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 |  A third blog? A good idea? A fresh start? A disaster? An omen? ...who knows anything? |
I nearly gave up on blogging and WDC. Then life threw another huge curveball and I felt like giving up on everything. But I'm Scarlett...I keep trying and hoping. I know not where this will go but I take it one day at a time.   |
| The United Kingdom is presently obsessed with 'The Beast from the East,' or as one Newscaster described it 'The Hysteria from Siberia.' In other words it's cold and snowing. So many of we elderly residents remember the days of freezing temperatures and no central heating, weeks of heavy snow and drifts up to our armpits, but schools never closed, no one panicked and we all survived. Today, there is nothing but news of disruptions, closures, amber warnings and reminders to keep warm. It's still winter for goodness sake. What is this country coming to?  However, it isn't pleasant out and I have promised to start writing my book. I leave it to anyone who wishes to follow its progress (if there is any) but no obligation. It is my project and I don't expect others to be interested. Some of you will be familiar with some of the events included. It's a difficult one to describe and I have no idea where it is leading. It is autobiographical and I will be posting it in parts, but not in chronological order as yet. It will depend on my mood, prompts from my writing group and emerging thoughts. First I'll list five reasons why I've posted it as 'Still Unknown.'  I haven't chosen a title for it, so that is still unknown. I don't know what genre it will belong to. It's not a novel, a memoir or a self help book. What type of book it is is still unknown. I'm not sure what the theme is. There will be life and death events, depression, spiritualism, coincidences, music and relationships involved, but how to link them is still unknown. I have no clue when it will reach a conclusion. Life events continue so the ending is still unknown. A little anecdote to finish on. As many of you know I was born in America. My parents couldn't decide on a name for me and were too late when they registered my birth. Consequently in the box entitled 'First Name' on my little black and white American birth certificate is written the word 'Unknown.' I've always joked I think it suits me and 67 years later I think it apt as I am still unknown. Now to remember how to post a new item. It's been a long time... "Invalid Entry"  } |
| As predicted my son took the children to Manchester airport on Sunday to meet their mother. I have no idea what sort of frame of mind she has returned with or how things are panning out in their home. As he said he could hardly change the locks and they both need somewhere to live and he cannot afford to rent two properties. Again as predicted things have gone very quiet on the communication front and he only sends me snippets of news regarding the children and his work. I don't know if he feels embarrassed because he has taken her back against everyone's advice, including the solicitor or if he's scared of conflict as he's perfectly aware how I feel about her and knows I will not entertain her back in my life. Time will tell. Social workers, child protection and other authorities will be involved for a while and I'm not sure she will be able to deal with all that or agree to any plans suggested to her. But, ultimately it is their problem and they need to sort out the future for themselves. I don't want him treading on eggshells around her or suffering for the sake of the children. I am pretty convinced there'll be further incidents before long which makes me nervous, but I have to try and step backwards for a while. I am entitled to a life of my own at some stage. In other news there has been so much rainfall this year I fear the nearby river may overflow and I'll need to build an ark before long. I bet by summer there'll be talk of droughts however. There are also major road works in the town for the next few months while they lay a new drainage system so I may not be able to escape if I needed to. I have actually started writing a little on a project I have had ideas for over a long period of time. It may turn out to be quite dark and shocking and I'm wary of sharing it with my new writing group as they don't know me or my circumstances very well. But 'shy bairns get nowt,' as my friend John says so I'll be sharing the first part of it with them tonight. I just hope time and enthusiasm don't dwindle again or there's another trauma that halts my plans. Better touch wood. |
| She's gone as I predicted. I can't say I'm sorry, but what sort of woman goes off to Cambodia leaving three small children and all the problems she's caused behind her? No doubt she'll spend three weeks sitting on the beach sipping cocktails and not give a thought to the mess she's left behind. Part of me hopes she won't return, but there are the children to consider and she is their mother after a fashion. My son has returned home after a court application and is now free of any charges against him thank goodness. Again I ask what sort of woman accuses her husband of all manner of horrible things, spends weeks sending foul and abusive text messages then starts sending him food via the children? Crazy or what? The children will hopefully spend three settled and more peaceful weeks with their Dad in their own home and he will be able to focus on his work and their activities without any hassle from her. But I have to question his emotional state too. After being subjected to weeks of hell caused by her and enduring abuse with no substance how can he accept her food or contemplate picking her up from the airport when she returns? Theirs is the strangest and most volatile relationship I've ever encountered. Maybe I'm an intolerant and unforgiving person, but I cannot forgive her for all the lies, problems and anxiety she has caused. My son is not blameless I admit, but he is basically a decent person, whereas she has confirmed she is a deeply unstable, vicious, selfish, vindictive bitch and that's putting it mildly. I know I can no longer have her in my home or return to lending her money, tolerating her mood swings and preferably never want to see her again. But I have a feeling my son will relent and go back to her and a very tough life. His choice I know and not my place to interfere. I understand he does not want the children to be upset or become involved in custody battles. I appreciate how difficult and heartbreaking it would be to walk away, start over and not be with the children he adores at all times, but my heart bleeds to think he would tolerate the way she treats him and the risk of another episode like this one, which I'm pretty sure would happen in time. I know the complexities of a difficult marriage from experience and I also know how hard it is to walk away. Part of me is saddened as there have been good family times in the past and I felt I had some sort of relationship with Mey Ling. But the abuse she has poured on me for no reason whatsoever is totally unacceptable and I cannot forgive or forget it. I would not have addressed my worst enemy with the words she's sent to me, never mind a mother in law who has tried over and over again to be kind, helpful and tolerant. Having said that, she is the mother of my grandchildren and if Paul goes back to her then I will find myself in a very difficult position. Apologies for the harsh words, but people who fully understand the atrocious ordeal we've gone through these last couple of months know I am not being unreasonable. Only time will tell as regards the future and one day at a time still applies, but I have a feeling this whole saga cannot and will not result in a solution that doesn't cause a lot more angst and heartache. |
Hope and prayers are about all we have left, but they are strong weapons in the face of adversity. It was two years yesterday since my husband died and my son's eleventh wedding anniversary today. This year we could not have foreseen the events dominating our lives during this painful weekend. Both my son and myself have gone down with one of the worst bugs in years, but there is little chance to rest. Dennis has been quite poorly this weekend too so another visit to the vets will be necessary tomorrow. Mey Ling is proving to be very difficult and vicious regarding access to the children and the problems she has created. We have a collection of foul, abusive texts she has sent and evidence of continuous lies. My son will see his solicitor tomorrow, but what happens after that is yet to unfold. The welfare of the children comes first and social services are involved. Before all this kicked off Mey Ling had already planned a visit to Cambodia on her own on January 20th for three weeks. My son had paid for her flights. One day she claims she's still going, the next she's not, but I'm pretty certain she'll go as she's totally selfish and her concern for the children isn't as sincere as it should be. It would be better for us all if my son could return to the family home while she is away to bring some stability and security to the lives of the children. Only time will tell. Predicting the future is impossible and worrying about it a waste, yet it is difficult to stop the mind from wandering. I started this new blog with the motto 'one day at a time sweet Jesus,' and now more than ever need to try and do just that. |
| Youngest grandson coughed, spluttered and threw up before, during and after Humbug. Eldest grandson suffered heavy nosebleeds leading to frequent bathroom cleaning. One sick cat leading to a vet's visit two days before Humbug and a lot of little loose messages around the house. The cracked, unstable step at the front finally collapsed and is now even more potentially dangerous. Broke and busted after Humbug, vet's fees and utility bills so no chance to resolve the step issue at present. Son developed a cyst necessitating a visit to a medical drop in centre for anti biotics. Abusive and nonsensical text messages sent to son and Angel from the crazy Cambodian at all hours of the day and night. Five nights sleeping on the sofa. Tired just doesn't cut it. Shopping, wrapping, cooking, pot washing and clearing up performed by Nanna. Friends falling ill so several social occasions cancelled or altered. Washing machine about to suffer a nervous breakdown with laundry overload. Finally caught the bug myself. Oh Joy. No resolutions, no happy new year wishes. A case of survival and not daring to think what lies ahead. Best Wishes to you all, but right now I'd willingly hibernate until all this is over, if it ever is. I will however drink to everyone's good health...rinse and repeat ad infinitum.     |
Things have escalated and deteriorated with my son's situation and at present the children are staying with us at my house. It's hardly ideal or easy, but there is no other option at the moment. One thing I'm pretty certain of is Mey Ling will not be a part of our family any longer apart from contact with the children. It's very complicated, but if I ever get a chance to write that book it would be a very dramatic true story. Maybe people wouldn't believe it; even I find it unbelievable at times. We can only take one day at a time right now and concentrate on giving the children a decent Christmas of some sort. I promise I won't inflict my Humbuggery on the little ones. Hoping you all have a good time and survive the season of goodwill. If only that description was correct. |
| There are major problems with my son and wife at the moment which are likely to go on for a long time before any decisions can be made. My son is staying with me and the grand monsters stay with us at the weekends. It's all very tragic and upsetting, but the children's welfare is top priority. It's also very stressful and tiring, particularly at this time of year. I cannot at present go into details, but it's a very serious matter and I cannot see how they can stay in a relationship. Only time will tell. Apologies for the short entry and not checking out blogs, but it's just not possible right now. |
| When I moved house I had to register with a new Veterinary Practice and have planned on taking Dennis for a check up. It’s something I kept putting off for various reasons, mainly because I’m a coward. However, a few weeks ago I received a card in the post asking me to make an appointment for his annual vaccination so had to bite the bullet. It seemed quite a daunting prospect. First of all what time to make an appointment with a cat who doesn’t acknowledge time, own a watch or follow orders? He has some routines, but I never know whether he’s going to spend the night indoors or out. If I made an appointment first thing in the morning he may not appear if he’d been out and if he’d been in the first thing he’d want to do is go out. In the end I decided an afternoon appointment would be best for both of us as I’m not a morning person anyway. The next problem was to make sure Dennis was actually in at least half an hour before the appointment. As he tends to use the house rather like a feline hotel he usually pops in for a meal, a quick stroke, then off he goes again. I decided the only thing I could do was to make sure that once he was in the house I’d then go out myself until the allotted appointment so that he couldn’t escape or stand pathetically meowing at the door. Of course on the day he decided to come home at ten in the morning which meant I had to shoot out leaving him indoors and spend the next four hours roaming around town. The next stage was to get him into his carrier. Not having used it since he was a small kitten I wasn’t even sure if he’d fit in it as he’s grown into quite a large cat. I approached with caution in a sweat, wondering if I’d be able to cram him in first time or if I’d have to fold him up in order to actually get him in it. Thankfully I managed on the first attempt and swiftly fastened it up. Apart from a bit of scratching there was little protest thank goodness. I then waited for the taxi to pull up. Thankfully it arrived on time and Dennis behaved himself during the short journey to the vets. Of course I was early so sat in the waiting room with my heavy cat carrier wondering what lay ahead. The vet was a very kind gentleman and gently removed Dennis from his carrier with no problems. With the help of an assistant he managed to vaccinate, flea and worm Dennis who didn’t make a murmur or attempt any scratching or biting during the whole process. The vet informed me he’s a lovely cat and that I could bring him as often as I wanted to. Despite the compliment I hope that won’t be something I have to do. All that was left now was to get in the taxi home and release the cat back into his home. It was a great relief the ordeal was over and Dennis was able to return to his activities showing no signs of distress. Later in the evening I opened a bottle of wine and allowed Dennis the choice of what to watch on television as a reward.  |
Another long gap between posts and nothing major to report. Life as usual is full of ups and downs, but I conclude that’s the way it is for most of us. You know I’m not one to complain, but it seems if it can go wrong it will, though I am still trying to be grateful. I have discovered my brand new fitted microwave in my brand new fitted kitchen doesn’t work. After checking it had been installed correctly I contacted the makers who sent out an engineer. After dismantling it all and fitting a new motor it still wouldn’t work so he left with the promise of returning with a different spare part. After two weeks of hearing nothing I phoned again only to be told they could not locate the part, so I would have to get in touch with the suppliers to exchange the microwave for a new one. The problem is now I cannot contact the suppliers because they are updating their phone system and not able to receive calls. Oh well, I’ve never been a big fan of microwaves anyway. After having a significant amount of work done on the house and now being responsible for all bills, my finances are tight to say the least. I rely on pension payments and was quite concerned when the largest one didn’t appear in my account on time. After contacting the Teacher’s Pensions department I was horrified to discover they had suspended the pension without any warning. The reason given was they had not been able to contact me. Seems they were sending snail mail to my old address and admitted it’s all their fault. However they cannot reinstate the pension for ten days for some inexplicable reason so I could find myself out on the streets in a cardboard box if my bills are not paid. Oh well, it’s only money and maybe I’ll win the lottery this week. Pink pigs just flown over again. My sister stayed with me for a few days which made a pleasant change. After a late night and waking with delicate heads we decided to tackle moving my bedroom furniture round which was probably not a sensible choice. We ended up in a lather with aching muscles, but think we managed to make the room more practical. I had only bought one new thing for the room; a beautiful glass vase in glorious colours. Sadly the only thing we managed to smash during our furniture shifting session was the vase. Some of the other things I’d have been glad to be rid of. Oh well, it didn’t cost a fortune and I may find a better one in the future. Son and family returned safely from Turkey and stayed over last weekend. I thought I’d missed them, but the chaos and manic activity came as a shock to the system after four weeks. Sadly my son has been diagnosed with diabetes which is upsetting and worrying, but hopefully medication and a better diet will help improve his health. Oh well, at least it’s treatable and It could be a lot worse. And of course it’s my favourite time of year again. Hopefully the horrors of Halloween and Fireworks is now behind us, but the Humbug nightmare is well established. Should I not survive the teeth gritting music, the idiotic tv adverts, the manic crowds and queues in shops, the television repeats and the hysteria of children and those revelling in joyous spirit I’ll let you know. Oh well, it will come and it will go and I just hope to survive to see the return of spring and summer. |
We’ve all tried tried them haven’t we? Those Facebook quizzes informing us what sort of people we are and what characteristics we have; good and bad. Of course we all know they’re random, but often we like to think the adjectives used are appropriate, particularly the good ones. Lately I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the problems that seem to come my way far too often and wondering if it’s just chance or something in my character. I’ve started to question why I seem to attract conflict and aggressive, volatile people. So my question is do we really know who we are? Can we really describe ourselves accurately? Do we have a different perception of ourselves to how other people see us? I don’t think I know who I am or what I’m like in the eyes of others. I try to be considerate, compassionate, understanding and always attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before judging. I believe I’m too soft, generous, oversensitive and prone to negativity. I’m pretty sure I’m not racist, sexist, narrow minded or opinionated to the point where it would alienate other people. I believe I'm pretty sociable and try to get on with people avoiding animosity at all costs. On the downside I know I can be impatient, stubborn, cynical and too much of a perfectionist. But then in every direction I look there are relationship problems. My stepdaughter and her family and my brother-in-law have chosen to cut me off completely. That would not have been my choice, but I feel there is little I can do about it. My daughter-in-law swings from love to hate and it’s very difficult to maintain a balanced relationship with her. My son stays with her for the sake of the children and in the knowledge that splitting up would create an extremely difficult situation. This week I have experienced more aggression and upset because someone I know cannot understand why I cannot just drop everything and alter my plans to fit in with their expectations. This has caused a rift and I know yet again I am being judged as the one at fault. My problem is whatever happens I am always left feeling guilty and questioning what I could have done to avoid these situations. It seems some people are predisposed to create and even enjoy conflict. But then I question if there is something in my nature that attracts it when consciously it is the last thing I want. Deep down is it me who has a problem? I made a decision a while ago regarding other people. Since moving house I have made every effort to keep in touch with friends near and far and to meet people no matter how much travelling it has involved. Now I leave the ball in their court. I have done my bit and I’ve tried my best to maintain relationships and peace. The rest I leave to fate. The only people I want and need in my life are those who are honest, gentle, understanding and don’t play mind games. I am lucky because I know quite a few people who fit into this category already. The rest have something to prove because I”m not responsible for their problems and I’m no longer prepared to be the brunt of their frustrations. Whether we are born with certain character traits or acquire them is an old and complicated debate. We’re all wired up differently for whatever reasons, but that shouldn’t cause disputes or make us not care about others. Sometimes it’s better to trust ourselves rather than the opinions of others. I also question why I spend so much time analysing instead of focusing on simpler matters like the price of carrots. |
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) I try to dress according to the color of the day. Thursday is orange. Once I dress accordingly I only need to look at what I'm wearing to be reminded. 
If I put on the wrong color though...
