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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey GoT Survivor!

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

July 21, 2020 at 8:54am

#988761

A note FROM my 15-year-old self

Artist: Silversun Pickups
Song: There's No Secrets This Year
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Write a letter to your fifteen-year-old self.

I almost noped right out of this prompt. Not because it's a bad prompt, but because I feel like I've answered variations of it several times in my various blogs. But I decided instead of just writing something totally off-topic, I'd let 15-year-old me speak for himself. So, last night I digged... dug? I dug out some of my old journals. I digged out some of my old journals? Fuck, I don't know.

I have some of my old journals here. And I have one that covers some of 2007 when I was 15 years old. The closest date I could get to July 21 was July 11th of 2007. I wasn't writing too frequently then, apparently. It was a Wednesday. I always put the date at the top of my journal entries.

So, I'm gonna type out this entry and you'll see what 15-year-old me was up to.

My parents didn't get home until like 9:30 last night and I was already in my bedroom by then. Mike said that Dad seemed to be in a decent mood. Or at least he was talkative and stuff. Then he went to bed and I came out to the living room. I asked Mom how their dinner went. She said, "Fine." She didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it at all. So I just left it alone. Today she talked to me though. I was sitting outside on the far corner of the porch reading on the side steps. She came and sat next to me and said my dad still doesn't know what he's going to do. He told her he doesn't want to move out for a temporary separation if they will ever get divorced. She said he doesn't see the point in it if they're going to get divorced anyway. And he said he deserves the house and the farm because he's the one that puts the time into maintaining it. So she told him he could have it. I don't know why she told him that. That's a lot of money she would be losing out on. She said she thinks he just doesn't want to move out no matter what. Mike said the same thing to me later. That my dad has been talking about a lot of projects on the house and around the property that would take a long time to do. It's just a weird situation. I don't know what will happen. She said if he decides to stay here, we will move. So either way we will be away from him soon.

Oh my sweet summer Charlie.

I really thought that they'd get separated and we would be away from him at last. In some ways, I was right that I would be away from him soon because obviously I got kicked out not too long after that.

But see, this is why I don't want to write a letter to myself at fifteen. I was dealing with a lot of shit that a fifteen year old shouldn't deal with. Talking so nonchalantly about the impending divorce of my parents because I had been through it so many times before. I just didn't care. No empathy whatsoever. Talking about my mother losing money and the logistics of separation rather than anyone's feelings on the matter. I don't know what I could even say to my 15-year-old self. I think I handled it well.

So your heart's blown open, pulsating in your ear,
The beat is insincere
I'll tell you a secret, let's make this perfectly clear,
There's no secrets this year

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