Interesting list. Wasn't what I expected but still interesting.
I am unfamiliar with most of your choices so it is hard for me to comment on each one.
But, I definitely agree with Sam and Dean Winchester. The amount of evil they fight for absolutely no reward at all, except more evil puts them up there.
I would also put Angel the vampire in that category... I don't know if you are familiar with that show but it is a similar concept.
I disagree with you about Jack Sparrow. I think, when it counts, he is a good guy and will do the right thing. I just wouldn't trust him.
This was well told with good descriptions, that kept one in the tale but weren't too drawn out.
You began well with just enough hints to keep me reading.
I loved how you displayed bits and pieces of the supernatural, enough to taunt me but not too much.
I also liked the ending. You ended it quite appropriately.
Nice job.
The only criticism I have was the paragraph describing the house... the one beginning with "The house was almost disturbingly out of place in the dusty flatlands of Hamilton" was confusing. Perhaps it was in the wrong place in the story... but also I think it may have been too long.
You told this well... I was drawn into the story from the beginning and kept on through the entire tale.
The suspense was drawn out very well... the only thing was you told it in first person so we all know YOU survived... but that is the risk of first person narrative.
Still, how you survived was in question and you made an interesting twist there.
I loved the fact that you used your name... it is very easy to think that this was something that actually happened to you
This is funny and very sad. I can reminisce perfectly because I remember all the long years I spent looking and all the mistakes I made thinking that a particular woman was the right one.
You made this character funny and sad. He has no clue and he doesn't realize it. yet, he means well.
The prologue was a nice introduction. It definitely made me want to read more.
In the second paragraph I noticed you said "Almost and inch" when describing the wound. I am sure you meant "an". That was a minor error but it dead temporarily distract me.
Chapter 1
I liked your description of the main character. You described her personal attributes without breaking from the story.
I also liked how you introduced Robert. That was nicely done. I could tell there was something different about him from the very beginning.
Chapter 2
I loved the first sentence with that parenthetical insert. How appropriate for high school. :) I also liked how you revealed the main character's growing feelings.
However, I am confused. I thought her friend's name was Robert. So why is she calling him Kadmiel? Maybe you will clear that up later on
Chapter 3
The story took an interesting twist. Now I definitely see there is something strange about Kamiel (you still haven't cleared the name change... I am thinking this could be an error on your part. You might want to revise).
I have my suspicions that he is a supernatural creature of some sort... the same as Johnathon... could one be an angel and another a demon?
Interesting.. .definitely want to read more to find out.
Chapter 4
This was good but it somehow lost the force that the first three chapters did. I think you may have rushed the conclusion... well, it felt that way to me at any rate. To be honest, I am not exactly sure what happened.
But, I did see Kamiel saving Sofer at the expense of his own life. And I did like how that opened up Sofer's heart perhaps bringing redemption to him. But I didn't understand how Remedy's heart plunged into hatred so quickly. I know you explained it in the story but I think it was too quick and could have been illustrated better
Chapter 5.
This was somewhat of a let down. It seemed the girl's experience with an angel and a demon didn't really affect her. But you did say how her humanity disintegrated in Chapter 4... perhaps you were illustrating how her humanity was returned to her. Still, I think this could have been shown more.
Overall, I enjoyed this story. You have a nice concept and you told it well.
This had some good, strong action too it. Even though I didn't think the dialogue between Kell and the monster was appropriate. It was actually confusing.
I wasn't sure who the hunter was...the monster attacked Kell yet it asked him what he wanted which didn't make sense to me.
Also, I think you should have described the monster in the first paragraph instead of just saying "the monster"
It appeared as if fighting reptillian monsters was an every day occurence for Kell.
Nice beginning. You introduced the character well and jumped right into the story.
The second paragraph was okay... but I think you can remove "seemed". either he had an uneasy feeling or he didn't. And I don't know if apologizing for the sarcasm was appropriate for a teenager.
I liked the symbolism of the hallway darkening in the third paragraph. "As I think of it now" is redundant and probably should be removed from the middle sentence.
I see that you introduced the shooter in the fourth paragraph but I think you should have stayed in the past for a while and talked about the shooter towards the end. I think that would have flowed better.
I think you should have moved the confrontation scene where the hero confronted the shooter to right after the third paragraph and then he could have commented on the shooter.
Overall, this is a nice job. With a few improvements and revisions this can be quite a heartfelt story.
I liked the beginning. It was an interesting way to start a werewolf tale. I think the sentences may have been unnecessary long in some ways. Perhaps you used too many words.
One comes to mind is "his strong torch seemed to struggle to light the darkness ahead". I don't think the word "strong" is needed here. I also think you can just say "the torched struggled to light the darkness" and get rid of the phrase "Seemed to"
The attack on the two women was different then a normal werewolf attack. It was unique and that is always good. I also enjoyed the suprise when the beast attacked in the middle of their conversation.
But there were some confusing points. Did the beast come out of the ground?
And how did it disappear from Kelly's sight only to reappear right in front of her?
Also, I think you can do without the adjective "angelic" in the final paragraph. It didn't contribute to the story thus, in my opinion, it is clutter.
Still, overall you did a good job with this. A different, somewhat unique take on the werewolf story.
While there are advantages to the sympathetic villian, there are also advantages to the pure villian.
Sometimes, a story needs to have a clear, defining line between good and evil.
A pure villian cannot be negotiated with or bargained with. He/She/It will not show mercy of any kind. Such a villian MUST be defeated if the hero is going to prevail.
My favorite stories have all had the pure villian in them such as The Lord of the Rings and the The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.
Stephen King also thrives on the pure villian. I cannot remember reading a story of his with a sympathetic villian.
This is a good little article. I learned a long time ago that setting time aside for God must be a priority in my life. Now, I believe that I do hear from God and He shows me things. Of course those things aren't always easy to bear but I would rather have to deal with that then the confusion and uncertainty I deal with when I don't hear from God.
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