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226
226
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*



Anniversary Review of The Perfect Present

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

First - Happy Anniversary. I wondered about this story. Do they cut down the tree of just hang the ornament in the tree for Rebecca.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A father is spending his allotted visitation time with his five year old daughter looking for a Christmas tree.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Are they going to cut down this tree?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing.

dblameck
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227
227
Review of Crushed Petals  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)



Review of Crushed Petals

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The poem seems to be about a love that has somehow been voided. I note the poet's note state that this poem is about rape.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Five verses of three lines followed by one verse of four lines. The first and third of verse rhyme on all verses and also rhyme with the fourth line on the sixth verse.

Also the second line of each verse rhymes through the entire poem.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more.This is good stuff.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done.

dblameck
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228
228
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Review of Sunrise Sensations

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem where the visuals sensations provide the stimulus for the other senses.
I have never thought of this in the past but it does make sense.

POETRY INFORMATION:

There is a six line rhyming pattern of A B A C A D used thru all three verses.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more.

dblameck
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229
229
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)



Review of Here Lies Santa Clause

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

We have a conflict here. Children love him and I guess the reindeer do not. The poem is centred around the grave of Santa Clause.

POETRY INFORMATION:

three verses the first and third stanzas have five lines and the second stanza only four lines. Rhyming scheme is A A B C B. The second stanza is free verse.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

keep writing.

dblameck
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230
230
Review of Goodbye  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Goodbye

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

an eight line poem depicting the breakup of a relationship. It seems while there was compatability in the beginning it now seems the two are parting ways.

POETRY INFORMATION:

it is free verse and easy to read.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

None at this time.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and sharing.

dblameck
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231
231
Review of Legacy  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Review of Legacy

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
What I see in the structure of this poem is the changing relationship in the lives of a couple.
We start as lovers and everything seems to become reserved and commonplace.

POETRY INFORMATION:

See section entitled "Notes" above.
It is more complete info than I could provide.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I suggest you write more because this is pretty good.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done.

dblameck
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232
232
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Prayer against Vices

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short prayer dealing with the simple vices and support for those combating them. He asks for God's help to deal with actions and minds of those who addicted.

POETRY INFORMATION:

Written in three verses with each end line rhyming.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

There can never be too many prayers and I know those who suffer with these addictions sometimes seem hopeless to wind against these things.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Write more.

dblameck
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233
233
Review of Labrynth  
Review by dblameck (David)
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)



Review of Labrynth

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

An encounter at the bar. The female character is dressed to attract the the male character seems eager to engage in adult activity. There is a twist at the end.

POETRY INFORMATION:

This is free verse poetry but the line length sets up motion of activity.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I have an alternate ending

Coming up for air,
She whispered…
“Please, tell me
that’s a gun…”


FINAL THOUGHTS:

well done do you have similar material ibn your portfolio.

dblameck
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234
234
Review of The reef  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)



Review of XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A novice diver shares her experiences in a warm water dive on the Great Barrier reef off of the coast of Australia.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

three characters are involved. Briefly the dive supervisor, secondly the dive partner a girl from Oklahoma and then the diver herself. She has new experiences and does things a novice diver might and as she becomes comfortable seems to enjoy the environment.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
Use a larger font because it is easier to read. You might also think of experimenting with colour since you move from a colourless environment to one of
outstanding colour.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Good work. Keep writing and sharing.

dblameck
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235
235
Review of No Beef!  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)



Review of No Beef

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A neat story about a police officer who has a fobia about meat.
He does not eat it and even does not like the smell. He is teamed with another police officer who is completely different and even smells like cooked meat.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Bob detests the beef and George smells like meat.
They are looking for missing tourists.
I don't want to give away anymore of the plot.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A good read.

dblameck
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236
236
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)



Review of Rigorous Luck
The Big Hook in Bowling

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A free verse poem about the challenges of bowling with a big hook.
to explain: A hook in ten-pin bowling is a ball that rolls in a curving pattern (versus straight). The purpose of the hook is to give the ball a better angle at the 1-3 pocket (right-hand bowlers) or 1-2 pocket (left-hand bowlers) When a ball is rolled straight, hitting the pocket must be precise. The proper hook shot is a thing of beauty

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The whole effort of the hoot shot is for strikes.
the most strikes usually means the best score.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

None

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep writing and sharing your work.

dblameck
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237
237
Review of Beauty of Drawing  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of The Beauty of Drawing

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A college student whose main interest is drawing dragons,
She details a near complete explanation of what she draws and which pencils are best to create the drawing.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Dandy a student is attending classes like creative writing and government and politics but spending her time in those classes drawing dragons.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Just like in drawing the white space is important to the final picture, in writing spacing aids though and helps readability. Break your paragraphs down to smaller size and leave blank lines between each.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

More of things like this. I found it quite interesting.

dblameck
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238
238
Review of Not A Diary  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Not a Diary

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A young person dealing with some serious problems in his/her life. States from the beginning that does not like diaries but then proceeds to journal the day to day activities.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

Character is not named but there is much character development.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

The font and spacing seems crammed. Use a space line between paragraphs.
layout makes the piece more appealing and more people will read it.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

write more.

dblameck
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239
239
Review of Atone  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Atone

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

The poet states that he needs to atone for the sins of his life and love. I see no atonement for he/she has given that love freely.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:
There are fourteen rhyming lines.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more delightful poetry.

dblameck
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240
240
Review of Death at Sea  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Death at Sea

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A story of imagination and yet passion. A fishing crew hears mournful crys while at sea and they are disturbed when they find a dead mermaid trapped in their net. Rather than use this for fame and fortune they hide the fact and mourn the loss.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

The crew seem deeply moved by the death of the mermaid.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
None

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well written.

dblameck
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241
241
Review of Love and Hate  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of Love and Hate

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

I am unsure the reasons for the struggles within this family.
It is evident that someone does not like some of the others.

POETIC INFO:

Four verses of four lines with a rhyming scheme of A A B B .

FINAL THOUGHTS:

A worthy poem. Well done.

dblameck
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242
242
Review of Frozen Desires  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)



Review of Frozen Desires

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Great poem. I can imagine the graveyard with the drifted and blowing snow piling against the tomb stones. The dead lie protected under the snow.

POETIC INFORMATION:

Two verses with eight lines is each.
Rhyming scheme is A A A B C C C B

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

I don't think the poem needs anything more than rereading over again.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Well done. Keep up the great writing.

dblameck
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243
243
Review of Blank!  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of BLANK

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Blank to me means an empty space but to this author he identifies the word with his very being. okay because people have been called much nastier things.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

I wonder however if this devaluation is just a lonely call for notice and attention.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Write more.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the bold font.

dblameck
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244
244
Review of My Garden  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of My Garden

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

an interesting piece of flash fiction where the woman relates the different portions of the garden to her past boy friends. She states quite explicit reasons why she is no longer with them.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A tour of the garden and a dialogue about former boy friends and their short comings.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Expand the detail. Give us more on how she got rid of previous boy friends.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed the twist at the end.

dblameck
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245
245
Review of Haircut  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)



Review of Haircut

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

How times change. To prove that take a look at how hair fashion today and compare to ten or twenty years ago. During each period there was a resistant between the generations on the length and hair styles.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

A son and his father argue over the haircut.
The tension causes strife and distance between two each supporting his own view.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

You touched on an element of life between father's and sons.

dblameck
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246
246
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of One Leaf's Journey

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

Everything has its place and purpose in life. Even a leaf now discarded from the tree where it floated in the breeze to having fallen now floats in a discarded state on the water.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

there are several characters, tree and wind, raindrops, sunlight, leaf and all the different types of water that carry the leaf forward. They plot together to make this story whole.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed this.

dblameck
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247
247
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of The Last of My Sister

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A short three sentence story which details a woman murdering her sister with a gun.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

There is only two characters; the woman who is the shooter and his sister. There is no reason given for the shooting.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Looking forward to seeing the bigger story.



dblameck
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248
248
Review of Falling Down  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)



Review of Falling Down

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A poem about the memory of an old house and the shell that is left.

POETRY INFO:

It is written in free verse.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:
Thank you for sharing our poem.


dblameck
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249
249
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)



Review of A Friendship Try Angle

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A good poem with an important message. Many times when we talk to people about end of life matters we only come from one viewpoint. like this poem uses the catch phrase

Change the stance
Change the rhythm
Drop the rhyme
'til you listen.


too often well meaning people stop in frustration before they reach a needed plateau. If one thing does not work then try another. This is a life we are talking about. It could be my life! Don't stop.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

In delicate situations if people have confided in us we have the chance to make a difference. Never quit.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

You already said it

"Change the stance
Change the rhythm
Drop the rhyme
'til [b}I listen.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

Thank you for getting the message out.

dblameck
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250
250
Review of Lost  
Review by dblameck (David)
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)



Review of LOST

First and foremost, thank you for sharing your work . I am not an expert reviewer. I am just another writer, but I know it is the reviews that help us to perfect our craft. My opinions are just that; my opinions.

OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:

A flash fiction about being lost and frightened in the dark but once the moon rises the teenager can find his way.

PLOT & CHARACTERS:

An unnamed teenager attempts to walk back to the hotel in the dark. He cuts across a field and get disoriented.
A little panic and fear set it but just then the moon rises and he can find his way getting back before his parents arrive.

SUGGESTIONS/EDITS:

Good handling of the emotions and feelings of a teenager.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Keep at it. This is good.

dblameck
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