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367 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That was funny...

I can think of one improvement.

Perhaps in the end the guy in the apartment says "thanks for nothing" real sarcastic like

And the delivery man says in perfect english.

"You're welcome."

Just a thought..... but it was good just the way it was.
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Review of The Final Goodbye  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a nice story.

Thank you for sharing.

Or was this a testimony?

Doesn't matter.

You told it well using good descriptions and short, even paragraphs.

I do believe people are allowed to come back to say goodbye if necessary.

"There wasv no breeze, at least none that Walter and I could discern."

wasv is a word?

:)

Good job
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Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting list. Wasn't what I expected but still interesting.

I am unfamiliar with most of your choices so it is hard for me to comment on each one.

But, I definitely agree with Sam and Dean Winchester. The amount of evil they fight for absolutely no reward at all, except more evil puts them up there.

I would also put Angel the vampire in that category... I don't know if you are familiar with that show but it is a similar concept.

I disagree with you about Jack Sparrow. I think, when it counts, he is a good guy and will do the right thing. I just wouldn't trust him.
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Review of Life's Short.  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beautiful poem.

Your words were finely crafted throughout this poem.

And I liked the rhythm of your poem as well.

A nice message worded in a beautiful way.

I loved the line about crucifying your self-importance. That is necessary but one must be careful not to crucify one's heart.

Nice job
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Review of Slaughter House  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was well told with good descriptions, that kept one in the tale but weren't too drawn out.

You began well with just enough hints to keep me reading.

I loved how you displayed bits and pieces of the supernatural, enough to taunt me but not too much.

I also liked the ending. You ended it quite appropriately.

Nice job.

The only criticism I have was the paragraph describing the house... the one beginning with "The house was almost disturbingly out of place in the dusty flatlands of Hamilton" was confusing. Perhaps it was in the wrong place in the story... but also I think it may have been too long.

Other then that... this was very nicely written
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Review of Death Wink  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well done.

You told this well... I was drawn into the story from the beginning and kept on through the entire tale.

The suspense was drawn out very well... the only thing was you told it in first person so we all know YOU survived... but that is the risk of first person narrative.

Still, how you survived was in question and you made an interesting twist there.

I loved the fact that you used your name... it is very easy to think that this was something that actually happened to you
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Review of Choices  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting play.

The dialogue was strong and the descriptions were good.

My only thing was I think where they were now could have been expanded on.

Where they dead?

In hell?

Or just adults regretting past bad decisions?
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Review of The Big Search  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is funny and very sad. I can reminisce perfectly because I remember all the long years I spent looking and all the mistakes I made thinking that a particular woman was the right one.

You made this character funny and sad. He has no clue and he doesn't realize it. yet, he means well.

Nicely done.
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Review by werden
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Very nice poem.

I loved the constant use of the word creeping before every stanza.

All the lines were perfect and made sense within the context of the poem.

Good job
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35
Review of Friends Like Us  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The prologue was a nice introduction. It definitely made me want to read more.

In the second paragraph I noticed you said "Almost and inch" when describing the wound. I am sure you meant "an". That was a minor error but it dead temporarily distract me.

Chapter 1

I liked your description of the main character. You described her personal attributes without breaking from the story.

I also liked how you introduced Robert. That was nicely done. I could tell there was something different about him from the very beginning.

Chapter 2

I loved the first sentence with that parenthetical insert. How appropriate for high school. :) I also liked how you revealed the main character's growing feelings.

However, I am confused. I thought her friend's name was Robert. So why is she calling him Kadmiel? Maybe you will clear that up later on

Chapter 3

The story took an interesting twist. Now I definitely see there is something strange about Kamiel (you still haven't cleared the name change... I am thinking this could be an error on your part. You might want to revise).

I have my suspicions that he is a supernatural creature of some sort... the same as Johnathon... could one be an angel and another a demon?

Interesting.. .definitely want to read more to find out.


Chapter 4

This was good but it somehow lost the force that the first three chapters did. I think you may have rushed the conclusion... well, it felt that way to me at any rate. To be honest, I am not exactly sure what happened.

But, I did see Kamiel saving Sofer at the expense of his own life. And I did like how that opened up Sofer's heart perhaps bringing redemption to him. But I didn't understand how Remedy's heart plunged into hatred so quickly. I know you explained it in the story but I think it was too quick and could have been illustrated better

Chapter 5.

This was somewhat of a let down. It seemed the girl's experience with an angel and a demon didn't really affect her. But you did say how her humanity disintegrated in Chapter 4... perhaps you were illustrating how her humanity was returned to her. Still, I think this could have been shown more.

Overall, I enjoyed this story. You have a nice concept and you told it well.

Write On
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Review of Love Triumphant  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nicely told.

I like the lines about the hero fighting better then he thought he would and the crowds thought he could.

I love the kings answer in the last lines... very spiritual, appropriate and true.

Well done
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37
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
:)

Getting compliments when you ordered pizza isn't exactly what you had in mind.

But still, something is better then nothing.

Thanks for sharing.

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38
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice story.

I liked your descriptions of the kids, their personalities, and their skills.

I loved the part about Alex asking if you were 40... that was funny.

:)

Nicely written.

Thanks for sharing.
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39
Review of Hunter  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This had some good, strong action too it. Even though I didn't think the dialogue between Kell and the monster was appropriate. It was actually confusing.

I wasn't sure who the hunter was...the monster attacked Kell yet it asked him what he wanted which didn't make sense to me.

Also, I think you should have described the monster in the first paragraph instead of just saying "the monster"

It appeared as if fighting reptillian monsters was an every day occurence for Kell.

Still, the action scenes were nicely written
40
40
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can imagine how embarrassing that would be.

But think of it this way

What happened to you can literally happen to anyone.

All someone needs is a microphone and a miniscule moment of forgetfulness.

:)

Thanks for sharing.
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Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this. You told it very well. You gave great descriptions throughout of the diner and the people.

I am not sure exactly who the girl was.... or how she was able to do the things she did.

And I am not exactly sure about the ending... it didn't make much sense to me.

But.. .that's okay. Sometimes, a fantasy story should be fantastical where the unknown happens.

I assume that the girl somehow healed Sarah's eyes and gave her those blue eyes....

nice job.
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Review of Growing up  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was short and sweet. I like that in a poem.

I loved the tender child and the gifted wings imagery.

The last paragraph was poignant...

Good job
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Review of She Cries  
Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A haunting story. This was well written though I confessed I skimmed over some parts. Perhaps it was too long but I suspect it was more me then the story itself.

I liked the fact that La Lloria was first potrayed as a monster then as a tragic figure.

I enjoyed the redemption at the end of the story.

NIcely done.
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Review of High Road Anxiety  
Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for this glimpse into your personal life.

You described this experience well, however I have one concern.

I think the 6th paragraph is too big. It was hard for me to read it and I think it would be better if you broke it up into 3 separate paragraphs.

Thanks again for sharing.
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45
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I think we all experienced customer service people who have read this manual.

This is funny because it is very true in a lot of cases.

Nice Job
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46
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Nice beginning. You introduced the character well and jumped right into the story.

The second paragraph was okay... but I think you can remove "seemed". either he had an uneasy feeling or he didn't. And I don't know if apologizing for the sarcasm was appropriate for a teenager.

I liked the symbolism of the hallway darkening in the third paragraph. "As I think of it now" is redundant and probably should be removed from the middle sentence.

I see that you introduced the shooter in the fourth paragraph but I think you should have stayed in the past for a while and talked about the shooter towards the end. I think that would have flowed better.

I think you should have moved the confrontation scene where the hero confronted the shooter to right after the third paragraph and then he could have commented on the shooter.

Overall, this is a nice job. With a few improvements and revisions this can be quite a heartfelt story.

Write on.
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47
Review of Turnskin  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I liked the beginning. It was an interesting way to start a werewolf tale. I think the sentences may have been unnecessary long in some ways. Perhaps you used too many words.

One comes to mind is "his strong torch seemed to struggle to light the darkness ahead". I don't think the word "strong" is needed here. I also think you can just say "the torched struggled to light the darkness" and get rid of the phrase "Seemed to"


The attack on the two women was different then a normal werewolf attack. It was unique and that is always good. I also enjoyed the suprise when the beast attacked in the middle of their conversation.

But there were some confusing points. Did the beast come out of the ground?
And how did it disappear from Kelly's sight only to reappear right in front of her?

Also, I think you can do without the adjective "angelic" in the final paragraph. It didn't contribute to the story thus, in my opinion, it is clutter.

Still, overall you did a good job with this. A different, somewhat unique take on the werewolf story.
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Review by werden
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good article.

While there are advantages to the sympathetic villian, there are also advantages to the pure villian.

Sometimes, a story needs to have a clear, defining line between good and evil.

A pure villian cannot be negotiated with or bargained with. He/She/It will not show mercy of any kind. Such a villian MUST be defeated if the hero is going to prevail.

My favorite stories have all had the pure villian in them such as The Lord of the Rings and the The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.

Stephen King also thrives on the pure villian. I cannot remember reading a story of his with a sympathetic villian.
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Review by werden
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this humorous yet slightly sad. Whoever this is clearly has a low self-image and you captured that well with her dialogue with her mirror.

I think you did a good job capturing a good story in 500 words.

nicely done.
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50
Review of Heart of a Lion  
Review by werden
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
An entrancing tale. You told this very well. The charcater's casaulness to what she did sent shivers down my spine. Even not caring about her own mother who protected her from death.

Personally, I would love to shove a silver candlestick in the character and watch her die in pain without feeling any remorse. :) I hate the character that much. But you did a good job envoking that emotion from me.

My only concern is I noticed some misspellings fist instead of first in the opening paragraphs. Also, you need to watch your tenses. Several times you used the present tense when you should have used the past.

Other then those minor errors this was nicely done.

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