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1,142 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return. Rising star award
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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Review of Black Walls  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
Brian, I always love the way you weave your emotions into verse. Of course most poetry is up to interpretation by the reader, depending on their life experience, but I feel I relate to this on a lot of levels.

*Snow1* Strengths
The emotive qualities that you display are the best part of this poem. Knowing that you are almost blind, it kind of has a dual meaning. Black walls could refer to emotional walls or your fading eyesight.

I know all too well about those blak walls because I have a tendency to get trapped in my own. Then the grasping for the light in another only to trap them in our dark spaces, is a sad reality sometimes, even if unintentional.

It is almost as if you are saying, here is all of me, even my dark, so will you accept me as I am. Although I may be weaving my own life into your words.

Structurally, enjambment is applied perfectly, enhancing the emotiveness of your words.
*Snow1* Suggestions
This is an excellent poem as is, so I have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
As allways it was a pleasure reading your emotionally moving words.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.
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227
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
This was a lovely free verse and a beutiful tribute to your mother.

*Snow1* Strengths
This is very emotive and the love and respect for your mother is shown clearly throughout the poem. The sadness is shown, but what I appreciate most about the writing is the element of healing. Allthough you miss her, positive memories carry you through. Even in her death she comforts your tears.

My favorite aspect is in the middle of the poem when you mentioned your mother's favorite song to sing.The imagery is beautiful. I imaged you at this amazing woman's grave, reflecting on her singing Amazing Grace and finding comfort in that memory.

Structurally this is written well. You use enjambment perfectly, enhancing the emotional content of your words.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is a well written free verse, so I have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
Snow,it was a pleasure seeing a glimpse at your kind heart and learning more about this amazing woman, who obviousy was a good mother to you. Thank you for sharing your strength and healing with us.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.
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228
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* The hook
It is not such a great idea add nature descriptions as your first paragraph. It makes for a slow start and does not hook the reader. Besides, that first paragraph explains that it is Monday, which you already do later, so it is a bit redundant. Consider maybe scratching out that first paragraph and beginning the story where the second story starts.

*Snow1* Dialogue
You do well with the dialogue inside the parentheses. The words follow regular speech patterns, avoiding being overly formal. I do have a little advice though. Instead of she said, responded etc. consider adding body language. This would add more to the character development, besides we already know that they said something because of the parentheses. Below is an example of what I mean.

"As I'm sure you all know-" She said, clicking a button so that a picture of a few pills and powders appeared on the white board. "Drugs aren't something to mess with. They can cause serious damage, and sometimes even death."

Idea for suggestion:
"As I'm sure you all know-" their was a pregnant pause as she clicked the button on the overhead projector so that a picture of a few pills and powders appeared on the white board. "Drugs aren't something to mess with. They can cause serious damage, and sometimes even death."

*Snow1* Character development
For the most part character development is done really well. I really get a sense of the main character through explanation of his past, his posture, and how he interacts with others in the dialogue.

There are some descriptions that would work better if you supplied body language. Below are some examples.

'are you okay?' kind of look- Consider different ways people act when concerned. Sometimes they move closer, as if inspecting. Sometimes their face softens into a comforting smile.

She made an angry noise.- What kind of angry noise? Did she stomp her feet. Did her nose flare as she inhaled an angry breath?
*Snow1* Plot
The plot is interesting so far. Being tricked into selling your soul to the devil has been done a lot, so I would have to see where you take this in future chapters. After reading the first chapter, I would turn the page to see what happens in chapter two.

*Snow1* Mechanics
I always walked with my head down and my back hunched over trying to hide my looks. My dad always told me to stand up straight.- Technically this sentence is gramatically correct, but the last sentence seems out of place, consider revising. Below is an idea.

Despite my Dad's constant nagging to stand up straight, I walked with my head down and back hunched, as an attempt to hide my looks.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
So far this is pretty good, but it just needs a little more fine tuning. Overall though, it is better than some first chapters I have read on here. Hopefully when you get around to editing you will share it with me, so that I can up my rating according to repairs.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

This was an interesting idea that you have come up with. With some editing this would be a great story.

*Snow1* Suggestions
I never believed in the black knight satellite but this activity was not normal it was possibly terrifying. - This is a run-on sentence.

my tome is even with a hint of alarm- Did you mean tone?

“All right Roger lets have a look” - Needs a comma after Roger.

at the very lest - Did you mean least?

All right, we need to get eyes on it look at it.- Either their needs to be a period after "eyes on it" or the word and.

“yes, yes Roger Mallay I have added the Persistent to the call explain what were looking at.- You seem to have forgotten a quotation mark.

the persistent- Did you mean president?

This wasn't the first time you know we have protocols for things like this who knows what data it had collected or even how far away the other end was, for all we know it was some other cultivation voyager but chances could not be taken” - This is a long run-on sentence. May want to add some punctuation.

“To you new life”- Did you mean your?

“A new life, a new world how long do you think it will take before they get the signal”- This is another run-on sentence.

Towards the end of the story you change from past tense to present tense. This is a bit confusing.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
The overall idea for this story was interesting. It just feels like more of a rough draft. Hopefully you will get around to fixing the issues in it.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression

*Snow1* Strengths
The whole idea behind this was quite interesting and creative. I could definitely see if such a project existed, it being forced onto them to conduct the project too early. I agree, a world leader with such powers and a disturbed mind is a scary thought.

There is some interesting character development. In some ways the main character seems like not such a great guy with all the cheating and such. As the reader I don't really have all that much sympathy for his demise because he doesn't seem to be such a great human.

Structurally, the story flows well without any confusing bits.


*Snow1* Suggestions
You use said, responded, questioned etc. way too often. It is obvious by the quotation marks and end punctuation whether they asked or said something. In these areas your story would be enhanced by body language instead.

Towards the end you could use that count down to your advantage to build suspense. Something could happen at one, then at two etc.. Then at the end we can find out that the count down was for the explosion. Just a thought.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story. It was an creative take on the cyborg idea in science fiction literature. Thank you for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
Yep, don't open packages that are not yours, you might regret it. This was an enjoyable horrific tale.

*Snow1* Strengths
This was a creative idea. and not one that I have seen delivered before. The whole idea of the antenna being a device where they can see this hooded man doing his disturbing deeds was interesting.

There is a lot of character development here too. The whole bit in the beginning was typical of teen boys, or I am assuming so, because I am not a boy. Jack almost seemed like the typical bad boy type with his cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Then the explanation in the middle where Chuck explains how Jack is pretty much rejected by everyone, even his parents obviously by the trashed out home.

The twist toward the end with the father and Jack at the end was quite horrific. At the end I was feeling for poor Chuck there waiting for his demise in the dark.


*Snow1* Suggestions
His dug out a mix of paper- I believe you meant he, not his.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
I enjoyed your disturbing science fiction/horror story. It was an entertaining and shocking read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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232
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
Well, that surely was a surprise! I so thought this was going to be a bully story, but I was pleasantly surprised with all the twists.

*Snow1* Strengths
You have some good twists in this short write, that distract the reader from figuring out the outcome. In the beginning I suspected that this was going to be a bully story because of the boys name and start of the cafeteria fight confirmed that. Then that little shocker came at the end. Nice twist!

There is some good imagery here. At first I wondered why you mentioned the birds if the had no part in the action, then when you express that they stop flying to watch, it gives an ominous feel to the writing. Nicely done.

At the end when you describe his decline as he is dying, there is a lot of visuals given, which brings some dramatic elements to the story.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is written well, so I really have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read with plenty of twists to distract the reader from the eventual outcome. Thank you for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Socks  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
This was creative! I like the bit about fairies stealing socks and such as a money making business.

*Snow1* Strengths
The whole bartering style fairy land that you have created in this story, is a unique concept, which is refreshing. There is some good character development here too. Jack was interesting because I would never think of a fairy smoking a cigarette, it kinda adds to the uniqueness of his character. His, what I imagined as evil, laugh adds to his character too. He does seem like the shady sort.

Then that little twist at the end when the reader discovers that all this theft takes place so that they can pay their bills, is cute.

*Snow1* Suggestions
You use "he said" or "he responded" a little too much. Typically it is unneeded because it is obvious that someone spoke. It adds much more to the story if you add body language instead. For example you can write, he cocked an eyebrow or he rolled his eyes, which shows character development and then go straight into speech

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a fun read and I am surely to think about it with a giggle when I can't find the match to my sock.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of INvasion  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
I do love a good horror story and you delivered a nice horrific one. It was an entertaining read.

*Snow1* Strengths
Those little bugs were creepy how they appeared, dissipated, and then invaded his body. I couldn't help but suspect that it was all in his mind due to mental illness, especially since you suggest it when his friend visits. It was a good detour away from the eventual truth that they are real and destroying humanity. Well, at least his unfinished sentence suggests that.

The build up in this is done well. It begins with seaming like these bugs are more of a curiosity to him, then they work up into an invasion in his body. Then it peaks with the horrific park incident. It was then that I thought this was a story about maybe a mentally ill serial killer. Nice little detraction!

*Snow1* Suggestions
This was a great story, so I really have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a horrifically entertaining read. It was an interesting and unique use of that days prompt. I enjoyed reading your horror/science fiction story.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Field Trip  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
*Rolling* Yep, she misjudged that universal finger sign! Your understanding of comedy elements stands out in this one. It was an entertaining read.

*Snow1* Strengths
The whole time travel thing was interesting how you portrayed it. Their misunderstandings of history was a unique concept. When you explain that they thought cars were for controlling the population, it kind of builds up for that funny ending.

That joint rolling symbolism with the young man gave me a giggle, and of course so did that ending.

Interestingly, the way that you chose to name the futuristic characters adds to their character development. It would make sense that the names would devolve with the removal of a vowel or two. After all, it is already happening with many of our words in our time period.

*Snow1* Suggestions
You seem to have forgotten all the grammar and punctuation in the first sentence.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a fun read. It gave me a good laugh at the end and a few chuckles on the journey there. It was a creative and interesting use of the prompt as well.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Tech!  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
Madge is like a lot of people that I know who have swore off Facebook and have a love/hate relationship with technology. Even I, who am online constantly have made those comments about Facebook. I mean really, like I care what someone had for dinner last night. Unless it is some gourmet meal, in which you share the recipe, it really is stupid.

*Snow1* Strengths
I had a good laugh with her love/hate relationship with the car. By the way, structurally, it was smart to add in those telling details about how she disliked technology between the car's speaking. It kind of adds a build up in the story.

You add a little twist in the middle, which is challenging to do with such a short write. The twist is when we realize that she is supposed to be going to the city, but she is now in the countryside. Then that shocker at the end was a surprise ending, which is refreshing.

*Snow1* Suggestions
I am not sure why you have the question marks in parentheses. It would make more sense to the story of you changed those areas to internal thoughts, leaving the appropriate end punctuation.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
I enjoyed your story. It had all the elements a short story should have, yet you had very little words to work with to accomplish it. Great job.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Upgrade  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
This is a creative little story you have twisted. It was a fun read.

*Snow1* Strengths
You hook the reader in the beginning by jumping into the actions of the story, rather than giving long drawn out telling descriptions.

You handle dialogue really well. There is a lot of character development in the dialogue. Words spoken are also includes more natural speech, rather than seeming overly formal.

The plot is interesting and you show it well. There are plenty of hints in the beginning with the empty box without giving too much of the plot away. Then there is a nice little twist when we learn that the voices in his head is coming from an alien.

Structurally, this is written well. I could not find any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. In addition, the story flows from subject to subject smoothly, without any confusing bits.

*Snow1* Suggestions
There needs to be a little bit more of a twist. Half way through we already know that he is being inhabited with the alien, so I expected some sort of shock at the end, but there was no twist at the end.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read. I just wish there was more of a twist at the end.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of "We Can"  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
This was very emotive and a wonderful dedication to those who have fought for our freedoms.

*Snow1* Strengths
The repeated words, "we can" brings a lot of emotion to this poem. In a lot of ways when I read those words out loud, it brings a sense of pride, which I am sure was your intention. It is as if you are expressing that they didn't give up and continued the fight no matter the cost.

My favorite lines are those four closing lines. Expressing that "we can" have freedom because of these brave soldiers was a perfect way to conclude this poem.

Rhymes are consistent with your aabb rhyme scheme, without seeming forced. When read out loud this reads beautifully, almost as if it should be sung.

*Snow1* Suggestions
You are an excellent poet and this is a well crafted poem, so I have no suggestions that would help in improving this already great poem.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a powerful, inspirational, and emotive read. It was a beautiful tribute to those who have fought for our country. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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239
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Image for GoT




I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war here on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
I don't know about funny, but the story itself is very heart warming. Well, the dog lover bit gave me a chuckle though.

*Snow1* Strengths
I love how you tell this story, showing how you wanted to be left alone, apparently caring about the dogs more than people. I can relate to that, because I am a hermit too. Like you, I could care less about what my nosy neighbors are doing. Going by the ending, I'm assuming this is non-fictional.

Dialogue is done well. I get a strong sense of who these characters are by words spoken and body language. The guest who eventually becomes your friend seems more proper, especially since you just are originally introduced to her last name, but eventually she seems like a sweet lady.

I like how you mix the relationship of the dogs into the relationship with the friend. Their love did truly bring together a great friendship between you two. I imagine there are other segments of your experiences together somewhere in your port, or at least the end suggests as much.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is well written, so I have no suggestions for improvement.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a sweet glimpse at how two people can become friends by a dog being in heat. It was an entertaining and heart warming read.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Tin Can Allie  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
This gave me a good laugh! Funny stuff! Excellent catchy title, by the way.

*Snow1* Strengths
You did well with dialogue in this. The reader really gets a sense of their personalities. I love the sarcasm with the android! She is a hoot. Then that garbage man of a creator is funny as well with the way he finds solutions to her smell. Of course his dialogue at the punchline had me rolling.

I would have loved to have met his real wife (in small doses). Yes, one can only take a woman like that in small doses, so thank God for that mute button! *Bigsmile*

Structurally, this is written well without any confusing bits for me to trip over. With this being mostly dialogue, there is a clear sense of scenery, character development, and plot. Great job with that.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This story is excellent as is, so I have no suggestions that would improve on it.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
Thank you for the laughs. This was a fun read. It was something that a lot of married couples could relate to, too. I think we all have wanted a mute button at one time or another.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Talked to Death  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
Hahaha, Well that is a way to cheat Death! Cute story!

*Snow1* Strengths
There was a lot of character development in the dialogue. Death's impatience with the man is clear. Then the man's annoying behavior and lack of understanding is funny.

The dog poo thing was a nice comical touch. Ah, poor Death getting his robe all nasty like that. Then the man's over concern with his carpet, ignoring the impending doom is funny.

That ending was a surprise, which is refreshing. It also added to the comedy of the writing, because it makes it seem as though the man was the last straw.

*Snow1* Suggestions
There needs to be a little clarity with why the man is being the way he is. Death suggests something about maybe he drank bleach, but we never really learn why the man is not getting things very clearly. There could be a lot of reasons that you could add in, like maybe the man is intoxicated or has smoked a lot of marijuana. You could easily add this element into the dialogue.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a light and fun read. It gave me a good chuckle. Thanks for sharing your sense of humor with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
*Ha* Well, I suppose he got out of that one! Funny.

*Snow1* Strengths
There is a lot of character development here for such a short write. The annoyance was shown clearly in the character death. I felt like I was watching a silly television skit, maybe from MAD or something like that.

I like how he just casually tells Death to get him a dictionary. The nonchalance of it all is pretty comical. Of course we learn he is so nonchalant is because his soul is already taken anyways. Then ending it with Death doing pretty much the same thing works well with this and makes for the perfect conclusion.

Structurally this is written well. I imagine this was written for a dialogue only contest possibly. You did well making it clear who is speaking without the whole "he said" or body language. As a matter of fact, through the dialogue I could imagine the body language. Of course, the writer would seem all unaffected by Death, ignoring him, while Death keeps getting more annoyed.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is a well written dialogue story, so I have no suggestions to offer that would improve on it.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was an entertaining read. Thanks for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Hiding Among Us  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
Hahaha, that's what those dang alien mocking children get *Bigsmile*. Cute story and great use of the prompt.

*Snow1* Strengths
For such a short write, you have a lot of character development. You do this through a lot of body language and dialogue. I like how her husband keeps mispronouncing "trick or treat." Then that argument that they have about her driving was funny. It is so typical of traditional human relationships too.

The imagery of how the aliens look was done well. I could see those things pop out of their neck and eyes turning purple. It was almost comic book like in my mind.

You utilize a lot of body language, rather than using the redundant "he said" or "she said". Also, the story flows well structurally without any confusing bits for me to fumble over.

Grammatically this is put together well, with no punctuation or grammar errors. At least none that I can find anyways.

*Snow1* Suggestions
This is well written and I can not think of any suggestions that I could offer that would improve on your story.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a fun and entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your imagination with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
*Bigsmile* This was cute. I like how you personified your username.

*Snow1* Strengths
There is a lot of character development here, even in such a short write. I am thinking that the Hoove's human is you somewhat. The description of the annoyed human makes me think of a cartoon. You know when they get mad in cartoons and their ears begin to steam and eyes bug out? That is the kind of image I got, but with the addition of profanities being spoken.

The plot of Hooves getting stuck in the library was interesting. Then that little twist at the end gave me a giggle.

Grammatically and structurally this is written well. There were no confusing bits to fumble over.

*Snow1* Suggestions
Honestly, I could not find any fault with this. It is a well written story, so there is nothing that I could suggest that would improve on it more.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
I enjoyed the giggles. It was light and humorous. I'm interested in reading more adventures of Hooves and her human. Thank you for sharing your sense of humor with me and I look forward to reading more around your port.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
*Ha* Good thing your dad is such a great cook! I can so relate, my mother can not cook either. Her favorite thing to cook was meat loaf held together with instant mashed potato flakes *Vomit*.

*Snow1* Strengths
The plot, I am sure many can relate to. Not all mothers know how to cook, obviously. There are some comedy elements to this. For example, the hot dogs blowing up in the microwave.

I kind of felt sorry for your mother with the noodle issue. Apparently nobody told her to make sure the water is boiling before putting the noodles in. The soggy outside and hard inside is what happens when you put them in the cold water, before it starts boiling.

For the most part, this is grammatically correct. Paragraphs flow smoothly without any confusing bits.

*Snow1* Suggestions
There is more telling than showing in this story. In other words, you tell us what happens. By showing, you would need to add dialogue, scenery into the actions, and more visual descriptions.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
This was a cute story and many, I am sure, can relate to it. Thanks for sharing this humorous aspect of your mother with WdC.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
After all the emotional reads yesterday in the medical genre, having a good laugh with your story was refreshing.


*Snow1* Strengths
This was hilarious. That little smoking distraction was good, because I so did not expect that punchline.

Structurally, this is well written. Paragraphs flow smoothly without any gaps that are confusing. Dialogue is done really well, showing plenty of character development. You also avoid the overuse of "he said" and "she said" and instead utilize a lot of body language.

The relationship between the husband and wife was realistic and somewhat stereotypical of marriages. Her concern for him was also a distraction, because it is easy to assume that a wife would be worried about her husband's smoking and be annoyed by the smell of it. The whole bit of the husband being reluctant to go to the doctor is pretty stereotypical of men and then so is the wife being pushy about it. These characteristics made the story believable.

*Snow1* Suggestions
Honestly, this is well written and I could not find anything to suggest that would improve on the writing.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
I enjoyed the good laugh. Thank you for sharing your humor with me.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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I am Warped Sanity from the White Walkers, sponcored by "The Witch's House . Welcome to the biggest review war her on WdC, "Game of Thrones.

*Snow1* First impression
This is a story that only a dog owner could fully appreciate and I am a dog owner. I got a good chuckle from this story.

*Snow1* Strengths
That whole bit in the beginning with the conversation between you and your husband was a good hook for your story. It is a comical reality of pet ownership, or at least those who really care for their pets enough to pay attention to their health.

Yes, that whole poop deal is important when evaluating the health of your pet. I remember laughing at the chart in the Veterinarians office that shows different dog poops from healthiest to less healthy.

When you mention how your dog stares at you, waiting for you to pick up his poop so that he can get his treat, it makes me think of my boyfriend's dog. He does the same thing on sidewalks. You can take him for a walk somewhere and he will not go. Then we can be sitting at a coffee shop outside and he will go under the table and poo. I just don't get it *Bigsmile*. Luckily mine just likes to find a tall weed to hike her butt up on, so at least she goes in grassy areas.

This was well structured and a comical read that us dog owners can fully appreciate. Poop does become a topic quite often. Like you mention, it is not much different than having a child. Poop is a topic quite a bit when you have a new baby.


*Snow1* Suggestions
Honestly, I could not find any errors in this. Structurally and grammatically it is well written.

*Snow1* Final thoughts
Well, be thankful your dog doesn't eat tampons and underwear. We have learned to leave the bathroom trash and laundry up high, because mine likes to eat used tampons and chew the crotches out of women's dirty underwear. Dogs are gross, but you gotta love them.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, this is the opinion of only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of An Angel  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones


*Snow3* First Impression
This is a very emotive poem that shows the emotions of a parent who struggles with dealing with a child with cancer.
*Snow3* Strengths
I love the way you repeat the lines with the words "white". It strongly reinforces the aspects of innocence, which is fitting since this is a young child.

When you mention, "I thought i would give her her wedding pearls", there seems to be a realization that at some point Cancer will take the child.

I noticed that the shape of the poem seems to take the form of an angel towards the top. I don't know if that was your intention, but it actually is an interesting aspect of this poem.

*Snow3* Suggestions
You repeatedly use the word angle, rather than angel. Angle is a shape, but angel is the winged celestial being *Wink*.

In this place my baby girl lays down. - this is a sentence fragment, so I would suggest either rephrasing or adding a comma after the preceding line.

But then her little laugh only makes me cry,- There needs to be a comma before "but", not a period.

*Snow3* Final thoughts
This was a sweet and emotive poem. It is sad that so many innocent children have to face such a circumstance and your poem expresses those emotions clearly.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of A DIET OF NEGLECT  
Review by warpedsanity
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones


*Snow3* First Impression
This is so true. So many foods actually cause illness, yet we continue to eat them. Actually caring about what we eat can be a good preventative from disease.

*Snow3* Strengths
When you mention the excuses of other causes, I think of the medical field and how they give a pill for everything, when sometimes, like you express, simply eating healthy could be better medicine.

You share a variety of illnesses that are created by the way we eat, which interesting, the do go hand in hand with each other.
*Snow3* Suggestions
There are a few areas that I feel need to be expressed better. You mention, "Let's not spare the overfed", but I am thinking that you were trying to present that people put more stress on the underfed, so the line conflicts.

Also, "must our diet protect" seems forced because of the repeated word "protect" and the reversal of the subject and predicate.

*Snow3* Final thoughts
This is a great poem about the importance of eating healthier foods. Like you express, healthy eating habits can keep someone from developing many of these diseases.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Dear HIV  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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I am Warped Sanity of the White Walkers, sponsored by "The Witch's House! Welcome to the biggest Reviews' War on WDC, "Game of Thrones


*Snow3* First Impression
I do not suffer from this illness, but I have a loved one that has passed on due to it. He was my best friend, so this hit an emotional chord.

*Snow3* Strengths
It was witty to write this poem as a letter to HIV. Through the sarcasm, which seems like a humorous coping, your emotions are shown, especially with the last three lines. There is also some interesting facts here about ways that they are trying to cure it, which some may be ignorant to. It is quite scary how the disease changes to survive in its host, slowly killing him/her.

*Snow3* Suggestions
I think that you can improve on how you use enjambment. Sometimes allowing lines to stand on their own helps in building more of an emotional response. For example with "nearly vanquished" you could add a space before and after, making it stand on its own.

You also have a punctuation issues. There should be a comma after "dug in".

*Snow3* Final thoughts
This was a great poem that shows the emotional struggle with one with HIV. Thank you for sharing your strength with me. This was an emotive read.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. Remember this is just the opinions of one person.It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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