Review Requests: ON
194 Public Reviews Given
200 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Cowboy  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi Sumojo, it's Whiskerface, and I'm here to review your drabble Cowboy.


This is relatable. The clear cut world of westerns is a simple one, and easy for two boys to play with. They clearly enjoyed it, unaware of future events. The conclusion about Jake always being the black hat was unexpected and gave your story a strong finish, like a cell door closing behind Jake. I also like Jake as a black hat name.


Your story made me wonder what Sam was doing in the courtroom. Was he an attorney? A bailiff? The injured party? A story that leaves the reader with questions is a great one, and I enjoyed this.

If I ask questions in my reviews, I don't actually expect answers, since this is the equivalent of me thinking out loud.


This is well done. Keep writing! Whiskerface *Cat2*


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2
2
Review of Life Saver  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi Spud. It's me, Whiskerface, and I'm here to review your story Life Saver.

You have a strong opening. I'm a fan of beginning with dialogue, and you've created a beginning that majestic me ask "Why?"

I also like the way you portray Hank. Yes, he's a professional, listening and taking notes. He also appears more relaxed.The word "Why'd" brought that home to me.

Penny's answer to Hank's question made me think. Instead of reading about trauma and PTSD, I saw day to day struggles, concrete examples of fear. Penny's problems are real, not an abstract concept. Daisy is just there, and Penny is her person. That's all Penny needs. I understand why you chose this title.

I have a couple of thoughts. They aren't suggestions, but things I noticed.

In your first sentence, the first two words could be removed without losing the point.

Since a pause has no physical form, I have trouble with "pregnant pause hover" in your second paragraph. Perhaps you can use linger instead. I am visually oriented, so this is probably a Whiskerface thing.

In your fourth paragraph, you need to put a comma after "she said." I also saw a potential problem with paragraph four. Except for "she said," the entire paragraph is dialogue. I found myself losing the thread of the conversation. Mentioning Penny a second time and interrupting her unbroken speech would, imho, make it an easier read.

Penny took a breath. "It's hard," she said,"for people to listen. They get tired of hearing about this."

I like your story, and got a lot out of it. Remember, these are only my opinions. In no way am I a professional. If I asked questions, that's part of how I review; I don't expect answers. Keep Writing! Whiskers*Cat2*


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3
3
Review of Norman Votes  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Hi Maddie Stone, it's Whiskerface, and I'm stopping by to review Norman.

You communicated Norman's anxiety well, using sweating palms and shaking hands in the first sentence. I was surprised, as I read, how nervous he was. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it would be okay. His pep talk to himself is what I wanted to tell him. The moment of decision turned everything around—he did strut back to his seat.

I did not see the twist coming. Frankly, I would have gone with pizza, too.

Your sentence "The clock on the wall ticked, ticked, ticked" is one of my favorite sentences. Great story.

I sometimes ask questions when I review. I don't expect answers; it's a little like me talking out loud. Don't feel obligated to answer.

Keep writing! Whiskerface *Cat2*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Something for 6B  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Hi, my name is Whiskerface, and I'm here to review your poem Something for 6B.

Your poem about loneliness and the desire for something better captured my attention. Your opening is attention getting. It's both casual and intimate, an unexpected combination. The intimacy is not only because of the thin walls, but because the listener wants genuine contact with the singer. You leave out the why of this. Is the listener attracted to his—I imagine a man—neighbor? Is he desperate for human contact? Does he fantasize about the woman next door?I think he wouldn't lean against the wall to listen to just any neighbor.


The switch in the third stanza further drew me in. I imagined what it would be like to step off that ferry and take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of home. Vancouver is not a place to live, but the place he desires with all his heart. The better placed, better than where he is at the moment. Vancouver delights him. it is where his spirit lives, the place that brings him peace. I do wonder if Vancouver is a place in his past, or a product of his imagination.

You communicate his yearning well, and I feel bad for this sensitive fellow trapped in a crummy apartment with only the want ads to occupy his time. Why doesn't he approach her? Is he afraid? is he depressed? I wonder.

I like your use of language. The phrases "matchbook complex" and "mailbox pleasantries" add a welcome depth to his desire to know his neighbor.

I don't know what to make of the ending couplet. It feels as if the tone of the poem changes, and it's gone from being wistful and melancholic to blunt and blatant.

Your first line is my favorite.

Remember, I'm not a professional. These are my opinions, nothing more. Keep Writing! Whiskerface


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: An architect geek falls for a woman who illustrates books. She is nothing like him and everything he needs.


*Star*Something To Think About As a professional at living with geeks, I enjoy your descriptions of Leo as a man who lives in a world of numbers, measurements, and stresses. Having said that, there is a passage that feels off. “The following Saturday, at the same time, he was back in the square. His heart, a structure he’d always considered predictably stable, felt seismically unsound.” I can see what you’re doing here, but the second sentence broke my focus on the story. I began wondering how Leo couldn’t grasp his heart was an internal organ, not something that fits in a world of structures. Why on earth would his heart feel seismically unsound? It’s a body part, not a tectonic plate. It made my opinion of Leo go down a notch. Perhaps letting Leo think more specifically of his heart—a construction of valves, arteries, and chambers— becoming more. “Leo considered his heart as a machine, necessary for pumping blood through his body. This sudden uptick of his blood pumping when he spotted her was a new and unsettling sensation.” Also, it’s a petty thing, but I don’t think you need to specify a paper coffee cup. He’s walking around in a public place, so a transportable item is inferred. “I ran a structural analysis on that day. The moment I bumped into that skater.” I think it might be better if you combined both sentences. You have a lot of smaller to middle length sentences. A long sentence could provide a break from those. You have multiple short sentences coming soon.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I saw no problems here.



*Star*Things I Like: I wonder what would have happened if Leo’s sister didn’t shove him outside. Leo owes her, big time. “That was a 100% failure of my situational awareness.” I love this. I read this story about four times, and only now noticed you provided no physical description of Leo. I so readily could picture him, I needed no information. “He didn’t bring coffee. He brought two tickets to the de Young Museum’s architecture exhibit. “ This may be my favorite sentence.



*Star*Other Stuff: You could lengthen this to provide more details of that year. I think a second story, perhaps about their trip to the museum, provides another opportunity to write romance. I love this story.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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6
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Review of Annette's fall  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi I Heart My Sox Author IconMail Icon It’s good to see you participating in another I Write challenge.

You wrote: “ I love Annette, she is a kind, honest, good leader. She will do anything for her people, including die for them.” Annette sounds noble, but from your brief description, I wonder what her less noble qualities are. Does Annette get frustrated with having the only immune system that works like this? It sounds wearying. She could have a happier life without the stress of knowing she’ll die sooner. There could be more time for her spouse and child. Is she resentful, lonely, angry, or afraid?

“The pregnancy and delivery nearly kill her because of the testing they have been secretly doing on her immunities.” Does Annette know about the secret testing, or is it going on behind her back? If she doesn’t know, this is callous treatment. She’s being treated as a guinea pig, when she’s already been weakening from what Annette knows about.

Write Annette with these types of concerns, and it may be a mercy to end her life.

That’s what I’ve got. Keep creating! Whiskers *Cat2*

7
7
Review of 26 Paychecks  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Hi! My name is Whiskerface, and I’m here to review "26 Paychecks " . I am not a professional, and this is only my opinion.

The image you used at the top of the page is both attention getting and appealing. The title of the activity—26 Paychecks—is brief enough to stick in someone’s mind, and I am intrigued by it. What is a paycheck? What does this activity include? Your follow up statement “Play along and collect a prize every two weeks,” leads the reader wanting more. The bit of mystery in the name intrigues me.

The formatting is well done. The colors used in the first few lines are distinct and readable. Fainter colors and a script font are more difficult to read, and I’m more likely to abandon something that requires genuine effort to read. Centering your opening lines also helps the reader to understand your activity. This page has everything needed to follow and complete the activity. I know you provided instructions on how to post on a different page. For future activities, a link to that information may help your participants.

My favorite choice is not listed in the paychecks, but I enjoy tickets for raffles and drawings. I like seeing other people’s art, so trinkets and merit badges would be my favorites.

My favorite task would be creating a crossword puzzle. 🧩 I enjoy them, and have never made one. The task is unusual and makes me explore the website and try something new.

I’m leaving a five star rating based on the clarity of the page, and the use of different elements. The image, fonts, and use of spacing and color make this a page I want to read. There are no irrelevancies or distractions. The list of tasks and what each paycheck requires is clearly laid out, and the information for each paycheck is provided as needed.

Writing a review that asks me questions is an unexpected reversal, and I like that. This page is creative and well thought out.

These are, once again, only my opinions. Keep creating! Whiskers *Cat2*


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8
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: Tatters the scarecrow has a good life.



*Star*Something To Think About I can’t see anything here.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: In the sentence beginning “When she had all new straw inside,” the word off is misspelled.



*Star*Things I Like: I like your use if personification. Some of the things you describe are expected of a scarecrow, like Tatters waving her arms. Her view of her work is a large part of what defines Tatters. In other places, Tatters is giggling or smiling brighter than usual. You closing the story with Tatters having a conversation is excellent, fixing in your reader’s mind that Tatters is alive.



*Star*Other Stuff: Interspersing images with the text made it stand out to me.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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9
9
for entry "Yom Kippur" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
Sorry, I couldn’t get my review tool to cooperate.

This is an explanation of the events and practices that take place during Yom Kippur.

Something to think about: A larger font size can make the text easier to read.

Grammar/ punctuation/spelling. I see no problems here.

Things I liked: You’ve taken material that’s unfamiliar to many readers, and made it understandable to your readers. You place things in chronological order, and the way you relay the information engages your reader. It’s clear that Yom Kippur is close to your heart.

Other thoughts: The list format serves you well here.


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10
10
Review of Contest Entries  
for entry "Pride" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: A country is made up of its history and people.



*Star*Something To Think About Have you considered centering your poem? It might have more impact.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I see nothing here.



*Star*Things I Like: I like th3 terms you use to describe the country. Proud, strong, living, diverse, and free. The differences in these terms provides a more powerful image of how you see this country. You point out it wasn’t easy to get to where you are with words like obstacles and struggle. You set up the progression of events well, with young, developed, and now.



*Star*Other Stuff: I like the word living to describe your country.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: You describe the many guises of winter.



*Star*Something To Think About: insider formatting this so it’s centered. I think that can make it more visually appealing.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: This may be an optional spelling, but isn’t tophat two words? I do a double take when I see it written as one word, and that takes me out of the flow of the piece.



*Star*Things I Like: I like the subject matter. Poetry about seasons and seasonal events are appealing. The repetition of the first sentence in your stanzas makes your poem easy to read and comprehend. The repeated “s” sounds in your first stanza are enjoyable to read and hear. If you haven’t read that stanza aloud, give it a try. Your imagery is well done, and I can imagine the scenes. It’s a bit like reading a picture book about winter, with each stanza a new image. You used understandable words and phrases without making them dull.



*Star*Other Stuff: One of my favorite lines is “like ballet dancers on a frosted stage.” Another is “every wayfarer and wanderer.”





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: The basis for a fantasy about a unicorn and a dragon who try to restart people wishing on a star.



*Star*Something To Think About If the beings on the Wishing Star gain magic from belief, and then discharge the magic in wish granting, do these beings benefit? It appears like they get the magic, then use it up, get more magic, then use it up. What do they gain? Satisfaction from a job well done, praise for their work, setting an example for others—what do they get out of it? Even if it’s pure altruism, explain the reason behind it.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I found nothing here.



*Star*Things I Like: I like this premise. Unicorns and dragons are similar because they’re mythical and magical creatures who don’t blend in easily. Their abilities differ. Unicorn horn can purify, but dragon fire injures. You may want to think about what specific abilities each one possesses. Does the dragon shoot fire or ice? Does he use acid or venom? Is the unicorn pure white, or does she have markings? Can she speak? Is there a time limit for them to get people to wish? If they have the last of the magic, will it run out?



*Star*Other Stuff: For names, consider:

Something short, such as Fay.
Something that rhymes, like DeeDee
Something silly sounding, like Blort or Giggle.
Something with a repeating sound, like Anna.

Best of luck!





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.5)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: Home is a person you love.



*Star*Something To Think About Your stated this is a eight line poem, but I saw nine.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I see nothing wrong.



*Star*Things I Like: I enjoyed the use of lowercase throughout the poem. It added a humble tone to this poem. This isn’t only a description, but a loving surrender to the person being described. I also liked the near rhymes of chest/left and stone/home. You have a good bit of alliteration in line three.



*Star*Other Stuff: “Her breath is my foundation” is my favorite line.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: Be careful what you wish for, when you make a choice to a genie.



*Star*Something To Think About You might consider enlarging the size of the text. Speaking for myself, script fonts are a little harder to read, and a larger text can help.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I find no problems here.



*Star*Things I Like: I like the idea of you being dangerously smug. The genie has been at this a lot longer than you have and the assumption you can outthink him is misguided at best. The genie’s “eerie glee” provides a good contrast to his earlier sigh, which was, imho, acting.



*Star*Other Stuff: One of my favorite lines is “I don’t want a dumb ol’ cookie.”





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "July 9, 2022" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: Amongst the struggles of everyday life, there is joy in family.



*Star*Something To Think About Is the word McNasty original? I’ve never run across it before.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: In your first paragraph, you placed two commas after 6 ft. I don’t know if the second “like” in your third sentence is deliberate, but the sentence works without it.



*Star*Things I Like: Your opening sentence caught my attention, and reading Treasure as a name made it stand out. Both your opening and closing sentences are positive, an excellent way to bracket any negative items in your piece. I am a big fan of the serial comma, and enjoyed how you used it here.

You present yourself as a definite person, unafraid to take action or speak your mind, and I find that appealing. I see you as someone who prefers peace, but not averse to fighting if necessary.



*Star*Other Stuff: My favorite phrase is “brave and happy.”





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review of Spellbound  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: An unwilling editor is drawn into a story by an author she dislikes.



*Star*Something To Think About The words gripping and spellbinding are synonyms. You may want to change one. Paragraph three can be written as one sentence, if you prefer.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: With “throughs of delivering,” the spelling is throes. There are several places where a comma is needed, by American rules of grammar and style. One example is in in your first paragraph, with a comma between say and staring. I find the free version of Grammarly useful for figuring out commas.



*Star*Things I Like: The story makes me think of film noir, with hard- boiled detectives and mysterious women who don’t want any questions asked. A shady author meets a skeptical/unwilling editor, and she falls for him. It might be your second paragraph, where you used a head shot and a bad reputation to describe the man.
In paragraph four, your alliteration with “thrilled” and “brilliant” stood out. I liked the assonance in “writing” and “spellbinding,” too.



*Star*Other Stuff: I like your final sentence, it’s fitting.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
for entry "Shrug" 
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.5)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: The author’s dog is anxious about her leaving, and keeps watching her.



*Star*Something To Think About I wouldn’t mind reading more about Gracie. She sounds like a great dog. Cats can be such spoilsports, though.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I found no problems here.



*Star*Things I Like: I enjoyed your opening. The details—Mulberry colored and t-shirt material—allowed me to imagine the dress. It seques neatly into the description of your dog. You explain the dilemma clearly. I understood your point, and sympathized with Gracie. You share your train of thought and that engaged me. The way you wrote Gracie lying down, staying close, staring at you and getting underfoot drove Gracie’s anxiety home for me. Seeing a repetition of a pattern, the stressful drive to the vet followed by the relaxation when you arrive, gave me better insight into the struggles you both have. Your solution was good, even if the cat canceled it.




*Star*Other Stuff: Reading your post, I felt like I was in the room with you. Your final sentence is great.

Pet the fur people for me.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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18
18
for entry "inappropriate content" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR ★★★★★ | (4.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: The author is having a terrible day, thanks to her mother-in-law.



*Star*Something To Think About Consider adding a question mark after Inappropriate Conduct. I think the appropriateness is debatable, and the question mark leaves it up to the reader.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: When writing forty dollars, the dollar sign goes before the number.



*Star*Things I Like: What you’ve written is direct. Your first sentence, only four words long, caught my attention right away. Your account goes in chronological order. You don’t treat your blog as if it’s okay to post crappy writing there. Your frustration with your mother-in-law is obvious, but you support your account with details: her overspending, the soaked seat, and the aggravation of going all over to buy something for a gift she’s giving.

Were you inappropriate? Maybe, but your reaction is understandable.







*Star*Other Stuff: I like the phrase “sodden bottom.”





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



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19
19
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (5.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: How joining band as a trombonist shaped your life.



*Star*Something To Think About: I wouldn’t change anything.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I see no problems.



*Star*Things I Like: I like your sense of humor. No More Little Roadster *Sob* and no phys ed for the rest of the year. *Delight* Made me chuckle. You give a window into your life in an unusual way, and lead us beyond your school experiences into a lasting part of your life. I enjoyed the asides, they fit well and tell me something I wouldn’t have known—Bobby Rydell’s attitude—or considered—boring for a trombonist. You’ve whetted my appetite for more stories of those earlier times, but also stopped in the right place, where you leave me wanting more.



*Star*Other Stuff: I found the dialogue funny, both with your band teacher and your companions. You might enjoy Brandon Sanderson’s Stephen Leeds stories. They’re not epic fantasy, but they are fun.





*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



My black cat sig



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (5.0)
*Bookstack3*Hi there.My name is Whiskerface*Cat2* and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

*Star*The Heart of the Story/Poem: In no way can I summarize this letter, so I won’t.



*Star*Something To Think About Your letter breaks my heart. You wrote this as a personal note, but I can feel the grief as I read. On the surface, it is a move out list. I think your relationship with your daughter is badly damaged, and may never be fixed again. The list is a litany revealing how difficult coping with your daughter’s behavior had become. “I left,” “I cleaned,” and “does not work” seems to describe your interactions with Laura.


*Star*Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: Nothing here.



*Star*Things I Like: You have great strength to endure through this time, and I admire you even more now. You are willing to share a private and painful time in your life, and that takes guts.



*Star*Other Stuff: Your final sentence is heart-wrenching.




*Exclaimv*Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



My black cat sig

21
21
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Hi there.My name is Whiskerface and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

The Heart of the Story/Poem: A couple with a small business make inspirational signs and try to live by one that says Walk Barefoot in the Sand.


Something To Think About: You may consider adding capital letters to the first letter of the words on the signs. Live, Love, Laugh. Home Sweet Home. They don’t stand out, because they look just like another sentence. You might change “to a t” into “to a tee.” Just a thought. In your third paragraph, I suggest changing “still dried out” to “still drying out.”

Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: I don’t see anything here.

Things I Like: The beach as a setting is something I can relate to, because I grew up on the Atlantic Ocean. You give the impression of a sleepy, quaint community. The family comes across as genuine people, content with the life they have. You portray their closeness well.

I see why you labeled this tragedy. Curt leaves, Melissa becomes depressed, and Doris grows up hardened. Your ending shook me, and I reread the story to pick up every detail after that.

Other Stuff: Your final sentence is powerful.


Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface*Cat2*



My black cat sig



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ ★★★★★ | (3.5)
Hi there. My name is Whiskerface and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

The Heart of the Story/Poem: A psychiatrist in a sanatorium struggles to cope with William Shatner’s delusion he’s Kirk.


Something To Think About: I found your first few lines unclear. I know you’re writing dialogue exclusively, and Dr. Noel gave the name Shatner in the first line, but I found the second line troublesome. I wasn’t certain who was speaking, and the lack of dialogue left few clues. Honestly, it might simply be me. But it is possible to rewrite the first line to add the doctor’s name, and if you ended on a question, it leads into Shatner answering. It’s your story, but I think you could easily lose lines two and three.


Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: May I suggest you add punctuation marks around the dialogue? It makes it easier to follow the dialogue, at least for me. There are a number of punctuation errors. You might try Grammarly or something like it. The free version is great for finding problems with punctuation. The second time you wrote Romulans is misspelled.


Things I Like: I love good dialogue, and finding a story composed of conversation pleases me. You clearly had fun writing this, and it shows. The internal dialogue about ex-actors on sitcoms is funny, and shows us a more human side of Dr. Noel. William Shatner is a terrible client/inmate/nut job and Dr. Noel has my sympathy. He’s no Trekkie and has to improvise. Delta quadrant does sound believable, so two thumbs up there.“I’m not crazy!” “When can I leave this crazy house?” It’s impressive how you finished with a solution to the Next Generation/Deep Space Nine conundrum. I hope that lasts.


Other Stuff: One of my favorite lines is “Captain Kirk, why don't I get my physicians assistant to show you to your quarters and order you something to eat.” Telling Kirk he has quarters fits beautifully, and made me chuckle.


Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface
23
23
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)
It’s great to find some RTTE fiction! I love How to Train Your Dragon, and enjoyed this glimpse into the beginning of Dragon’s Edge.

"The point is," he said, looking around again, "now we live the lives we choose." This is a great line. It reminds me of the first film, when Gobber says “Stop trying so hard to be something you’re not.” Well, Hiccup stopped trying and now the gang look to him. This line, this is his answer.

Since you’re new, let me suggest "Noticing Newbies" .The people there are great. You can meet others, get help, participate in activities, and introduce yourself. Your first six months on the site is your newbie period, so get in there!

For the record, you can earn merit badges by:
Making your first post in the newsfeed
Writing your first review.
Filling in your bio block.

If you want something to review, you can try my story"At Fault" . Reviews don’t have to be long. Saying “I liked this” counts. No pressure, but my story is an HTTYD story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E ★★★★★ | (4.0)
Hi there.My name is Whiskerface and I just read your work. Here is what I have to say.

The Heart of the Story/Poem: By helping a fawn, a fairy becomes lost in the forest.



Something To Think About: In the sentence, “A loud retort from a rifle peals through the air,” the word peals seems off. I think of the pealing of bells. Maybe you could reword this. You might want to go with a past tense verb, too.


Punctuation/Grammar/Spelling: In paragraph three, you don’t need an ‘s’ on the end of ‘rans.’



Things I Like: Your character Mor’nen is likable. She has enthusiasm for her job, and isn’t afraid to work. She has a bright spirit, and acts swiftly to assist the fawn. She strikes me as a little different from the other fairies. She enjoys climbing the sunflowers while other fairies don’t. She dreams of greater things, like being a dragonfly rider. She wants to see the world from the sky. Maybe that’s why she enjoys climbing sunflowers—she gets to be high and see everything around her from above ground.



Other Stuff: I enjoyed the interaction between Lady Owl and Mor’nen. It was unexpected, and Lady Owl’s not being able to talk with Mor’nen is believable.


I looked up the Carambola tree, and now I know where star fruit comes from!


Disclaimer: If I ask questions in my review, I do not expect you to answer them. That is simply my style of reviewing, not an intrusion into your personal life. Remember, this my opinion, nothing more. Thank you for sharing your work with me. Keep writing! Whiskerface


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Rated: 18+ ★★★★★ | (4.0)
A few random thoughts:

If a man is relying on his second brain, that means he’s first one isn’t working. A man’s body only has enough blood to run one or the other. If he’s using his “southern” brain, it means the northern one is not fully functioning.

My father was a plasterer with four daughters. He never thought we were incapable. He certainly wasn’t shy about having us haul ladders or cinder blocks around, or climb ladders to bring him tea. He never told us we couldn’t do it or that it was men’s work.

Mum was the wallpaper queen, and they reupholstered together, painted together, and so on.

So, maybe your character has some other home repair skills that aren’t plumbing. Perhaps that’s why she’s sure she can tackle this plumbing problem. Her skills might be good enough to permit her to instruct others. If she’s teaching carpentry or plastering at a local school, she has a mental edge over her boss. Perhaps she can talk to her coworkers about teaching them what she knows. Then she can approach her boss. Tell him that she thought about what he said and agrees that home repair can be hard for women. Let him get smug and comfortable.

Then, all the women taking the class would eventually start discussing the class over lunch and in the break room. Amongst themselves. Let them discuss things that only “men” talk about, like where to find superior lumber or the better manufacturers of lesser used tools. If the meat head boss tries to talk down to them, they can ask for his opinion. Discussing the technical specs of Dewalt over Black&Decker might not be something he’s up for. But they are. Perhaps his wife or daughters might take the class, too.

You might consider the phrase, “How hard can it be? Men do it.”

Alternatively, you might have her conclude she does need an expert to repair the toilet. The expert would be her mom, sorority sister, best friend, or someone in her book group. In fact, they might have a barter system amongst the women. I fix your toilet, you teach my daughter-in-law and son how to drywall, we combine skills to help Heather with laying Saltillo tile. All this time, she had the resources, just wanted to do it herself.

In fact, she might have female coworkers as part of this anyway. One of them could ask her, ”Why didn’t you call me? You know I’m in the network.” She might even volunteer her daughter as an assistant to one or more of the other women. There might be other women outside the network who can call upon the expertise of these women. What about the manager’s wife? Perhaps she tapped Janice and Elinor to fix their deck. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Maybe his wife finds out what happens, and decides his second brain can be safely ignored, since he needs it for the hefty business of home repair.

Basically, something that can or might turn the tables on the boss, preferably with him being ignorant and finding out later that he’s been one-upped. But not in front of everyone—-a private comeuppance that still puts him in his place. And the small, unspoken threat that someone might discover the situation. He’d never bug her about it like that again.

Anyway, that’s what I have. And, yeah, I’d change the title. Great story. Keep writing. Whiskerface*Cat2* *Hammer* *Screw*
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