by Serena Blade
I get it.
|When I was a kid I always had this dream where I was always surrounded by those that loved and cherished me. However, I never fully understood why I always felt lonely. Turns out, I did not know how to accept it because I could not understand how anyone could love me or accept me. Especially if my own parents never did to begin with.
To be honest, I never fell in love with you. I told myself I did because I wanted to believe it existed. I’ve come to terms that the feeling may be plausible. Just not with you.
The Universe has a sense of humor. This time, I know it's true because I felt it when I looked deep into his eyes. I can’t believe I actually fell for him, to the depth of my soul. Sadly, for me, he will never know. I now know how love really feels and it terrifies me. So much, I no longer want it. Especially since it was awoken with no reciprocation.
What does this say about me? That my lesson was to understand that love comes from within? That it exists and was always there?
But I grew up believing the opposite. Trust me, I wanted to.
But the people that should have introduced it to me, never had it for themselves, much less for their offspring.
Now that I have encountered it, I don’t want it. It requires too many emotions that are alienated to me. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t think I ever did. I get it, but I don’t see a point.
That is all.