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227 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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76
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Review of Aces over eights  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (3.5)
I thought the idea of this poem was cool, but I think that there should be some syllables added in a few spots to improve the poems cadence, IE:

"The table was set,
Five chairs spaced 'round.
All their guns were checked,
Their places found." .......................I think this line needs two more syllables, something like: (Their resting places found) ?

I don't know...It just feels a little choppy to me because you have so many 3 syllabic lines mixed with 5 syllabic lines.

The story line is good and your descriptive phrases are nice. ;)

Best regards, Whitemorn :)
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77
Review of Branding  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wonderful work! You captured all of the aspects of the branding tasks with your descriptions. Of course you will probably get some reviews asking for you to enter all of the typical punctuation as they do me, but I say pishaw to that sice we don't always need them. ;)

Bravo and regards, Whitemorn :)
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Review of Fitting  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fitting in... It's allot like a car race...all the cars are on the track, but not all of them finish. That's what your poem reminds me of. I have definitely learned that this world is not perfect. Dreams aren't even perfect. The puzzle is like a Picasso painting. You can tell what's in the painting even though it's screwed up and you can't do anything to change that either.

I especially liked these lines:

"Call out your truths (lies in their eyes);
Thrust their words into your mouth instead
Until you gag on them, and are left
With no choice but to stay gagged."

I'm constantly misunderstood by people who think I said something, but they simply misinterpreted my message.

As far as the world going off it's rails...was it ever on track? ;D

I think you did a fine job on this free verse. ;) Carry on... Best regards, Whitemorn :)

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79
Review of Powerless  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A sad truth for so many.

I live in a town that is full of meth heads and heroin addicts. The worst thing is that they'll steal anything of value to support their habit. ;(

It appears that you had someone in mind. (unfortunate). ;( Best regards, Whitemorn :)
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80
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really love this poem! :)

The title "Autumn Winds Breath" is stunning. :O I especially enjoyed this thought:

"As winds breath decides where

All the finished severed veins rest"

You have captured the leaf experience so well. ;) I would not change a thing! Bravo!

All the best, Whitemorn :)
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81
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clever little poem! It was a joy to read (twice). ;)
The fact that the poem is pyramidal adds to the item since the Egyptians mummified so many cats. ;)

Also, this poem has 38 syllables. 38 added together equals 11. Eleven is known to be a gateway number when shifts of consciousness happen in mankind. The number 11 stands like two pillars in equilibrium. It also represents the first time that God saw his own reflection (mirror image), which created the "Big Bang" from which all life emerged.

Just a few thoughts that I find intriguing.

I just wrote a poem called "Whiskers on my Face" that is about a ghost cat who comes to visit me.


All the best! Whitemorn :)
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82
Review of Wrong Turn  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was much better, YEA! ;) This really took me to the location with your bar descriptions ;)

A wonderful bit of writing!. :D

Only one word that needs a mend. In the third line from the bottom you wrote:

"It was quiet- to quiet. It smelled like old wood and beer" (It should be), "It was quiet- (too) quiet. It smelled like old wood and beer". ;)

Carry on, Whitemorn :)
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83
Review of Seagulls Hush  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice poem in every way! ;) Very smooth and descriptive. Lovely title as well. :)
I read the original version but didn't have time to review that one. I think whatever you did improved it. ;)
People normally think of beach themes as romantic in a positive way. You have placed a nice twist by adding in some conflict, but without revealing it's cause, which toys with the imagination of the reader.

It's a five star poem! ;) Whitemorn
84
84
Review of Fridge Note  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ha Ha! I really enjoyed this poem! :D You were spot on with the description of how it feels to have a prize snatched away without your knowledge!

The title and theme are entertaining! Your description of salivation is unique! :)

If you'll beg my pardon, did you miss an "e" on the word "three" (second line) ;)

Nice work! Best regards! WM :)
85
85
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings J.B.
The title of this item caught my attention right away. I was not expecting for the work to be a treatise of life conditions and cures, exemplified in the form of a recipe! I found the work to be refreshing and encouraging! ;)
You have some very nice phrases IE: "Follow the heart and the fruit yielded will be the sweetest" and
"A heart that’s pure is the centerpiece to success"
Your work is full of wisdom and all would benefit from reading it! ;)
Best regards! Whitemorn
86
86
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I believe that I did. I will return to the review and try it again to be sure. Thank you! :) WM
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87
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello!

Ask me how I am,, LOL! :)

This is an interesting item with a good title.

You really brought focus to the human condition, which often turns sadly sour for many. Myself included!

I decided a year or so ago to be honest and GRUMPY when someone asked how I was. As a result I actually get to laugh more, since I always make fun of my condition IE: "Well my bones are aching but I can still spank my dog!" I never know how some people will react to a remark like that but anything is better that being treated like a number! ;)

Thanks for the read! Best regards, WM :)



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Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again!

I enjoyed reading this article. Your attitude is very graceful as you convey your thoughts on the topic!

I have only been "bullied" here a couple of times but as the saying goes, "You can't please everybody all of the time", so I simply become aloof and numb brained to severely harsh reviews. ;)

There are the "know it all's" who go over your work like a surgeon, dissecting every dot that you post. When credible, they make the best teachers!

Then there are the "Chatty Cathy's" who criticize all of the short items. They simply want more dialog, all of the time, every time, even if it means adding allot of CRUD that won't enhance the work. LOL!

In addition, you have "delusional reviewers" who think that you don't use enough description in your work, even though the item is chalk full of adjectives!

After that come the "grim reapers" that must have had horrible parents that trained them to be so. They don't pick your work apart, they tear it to shreds! :O They are the ones who's "personal portfolio" is like a visit to an insane asylum. They often write gibberish that only they can understand.

I'm glad that you are still around so we can be "pin cushions" together! LOL :D

Best regards! WM :)
89
89
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

This is a sweet way of describing a "normal" life. I enjoyed reading your interpretation of each decade. My Mother would appreciate this since she is in the eighth decade,, 84.
Nice work! Warm regards, WM :)
90
90
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello!

This poem expresses perfectly how I feel while reading so many poems. ;)

I thought that the title was great and that the text body flowed well and rhymed with accuracy! Well done! :)
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91
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a review (by request) of your article called "Who is the Beholder of Beauty?

This is an interesting article and a topic that I have dealt with in my research of human psychology.

TITLE: The title is perfect for the article since it draws in the readers with a question.

TEXT BODY: The article covers the topic well without being too long. It's well structured as the paragraphs are not too lengthy in size, making it easier on the reader to keep their place in the item.

THEME: The theme is based on the idea that if a woman is not beautiful according to societal standards, they will probably have less chance for success and happiness.

GRAMMAR / SPELLING: It all looks pretty good as I speed read it, however, I am a little confused about the term "Anglo nose" which you used in the second line of the fourth paragraph. Did you actually mean Anglo or Angelo, as in Michael Angelo who's sculpted noses were considered to have a genuine sense of perfection. That's the word I would have used since there are some hideous Anglo noses! LOL!

MY VIEW:

I am not familiar with the names of the actresses that you named, so I assume you are from another country that my USA.
We live in a world of standards including beauty. My daughter showed Rabbits and other animals at competitions with other teenagers. All of the critters were judged according to the "standard" of that breed of animal. If a certain rabbit's ears were outside of the accepted range for that breed, it would be disqualified from the show.

My Mother happens to look a bit like Tootsie, yet because of her outgoing personality, she was always popular and still leads an active social life in the elder care facility at the age of 84.

As far as trends go, the idea of beauty is constantly changing. In Hollywood, there are many popular women who are pretty homely, IE: Miley Cyrus, Amanda Byne, Lady GaGa, Meryl Streep, Ellen Barkin, Snookie, and the list goes on ad-nauseum. These examples are from internet polls.

Even women who are considered very beautiful have problems with their own image. Nearly every movie star these days has some sort of "fix me" surgery.

Now, due to the emergence of reality shows, many "homely" women are making it BIG in society. Today, things that were considered almost taboo have made it into mainstream life, IE multiple tattoos, piercings etc.. There is a newly designed Barbie doll that is meant to look like a regular Jo-ette.

I would be wrong not to point out that men have the same problem to a degree, but not as severe as women.

Are you aware of how difficult it is for very attractive women to lead a normal life in society? Good men are afraid to approach gorgeous women because they are convinced that they will be rejected. I recently saw a talk show interview with a beautiful starlet who confessed that while in exotic locations she never goes out to socialize, but stays in her hotel room instead.

My final thought is that self esteem and confidence have to be developed through some form of personal achievement which in turn, provide some sort of beauty within an individual. That beauty is the seed of popularity and social acceptance. ;) As for me, I would hardly desire to see a Neandertal on a magazine cover! :D Nice topic!



92
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Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing your essay on "Banning Smoking in Public". My review is based on my own opinion so take it as you like it. This review is offered only for the purpose of being constructive! I generally make my reviews public for the purpose of educating other writers.

I enjoyed reading your essay and as a non smoker agree with your thoughts, which I will amplify at the end of my review. ;)

TITLE: The title is straight to the point. It contains no "hook" to draw in readers, but it's controversial topic probably is. If you were to title the essay: "I'm Banning Smoking in Public", or "They're Banning Smoking in Public" that would make readers question the topic more and attract them.

TEXT BODY: Although it may be considered by some to be a little "old school", I still like to see paragraphs indented since it helps the reader keep track of their place in the article. I suggest about 5 spaces on the indent. Below is a demonstration of how I would indent a large block of your item:

"Wherever we go, we usually want a clean and comfortable environment. Even though Beijing is not one of the cleanest cities in China, people should still strive for a more comfortable, and less harmful, way of life. But when a cigarette is lit, it sends a cloud of smoke into the air around us, polluting the air with not only its smell, but also the chemicals within it. The smell is so strong that very few people are willing to stand close to a smoker.
Smoking in general does a lot of damage to the human body. It harms the lungs the most, but can also damage other organs, and makes the smoker’s teeth go bad and their breath smell awful. Why, with all this information about the dangers of smoking, do people continue to smoke? The answer is simple: smoking is an addiction. Once people get used to smoking, they cannot give it up easily; while there are those who have quit successfully, there are others who find it too hard to quit and just give up, despite the advice of others. They abandon themselves, losing all caring for their own well being.
It is not only smokers themselves who are affected by their habit, but also the people around them. The dangers of breathing in secondhand smoke are only slightly less than actually smoking a cigarette. When you breathe in the smoke from someone else’s cigarette, you have just as much risk of having the same health problems. Especially in public places, where the smoke has very few places to go, cigarette smoke is hard to avoid. Pregnant women are especially in danger when breathing in secondhand smoke; the smoke can get into not only their lungs, but also the lungs of their unborn children, which are not yet fully formed. This will lead to the child being born with a weakened body."

So I hope you can see the value of indenting each new paragraph. If I am interrupted while reading a story without indentations, it's more difficult to find the spot where I took pause.

GRAMMAR and PUNCTUATION: The second line could be shortened and make more sense if you changed the wording. Remember that time is valuable to most readers so anything that can be shortened, yet maintain the details is a worthy goal! You wrote:

"we should at least strive to ban smoking in public areas, such as subway platforms and in or around schools and hospitals."
I would write:
we should at least strive to ban smoking in public areas, such as subway platforms, schools and hospitals.
My version removes four syllables, yet maintains your thought.

This line, (near the center of the essay), "They abandon themselves, losing all caring for their own wellbeing.", needs to have the ending corrected to read "well-being" because (properly), the words should be joined by a hyphen.

In the third line you don't need an apostrophe in the word cigarettes. You wrote cigarette's.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I recently moved from the U.S. State of Oregon where it is illegal to smoke in any public place (indoors) and a smoker must be 10 feet from any public doorway while smoking. Oregon has several Universities that ban smoking all together on school property. YEA!
I moved 2,400 miles to OHIO, USA where the laws are the same, yet sadly are unenforced! In Oregon, I enjoyed singing Karaoke in a smoke free club. I have had to give that up in Ohio since the laws are not enforced and I have mild asthma. In Oregon about half the people smoke but in Ohio it's more like 2/3rds who smoke.
I believe it should be my right to breathe fresh air so I am not only against smoking tobacco products, but truck fumes as well! One thing that you could also remind people of is that smoking dulls a persons taste buds, making food less enjoyable.
Many people use smoking as an excuse to stay thin, yet I can't tell you how many grossly overweight people have told me that!

I appreciate your essay and the quality of the information that you conveyed in it! Well done! :)







93
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Review of Denny  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very moving poem, rich in sentiment. It's the kind of poem that as you write it, you feel a little bit more healed of your grief. It's a poem that makes us all remember the very important lesson of not taking our loved ones for granted!
I'm sure that in someway, Denny still shines through the eyes of your sons!

Warm regards, WM
94
94
Review of Heroes Of The Sky  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! This is a review of your poem "Heroes Of The Sky"

TITLE: A good title that has a catch and is well correlated to the story line.

TEXT BODY: Good use of the rhyming technique, but I felt that the cadence of the syllable count was off in a few places, IE:

Engines roar,
as two planes come in low.
Many watch - suspense and awe,
as they pass each other
within a foot or so.
And then in a heartbeat -
to dizzy heights they soar.

THEME IDEOLOGY: A good topic, very descriptive of an air show! You did a good job conveying the tension in the crowd! I thought this part was well written:

There's an air of danger
and excitement in the way
they play,
compelling hardened
men to look away.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Nice work! The poem kept my attention and was true to the subject. (I know since I have attended air shows) ;)

Best regards! WM :)
95
95
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I am reviewing this short story: "The Legend of the Travellers"

TITLE: A very catchy title that pulled me in to read more! ;) I am not sure if you noticed the word "Travellers" is spelled incorrectly (in the title) since the rest of the story has the word in it's proper spelling. My keyboard sticks once and awhile which must have happened in your case. ;)

TEXT BODY: I didn't look closely for errors because it looked like you did most of the grammar correctly, however, in the fifth line from the bottom you wrote: "then I realized-it’s probably because he’s not really a Traveler." I'm no expert, but I think that the hyphen after the word "realized" would be more appropriate as a comma indicating that a pause should be used there?

STORY IDEOLOGY and THEME: I found the story easy to read, descriptive, and the idea, fun and mostly lighthearted. :)

CONFLICT: The conflict in the story is that the Traveler (ball) must be returned or the kids may not have gifts from Santa at Christmas.

FINAL THOUGHT: A nice children's story! Congratulations! :)
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Review of Donating organs  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, You requested a review so I will offer one:

Title: The title is catchy since it is a controversial issue, and it's straight to the point, so good job there! You should capitalize the word Organs though. ;)

Text Body: It's pretty straight forward. The conflict comes as a question,,, Can emotions, (either positive or negative) be transferred via an organ transplant? I have spent some personal time researching the issue so I'll share my opinion......

When a person dies the essence of the individual IE: personality, soul etc.. is released from the Thymus gland in the heart. There are many accounts of medical professionals witnessing this event while present during the death of a patient. The essence appears as a vaporous mist which can be seen in lower light situations.

It could be that some vibrational frequencies could remain in the tissues for a short period of time, but memories do not remain in dormant flesh for long.

The only thing that can store emotions for long periods are found in the metal or crystal families which is a good reason to avoid buying used jewelry to wear. It's OK for investment purposes only.

In my opinion, it's a great gift to save a life or improve a living person through organ donation! Just think if you deprived someone from life, or a family from the joy of a relationship?

The only unresolved issue regarding the practice involves the transplantation of a brain's neo-cortex, since it is a biological storage device. We are a long way from that possibility at this point!

In Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, the monster is given a defective brain which causes him to become beastly. I could see how that might be possible since the synapses of the brain do work as storage devices, much like a hard drive does.

Now if you are a Christian who believes in the mass resurrection of the dead upon the return of Christ, you have a whole new set of problems to address such as: "Dog gone it, what happened to my heart" LOL! :O

Final thought: I enjoyed reading this item which took me back in time to my own deliberation of the issue. Best regards! WM :)
97
97
Review of In Dreams I See  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! This review comes at your request.

Well I must say that I consider this poem to be quite lovely! Your rhyming is very nice and the poem has a good descriptive quality.

The text body is a statement that the writer (while dreaming) is united with a lover who is either deceased, has broken away from the relationship, or has a secret admiration for the person they are dreaming of.
It's a good theme that could apply to actual dreaming or to day dreaming.

The poem has a bitter sweet quality with a nice flow!
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98
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ha Ha! A "mistake" is not the correct word for being naughty! LOL! :D
I really loved the humor of this poem, your (so called) embarrassment, and the way you coped with your naughtiness by flaunting your new outfit about!
Now we all know that you must be "HOGGING THE TV", (hee hee) since he has to ask permission to watch football! :O
I think that our U.S. government is practicing the same sort of naughtiness here in the states, LOL! (Our politicians say), "OOPS, WE ACCIDENTALLY SPENT A FEW MILLION DOLLARS OF ""YOUR MONEY"" ON A WONDERFUL FAMILY VACATION!" :O
This poem has certainly put a black spot on your shiny reputation... :D :D :D

Thank you for the chuckles! :D Best regards! WM :)

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Review of Memoirs  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
A wonderful story! I feel like I'm right there experiencing the whole thing with you!
When I first started driving at 18, my two best friends and I would go catch fireflies in jars and release them in the car and cruse. Then we would release them after an hour or so. Great fun! :)
100
100
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bravo! What a touching poem reflecting the cycle of life! You best keep this in your treasure chest!

Best regards! WM :)
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