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 |   A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
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Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
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I blog for things like
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
Artist: Halsey Song: Ghost [Embed For Use By Upgraded+]  "JAFBG"  Prompt: Have you ever been ghosted or ghosted someone else? Tell us the story. I can't let the last day of the month go un-blogged! Gotta fill my little calendar.  Broadly speaking, I think ghosting someone is super shitty. But as with anything, there are certain situations that are understandable when it comes to ghosting. I've been ghosted way more frequently than I've ghosted someone else, but there are a few things I've collected over time about the act of ghosting. There are different 'types' of ghosts: The sudden ghost. This is by far the worst one to be on the receiving end of. You talk to someone on a regular basis, you're close, no fighting or anything... and then suddenly *poof* No communication, no explanation. Just deafening silence. This one can be downright confusing. I've had people do this without even blocking me anywhere. I can still message them, call them, they just simply don't respond. The reason this one is so confusing is that it comes out of nowhere and it takes a while for you to actually realize you're being ghosted. At first, you're thinking something might have happened to them, so you don't stop trying to contact them right away. At first you're just like "hey, what's up?" When they don't respond, you might message back a day or two later like, "Hey, you good?" No response again, so several days later you might be like, "Getting a little worried about you, please hit me up when you get this." It's a sudden ghost, but it's a slow realization that you're being ghosted, and it's a shitty thing to do to someone without explanation. I've had this happen a few times where the person did reconnect with me months or years later and they're like, "Oh, nothing specific happened. You didn't do anything wrong. I just was worried about your mental health/couldn't handle being close to you." And it's like okay...? You could have mentioned that to me. I feel like such an asshole when this happens because I'm embarrassing myself by repeatedly trying to make contact with someone before realizing they're intentionally trying to get me to go the fuck away. The fading ghost. I'd say this one is more frequent in my experience. The person doesn't just suddenly drop off the face of the earth during the fading ghost. Instead, they slip through your fingers slowly. The number 1 scenario where this happens involves the person getting into a relationship. Throughout my 20s, a lot of my friends have began to get into serious relationships and settle down. I totally respect people's need to spend time with their significant other and build those relationships, but damn, I'll never get used to the fading ghost. You go from talking to someone everyday or several times a day to just like the briefest of contact every few weeks and then eventually every few months. Then all of a sudden you've not talked to them in 8 months or 2 years. I don't relate to this because I got married at the beginning of my 20s and Kira has always been very willing to let me have my independence to make friends and keep up contact with my old friends. You can be friends with someone for 5 years, they go on one date and you're just totally meaningless now. "How'd the date go?" "Date went good!" Then they're actually dating and their communication with you becomes less and less. They take days to respond to a simple message that they've been answering in half an hour for the past 5 years. You want to give them their space, so you stop messaging as frequently. Then eventually, whether it's a couple weeks or a couple months into their relationship, they just simply don't respond at all. So you back all the way up and don't contact them again for like 6 months or a year. They might respond then, briefly, but the conversation has no legs. And... *poof I've grown tired of the fading ghost. I've decided that if I'm not worth talking to because someone's started a new relationship, then that person isn't my friend and likely never was. They were using me to fill a void, likely because they were bored and they know I'm a talkative/communicative person. At this point, I won't try with the fading ghost anymore, and I'm about 95% sure that any of my single friends who get into a relationship will drop me like I'm on fire. The legitimate ghost. That being said, there are times where it's completely legit to ghost someone. Ideally, if you want to end communication with someone, you can be mature enough to explain why so that the other person can move on with their life. Although, I have a theory that both the fading ghost and sudden ghost as described above don't actually want you to move on. They want you waiting on the back burner just in case they need you again for anything. The legitimate ghost is different. The legitimate ghost is reserved for when you actually fucked up and you don't deserve that person in your life anymore. With the legitimate ghost, you can almost always pinpoint what you did wrong. There was a huge fight or something. The other person is just fed up and done with you. I've had this happen a few times and I've been on the receiving and giving end of it. One time I was on the receiving end, I was talking to this girl when we were in high school and I liked her, but couldn't really tell if she liked me. At one point, we were at a house party and she was talking a lot with this other dude, so I took that to mean she wasn't into me. However, with our drunken teenage hormones lit up, her best friend came onto me and we hooked up. This girl was apparently furious that I did this, although she never confronted me about it. But, alas... *poof* I've also legitimately ghosted people when I didn't want to have an actual discussion about why I was cutting them out of my life, usually because it was an abusive or dangerous situation. In that case, I don't really owe you an explanation and I'm not going to risk giving you one. All of that being said though, you don't ever necessarily owe anyone anything. You should have the freedom to choose for yourself whether you want to talk to a person or not, and you have a right to exercise that freedom however you see fit. But if the other person really didn't do anything to you, it's just not a good look to suddenly or slowly disappear and leave them wondering what they did to deserve it. My ghost, where'd you go? What happened to the soul that you used to be? |
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