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 |  probably stuff i think is funny. or aggravating. or both. |
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today i hit 44,300 words. i've got 4 days left to squeeze out 5700 more...i'm feeling okay about it all.  a lot of you guys have probably already crossed that 50k finish line, and until i do i'll envy you with a white hot passion. dragonfly~guess who's back?  is hitting her homestretch with about 16k to go...i know she'll pull it off. she's a determined, skillful writer and i secretly think she kinda likes the added pressure. not during the pressure, for sure, but after, when she's accomplished something wonderful... she kicks much ass!! go, d! go!today was uneventful. groceries, dishes, laundry, etc. i'm debating how to deal with henry's peefoot issue. i love that he's enthusiastic, that he puts his front feet on my belly or chest for his greeting earflapping. what i can't stand is when he does this right after peeing all over his front feet (because he never learned to hike his leg). i'm tired of changing my clothes all day long, but i don't want to squash his happy. i know dogs prefer clear rules, that they're more comfortable with rules in general, and we do have them. our pets don't run amock, would never hurt anyone or snatch food off your plate (unless you put it on the floor, because, c'mon). but we like the natural exuberance they have, and our lifestyle allows us to leave them natural doggies. my sister has a standard poodle, and i haven't met the dog. i know she's loved and cared for, and impeccably trained...but the stories i hear lead me to think it's possible to train dogs to an excessive degree. maybe not. i'm sure the poodle is very happy. but that's not my thing. so, i'm gonna have to clamp down on henry, i think. he'd probably calm down as he got older--he's only 8 months old--but dudes, i'm tired of being slathered in eau d'urine.  |
| okay, yes yes...i'm behind. AGAIN. *sigh* it's relentless, this constant feeling of failure!! i wanted to add to my story last night, but oh god, i couldn't even see after i got home from work, much less think. but today, i'm baack!! and i don't go back to work until tuesday morning...i've got two days to get maddeningly close to 50k. sounds like everyone had lovely thanksgivings, which warms my cockles.  i didn't come back to blog on thursday. instead, i allowed myself to rest without any responsible behavior whatsoever. i didn't even get dressed. so, here is my short list of things for which i feel grateful (preempted from thursday): *still having all of my toes. i'd have a much harder time walking and standing without tottering on my pins without them. *being a white girl with back. i was blessed with a proud bootie. (i think there may be a photo of it on the internet somewhere, even. no face, tho, so plausible deniability is still intact.) one of my friends was taking a picture of it a few years ago (long story), and stated it was the best 'white girl' behind she'd ever seen.  *the thousands of factors which conspired to arrive at just the right place and time to bring me & p together...and keep us there. i think about what we've been through, and feel tiny miracles all around me, fluttering like wee fairies. *tastebuds. enough said. (in spite of bertie botts, even.) *i'm healthy and happy, and my needs are provided for. i have a great life. plus, i get to work toward my dreams...whata freakin' sap. i know. but it's true.  thanks, you guys, for hanging out with me and sending me encouraging and witty notes when i need them, for reading my stories and blog, and for letting me do the same of yours. i've stumbled across some spectacular people here, and i'm proud to call you my wdc buddies. *sniff* oh, i love the holidays!! |
| hiya! the menu tomorrow: roast turkey breast (the smallest one i could find!) bucket of turkey gravy green beans with bacon and tiny little onions, and a splash of cider vinegar stuffing (outta the box) mashed potatoes salad yeasty rolls pumpkin pie with whipped cream it's just the two of us, but you gotta have thanksgiving. you just gotta. i'm not going all crazy like i have before...i made this sausage and cornbread stuffing one year (1990, actually)....it was aMAYzing, but a lotta freakin' work. so, we'll be thankful for all the good food, thankful for each other, and thankful for our wonderful lives. we are so very lucky. i'll be posting tomorrow, likely drunk on turkey gravy, to post several more things i'm grateful for. like all of you guys! tonight, i must write!! 3000 words, just to catch up. why am i always behind?  |
| great jumpin' jehosephat, but my feet hurt. i jumped back into work today after my wonderful four-day weekend, into my new, ultra-physical role, and am loving it. got a good amount of stuff done, but the best part is, there's always more to do. gehee! p & i rubbed aspercreme all over each other. and, i'm off to write!  i was talking to sully, and he's writing his novel, and we were agreeing how fun it is, not knowing what the heck is gonna happen, but playing god with it. i know i'll be whining later, but right now, i'm loving this. i feel something click, like it all makes sense, the process. have a great night, all o' youse. |
| sigh. i've just made the blog run, and a couple of my friends are having a rough time. runningwolf04 is dealing with a serious illness in her family, and zwisis is down, struggling with the cruel acts man can commit... please send them a good thought, if you have the chance. i'm sure they could use it. today's the last day of my mini-vacation...tomorrow's the first of my new role at work. i gotta go to bed in about 6 hours!! whew. needless to say, no writing happening here. not yet. but it will--dragonfly~guess who's back? is breathing down my neck, hot & heavy. not that i mind so much  , but we're competitive girls. if we work this right, we'll both be winners at the end of the month! ahh, healthy competition. unhealthy competition works, too, but sometimes ends in bloodshed, therapy...it can get ugly. not that it's not completely worth it.... (thousand-yard stare) |
| not being at work is mighty interesting. my world has shrunken to my livingroom, my bathroom, and the internet. we've left the house a few times, but these excursions feel like we're going on safari...the outside world is foreign to us. and my story's getting gorier the longer i go with it...i don't think there's a connection, there.  i've added a bit more, upping my word count to about 30,500. i'm right on schedule, and i'm a little surprised with myself. i'm usually the desperate slacker type, worrying but waiting until the last chance to make my dive for getting the thing done. that, or the first version i scribble down is the one i go with, no editing. so this steady attention thing...that's different. i received the loveliest emails from pencilsoverpens today. what a sweet person, and they led me to reminiscing about our early blog comments, how dang quick and funny she is! she doesn't come around so often anymore, and i miss that. i miss wolfedale, too. i know dragonfly~guess who's back? remembers him, and zack. seems like many of the people who went out of their way to help me when i first joined wdc have moved on...kinda sad. well, i'm reassured that pauluk's returned! means there's hope for the rest of my wandering friends. this PIL video came on tv tonight, bringing back fun fun memories of college dance clubs, excessive hair mousse, perky breasts and layered scrunchy socks...*sigh* i used to admire mr rotten for his interpersonal skills...i was so meek, and he was so fearless. he reveled in pissing people off, in disgusting them. i so wanted to be like that. i got over it, and wouldn't really want to be in the same room with him now, but i still have a warm squishy for him in my heart. g'night, johnny! |
| hey, my ankle's feeling a lot better, so thank you, everyone who asked. i even played with the dogs a little today. gehee! and i've been writing all weekend so far, and have added about 5000 words since yesterday morning. yay!! i'd like to actually be ahead by monday night, rather than the playing catch up i've been doing for the past week. the new pep talk from neil gaiman was great, and i'm all fired up, ready to keep going. whee!! i like to exclaim. one thing i've noticed about myself. all of you nano-ers, you all have my respect and affection for taking this on!! those who know me know i'm not a religious person, or even a particularly spiritual one. i'd classify myself as an agnostic, mostly. the only times i believe in spirits are when i'm spooking myself in the middle of the night. p's parents both passed away in our home, at different times and not violently, but i guess i keep a little bit of mind on that when it's late and the house is dark and still. i tell myself they would have said something before now if they had a problem with me being here, and that if they should suddenly appear one night, hanging out in the dining room or whatever, not to be afraid. so, i'm superstitious, for sure. and the possibility of people's energy lingering behind doesn't conflict with my view of the world...but i can't say i believe in god, or a god. what's my point, you ask? no real point, i guess. i was reminded of all of this this past week, when a customer lodged a forceful complaint with one of the managers about our display for phillip pullman's golden compass books. she felt we were helping to 'kill god' by supporting this anti-christian story. when i'm confronted by people like this, i wonder what they would say to me, if they were being honest, about my character, my worth as a person, since i don't believe in god, either. an evangelist told me once he believed i was short because of my lack of faith in jesus. so, i know the judgement sits out there. i also know not to judge a philosophy by its followers, as assholes abound in all walks of life, just as saints do. i guess i've just been thinking about it lately, about how little i like labels. people should be valued by their contributions, their generosity of heart, their willingness to stand up for good, not the private beliefs that fuel these actions. i just don't know how to talk to people like the complaining woman, not in a way she would understand and be open to. anyhoo, have a great night, y'all--i'm off to continue the thing. you know, the thing. |
| ugh. so i sprained my ankle earlier today (wednesday). what was i doing? something daring, you ask? dangerous? alas, no. i was walking to the mailbox. yyep. what a dork. i went to work and tried hobbling around on it (driving to work with a clutch was interesting), but only lasted a few hours. i've been home icing and resting it and saturating my system with aspirin, hoping it'll feel better enough i can go to work tomorrow. after tomorrow, i have four days off, so it'll be fine. but tomorrow? yeesh. writing went all right. i'm still a bit shy of my goal for today, but i have lots of time off coming up, so i'm not worried about catching up. i think i ended up at about 1500 words today? something like that. what i'm not sure of is how to pace my story. when to start working toward conclusions, when to bring back those little plot points i introduced early on, the details...right now, it all feels like a surging morass of accumulated ideas thrown into a pot. i have the urge to start refining it, working toward the ending, but i'm less than halfway there, word-wise! must keep creating new directions....i just wonder how far out i can take it and still have space to bring it back within deadline. and right now, i'm staying up past my bedtime to watch the season 4 project runway (or as heidi says, 'pwoject wunway' ) premiere--can't wait!! p has to get up at 4am tomorrow, so he's not with me....ah, well. i get to see it again next week when he's watching. whee!! yes, we are dorks. why do you ask? |
| all right, i'm taking a few before jumping back into it. just got home from work, and have about two hours before i gotta hit the hay (whappaww!! ). must work on story!! i'm only about 300 words short of today's goal, but tomorrow's gonna be tight with my work schedule and must-see tv!! (i should be embarrassed about that, but let's be realistic. i've been waiting six months for project runway to come back! nothing less than thoracic surgery will keep me from it.) and another note: pauluk is back!!! many of you may not know him, but a few of us do, and he's one of the funniest people with a big, juicy heart. he helped me feel welcome when i first jumped on board here, so i have a big soft spot. he promises his blog will be up & running around the end of the month, so watch for it, y'all! you won't be sorry. well, hope you guys are all snoozing away, tucked safe in your beds. or someone else's, if you're feeling saucy. whores! whores, all o' ye!!  yeah, i need no more caffeine tonight. |
| all right, so i caught up to today's word goal! no, wait. that was yesterday's word goal!! but at least i'm back on schedule now. scary, how quickly those missed days just kick yer ass. i was up late last night, and have just woken up (technically)...i gotta go to the store, clean some stuff around the house, and then start dinner (long-cooking lentil & ham soup), but then i can get back to my story. some weird twists developed last night...i have no idea how this thing's gonna end. hey, if you have any unwanted 'ming the merciless' paraphrenalia lying around, send it to Acme ! she loves that guy!! i admit, he is kinda cute, with his pointy eyebrows, his lust for destruction. |
| hi. how's it going? i've had an interesting week. i had a talk with my boss, and decided to step down from the training and supervising at work. it'll mean a cut in pay, but not a crippling one, and my job will be less....frustrating. i can come to work, focus on my own stuff (i'll be working on the early morning inventory team), and get out of there by 3pm. this won't start for another week or so, but i'm excited about it--i worked a couple of weeks on the inventory team recently, after having been away from it for a few years, and felt rejuvenated. i loved it! the feeling of accomplishing something tangible, having something to show for your hard work...very different from how i have been feeling. you ever tried herding cats? yeah, about like that. so, that happened. also, i went out to dinner with ashley. you know ashley, she's the lovely lady i talked about before, who's writing her first novel? we had fun! i was supposed to bring dinner home from the restaurant for p, and even forgot to do that, i was so engrossed in conversation. (i brought dinner home last night, along with a few gifties to make up. i felt terrible. ) we talked about everything, and i probably came across as a little manic...but she gave me a big hug when i dropped her off. so, we'll go out again. and today, i'm writing. i've been doing other stuff, too--we went to brunch, and tonight we're watching 'ratatouille' (i love typing that!), but in between, my mission is to catch up to my daily goals. i'm so far behind!! i gotta get out about 5000 words by monday night. *huff huff* my characters may start having really longwinded conversations....i apologize in advance to anyone trying to read this thing as i go. anyhoo, i've got contests and wdc assignments piling up...so hard to let them slip, but i've got the nano fever...no backing out. i liked sue grafton's pep talk this week. just do it, essentially. quit poo-pooing, slackerknacking, or whatever you call it. just sit down & do it......(yawn)......yyyyeah, sooo......i guess i'll, uh, i'll get right back to that. 2000 down, only 5000 to go!! wish me luck, y'all. no, wait. wish me WORDS. |
| garg. you know, working really puts a crimp in my writing style. actually, getting out into the world everyday helps me maintain my sanity, and also gives me fuel for my twisted understanding of the world. so, i'm still saying it's a good thing. nano is fine....i only added about 1200 words yesterday, so i'm back to right on schedule, rather than being a bit ahead. thppt. tonight, i wanna write some crazy 3000 words, so i have a cushion, again. me likey the cushion. the story is, of course, completely different from my original imaginings...weird how it keeps evolving. and i have only the vaguest idea of an ending....somebody's gonna have to save the world. that much, i know. you can't be ending the world...that's just wrong. plus, difficult to write about in the past tense, because who am i? god with a typewriter? hmmmm.....it's an idea, actually. those darn paradoxes... in other news, we bought 'ratatouille' the other day!!! woohoo!! i love pixar. if you haven't seen it, do so! you won't be disappointed. unless you don't have a soul. i wish i had something important or thought-provoking to add, but my brain is mush. about three hours of sleep last night, and a day of throwing boxes of books around...i'm back to 'fire bad, tree good'. hold strong, my brethren!! nano hard!! (i also watched 'pump up the volume yesterday' ) |
| hey, all. if you're looking for a plethora of attractive yet useful daily word count calendars for this nano thing, check out this page. http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/node%252F1004075 (11-7 11:00 am: okay, well. the link's not working. what is it with me & links??? dammit.) one of the entries has dozens of different designs listed, any of which can be saved to the desktop. wheee! i picked one which has a tree. i like trees. in other news, my brain is officially mush, and i'll only be going downhill with these entries for the rest of the month. gaga. thpppt!! boogah boogah.hope you all are well and happy and packed full of tasty chips. hey, i broke 11,000 today! woop! |
| okay, today i'm feeling a little better. thanks, guys. i think spewing all the insecurity out into my blog helped, and then my fabulous friends who responded with unconditional support brought me back the rest of the way. so, thank you, thank you! and we're only 5 days in, folks!! imagine what i'll be like by the 25th! mmm...let's not.the thing is evolving, and i have little to no control over it...i only have to shore up my strength so i don't poop out before i can get it all explained. so, other stuff: life is good! the dog's are peaceably chewing on rawhide thingys, p should be home in a couple of hours, and i'm thinking chinese for dinner. i'll surprise him. one weird thing, tho. my face is breaking out, wtf? am i not like, 40?? huh. must be stress-related. all i can think. i stress easily, people. i'm off to get away from the computer & writing for awhile...maybe i'll do dishes. clean the bathroom. i've still got tonight to write, as i don't work tomorrow until 3pm, so i'll use that time to rack up as many words as i can. you never know what's gonna happen, gotta take measures. (loads gun, clicks off safety)  i keed. i keed. |
| i hate my novel. hate it. i wanna tear it apart with my teeth and hands, except it's trapped in my computer. okay, i wanna print it out, then tear it apart with my teeth and hands. it was a bad idea, and i don't know what i'm doing, and it's going nowhere except into a sharp downward spiral. i can hear the toilet flushing, off in the distance. sigh. so, do i scrap it all and start over? do i try to force it onto a more palatable path? i'm gonna end up with a mess, and i can't tell you how much that bothers me, with my neurotic, perfectionistic tendencies. i look all calm, but inside, i'm scrubbing frantically at the kitchen counters in a vain attempt to compensate for the pile of poo accumulating in my word document. okay, back to nano!! |
| hey, all. i've been talking to dragonfly~guess who's back? about this nano stuff, and the idea of posting chapters as we add to them. i have anxiety about posting this stuff....it's really raw, not thought out in the least, and shows all my vulnerabilities as a writer. all my embarrassing accidents. so i decided not to be brave about it, hide my novel away until it's all shiny. but then, i thought about the point of doing this crazy novel-in-a-month thing. about writing without editing for the sake of getting into that groove where we're just grinding this stuff out and searching later for the nuggets worth saving. and D's right. just throw it out there! *ulp* here's what i've got so far. i've never created a 'novel' item before, and can't figure out how to get it to permanently list chapters in order, so if you'd like to take the plunge with me & give it a read, please start at 'the beginning'.
thanks, d! yer my role model for brave writer stuff. |
| yesterday was a GREAT day!! sure, i had food poisoning, which most people don't consider a supporting factor in 'fabulous'. oops, gotta go to work!! be back in several hours! okay, sorry about that. yesterday was great, but TODAY.....today was even better!!! you may have noticed a certain color yellow up there. yeah!! i know!!!i got an email this morning from wdc letting me know i've been chosen to be a preferred author!! woohoo!! alright, tomorrow i return to my usual bloggy self...no more of this crazy self-congratulating. at least, not on the outside. i hope everyone's having a great evening--i'm off to add to that word count! |
| it's finally here!! last night was a bit of an adventure. well, what constitutes an adventure for me. i went to the ihop! i didn't order the country omelette, with the buttermilk pancakes. nope. i sat there with about 30 other writers, listened to them chat about everything from fantasy fiction rules to evangelical christians, and then put on my headphones and began writing at midnight. i'm not sure why i went, except i hoped a different setting would help put my mind on task, and i was curious about what other writers were like in person. they were certainly friendly, more outgoing than i expected (i'm fairly quiet, especially in crowds--i don't like raising my voice to be heard), but whatever surge of energy i thought might help me along turned out to be more fizzy caffeine-based than anything else. but i hit just under 3000 words by 2:15 am, so yay!! i'm gonna write some more this afternoon and evening, try to get a good head start on the month. woof! what have i begun?? anyone curious about how i'm doing novel-wise, feel free to visit me at nanowrimo.org. i'm lala68, and i'm posting excerpts as i go. |
| you guys, i won!! i won the Acme Hallowe'en Scream Contest Queen!!!! i'm so excited!!! and surprised!!! i keep telling P, as he putters around the room. i think he's ready for me to stop. but he did high five me, and give me that look...the one i know means he's proud of me. i've also decided i'm gonna use every emoticon in this one entry.  lookit: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** my sig! i won it!! the best part is, the vote was determined by popular choice--the other contestants and the judges all voted. i'm all atwitter!!! (am i annoying you yet?) okay, okay, i'll stop. no, i won't!! i'm gonna go run around the house for a few more minutes...do the snoopy happy dance. what a way to start nano....yippee!!!! (i'm also gonna go thank everyone, but i should calm down a bit first. ) |
so, in the interest of self-interest and promotion, here's the finished story. please, be gentle. this genre is new to me in a few ways...
story written for Black Willow . now, it's on to nano!! i've got two days to rest up & strategize. |
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