story, while avoiding being overly wordy. The contrast between Michael's appearance shows the youthful metal scene more so.

Plot
The plot was interesting. When she realizes his real identity and their purpose, her reaction is realistic. I think we all would react that way to some degree.

There is plenty of hints throughout, some that are purposefully misleading, which help the ending to be a surprise.

Final thoughts
This is one of those stories that leaves the reader with a feeling of hope and happiness. Since your writing is so diverse, I really wasn't sure where you would take this.

Thanks for sharing your writing! ♡


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
179
179
Review of The Zombie Diner  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **



Finally here to finish up your reviews. Sorry for the delay. It has been a crazy week.

I was surprised that this item was not already awarded. It was a fun read! Thanks for the laugh! *Bigsmile*

When I first started reading this I saw myself. If I saw such an add, my curiosity would get the best of me and I would have to check it out.


Imagery

The imagery is pretty strait forward, telling a story in poetic format. The menu descriptions were quite witty! I especially like the eye scream desert. *Bigsmile*

Rhyme and flow

Rhymes are consistant without sounding forced when read outloud. Each stanza flows effortless to the next, without any confusing bits. The story told and his eventual demise gave me a good belly laugh.

Final thoughts

I was happy to award this, but can't believe this sat in your port for over 3 years without a ribbon. It was an excellently written poem filled with comic elements. Thanks again for the laugh. *Bigsmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Double Wide  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **



I actually read this a while back when you posted it in a newsfeed. It gave me a good laugh then and it was just as comical on the second read. I have a special connection to this because of where I was living. This was a common site there. Well, that or the more upper class redneck with an overly starched pearl snap shirt and cowboy hat. My non-redneck boyfriend and I are always joking about it. We call it studying the mating rituals of the redneck. Things like revving an engine is their way of flirting.


Imagery
There are some clues to this woman's clothing that make this more commical. When I think of a cross my heart bra, I think of those cotton ones grandma would wear. That mixed with the rest of her clothing, pretty much fit the lower class redneck female species.

The trailorpark slang, comparing the woman to a trailor was funny. I imagine he eventually took her back to his Stabbing cabin (redneck for RV) and told her to get him a beer (redneck for I love you).


Rhyme and flow
The poem flows cohesively from stanza to stanza, building up to comical elements which tell a story of this redneck mating ritual.

Rymes are consistent without seeming forced.

Final thoughts
Everytime I read this, I have a good laugh. You are adept in the comedy genre. Thanks for sharing your wit and sense of humor.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Nanny State  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


What an interest consent this was. It was like 1984 with more of a scify twist. The story was sweet, erotic, but disturbing at the same time.

The hook
Terms like "deadzone" caught my interest. It was apparent that this was futuristic and he was in an area where big brother or nanny could not see or hear. I wanted to read more to see where you would take the idea.

Dialogue
Dialogue was done well. I was so engrossed into the communications between the couple that I overlooked the subtle hints to the ending.

Character development
The main character is obviously new to many of the things that are normal in this time period. His nervousness with breaking the rules is obvious with the body language you show.

The young woman is very flirty, and maipulative. Though, I suspected she was part of the resistance at first, and that her changing comment was actually to see if he was with her against Nanny.

Scenery
You painted an interesting and disturbing world. Of course the must be some sort of religion because religion is a way to control the people. It wouldn't surprise me if it was the Muslim religion if we were to become one United religion.

The speakeasy scene was done well. Everything from the dirty glasses to the tattered state of the bedroom, added to showing the story.

Plot
There was some excellent twists here. You do well distracting, while leaving subtle hints.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed the read. It was a clever and excellently delivered futuristic tale.

As always, I've enjoyed stalking your port.♡


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **



I am reviewing this as part of the package 🌕 HuntersMoon purchased for you in the "Invalid Item" . Though, I always love browsing your port. You are such a versatile writer, most of which is excellently crafted.


The hook
That first paragraph encourages the reader to believe that the main character is going to do something illegal. I wanted to read more to see what he was going to do.

Dialogue
Most of the story is what is going on in his head, but the limited dialogue that you offer is realistic.

Character development
There is a lot of back story thrown into the actions of the story that show that the man rightfully dislikes the president. Descriptions of the nervous sweat and shaking hand gave me the illusion that his mental state was due to his future actions being against his morality, as well as the fear of getting caught.

Scenery
The scenery is influenced by there being a doorman and the main characters choice in clothing. It is not difficult to imagine a formal political gathering.

Plot
Being that it was written by you, I knew there would be an unexpected turn. You had me so distracted by the idea of a gun with expressing memories of ones he had fired that I didn't even consider there being something other than a gun in his pocked. Very tricky! And a funny ending too!

Final thoughts
I enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing your imagination and humor.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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183
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


I'm back agian, to complete the package purchased for you from Huntersmoon. It has been a pleasure browsing through your port.

This story was relatable, whether one has faced abuse or not. Everyone at one time has felt heartbreak to the point of possibly giving up on love coming into their life.

The hook
Her emotional state about what she calls sappy movies shows that there is a reason rooted in her life that encourages the reaction. It also sets the stage for the story either being about love lost or found. So, I was curious where you were going to take it.

Dislogue
There isn't really any dialogue until the end. We are being told her thoughts, rather than shown them. Though, at the end she speaks out loud to herself, which shows she is trying to keep her resolve.

Character development
Other than the first paragraph, we are told about the character rather than shown her. She is someone who has chosen abusers more than once, but now has begun her journey on being more independent alone. Some, like myself, who can relate, would say this is one of the important aspects of recovering. We must spend time alone, learning to love ourselves, so that we no longer accept unacceptable behaviors of abuse again.

Scenery
There isn't really any of her enviroment shown to show the story. She has obviosly begun again. From my own experience, I imagined her home void of a lot of things, because a lot of times abused women walk away from all material things to get away from the abuser.

Plot
The concept is good and relatable. There just needs to be more showing of the story rather than telling it.

Final thoughts
I liked the concepts in this story. It is one that many of us women have faced. That choosing to be single and less reliant on searching for someone to save us, is an important part of the healing process.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the opinions expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my ideas have been helpful. If you get around to making any repairs, hopefully you will notify me so that I can up my rating according to those repairs.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
184
184
Review of The Closet  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


Since I love horror, I figured I'd start my journey through your port with reviewing an entry to screams. This was a great little psychological horror.


The hook
The title grabbed me at first glance. As children, most of us had a fear of something lurking in the darkness of the closet. I was curious to where you would take the idea.

That first paragraph hooked me. Right away we know that she is afraid of something. She is apparently an adult, since you mention it being her childhood home, but she is still fearful of something.

Dialogue
Internal dialogue is done well, showing the emotions and personality of the character.

Words spoken in italics follow normal speech patterns, while avoiding being overly formal. When she speaks out-loud, it realistic to what one would say in situalions, like when she shouts a profanity in the beginning and then later speaks to her fears, pretty much telling them to go away.


Character development
I get an image of a child that was not believed, but her fear was very real. Now an adult, she set her goals to prove her fears were valid. She is intelligent and has chosen to face her fears with the use of science.

The body language used between father and daughter seem typical of a healthy relationship. He teases a bit about the closet, but the fact that he put a lock on the door, rather than forcing her to face the fears, shows that he was probably nurturing.

Scenery
There is just enough description into the actions of the story. The reader is shown a typical girls bedroom, but you mainly focus on the closet. The image of this thing in her nightmares is pretty vivid.

Plot
I feel that you took this in an unexpected place. There was plenty of suspense built up through her reactions when entering her childhood bedroom. Once we get toward the end, the use of the invention was a surprise. I wouldn't exactly call it horrific, but it was definitely a unique take on the prompt.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed this story. The beginning gives that creepy feel that is fitting to horror and I liked her resolution.

Thanks for sharing your writing. I have enjoyed the read. ♡


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
185
185
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


Hi there! I am reviewing this as part of your "Invalid Item"  package, gifted to you from 🌕 HuntersMoon . Since this was in a folder with an explanation of being an item you were most proud of, I figured I would take a look.

Although, our belief systems differ, I found this to be inspirational. Growing up with the serinity prayer, I still refer to it when I am stressed. Though, the version I refer to is much different and simplified.

The hook
The story begins with showing the character's emotional state. She has just gotten bad news again. She seems to be losing hope and falling into depression from the weight of it.

This did grab me, encouraging me to read more, because I was curious as to the news she got. Since this is listed under inspirational, I was curious of what would lift her spirits.

Dialogue
Dialogue is done really well. Instead of the redundant "she said", you add dialogue into the actions of the story. This helps the reader see the story and characters more clearly.

Her sarcasm in the dialogue in the begining, shows her negative emotional state well. Her frustration with life is strongly shown in her words.

Character development
At first I was thinking the main character was a bit dramatic, but I suppose we all have been at that point in life at one time or another. Life can become overwhelming at times.This frustration with life and struggle to find the positive, is an aspect that makes the character relatable to the reader.

Simon seems powerful, wise, and gentle. Some of the facts about the pray are interesting. I was completely ignorant to who actually was the first to write it.


Scenery
You did well avoiding long drawn out descriptions. There is just enough description to show the story.

Plot
This was a nice little inspirational story. I somewhat knew what was going to happen once I realized Simon was part of a dream, but it didn't lesson the stories impact or spiritual message.

Final thoughts
This was one of those stories that leaves the reader feeling warm and fuzzy. It is a sweet story with a powerful message. Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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186
Review of Tap, Tap, Tap  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Yep, here again for more horror filled stories. This story was intriguing. I kept reading to see what that tapping was.

The hook
I must admit that that first line did grab me, but for the wrong reasons. This being horror, I took it in the literal sense of the food actually speaking to the character. Yet, it became obvious that this was a metaphor for either indigestion or a tummy ache. Since milk is often used to help both issues, you might want to clarify which one it is through a bit of imagery. Maybe describe the acid coming up in her/his throat for indigestion, or the burning in his/her tummy.

Dialogue
There is only inner dialogue, which expresses the main character's thoughts. This is done well and seems to be realistic to the situation.

Character development
There is an issue with whether the main character is female or male. Being that you use "I" and you are female, I assumed the character might be. So, when she looks in the mirror seeing the woman in the reflection, I assumed it was her own reflection that feared her. Then it was clarified that this was not the case after reading the sentences after the first introduction to the woman in the mirror.

Other than that, the main character is realistic. Most of us, whether we are male or female, would react in such a way to a strange tapping.

Scenery
Scenery descriptions are limited, but there is just enough to tell the actions of the story. You avoid long drawn out descriptions that are irrelevant to the plot.

Plot
The plot was interesting. I did want to keep fallowing that tapping. The conclusion was one of horror, which made it a great ending, in my opinion.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story and was hooked from beginning until the end. Hopefully at some time you will get around to adding some edits. When you do, make sure to let me know and I will up my rating according to repairs.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed my time in your port. *Heart*














*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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187
Review of An Impetuous Walk  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


It is me again. I had to see what other offerings in the horror genre you had for me. This was quite an interesting tale.

The hook
The first paragraph is done well, grabbing the reader by showing them that something important has happened. I wanted to read on to see what it was.

Dialogue
Dialogue is done well for the most part. There is an area where you wrote "he said". Typically it is obvious that someone said something, so body language works better to show the story.

Character development
There is plenty of character development. Kim obviously has gone through some sort of head trauma and is very disoriented. She scares easy too, obviously.

The man that comes into the story later is calm, which enhances the skittish qualities shown in Kim.

Scenery
The darkness of the woods, which can be creepy, is clearly shown. I particularly like how you describe the crackle of the leaves under her feet and show the ground to be wet by showing her slipping.

Plot
There were some interesting twists. I kept thinking this was going to be a werewolf story. Very cleaver distraction.

One thing that I am confused about is Rebecca. Mention of her makes it seem that she has left this other woman behind somewhere, yet this is never clarified. Instead it is a man that appears, which leaves Rebecca an unsolved mystery for the reader.

Mechanics
Was I in such a snit- I was
spilled and brilliant under the moonlight. I would remove "and" in this sentence


Suggestions
The darkness felt- when the words "felt" are used, there is telling rather than showing. The lines read better without that word. This is something that has been pointed out to me in my own writing several times. It is a challenging habit to break.

Final thoughts
Your tale was interesting and full of imagery. Besides the issues mentioned, it is a good story. It just needs a bit of editing.

Thank you for sharing your writing. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs made. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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188
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #2124167 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I noticed that you have an anniversary with WDC this month. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.

There was so much diversity to choose from in your port, but horror is my favorite, so I figured I would see your offerings in that genre. This title of this particular story caught my eye. For such a short write, it is packed with excitement.


The hook
A friend that is published once told me that publishing companies often look at the first sentence. If it doesn't grab them, they don't read the rest. You begin by telling the reader that "it was a dark and stormy night." My suggestion is to remove that. The story is stronger without it. If you would like to express that it is dark, maybe show your character trying to find the moon, but it being hidden by the thundering clouds.

Character development
This is done well. The woman in this is realistic in her actions, especially when she rationalizes whether to go to the boat or her husband's life jacket. I like how you did not make her weak. She is strong, not giving up, even after the ocean has taken her husband.

Dialogue
The speech from the characters follows normal speech patterns, rather than being overly formal. You also add body language, rather than the redundant "she said" or "she responded".

Scenery
This is done particularly well, while being added into the actions of the story. The reader does feel those clashing tidal waves and the emergency of the situation.

Plot
It was pretty interesting. I am thinking that the monster was supposed to be real and not a metaphor for the ocean. Though, it is a little unclear. Maybe, if it is supposed to be an actual monster adding some clarity with hints of it somewhere in the story would help. Other than that, the story was very interesting and action packed. It had me on my toes anyhow.

Mechanics
In several areas there needs to be a comma before "but". Other than that, from my perceptions, there are no other grammatical issues.

Final thoughts
This was an action packed story that you penned here. I enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing y our writing with me. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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189
Review of Where Did I Go?  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I noticed that you have an anniversary with WDC this month. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.


*Hug* This is one of those poems that makes the reader feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It has an element of sadness with the passing of time, then the end made me smile. I imagined a sweet grandmother reminiscing about youth and embracing her age as a grandmother. So very sweet, indeed.

Imagery
The picture adorning this poem goes perfectly with the analogies used. Even though I am not old enough to be a grandmother yet, I often look in that mirror, which displays the passage of time in wrinkles that are forming. Then towards the end with the granddaughter seeing the picture, there is a sense of appreciating those wrinkles. Beautiful metaphor! I couldn't help but smile about the imagery of it all.

Flow
Rhymes are consistent without seeming forced. Each line is strong, flowing cohesively to the other, telling this beautiful story of a grandmother reflecting. Each stanza flows beautifully expanding on the previous, without any confusing gaps.

Mechanics
Structurally, this is well written, without any issues with grammar or spelling, at least as far as my knowledge can find. The only thing I could suggest is that not every line needs to begin with a capital in poetry. Sometimes, visually it is better to use capitalization where the punctuation makes sense to do so.

Final thoughts
You have penned a lovely poem, that I am sure many can relate to. I have enjoyed the sweetness of your words. Thank you for sharing.


I've enjoyed browsing your port. Hopefully you get spoiled on your anniversary. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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190
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


It is me again, fulfilling my 30,000 characters in reviews for "Invalid Item" . Happy anniversary! *Heart*

I've had some fun roaming through your horror. I suppose every horror anthology has to have a vampire tale or two and this story in particular was an enjoyable read. It was creative and quite shocking.


The hook
I am thinking that the first few stand alone sentences was a prompt, but it works well to grab the reader as well. It intrigued me and encouraged me to read on in order to see how you spin your end of times vampire tale. Then after those few introductory sentences, you go right into the actions of the story with the dialogue, rather than boring me with long drawn out descriptions. Well done. *Bigsmile*

Dialogue
There is a lot of character development in the dialogue. The happy-go-lucky personality of Clayburn is clearly shown. He is starving, yet he's joking about it. Then there is his darker friend, pushing the urgency of the situation on his friend to the point of expressing quite a bit of anger in reaction his positive view. Though, the close relationship between the two, for which I imagine has developed over hundreds of years, is apparent with the actions toward each other.

Character development
I suppose sometimes dark and sinister leads to higher prospects of survival, especially where vampires come into play. Trudeau is a very serious vampire, expressing the urgency in the situation. This makes him more cautious, unlike his friend. Claburn is about making the best of the situations, yet this also makes him less careful, which leads to his demise.

Scenery
The world, especially when people are beginning to burn is shown in frightening clarity. I would imagine that people would be running for cover once there was a hint of relief from the coming night. At the end with the concrete slab closing them in, the imagery leaves a dark and sinister feeling with the reader, just like the character locking them in forever.

Plot
Although linking vampires with the apocalypse is not an original concept, the delivery and outcome of the story are pretty unique. There were some good twists here. Most would expect a positive outlook to increase odds on survival, but in reality, as your story shows, it leaves room for sloppy decisions. So, your choice in survivors was clever. Then that little bit at the end was a shocker. He gets a big snack before his forever sleep.

Final thoughts
This was a fun read and I enjoyed that the ending was a surprise. It is always disappointing, especially with horror, when the ending is expected.

Thank you for sharing your writing with me. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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191
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


For "Invalid Item" , I have to conduct 30,000 characters in reviews this week, so since you have anniversary this month, I figured I would raid your port. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.

This was a light little story. I find your personification of Hooves in your various stories to be a fun read.

The hook
The first few sentences di grab the reader, giving a hint to what the story is going to be about. I can relate to those two sentences, as it does seem that in political conversations, the debates do seem pretty redundant, about the same thing over and over, nobody ever fully agreeing on a resolve.

Dialogue
Dialogue was done well, avoiding the overuse of "he said". Instead, you utilize the actions of the story and body language. In addition, the words spoken in the quotation marks follow regular patterns of speech, rather than seeming too formal.

There is a lot of character development in the dialogue too, specifically in the human. She does seem quite demanding towards poor Hoove's.

Character development
Character development is done well. Hooves is a very determined cow, promptly doing her bidding. She even tries to get the correct picture on the stamps. She is very proud as well, flaunting her fancy purse, yet she shows some humbleness with it. The little bit with tossing out the exact chance must have taken great skill, especially without the use of hands, so she is quite coordinated too.

Scenery
The post office is done quite well. The description of the "heavy clouds" adds to the frustrating feel of the long line that awaits her at the post office.

Plot
This was a cute little write, meant to obviously be light. The punch line about the incompetence of the government gave me a little chuckle, as I imagine was your intention.

Final thoughts
This was a fun little read. Thank you for sharing it. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
192
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Review of Slaughterhouse  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


For "Invalid Item"  I have to conduct 30,000 characters in reviews this week, so since your anniversary was this month, I thought I would stalk your port. Happy anniversary and thank you for your contributions that are part of what makes this a wonderful place.


I do like a good horror story and you delivered a good one here. It is no surprise that three ribbons adorn this story.

The hook
The beginning grabbed me. I have been known to stare into those wood grains, seeing images, as I am sure many other people have. It is something so mundane, yet if someone is mentally ill, those images could become disturbing illusions.

Character development
I imagined the main character as being emotionless, yet having an intensity about him. The build up of his character is almost like a volcano. He appears calm, yet there is something fierce building up under the surface. He doesn't speak much, but his emotions and actions toward the slaughterhouse environment and toward the end with the children, shows his character clearly.

Dialogue
The dialogue from the parents are realistic, as well as their actions in the situation. Most parents would be upset, spewing angry words at someone who posed a threat to their children in such a way. You also avoid the redundant "he said", and instead utilize implementing the actions and body language of the characters.

Scenery
The scenery is what makes this story. Reading the slaughterhouse description, I 'almost' want to be a vegetarian. It is quite gruesome! I've heard it said that the cows are pretty oblivious of what is going on, but that is likely to protect their psyche as they eat their steak.

My favorite descriptions here is the explanation of the amount of blood and how the cattle react to the smell. Then that image of the cows bunched together, and the excrement from the limited room, is pretty disturbing.

Halloween was a perfect way to set the scene. It is the perfect holiday to present dark legends.

Plot
The build-up in this story was done excellently. I could feel that cold man boiling inside, begging to set his monster free. I kept reading to see what the monster would be once it was freed. Honestly, I feared for those children. This being a horror story, I was unsure what their outcome would be. Then the ending was quite a surprise. It was almost as if the touching he felt was something demonic, devouring him in his demise. The use of the song at the end and around the beginning, sets the mood and delivers a punch to the ending.

Mechanics
I could not find any grammatical or spelling errors. This is a well edited and excellently crafted story.

Final thoughts
I enjoyed your horrific tale. Writing psychological horror is pretty challenging, so I applaud you for succeeding.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I truly enjoyed the read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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193
Review of Forget Me  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


Hi there! I found this while searching for writings by newer members. This is an emotive write and one that I can relate to. I too have had experiences with addiction in those that I care about. It can be extremely difficult watching them destroy themselves and those around them.

First thoughts
With my first read through, I felt that the emotions in your words. It is almost as if you are angry, which is not uncommon when we have been hurt by those who are supposed to love us.

Flow and rhyme
It seems that you were trying to follow a particular rhyme scheme, but you strayed from it with "person", "version", and "now". The stray interrupts the flow some what.

Imagery
The language is blunt for the most part, rather than utilizing analogy to express the emotional content. Though, you do use a metaphor in the first two lines. It is a strong way to begin the poem.

Emotive qualities
I feel that this was a quick write to express your emotions and hurt. With the addition of more analogy, rather than a straight forward approach, I think that the poem would deliver a stronger reaction from the reader.

Here is an example:
"Do I even know this new person" - something that could work is "There's a stranger in my bed that wears your skin" or something to that affect.

Mechanics

"upgraded version"- wouldn't they be the downgraded version of themselves? upgraded gives the image of self improvement.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is just the opinion of one person. It is up to you to decide which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to improvements made.




















*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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194
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
** Image ID #2097750 Unavailable **


Hi there! I found this on the random review and read area and thought I would give it a read. Remember, the thoughts that I express here are only from one person. It is up to you, the reader to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully this review is helpful to you.

The hook
The first few sentences grabbed me because of the blood explanations and then the explanation of the drug addicts being her victims got me curious.

Dialogue
Words spoken in the quotation marks follow normal speech patterns, rather than seeing too formal. Though, I would suggest not using "said" so much. Instead, adding some body language would enhance the story and character development. Below is an example of what I mean.

“Are you lost?” Beth asked.

example of correction: Beth bend down to the boys level, making herself less threatening to the child. She wiped one of his tears off of his cheek and hoped her smile would comfort him. " Are you lost?"

Character development
There is some interesting character development in the descriptions of the characters and in the dialogue used. The friendship between the werewolf and vampire is interesting. It is almost as if they super heroes in a demented way, since they only feed on those who are the dangerous part of society.

Plot
The story line was interesting. I like the connection in how the super natural beings choose to protect the boy.

The only issue I have is that there is no surprise ending. It just ends pretty much like it starts by her eating another addict.

Mechanics

In the beginning you wrote that she wiped her mouth on a red napkin. For imagery and symbolic purposes, maybe consider it being a white napkin instead.

The use of "then" is a bit redundant. I would suggest rephrasing without the word. Most descriptions flow better in the story by just omitting that word.

She also saw the dirt and scrapes covering his- We already know that she saw, because you already express she is looking at the boy. So I'd suggest just go into the details of his description, without expressing that she also saw this or that.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I have enjoyed the read. When you get around to editing this, make sure to let me know, so that I can up my rating according to repairs. Most importantly, keep writing.


















*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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195
Review of Thinking is Bad  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House"  . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" .

*Snow1* First impression
I liked your verse. My boyfriend and I were just analyzing this issue in our society. Both of us are artist,which in turn we are more non-conformist, free thinkers. It is a really sad existance to not really live and instead function as just another part of this machine.

*Snow1* Strengths
You stayed true to your rhyme scheme and for the most part this flows well. I appreciate how you used mundane aspects of society to show how people just convert to society norms, without free thought. Like you explain, it can be kind of a cage and there is an illusion of happiness in that.

*Snow1* Suggestions
There is an area where you use gay. I am aware that the original meaning of gay is happy, but now when most see the word they think of homosexuality. Just like the original meaning of fag was a cigarette, but now it is considered a derogatory term. So, when I see gay, especially in reference to a cage, I think of someone's sexuality being surpressed, not their happiness.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an emotive and powerful poem. I enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
196
196
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House"  . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" .

*Snow1* First impression
This was a lovely free verse and a beutiful tribute to your mother.

*Snow1* Strengths
This is very emotive and the love and respect for your mother is shown clearly throughout the poem. The sadness is shown, but what I appreciate most about the writing is the element of healing. Allthough you miss her, positive memories carry you through. Even in her death she comforts your tears.

My favorite aspect is in the middle of the poem when you mentioned your mother's favorite song to sing.The imagery is beautiful. I imaged you at this amazing woman's grave, reflecting on her singing Amazing Grace and finding comfort in that memory.

Structurally this is written well. You use enjambment perfectly, enhancing the emotional content of your words.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is a well written free verse, so I have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
Snow,it was a pleasure seeing a glimpse at your kind heart and learning more about this amazing woman, who obviousy was a good mother to you. Thank you for sharing your strength and healing with us.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.
197
197
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House"  . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" .

*Snow1* The hook
It is not such a great idea add nature descriptions as your first paragraph. It makes for a slow start and does not hook the reader. Besides, that first paragraph explains that it is Monday, which you already do later, so it is a bit redundant. Consider maybe scratching out that first paragraph and beginning the story where the second story starts.

*Snow1* Dialogue
You do well with the dialogue inside the parentheses. The words follow regular speech patterns, avoiding being overly formal. I do have a little advice though. Instead of she said, responded etc. consider adding body language. This would add more to the character development, besides we already know that they said something because of the parentheses. Below is an example of what I mean.

"As I'm sure you all know-" She said, clicking a button so that a picture of a few pills and powders appeared on the white board. "Drugs aren't something to mess with. They can cause serious damage, and sometimes even death."

Idea for suggestion:
"As I'm sure you all know-" their was a pregnant pause as she clicked the button on the overhead projector so that a picture of a few pills and powders appeared on the white board. "Drugs aren't something to mess with. They can cause serious damage, and sometimes even death."

*Snow1* Character development
For the most part character development is done really well. I really get a sense of the main character through explanation of his past, his posture, and how he interacts with others in the dialogue.

There are some descriptions that would work better if you supplied body language. Below are some examples.

'are you okay?' kind of look- Consider different ways people act when concerned. Sometimes they move closer, as if inspecting. Sometimes their face softens into a comforting smile.

She made an angry noise.- What kind of angry noise? Did she stomp her feet. Did her nose flare as she inhaled an angry breath?
*Snow1* Plot
The plot is interesting so far. Being tricked into selling your soul to the devil has been done a lot, so I would have to see where you take this in future chapters. After reading the first chapter, I would turn the page to see what happens in chapter two.

*Snow1* Mechanics
I always walked with my head down and my back hunched over trying to hide my looks. My dad always told me to stand up straight.- Technically this sentence is gramatically correct, but the last sentence seems out of place, consider revising. Below is an idea.

Despite my Dad's constant nagging to stand up straight, I walked with my head down and back hunched, as an attempt to hide my looks.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
So far this is pretty good, but it just needs a little more fine tuning. Overall though, it is better than some first chapters I have read on here. Hopefully when you get around to editing you will share it with me, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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198
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House"  . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" .

This was an interesting idea that you have come up with. With some editing this would be a great story.

*Snow1* Suggestions
I never believed in the black knight satellite but this activity was not normal it was possibly terrifying. - This is a run-on sentence.

my tome is even with a hint of alarm- Did you mean tone?

“All right Roger lets have a look” - Needs a comma after Roger.

at the very lest - Did you mean least?

All right, we need to get eyes on it look at it.- Either their needs to be a period after "eyes on it" or the word and.

“yes, yes Roger Mallay I have added the Persistent to the call explain what were looking at.- You seem to have forgotten a quotation mark.

the persistent- Did you mean president?

This wasn't the first time you know we have protocols for things like this who knows what data it had collected or even how far away the other end was, for all we know it was some other cultivation voyager but chances could not be taken” - This is a long run-on sentence. May want to add some punctuation.

“To you new life”- Did you mean your?

“A new life, a new world how long do you think it will take before they get the signal”- This is another run-on sentence.

Towards the end of the story you change from past tense to present tense. This is a bit confusing.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
The overall idea for this story was interesting. It just feels like more of a rough draft. Hopefully you will get around to fixing the issues in it.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
199
199
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House"  . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" .

*Snow1* First impression
Well, that surely was a surprise! I so thought this was going to be a bully story, but I was pleasantly surprised with all the twists.

*Snow1* Strengths
You have some good twists in this short write, that distract the reader from figuring out the outcome. In the beginning I suspected that this was going to be a bully story because of the boys name and start of the cafeteria fight confirmed that. Then that little shocker came at the end. Nice twist!

There is some good imagery here. At first I wondered why you mentioned the birds if the had no part in the action, then when you express that they stop flying to watch, it gives an ominous feel to the writing. Nicely done.

At the end when you describe his decline as he is dying, there is a lot of visuals given, which brings some dramatic elements to the story.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is written well, so I really have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read with plenty of twists to distract the reader from the eventual outcome. Thank you for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
200
200
Review of INvasion  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House"  . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones" .

*Snow1* First impression
I do love a good horror story and you delivered a nice horrific one. It was an entertaining read.

*Snow1* Strengths
Those little bugs were creepy how they appeared, dissipated, and then invaded his body. I couldn't help but suspect that it was all in his mind due to mental illness, especially since you suggest it when his friend visits. It was a good detour away from the eventual truth that they are real and destroying humanity. Well, at least his unfinished sentence suggests that.

The build up in this is done well. It begins with seaming like these bugs are more of a curiosity to him, then they work up into an invasion in his body. Then it peaks with the horrific park incident. It was then that I thought this was a story about maybe a mentally ill serial killer. Nice little detraction!

*Snow1* Suggestions
This was a great story, so I really have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a horrifically entertaining read. It was an interesting and unique use of that days prompt. I enjoyed reading your horror/science fiction story.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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