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 |  probably stuff i think is funny. or aggravating. or both. |
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oy. so it's after 2am, and i've just finished a story i promised someone--they won me in an auction.  the story's a fable-like romance, which is so different from my usual style, but i got into it. the thing's ended up almost four times longer than expected, and while i'm looking at it with tired, adoring eyes, i think it's pretty good. i'll take a look at it again tomorrow, and edit. my deadline's the 31st, so i can't take too much longer. but it's a relief--i've finished, and have something to send her by deadline! woohoo!! and now, i sleep.  talk to you guys tomorrow! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| hi, y'all. today's pumpkin carving day!!! i made an upside-down pear spice cake, and have ice cream to go with that. i gotta clean the house & yard, take a shower, get my hair cut (not because of pumpkin day--it just coincides), brush the dogs, run to the store, and set up the carving accoutrements. i have no idea what to carve on the pumpkins...  ann coulter, maybe?  everyone have a fabulous pumpkin day! |
| i've gotta apologize to everyone who's ever emailed me--i suck at responding to emails!! at least, before they've aged past the point of virtual...respondability. i do read every email i get, multiple times, and my intentions are always good. i want to reply! right away! i chuckle, frown, and awww along with you, i appreciate your letting me into your lives, if even just a wee bit. i'm downright honored. sometimes, i feel intimidated. i want to respond in as witty, well-written, and heartfelt a way as your emails to me...and i don't always have it in me. so, i postpone. until i'm not as tired (never happens), or feel funny ('funny' ha-ha, not 'funny' weird), or haven't distracted myself with hoohaws....(don't ask). henceforth, though, i'll make a real effort to hit 'reply' the first time i read an email from one of you guys--my wdc friends--you deserve a reponse. even if it is from a grumpy, tired doofus who can't seem to remember the right word to use....it's always just on the tippy tip of my brain. darnit. and now, off to my inbox. |
| aw, you know, there's nothing better than puppy muzzlepuff. with the soft lips, the whiskers, the moist nose and wet brown eyes peeping at me above it all. *sigh* instant happiness. so, i'm officially old--i just fell asleep sitting up on the couch. it's 6:00 pm.  in my defense, i've been working really hard this week-- i've been trying to get my feet to fall asleep so they won't hurt so much. but feeling like i'm accomplishing something makes the work worth the effort...interesting, that my usual duties don't give me this satisfaction. anyhoo, here's another quotation i like: "You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." Jack London this one is encouraging, with nano looming ever closer. some people dislike quotations. maybe for their pat answers, their connoting smug understanding of the world...i'm guessing. me, i like a well-put idea. i appreciate that some people have a gift for the succinct insight. i like chewing on these pithy comments, tasting them for good or bad. |
| you know, communication is a tricky thing. the fact we can transmit our thoughts and feelings to another person--or their perception of our subjective understanding of our thoughts and feelings--is a little miracle in itself. ultimately, we're alone in the universe, i believe. but these moments of understanding between people, they're important. they help us feel a little bit less alone. the funny thing is, we all understand more than we can communicate. more than we can put words to, and certainly more than we can communicate effectively to another. so much going on inside our heads and hearts, and no way to share it all. maybe that's why we need art--music, writing, visual media...it's all an attempt to bring us together, to understand each other. and no matter if we agree. we just need to know. we're wired that way. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor the world. That makes it hard to plan the day." -E.B. White |
| "Whether we and our politicians know it or not, Nature is party to all our deals and decisions, and she has more votes, a longer memory, and a sterner sense of justice than we do." Wendell Berry (Part of an endorsement statement for The Dying of the Trees (1997) by Charles E. Little) this thought kind of got me going on my plot idea. wendell makes me think, which leaves me feeling both groovy and guilty. i like being opened up, but not to the obligations to the world i've so far ignored.  yes, i am a selfish monkey, more interested in my immediate comfort than in taking a stand which might lead to a real change in my life. anyhoo, i'm off to my comfy bed, to watch a spooky movie with my beau. ah, the luxuries of modern technology and textiles. |
| evenin', y'all. today, p & i went to buckalew farm, about 40 minutes outside of town. every year, they open their pumpkin patch to the public, give everyone free rides out there by horse cart, and let us pick out our own pumpkins. whee!! we have to buy them & all, but the experience is worth it. and so many hundreds of pumpkins! we chose five. the trip back to the horses was fairly amusing. we found out about the farm through a buddy at work, so big thanks to her--thanks, brisa! the immense space (devoid of strip malls, exhaust fumes, billboards, screeching tires), breeze full of roasted corn with a whiff of horseapple, the satisfying tug of plucking your very own pumpkin from the vine...made for a lovely afternoon. so peaceful. lugging 25 lbs of gourd across a rather large patch left me sore & mud-splattered, and happy. may sound ridiculous, but today i experienced an aspect of the earth i haven't for a very long time--not since i was a kid, visiting my sister's friend's horse farm--and i absolutely loved it. i wanna subsidize my life with the fat of the land!!!  |
| i was sitting there, eating lunch, munching away...and out of the muzak, i was struck with an inspired thought! i had my plot. incredible, it just popped into my head, as i read an unrelated--but fascinating in an entirely different way--book('being dead' by jim crace). i had to jump up and borrow a pen from a total stanger to scribble it down on a napkin, before it escaped me. (i've never taken up carrying a notebook with me wherever i go...too much pressure) the more i chew it over, the more it goes. i think this one has legs, y'all. whoopee!! |
| my dogs are barkin'. long day at work, brain no worky, feet want revenge. but, got a lot done, and feel happy about that. so it's good. anybody wanna come over & make me a grilled cheese w/tomato? p handed me a book today, titled 'the pocket muse' (isbn:1582973229), and it's pretty darned cool. i haven't looked too closely at it for fear of spoiling the prompts, but it's designed to inspire, both the urge and ability to get writing--just my cup of tea, vicar! so, there's my bit of useful info for today. that and sarah vowell's gotta start writing faster. sarah, babe, you're keeping me waiting. you know how i don't like to wait. have a good night, y'all. i'm off to let henry lick my toes. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor the world. That makes it hard to plan the day." -E.B. White |
| It's the Tagging Game! (where are the tranquilizer guns?) The Rules Are... Link to your tagger and post these rules. List eight (8) random facts about yourself. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them). Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs. I've been tagged by Acme  !My Random Self-Factoids: 1. Picking my toenails helps me think. 2. I have a cool freckle pattern on the back of my neck. 3. I use dreams for nuggety plot points. 4. Bestest candy bar ever? Take5! 5. No, it's Almond Joy! 6. I have trouble making decisions, sometimes. 7. I am convinced the world will be overtaken by zombies someday. 8. I like Wallace, but I LOVE Gromit. And now, my 8 Tagging victims: Mwuahuahuahuaaaa!!!!!! 1. dragonfly~guess who's back? 2. pencilsoverpens 3. twinkledee ♥'s you 4. spun2sugar 5. iconoclast37 6. Peanuts 7. ljkam 8. runningwolf04 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor the world. That makes it hard to plan the day." -E.B. White |
| okay, three projects!! this may be getting a little outta hand, as rob lowe might say in 'st elmo's fire'. it's okay...i got it. first, i go to the store, buy some half & half. then, i make a vat of coffee, insert an iv and go go go!! actually, i've got plenty of time. don't worry. because i could tell you were a little bit. worried. because, right now, i've got about 20 minutes to post this entry and have yet to come up with anything remotely interesting. and am i worried? naw. you guys have pretty low expectations. i've started to realize the younger people at work see me as an adult, which is a weird perception. not really one i have of myself a lot of the time. but they see me as someone with influence, with gravitasse. anyone who knows me knows this is a funny idea. but the sense of responsibility is surreal, like i'm watching myself on both the inside and outside, simultaneously. queer. makes me wonder if they see me as i saw older people when i was young. i took them for who they were, saw them as frozen in time, not being able to really comprehend them in their youth, being goofy like me. unsure, only partially formed. they'd been around, knew who they were and were comfortable in their skin. they took charge, and handled situations with reason and fair judgement. little did i know then how funny that would be to me, now. i am more sure of myself now, thank god, and have a sense of myself. i no longer compete for boys, or judge myself based on my non-existent cellulite. again, thank god. but i'm just as emotional as i was, just as prone to flights of anxiety. i still freak myself out in the middle of the night after waking up from a bad dream, seeing the cat tree in the living room as a scuttling she-demon with razor teeth, bent over backwards, coming for me in the dark. her dry skin kinda makes a scuffing sound against the floor....ew. see? is that reasonable? i don't think so. but these kids, they see me as venerable, sage....adult. they expect me to act that way. bwaaa!!!! |
| okay, i've got two projects going, both due within the next two weeks, and then the biggun' next month. i haven't done anything yet, but i feel like i've got squirrels on the barbie. or, whatever people say in these situations. stuff going on! i had a conversation with miz ashley today about motivation, and she's writing her first novel right now. she's scheduled to complete it by february, for the publisher to review. i've mentioned her before--she's worked as a freelance writer for years, traveling all over the world, and is now living mostly off her earnings from her last asian expedition. she's pared down her life to the essentials, writes 8-10 hours a day, four days a week, and in smaller stretches the other three. she's determined to finish this novel, and be prepared for publication. i'm inspired by her motivation, but hoping i won't need to give up my toys in order to become successful. i can say i'm gearing up mentally for a big change, taking this writing stuff more seriously, actually visualizing...well, it's still hazy. definitely some vaseline on the lens, there. but there's stuff, and colors. movement. i definitely saw a book in there somewhere. okay, next time i won't drone on about how i'm gonna be writing the next great american novel. promise. if you wanna read a great one, check out 'the road' by cormac mccarthy. fast read, engrossing, it seeps into your conscience. i feel a bit stained by it. |
| i've managed to stop chewing my nails for about a week or so, but i'm still picking at my cuticles, and chewing my lips. man, how can i be so tired and still have so much nervous energy? grrr. i''ve managed to put together a tentative writing schedule for next month, incorporating designated neighborhood spots for concentrated writing time. i've begun reading 'no plot? no problem!', to help prepare for the upcoming marathon. if people judged us by our commercials, we'd seem to always be shopping, driving, eating at applebee's, and fluffing clean sheets...yeah, that actually sounds abou right. hm. anyway, back to the dead horse i was beating. the only thing left on my list is coming up with an idea for my book. i am the classic clutch girl. at the first sign of trouble, i'm folding like a bum knee. you should see me play video games. i know this may not be, but i keep giving myself opportunities to sink my teeth into a challenge--i want this nanowrimmo to be it. the project doesn't have any intrinsic meaning, except what i put on it. in the cosmic sense, whether i write 50 thousand words in november won't make a difference to me or my life. but i want it to. so, i am putting pressure on myself. but because i want it there. i want to stop living on the sidelines, watching the game through a camera lens. i want that good, clean, honest feeling of kicking ass, not the shame of a half-assed failure. not to get all melodramatic or anything. have a good night, y'all. |
| so last night i wrote a new story, something i haven't done for several weeks. feels good! i joined a group bent on getting published, and completed the first assignment--and the result is my story. whee!! i'm not saying it's fabulous, but it's written. that's accomplishing more than i have for a while. if you'd like to read it, it's fairly short.
feels good to get it on again...need to keep that momentum going. ooh, today, i also saved all the stories i wanna continue work on as word documents. i didn't have word on this computer, using works instead, but that became too inconvenient. apparently, EVERYONE uses word. but it layed out for me how much work i want to do. how many stories i'd like to finish. whew. now about that plot for my novel...  |
| i totally didn't mean to skip yesterday. i actually forgot (!) to post. i've not posted before for many reasons, but i've never just...forgotten. man, i need to cut back on the chocolate. walking around, high all the time....can't be good. such is the holiday season!! i'm still working on that darned plot for nanowrimo...am making headway, at least, with p's help. he's a prince. so far, i've decided a dog will be involved. yep, i'm gonna set daisy up with a keyboard and let her fly. no, really i'm gonna have a dog character in the story. no genetic experiments or anything...just a cool dog. maybe a hound of some kind. still up in the air. otherwise, i know there's gonna be a loner. i love the iconic loner character. usually a girl, or woman. that's all i've got so far...but i still have a couple of weeks. it's all good. right? i like to leave my options open, much as i can. |
| okay, so november's like, three weeks away, right? three precious weeks. i must savor every second, every free breath, every egg sandwich. for november brings NANOWRIMO!!!!! (i tremble in a fear so instinctive my bowels threaten to dribble a wee bit) awright, the husband insists i eat dinner with him. will be back!! i am return. i'm just beginning to think about what to write, what directions to consider, what makes for a juicy situation to plop my nebulous, half-conceived protagonist into...this is my favorite part. i got no boundaries, no limits. the limits come when i consider how i might actually bring across how it feels to walk with tentacles, or that dream sequence in which nothing makes sense but everything is laden with symbol and meaning...that's when i doubt my abilities. but i bet everyone does, when they're faced with writing something they haven't tried before. hey, maybe i'll throw in there a love scene! it'd be about the same feel, i think. tentacles everywhere....hallucinatory fwapping about. well, i'll let you know if i start to narrow down my beeg idea. |
| <!-- Free Burma! Image --> <a href="http://www.free-burma.org" target="_blank"><img src="http://freeburma.s3.amazonaws.com/free_burma_05.gif" alt="Free Burma!" width="434" height="165" border="0" /></a> <!-- End Free Burma! Image --> updated @ 5:47pm: *gurg* this was supposed to be a supercool iconic image placed on international 'remember burma' blog day (oct 4th)--if you're not up on these things, last week thousands of burmese buddhist monks attempted a peaceful (of course) protest in the name of freedom of religion. what monks weren't killed immediately disappeared later during widespread arrests. no one knows the current whereabouts or condition of these remaining monks, or if in fact they're still alive. if you google the topic you'll find video footage of the protest, as well as plenty of information on the goings on after. anyway, who's a major goober? that'd be me. |
| i'm watching the documentary 'corporation'. i've thought for a long time that in this society where capitalism is the fuel, that corporations being the engines have a degree of accountability to us. we've created the system in wihch they thrive. today, corporations are more powerful than government, have more resources than, well, god. i believe they have an obligation to contribute back to the communities which have supported them, supplying both employees and consumers. some companies do advertise their community involvement, but i know they can do more. they can do more to support the larger picture. i don't think this will ever happen, though. like this documentary says, no matter what any corporation representative says, the bottom line will always be the bottom line. if enough people felt strongly about this and spoke up, to their senators & representatives, with their purchasing dollar, things might shift, eventually. but we're not patient people. and we're not motivated by the big picture ourselves. we elected president bush jr because (so my husband tells me) he sounded like a straight shooter. like he'd kick some al-qaeda butt. because the country voted with its gut and not its head, we've made the world situation worse. liberals may catch a lot of flack because of their 'intellectualism', but c'mon. we have the best of both qualities: our hearts bleed, and we think about the larger picture. the problem is, we can't stand up and kick ass when we need to, and that ass-kicking is what most people will respond to. how'd i get on this? |
| oh, so i did it. yep. i figured, i'm kinda stalled on the writing right now, and people keep telling me i need to jump in, get my feet wet with the submitting....so i did it. tonight, i've submitted two stories to a new online magazine....now, i've just gotta wait four months for a response. kill me? kill me now? naw, i don't even feel the anxiety yet. that'll be later, in about a half-hour. my eyes'll start to sweat, my brain will swell up, and i'll start second-guessing. second-guessing what, you ask? oh, everything. well, when i do hear, i'll let you guys know what happened, either way. what goes into a bloody mary, anyway? (shooka shooka) |
| today, we washed the dogs, played ball, bought light bulbs, ac filters, coffee, video games, chew toys and ate chinese food. i watched p eat hot chili peppers on a dare. we had the perfect day. right now, we're watching 'brick', which is making me fall into a schoolgirl crush with joseph gordon-levitt a little. and there's popcorn. and we held hands all day, me & p, walking along. the weather was beautiful, in the 70s, sunny. the ac is set at 76. life is good. hope you all have your daily moments of happiness out there.  |
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