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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/waynemart9025
Review Requests: ON
33 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! Exciting cliff-hanger at the least. When doing a review, I never go back to pick things out to include. If I can't remember what I read, then the writer did not succeed in his/her objective.

I was hoping you would do a follow-up of #1 and you did. Though the whole subject matter is prostitution, I think you did a fine job of keeping it more G-rated than would would expect from such a piece. You used terminology that few, unless partaking in the trade, would know. For example, "bareback". I doubt one man out of ten would know that term, but won't have to look it up after reading this.

One of the reasons I couldn't get past the first chapter of "Harry Potter" was because the author bombarded me with what seemed to be a hundred characters. Trying to get a hold on a story that has so many characters is difficult on the reader. He has to store those names in his mind and remember what character each represents every time the name comes up. Just off my head and without looking back, here are the characters I remember and what their parts are in the story:

Joan: A young Japanese prostitute with little experience
Mark: Joan's close friend who pimps her to business associates.
Michael: Joan's husband, I find at the end
Seto: CEO of the gaming company who has this thing for Joan
Roland: Seto's bodyguard and prostitute arranger
Mokuba: Seto's brother
Duke: One of Seto's game developers
Laura: Secretary (I assume to Seto)
Pegasus: Not sure

I am sure there are more characters, but these come to mind from memory. Luckily, you did not throw them all at me in the first chapter, which gave me time to grasp their roles in the story. I do caution you that in writing the author has to keep in mind the limited capacity the reader has when it comes to names. Put too many in there and you lose your reader. Sweet old Miss Davis from high school said to try to limit short stories to 3-4 characters, at most.

A neatly done thing of making it appear that Mokuba is developing this crush on Joan makes me want to see how that progresses. But, slapping him with the news that Joan is married to Michael just might put an end to any kind of relationship going forward.

Your descriptive writing is second to none. The details made it easy to focus on the surroundings. For example, you described the bar Mokuba took Joan to very well. I could see the guard at the entrance to the upstairs VIP lounge vividly and Duke (Devlin) sitting near the stage with the poles. Your events flowed easily through my mind and your surprise ending left me wanting to read more. Seriously, I had thought Michael and Mark were the same person from your first writing in #1. Near the end I find they are not. Now, I will have to go back to read that section again to determine who Michael is. Again, too many characters can confuse even high comprehensive readers like me.

I will be waiting for #3. You definitely have me hooked on this story and I can't wait until the movie comes out.
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2
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

I can see in your writing that you may have had a Miss Davis in your past. I could clearly see the meeting at school and feel the discontent of your friends. You obviously know how to tell a story and get your feeling across to the reader.

I don't usually comment on the content of a story, but this is one I relate to because of my 67 years as a white man, raised by color-sensitive parents. When I brought my Philippine wife home to meet my parents, my mother kicked us both out and I never saw her again until her funeral. I would like to share with you a bit of my past and my experiences with people of color:

Me and my 3 brothers were practically raised by an live-in unmarried black mother with a boy child. The child was my age and I spent more time with him growing up than I did with my brothers. We attended different schools, because in those days schools were segregated. I eventually graduated in 71 from a totally white school and had never spent much time with black folks except for my Nanny's son. We are still best friends to this day.

The only thing I knew about black people was what my parents would say. They were uneducated, stupid, unclean, and would steal the cloths off your back if given the chance. I never saw any of that with Nanny or her son, Jack. I never believed my parents, but never questioned them either.

I did not want my parents' help while attending college at UT. I got a job as a night policeman in Austin, TX and attended school in the daytime. My beat was east of Congress, or what was called the black part of town. It was the first time in my life I saw racism at its worst. We were all white cops in those days and no one wanted to respond to fights in black bars or tangle with any of the black gangs that hung around neighborhoods, selling dope. Though there wasn't a prejudiced bone in my body when I joined the force, I ended up worse than my mother by the time I resigned 4 years later. I had been hospitalized 3 times in those years as a result of arrest attempts in that area. My gun was taken from me twice after I was rendered unconscious when responding to emergency calls. In almost every street fight involving black males, there was a black female ready to get in the face of police, accusing us of being racists. If we attempted to arrest her, the fight would stop and the men would focus their anger on us.

From there I went to work for the World Health Organization. My first assignments were in the deepest regions of Africa, where I worked closely with village leaders to commission new hospitals we built for them. In those 5 years I developed very close relationships with the locals throughout the country and completely ignored the fact they had black skin. And, they never looked at me as a white threat to their way of life. They truly appreciated what we were providing for them.

Before retirement in the US, I worked side by side with a lot of black people and made many friends my deceased mother would never have approved. I have no friends who are racists, nor do I tolerate any talk of bigotry around me. I have heard many stories similar to yours; however, I have never witnessed that kind of racial behavior in my past. I firmly believe that such racial behavior is looked down upon by most white people these days. Sadly, there is still some around and comes mostly from uneducated white trash. At least, that is what I call them.

I look forward to reading more of your works.
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3
Review of Rules For My Life  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Pastor,

This is not a review, but a simple reflection on your message. God gave us the 10 Commandments as a guide to become good people and forsake all that is evil. Your 19 guidelines are a better breakdown of how the Good Lord meant for us to believe and act on. If we all could just follow a few of your personal rules, our lives would change and we would find ourselves happier and more fulfilled.

For many years now I have been teaching young adults how to turn their lives around by kicking self defeatism out the door and adopting almost exactly the rules you listed in your piece. Art Linkletter formed our organization many years ago to help people learn the Power of Positive Thinking. Many of us are believers and we include our Creator as a means to achieve greatness by following the teachings of our Savior. But, I am just preaching to the choir here.

I think I have read just about everything you have written so far. I don't comment on all because I don't want you to think I am stalking you. You and I are definitely on the same page with just about every subject you have written on. There is not a rule you have put on this piece that I do not follow myself. There is just one you did not put here that I have but cannot always follow:

"Do not get obsessed with national problems you can do nothing about".

That one is difficult for me because I see constant party fighting in DC that is taking this God-fearing country down the tubes.

Keep cranking out these great works! If you get a chance, take a look at my more recent work:

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done, Becca. In one short paragraph you summed up the thinking of just about every Millennial I know. Before the age of 17, this piece completely summed up how I thought and reacted to others. I knew I was better than most of my friends, but didn't know how to overcome my attitude of being second best. By reading just one book in my Junior year of high school, I managed to completely turn my life around. If you get the chance, check out my piece explaining that change.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is one of those pieces where I find it easier to comment on the subject than how it was written. The writing part is not worth breaking down because it was done very nicely. I could see what you were trying to get across through your words. No one could ask for more.

The subject matter is very close to how I have run my life since I was a teenager. Goals are essential to secure a better life. I think the piece I wrote on it explains the way I think and expounds on what you relay in your writing here. If you get a chance, take a look at it and tell me if you are committed to do what it takes to get where you want to be.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I would call your piece more of a mini-biography than anything. Excellently written and easy to follow the message you wanted to get across to the reader.

Like you, I am also an Elvis and Beatles fan and am 4 years your junior. Unlike you, I was a healthy and full of spunk kind of guy in those days. I must have had 30 serious relationships by the time I turned 21, but have no story to tell so tragic than yours about Leyda. The longer we live, the more such stories we have to tell.

I did eventually develop rheumatoid arthritis in my early 50's, which has effected my life severely. I cannot imagine you suffering all these years as you so excellently related in this piece. Thanks for sharing this well-written mini-biography.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very descriptive. The only thing I would change is to go back and put a space between your paragraphs. It would make it easier to read.

So you know, I have been to Vegas several times in my life. The only thing of mine that stays in Vegas is my money.
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Review of Running Away  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful! Those of us who have buried our parents identify with your grief. Mine have been gone now for more than 15 years, but I still constantly think of them. They left this world within a few short months of each other. I was born on their 7th anniversary, so when March 9 comes up every year, I identify with your short and wonderfully written piece. You nailed it for me!
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Review of Holding Hands  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your piece is difficult to finish because it reminds all of us who have had to bury our parents of the sadness it brought. It would be difficult, if not impossible, for me to put into words any of the good times I had with my mother and father. They left this world within a few months of each other and it was more than I could deal with in such a short span of time. Hardly a day goes by that I do not think of them and wish I could have been the better son they so deserved.

You have nailed descriptive writing and I suspect you had a Miss Davis somewhere in your past. I could see every picture you painted and had no trouble visualizing what you wanted me to see. I just can't figure how you managed to compose it with all the tears on your keyboard. Great job and thanks for writing this masterpiece.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your story is a subject we can all identify with. In my day we did not have kindergarten and started school in the 1st grade. Your story reminded me of my first day with 26 other children and sweet Miss White. Through your words, I could visualize the room, teacher, and children. Not because I was there once, but because your descriptive writing abilities are right on. I suspect you had a Ms. Davis somewhere in your early years also. This was a good piece with a lot said in a few words. That's not easy to do.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this. I have something similar of my own that you might want to check out. If you don't mind, I have included your link at the bottom of mine.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review of Beliefs  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
14
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
15
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very inspirational piece from an obviously intelligent person. I was about 26 when something changed in my behavior after reading Art Linkletter's, "The Power of Positive Thinking". From the point after reading the first chapter, I completely changed my way of thinking and applied all his steps to a happy and successful life going forward. People have marveled at the things I've accomplished over the past 41 years.

The first rule is to be proud of yourself before anything else. Convince yourself you can accomplish anything. Wake up every morning, look into the mirror, and tell yourself you are special and can conquer the world if you want. Do the same thing before going to bed. Set goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. Then set new ones.

I can find no flaws in your writing. You are obviously experienced with sentence structure and the ability to put your thoughts in a comprehensive manner. I look forward to reading some of your other inspired pieces. Keep it up and always think you are special.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
If I was to define this piece, I'd label it as an inspired psychological look on man's basic response to facing downfalls. The reason it caught my eye was the title, Seeking Vindication. I thought it would be about getting even with those who wrong you. In my 67 years, I cannot count the number of times I wanted to get even with someone for what he did to me. But, your well written account of things working out made me stop and think of the good things that came to my life as a result of the bad. For example, my first wife of 4 years left me for a man she had been quietly sleeping with for months. I actually took steps to kill the both of them before killing myself. That would have sure fixed that problem, I thought at the time. But, I didn't do it and instead went on with my life. Years later I met my sole mate and have never been happier after 36 years married to her.

My hat's off to you on this one, Ray. You obviously put a lot of thought in to it and I am sure those who read it will walk away with a different way of thinking. I look forward to reading more of your inspired work.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting essay and filled with common-sense. I wrote a similar piece; however, mine is more based in the science of creation and the religion of evolution. If you don't mind, I linked your essay at the bottom of mine. Yours is much better written and addresses more of the common-sense side of the subject.

https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/219...
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Review of Ufology  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. I do like sci-fi. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Short and good descriptive writing, I can say about your piece. In your first two sentences, I was able to see the image of Colonel Rod in a space suit and the mist on the inside from the cough. From there, the movie in my mind was started and I could visualize the situation he was in.

Then came the Buck and Cody in the shack talking about what Cody saw from window. Immediately I knew one of two things had happened. Either Colonel Rod was an alien who crash-landed on Earth, or somehow his mission to space got turned around and he ended back on Earth unknowingly. And maybe all he had to do was open his helmet to survive. In either case, I didn't get that answered by the end of the piece.

Great descriptive writing and I am sure you have others I want to check out. You must have had an old Miss Davis in your past somewhere.
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Review of Unfinished  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

You nailed the movie part in my mind in just the first two paragraphs. Problem was, I didn't know if the main character was a male or female until mention of putting on the perfume. From there, I had to go back and put some pieces together in my mind of the images I had to leave out. If I were to suggest anything, I would establish the gender earlier in this piece.

There are a lot of writers out there who put things to words, but end up not having a story intent. This one confused me a bit. I assume from what I was reading is this is a woman who met a guy on-line and was about to meet him for the first time. The confusing part was mention of photos of him with his girlfriend. Ie..., "I realise only now that I don’t actually know what he looks like other than the odd pictures that he posts with his girlfriend." You would think a guy wanting to meet someone he finds on line would not post photos of himself with another girl. That made me doubt what I construed as the intent of the story.

Your abilities to paint pictures in your reader's mind is spot-on. I was disappointed with the end because the meeting did not take place in this story. I felt betrayed because that was the part I was most interested in seeing if she was happy or sad about her choice to see a stranger she knew nothing about. And, there could be the fact that I may have completely misunderstood your story intent altogether. No one should ever walk away from a story feeling that way. This is a good piece that I think could be made great with just a few changes.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

I can honestly say that if I have not already started a good picture in my head by the end of the first paragraph, I stop reading and go onto something else. Yours placed me in the mood to read on by putting pictures in my head of a person (male or female) being broken down on an isolated road near an unidentified small town where an old man in a beat-up truck stops to help. That was a lot to say in such a short paragraph. You filled in the question of gender shortly in the second paragraph by introducing the main character as Susan. Now my movie was complete to continue filming as a I read on. The rest was icing on the cake.

My first conclusion after finishing this well-written piece is it ain't your first rodeo. I suspect you had someone like old Miss Davis in your past also. Your descriptive writing abilities capture the reader's imagination completely. I could clearly see Charlie working under the Impala and Susan shucking corn in the kitchen with Mary.

Some writers create stories without an intent. Once you finish it, you wonder what they were trying to get across to the readers. Yours had a definite intent. At least to me it was a story of a young woman trapped in a dull life in the city who unexpectedly finds piece in a laid-back town with friendly people. Well done and I will be looking for more of your creations as you post them.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Being a 67 year-old white American male who has worked himself around the Earth several times, I can say that the world of call-girls is not new to me. I always marveled at how such ladies could see multiple clients a day and treat me as if it were the only encounter for months. Your story exposes the laid-back world of Joan's profession in almost a comical manner. Well done and spot on relating to my experiences. With that said, you surprised me deep in the story when Joan told Mokuba, "You and Seto are only my second and third clients ever." I had to go back a couple of times and re-read that, because I was certain from the video you placed in my head that she was a professional with a lot of experience.

One thing I have no experience in is gaming. You used terminology here that I have never heard before. It took me awhile to understand where Mark took Joan after he picked her up. But, eventually I figured the scene out and understood what followed.

You have obviously nailed descriptive writing. From the moment Joan stepped off the Caltrain onto the platform with cell phone in hand, I had the vision started and it flowed like a movie throughout my reading. I could see clearly the walk with Mokuba and picture this cute Japanese girl holding his hand.

At the end, you left me wanting to know more. Did she meet with Roland later on and did he act like a Psychopath? So many questions left unanswered for me in this story. But, you let me know this was only part of the story in your early notes. Very entertaining and I will keep an eye out for more.
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Review of Whistler  
Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Your first paragraph captured me right off. I could see an African boy and his read dog in a grassy field near a railroad track on a hot day. From there I had to read the rest because the picture was perfectly planted in my head. The rest was just icing on the cake.

I suspect you are not new to writing and maybe might have had an old English teacher like Miss Davis. You have inspired me now to finally write about my first encounter of walking up on a pride of lions in Kenya many years ago. I was there getting a new hospital up and running and missed the bus one morning getting to work. I took the quickest route from the village and walked into a clearing full of lions resting under a big tree. The male was startled and stood up to look at me in my frozen horror. The deafening roar took 10 years off my lifespan.
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Review of How Do You Know?  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
HOW DO YOU KNOW?

After getting to know you a bit, I decided to scan through several of your excellent pieces. All the ones I've read are well done, but this editorial intrigued me. I'll bet you an ice-cream-Sunday you have used this in a sermon from time to time. Wonderfully written in plain enough English for the worst of us to follow. And the flow of common-sense is next to none I've seen in my experience. The message is spot-on regarding whether we believe the Word of God or what we are taught by the world.

I can see why you read my Creation Science piece. This editorial expounds on the other factor of Bible vs Science. Even Creation Scientists do not believe many passages relating to the universe and perceive them as man's concept of what he couldn't understand at the time. As believers, and as you say, when we read something that doesn't match up with what we already believe, it is difficult to accept the new idea. Most of the Bible deals with the history of Jews and the ministry of God's son, ending with the road to salvation. In those hundreds of passages, the writers attempted to address the question of Creation the best they could for what God lead them to understand.

If you don't mind I would like to either post the link to your editorial on my family FaceBook wall or just copy and paste it for all the Martin's spread out across America to see. This subject always pops up at family reunions and I think it answers a lot of questions we leave unanswered. I hope I can hear you preach someday.
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Review of Homecoming  
Review by waynemart
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am more into historical writings than this sort of subject, but yours caught my eye when flashing through some to read. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see.

Assuming you are a man (John), you write this piece in the eyes of a female (Sam). Well done! In your first sentences, you capture your reader with very specific details. I could see the blue Subaru driving down a dusty pot-hole road in a video I started in my head. I could feel the heat of a hot August day in Oklahoma. I've been there. By capturing your reader in the beginning, no one can stop going forward because we want to see and hear more. I try to find the good and bad in everything I read. I can give you nothing to improve on because I felt this was one of the best short stories I've read in a long time. I look forward to finding more of your works.
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Review by waynemart
Rated: E | (5.0)
After reading your first Alice in the hole piece, I looked this one up as well. When I read an interesting piece like yours, I go back and remember my sweet old high school English teacher, Miss Davis. She knew how to bring out the best writing skills in the worst of us. Her main point was that when you write, think of the reader creating a movie inside his head. As he reads, he is picturing the flow of events through images he creates in his mind from your words. If early in your story you say something like, “The rabbit jumped in a hole”, and later you mention the hole was in a tree and not the ground, you have completely destroyed the reader’s flow of images. It is difficult for a reader to reverse his imagination once it has been set in motion. Always be descriptive and never leave a reader to guessing what you meant for him to see. This is old news to you from my previous review.

I think you have descriptive writing nailed in this piece. Early, as I read, I was able to picture a bored Alice near a bus and a tree nearby with a rose sitting inside a hole in the middle of the trunk. At that point, I was captured and wanted to see what happened next. The rest was just candy on top.

I will continue to search for more of your writings. You definitely have a wonderful imagination and know how to get what is inside your head into mine.
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