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 |  Re-dedicated - April 1, 2021, Brother Nature's views from the Winnipeg River SE Manitoba |
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My Writing.com experience continues...30 Day Blog Challenger, Andre the blog Monkey's Banana Bar Founder, Aging Baby Boomer. Here you'll find a warm welcome, maybe I'll make you laugh out loud - That's my goal. Thanks for visiting. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm partially awake, but I am numb from head to toe, my eyes are closed yet visions of passing shapes and dreamy figures fade in and out of my line of sight. Am I dreaming, I wonder? I sense a warm slippery string of drool rolling down my chin. I try to wipe it but the back of my hand disintegrates as it brushes my face. Then I'm aware of that smell. Aughgg yuck! like spoiled food and stale booze, putrid drunk monkey stench, I want to vomit, then It hits me. I become fully awake. Oh My Fucking God! We're on another bloody Writing dot com vacation. I look to my left, the entire environment spins but my head stays still. Sure enough, I see him, that crazy-ass monkey, Andre. Andre. ... Andre. ... Andre! ... Andre!!! WAKE UP! You're driving! "You know I hate to travel! How many times did I say I just want to stay home and be left alone. How did we end up out here in the .. in the ... in the... where the hell are we anyway? What the hell is going on here?" "We're on vacation Brother Nate! Amy said we had to go on a vacation. I know you hate it, so I drugged your drugs, and loaded you in the mayhem-mobile, long story - short,... Better put on some sun-screen this shit's about to heat the fuck up." "Amy said! Do you do everything Amy says now?" "Wouldn't you?" "Yeah, I guess. ... ... ... You stink!" "You'll get used to it." "Alright, so where are we going this time, and can we please just turn around and go home." "We'll be home soon enough. There's a little place I want to show you, it's just past that spiral galaxy on the left, and at the end of the worm-hole beyond the second moon of Depression." "Depression?" "Yeah, you wouldn't like it there." "I don't like it here." "Cheer up Natey old boy, we're going to have a blast." I closed my eyes for what seemed to be only a second or two, and everything seemed to pixelate away, swirl around, and re-configure, then turn blank. My next sensation was embarrassing pleasant and absolutely awkward. I'm not really sure what took place, but a seven-foot-tall, 450 pounds, outlaw biker with a beard like a mop gave me a great big hug and said, welcome to Rock n Roll Heaven. I'm Doc, the Roady. I'll be your host and tour guide. I looked over at Andre, he had that impish grin on his little round monkey face. Okay, I have to admit, this is a good one, I've always wanted to go to Rock n Roll Heaven. Things went spinning out of control, foul smells insulted my senses, there was more pixelating and disintegrating, lengthy streams of drool, then... poof! I'm back home and all is right with the world. "How was Rock n Roll Heaven," Leslie asks as if it's something that everyone does all the time? It was fucking awesome! First thing I did was go visit Buddy Holly, we jammed together, then got into an argument and had a fistfight. He won, but we both laughed about it. Then Jim Morrison dropped by and he and Andre got drunk as fuck. Jim's a poet, ya know. Swears a lot, and we had to keep telling him to put his shirt back on. Elvis Presley plays every night to a full house, but we couldn't get tickets. So we went to see John Lennon instead, I got a chance to talk to him backstage and he asked me about Yoko. I had to sort of pretend I knew something about her, so I said she's doing really well and always seems to have a hit song on the charts, but I think he knew I was lying. And you know how much I like Michael Jackson, so I asked where I could go see him, but I was told he wasn't there. Neither was Prince, but oddly enough, when it rains, it rains purple rain. The thunder is so loud, ba da ba da ba - ba da ba daba da - crash! John Bonham Moby dick ... dick ...dick. Then Neil Peart shows up and tells Bonzo to pack up his kit and fuck off. Bonzo looks at Neil and says, "I'm in no RUSH." Then they start hitting each other with drum sticks, just beating on each other. A crowd gathers and start cheering them on, people are pulling Bic lighters out and holding them in the air, lit. I asked Doc, "Is this normal for heaven?" Doc turns to me a says, "This is Rock n Roll Heaven, light up, and enjoy the show. A little later Stevie Ray Vahan invited me to play harmonica with him, and I smoked pot with, well with everybody, but mostly Janis Joplin. When I mentioned Janice Joplin, Leslie gave me that look, so I knew it wasn't a good idea to tell her the rest of that part of the vacation. Turns out that Gord Downy is Mayor of Rock n Roll Heaven and because we're both from Canada he gave me the keys to the city, but I lost them in the back seat of Jani... is that Andre?. Then Andre did something really stupid and ended up getting us kicked out of Rock n Roll Heaven. He dressed up like Keith Richards and shouted, "Here I am, sorry I'm late!" That pissed a lot of people off because they've been expecting Keith to show up at any minute for quite some time. Andre and I tried to make a run for it but Doc grabbed us both by the scruff of the neck, tossed us in the Mayhem Machine and told us to never come back. I'm going back though, I'm totally going back. |
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your comment. I've done some time curled up. The thumb-sucking never gets old, but the games get boring, and once you've seen all the videos the real world becomes a welcome lifestyle change.
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