I like to review poetry based on the feelings that it provokes, unless it has a stated form. Once a form is posted I have to go by the rules for the form. I hope that you find this review somehow helpful
I just love teachers! I think that their job is one of the most under rated professions on earth. I liked this poem. It wasn't perfect but I enjoyed it very much.
The rythm fell off in places and sometimes it felt more like a story than a poem, but the feeling of it was very sweet. You may have intended for it not to have a matching rhythm, so I would hesitate to tell you that you need to fix something when in fact it's that way on purpose.
As I was reading I couldn't help feeling like it was being told by a teacher from the good old days when they had one room school houses. I could see the teacher watching all of the kids coming in and his observations of them were cute as could be.
How does it feel to have that 'first' item in your port? Welcome to WDC. We are all happy to have you here and hope to see more of your work once you get settled in.
I really liked this poem. I see that it is a memorial to someone that you have lost. I think that they would be proud to read the beautiful words you have penned for them. I realize that poems of this type are so very personal, I applaud your 'putting it out there' for everyone to see.
You did a good job with the imagery. It was subtle and not over done. It had a nice quiet pace to it that lent itself to the feeling of mourning that one gets as they read.
I hope to see more in your port the next time I pass by. Good job!
Having had a newborn pass not long after her birth, I could relate to this. I think the idea and feelings behind it are right.
What could use some work.
They look so perfect, fully formed with fingers and toes but way to small for this world.
I think that as a devotional, you might consider wording that is more formal. It seems 'lite' when you think about the message it is trying to convey. I would suggest something like:
So perfect. Tiny fingers and toes, so small for such a big world. Or something like that.
Watch your POV. I noticed several areas where you were switching tenses. And as I already mentioned, I would really work at being consistent.
I know you realize that the people who this will touch the most, women who have lost their babies, have gone through something intense and painful. I would just consider that when you and if you decide to make any changes.
Oh, and I would also consider putting the scripture references at the bottom. I think that the devotional should be first and those should be for after they have read that.
Overall impression.
I feel that you have deep compassion and want to help those who are hurting and I commend you for that. I hope that you realize that all of my suggestions are given with only helping you in mind. Seeing as how the subject matter is something I have survived I felt that I could give you a good idea of anything that might need changed.
I think it's official, you are finding your poetic voice. Once a person has written enough poems, they can be recognized just by the way they work their words. With each poem you write I can see that you are becoming more comfortable in your poetic shoes.
This was a sweet tribute to your sleeping hubby. Good job!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
I thought you used the prompt well, but the form needs a bit of work. Line two and line three must clarify or be synonyms of the word in the first line and while the word count was right, it lost its 'clarity'.
Content & Imagery.
I loved the story you built with this. How a perfect moment turns into something horrible. Good job with that.
Suggestions.
I would be sure to check out how to follow any asked for forms. I give you a general idea of what is called for, but ask that you check out the item where I found the form. But it was a good poem nonetheless.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
You obviously used the image prompt, however, you didn't follow form. I hate to be picky, but the rules state that you follow form using the prompt. The form is always clearly explained right under the image and there are links to articles that can tell you even more about the form for each round.
Content & Imagery.
I thought that your imagery was great. You told a nice story and I appreciate the effort that went into it.
Suggestions.
Just follow the form! I hate having to disqualify you from any prizes for that.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Okay, I looked at the picture after I read this and it broke my heart. I can honestly say that sometimes I just don't understand people.
I thought that this was a good essay on a timely subject. I did see a few things that might enhance the ideas that you are trying to get across.
Although there are many who feel the pressure to have both spouse and children to achieve respectability, there is no such expectation with animals.
Some people may feel that way, but having worked in an ER for many years, I can tell you that most people who abuse animals are also abusive towards their own families. Sadly enough, they are usually poor and uneducated.
For now, maybe just being more aware, inquisitive and pro-active may be our best course. But for the future, we need to advocate for tighter restrictions and much more severe penalties for animal abuse.
I would find some examples to show the reader how lenient the judicial system is towards the offenders. It really hits home when you see some of the sentences that are handed out. Usually it is a simple slap on the wrists.
It is a bottomless pool for any pervert, abuser or pedophile to dunk into as deeply or as often as they like, without restriction or repercussion.
I am a bit confused by this statement. Are you trying to say that only perverts, abusers and pedophiles are animal abusers? I have found them to come from all walks of life, however, most are just poor, ignorant, uneducated people who have probably seen their own parents treat animals in the same way.
I worked for a few years at a local SPCA and most people who were charged with animal abuse were shocked at the charges. To them their animals are just property. They just couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that it was wrong.
Good essay. I would just go for a bit less drama and more facts. I think they speak for themselves.
Beware readers! You will be required to wear aluminum foil on your head when you read this cautionary monologue! Big Brother is watching after all!
Oh my, I'm beginning to think that you are the conspiracy theory queen. While I don't agree with the whole arm blowing off theory, I do agree with much of your 'spoof'. Erm... does that mean that I'm an aluminum foil hat wearing, conspiracy theory nut? Of course not! I just have a healthy fear of losing what freedoms we have left.
Another great job doll. I am having such a good time going through your port. There are all sorts of goodies.
Why is it that once a person hits the 'over seventy' mark, they become pack rats? My husbands mom is the same way. We cleaned out her freezer last year and she had an honest to goodness dead cat in it! Turns out that several years ago this cat had been hit by a car. It wasn't her cat, but she felt bad and thought she would have my husband bury it when he came over. Well, she forgot, so there it sat. A cat-sickle. I'm happy to announce that the cat has had a proper burial. Go us!
Once again, you bring the reader in and keep them entertained. Anyone who has an elderly parent could relate to this. I can visualize them shaking their heads saying, "Yes. Yes, it was just like that!"
I have no suggestions doll. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm not doing a great job with the reviews, huh? Maybe if you didn't write so well, I could be more nit-picky! Good job doll.
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
This months form is Free Verse:
Free Verse is all about creating a poem full of imagery. Free Verse has no rhythm scheme or pattern. Rhyme may be used in free verse, but, when rhyme is used, it is with great freedom. If you have a rhyme in your poem it must not have a pattern to it. If it has a rhyme scheme it is not Free Verse!.
Use of prompt & form.
I can see that you used the prompt, if very lightly. As far as the form goes, you did a good job. I noticed that along with the entry you said that only short poems are good. I beg to differ. I think you can have a good or bad poem of any size. Don't let the idea that only short is good hinder you from trying to stretch.
Content & Imagery.
It was very short, so I can't say that I got into it. But the imagery was good. I liked the idea of the sun laying on you.
What stood out for me.
And he smiled through his teeth at me
Like he sees between the places and the scene
I really liked this section.
Suggestions.
You did a good job with the imagery, but I think that the shortness of it hampered the readers ability to get in the moment.
You might want to list this poem as something else besides Other. You could have it under entertainment, experience, nature.... just pick something that suits you and it gives you a wider group of readers.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
This months form is The Pensee Form: The Pensee has just five lines and it is a syllabic poem.
It doesn't need to rhyme. It can be built in stanzas or it can stand alone.
Use of prompt & form.
I think you may have touched on the prompt, but I can't consider this a Pensee.
Content & Imagery.
Honestly, I didn't get this. Beginning your first line, which is supposed to be two syllables with 'Uhm...' is - well, I didn't get it. I have to base my review on a Pensee form and you are way off in left field on this one. I would suggest that you read over the direction for form before you try another one and maybe read and review some of the other entries, it will give you a good idea of what the form is supposed to be about.
What stood out for me.
The entire thing stood out for me... I will remember it for a long time.
Suggestions.
Just the ones that I've listed above. I hope that you enter again and if you have any problems with forms please, feel free to contact me.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
This months form is The Pensee Form: The Pensee has just five lines and it is a syllabic poem.
It doesn't need to rhyme. It can be built in stanzas or it can stand alone.
Use of prompt & form.
You used the prompt well and gave us a one stanza pensee.
Content & Imagery.
As I said to another entrant, your imagery was good, but I would like to have seem you take more chances. When you have a poetry form where you can build stanzas, I think that you should build stanzas. This form only has five lines, so it really isn't a daunting task. If you stick with just a five line stanza, it really needs to wow the reader. I didn't think wow! after I read it. It was a good poem, I just think it could be great.
What stood out for me.
I loved these two lines:
bottled to travel the sea
ageless adventures of silence
Suggestions.
Just the ones I have listed above. It was a good poem, I just want to see you stretch your work.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
This months form is The Pensee Form: The Pensee has just five lines and it is a syllabic poem.
It doesn't need to rhyme. It can be built in stanzas or it can stand alone.
Use of prompt & form.
You used the prompt clearly and you followed form.
Content & Imagery.
Your imagery was clear, but I would like to have seem you take some chances. When you have a poetry form where you can build stanzas I think that you should build stanzas. This form only has five lines, so it really isn't a daunting task. If you stick with just a five line stanza, it really needs to wow the reader. I didn't think wow! after I read it.
What stood out for me.
I liked the line "Living water" good imagery there!
Suggestions.
Take some chances and step outside your comfort zone. The Pensee is all about thought- take us on a walk through them.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation! I hope to see you in future rounds!
Oh, I loved this! Three cheers for women! This is a very strong piece and your rhythm and rhyme are spot on. The subject matter is near and dear to my heart and I appreciate the time that went into creating this wonderful poem.
I saw no errors and I wouldn't change a thing.
My hope? For freedom always strive
don't let it go to waste,
this honey garnered from the hive.
Emancipation's taste.
You used the prompts, followed directions and made them bold.
What I Like:
Sweet, vivid imagery. I liked the joy I felt when I read this.
What could use some work:
Honestly, the first paragraph baffled me. I see where you tried to go with this, but it just didn't work for me. I feel it would have been better if you had just described what was happening. It especially seemed out of place since you didn't carry that same type of writing through the rest of your story. Work for consistency in your stories.
Overall:
You told a happy story about waiting for Spring break. It just needs a bit of polishing. Good job and good luck!
Final Notes:
This is your work. At the end of the day only you can decide what is best. I have only given you my opinion. You can take what you wish from it.
This story is deserving of the beautiful ribbon that adorns it! This is the kind of story I can see myself reading to my grand daughter. It is simply precious.
What I Like:
Goodness, I liked the entire thing, but I think my favorite part was leaving ice cream sandwiches on the window sill for the fairy.
What could use some work:
Not a thing! I thought it was beautiful.
Overall:
Sweet story about a snow fairy and the little girl who finds and helps her.
Final Notes:
This is your work. At the end of the day only you can decide what is best. I have only given you my opinion. You can take what wish from it.
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Boonstra Brain Function Form: This form should deal with the function of brain and body in some way. It is built up in this way:
In lines:
Line 1: 11 words
Line 2: 10 words
Line 3: 9 words
Line 4: 6 words
Line 5: 4 words
Line 6: 2 words
Line 7: 1 word
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You followed the form and prompt well.
Content & Imagery.
The imagery was good, but I felt that the rhyme was forced in places.
What stood out for me.
Do you see her steady tears, silenty gliding down her face?
I thought that this was a good beginning line.
Suggestions.
First thing, run a spell check. You have some spelling issues. Secondly, as I said before, try not to force your rhyme, just let your words come naturally. In this form you don't have to have a rhyme pattern, so if it isn't coming naturally don't have one. Just loosen up a bit and it will work out. You have good bones, just flesh it out a bit more.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Boonstra Brain Function Form: This form should deal with the function of brain and body in some way. It is built up in this way:
In lines:
Line 1: 11 words
Line 2: 10 words
Line 3: 9 words
Line 4: 6 words
Line 5: 4 words
Line 6: 2 words
Line 7: 1 word
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You used the form and prompt well.
Content & Imagery.
I thought you created a good poem about the pain of loneliness. There was a sense of desperation.
What stood out for me.
A dominating history of destruction, replaced by present lonely desolation.
Good line!
Suggestions.
I felt that the rhyme pattern fell of in a few places, which made it a bumpy read at times. Other than that no suggestions.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
This was a fun read and I agree! I am so ready for fresh fruit, none of the hydroponic, left over from last year stuff. I think that is why I am so excited about getting my garden going for the year.
You did a great job and the subject was just plain fun!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Boonstra Brain Function Form: This form should deal with the function of brain and body in some way. It is built up in this way:
In lines:
Line 1: 11 words
Line 2: 10 words
Line 3: 9 words
Line 4: 6 words
Line 5: 4 words
Line 6: 2 words
Line 7: 1 word
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You used the form and prompt perfectly.
Content & Imagery.
You imagery was vivid. I felt it conveyed the sense of being trapped and unable to express oneself.
What stood out for me.
I liked the entire thing!
Suggestions.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Boonstra Brain Function Form: This form should deal with the function of brain and body in some way. It is built up in this way:
In lines:
Line 1: 11 words
Line 2: 10 words
Line 3: 9 words
Line 4: 6 words
Line 5: 4 words
Line 6: 2 words
Line 7: 1 word
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You followed the form and prompt brilliantly.
Content & Imagery.
The imagery was vivid. I liked the way it felt, the pain behind the lens of the camera.
What stood out for me.
I liked the entire thing.
Suggestions.
I have none, I really enjoyed it!
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Boonstra Brain Function Form: This form should deal with the function of brain and body in some way. It is built up in this way:
In lines:
Line 1: 11 words
Line 2: 10 words
Line 3: 9 words
Line 4: 6 words
Line 5: 4 words
Line 6: 2 words
Line 7: 1 word
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You followed the form perfectly, the prompt... not so much.
Content & Imagery.
This was a well made and creative poem. But I honestly didn't see the prompt anywhere. You gave us insight into why you love poetry and your words were thoughtful and playful.
What stood out for me.
I just love all creativity that the human heart can relay;
transforming things we think into things we want to say;
I loved this!
Suggestions.
This poem is really good, but since the prompt is no where to be found I won't be able to consider it when the winners are picked. If you want you can enter again with a poem that more closely follows the prompt. And please remember, even though this doesn't follow the prompt it is still a really good poem!
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "IMPRISONED HEART: Boonstra brain--Winner" [E], this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Boonstra Brain Function Form: This form should deal with the function of brain and body in some way. It is built up in this way:
In lines:
Line 1: 11 words
Line 2: 10 words
Line 3: 9 words
Line 4: 6 words
Line 5: 4 words
Line 6: 2 words
Line 7: 1 word
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You followed the prompt perfectly and the form was spot on!
Content & Imagery.
What can I say? I loved this! The imagery was absolutely wonderful. You really took the prompt and ran with it.
What stood out for me.
If I put down my favorite part I would have to paste the entire thing!
Suggestions.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Prime Verse: The Prime is built up in this way:
Line 1: 1 word
Line 2: 2 words
Line 3: 3 words
Line 4: 5 words
Line 5: 7 words
Line 6: 11 words
Line 7: 13 words.
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You followed the form well, but only touched on the imagery.
Content & Imagery.
The imagery was very well done. You painted a pretty picture. My only concern is sometimes we as writers get caught up in using big, fancy words when clean and simple would work even better. Try mixing the simple with the fancy, I think you will find it works better.
What stood out for me.
As I stand before the broken swings in rememberance of this ravishing illusion.
I liked this line.
Suggestions.
You have spelling errors, I would suggest running a spell check. And I'm not sure if I like the spacing of your lines. Also any other suggestions I have are stated above.
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!I hope to see you enter again in future rounds.
Thank you so much for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" , this review is not the final judging. There are other judges and the reviews will all be tallied.
Use of prompt & form. This months form is Prime Verse: The Prime is built up in this way:
Line 1: 1 word
Line 2: 2 words
Line 3: 3 words
Line 4: 5 words
Line 5: 7 words
Line 6: 11 words
Line 7: 13 words.
It doesn't need to rhyme.
You followed the prompt and the form well! Good job!
Content & Imagery.
This was an interesting take on the image and form. It almost felt as if you could feel the swing going back and forth. The repeated words helped with the back and forth feel of it.
What stood out for me.
The kids left me here alone, no one to ride me.
I felt so bad for the swing!
Suggestions.
I really liked this, but I think that if you played with the words a bit more and did some tweaking it could be really great!
Thank you so much for letting me share your creation!I hope to see you again in future rounds.
Gone Fishing! Kaya
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I could see the teacher watching all of the kids coming in and his observations of them were cute as could be.
Kaya
Kaya
Big Brother is watching after all! 
