I like this poems. reminds me of a time were i could only remember the numbness within my cold soul. That is a place I never want to return. this poem speaks in volumes to those that have been in a place that seems alien. possibly a place that seems like the dark is the enemy when in reality its what lurking in it. our minds have so much control... any how, i digress. I enjoyed it. keep on writing.
this speaks of men that have been hurt way too often, to get close to anyone. not understanding that the opposite sex has suffered as well, may be different, but in the end its still hurt that is being tossed around. this speaks volumes with such little words. but enough action to create more hurt. what is there to learn? nothing? i guess the saying is true: "the more things change, the more they stay the same."
i did see and error: "and is heart is pure lead." the word is, i am assuming should be His.
this poem is short and sweet, straight to the point. i like that. and i do believe that there is a day where things will change and it will be accepted. keep on writing.
I like this story. it runs smoothly with just enough details to keep it interesting. This gives me "Flowers in the attic." vibes. an evil grandmother and mother that have many secret that will be reveiled. and of course the younger daughter to find out and in the end endure. keep on writing.
this short poem is true. it reminds me of a few times that i delt with this. its a terrible feeling. you can only hope things will feel better. keep on writing.
Very interesting story. I like how it was writen in two point of views. it kept it intriguing.
I did find an erro in the following sentence: I think the word “was” needs to be removed from this sentence “She caught his eye, he was sat a table….”
Another thing I noticed is Phil's POV. When he is at the bar and explaining his side of his story, I felt as though you were repeating the story. I understand that it’s his side but maybe explain it after she walks out of the bar. How he feels and maybe add a few thoughts of what just happened. If that makes sense. For an example:
Not understanding why she would agree to Rob’s lie, when clearly she had invited him to sit with them. The way she smiled and remembered him. Rob doesn’t understand that Maggie was not into him and was just being polite. (Something like that.)
The ending was a nice surprise. But I’m a little mixed on my feelings. The fact that Rob is a cheater and a killer, makes Phil somewhat of a hero. I want to root for him and hope that Rob is caught. The fact that Rob’s POV was told at the end, is where I feel rather conflicted. I do like it but because it was added at the end and then it finished, it makes me wonder if Phil should have had a chance to redeem himself. But I guess that is a story told at another time.
Keep on writing.
It amazes me how the mind can trap someone in a world that does not exist. unfortuately there are a lot that are more afraid to move away from their own thoughts because that is all they know. wish is it was easy to just say get over it. but i know its not. its a challenge within a challenge. this poem makes me a little sad but aware that we got to talk about this sitation, try to understand it and then help those in need. and those that want it, of course. good poem. i enjoyed it. keep on writing.
i was enjoying the read when i noticed that it just finished. it ended with: After that we...??? after what? Was there more? also, you may want to re-read this since there are some errors. for an example:
many children doesn't take an interest in me because I'm really shy and timid that makes them not to play with me.
the word should be don't.
i think once this is re-read and the errors are removed, and, it is finished, it will be easy to enjoy at its full capcity.
ah, walking down memory lane, then come to the end of that lane, only to make their dreams come true. sweet, heart warming and just down right, short and straight to the point. keep on writing.
This is a cute short story. it tells of a story of two sisters, one that will be there for one anothers. brings some warmth to the heart. keep on writing.
this is a cute little short vinette, i would say. it has a point and it gets to it, w/o over doing it. i like the way it looped around and ended with a conclusion. it was entertaining and i enjoyed the little read. keep on writing.
This was writen well as it says things that words may not be able to be expressed. I agree with it. I am light one while dark to otheres. We are all beautiful in so many ways. and the best way to express this, is by emotions. colors to some and music to others, in the end it is to make you feel in some way. keep on writing.
this short story was sweet and straight to the point. there is a beginning, middle and ending. which is nice. it caught my attention and liked how it ended. keep on writing.
This story had me from the beginning. It was written smoothly and with just enough detail to give an idea as to what I am looking at, in my mind. A relationship between father and son and a tree that should have linked them. However, as the story progressed and it came to an certain conclusion, it had me question it’s purpose. (If any.) I understood that reason for a fake tree, was because the son was living in an environment that did not allow a true growth of a bonsai tree. The ending was abrupt and with the skyscraper, the idea of a real tree was promised, however, not given. I am not so sure what the purpose was. Was it to say that the son did not have time for a tree and thus continued to show his father a fake one? And if so, why? Was his son trying to prove a point that a tree, whether, fake or real, there was still that link between them? The way it ended, I wanted more, a conclusion, maybe? It had me with more questions than answers. Overall, I liked it, it had gotten my attention till the end.
P.S: I did see some errors on the following sentences:
*The apartment door opened opened to a bright smile. "Dad, it's good to see you! I'm so glad you could come." (was there meant to be two “Opened”?)
*George stepped through the threshold, then glanced about with with deliberate curiosity. (there are two With?)
Let me first say that this short...vinnette, speaks volumes. It speaks of parents breaking up and thinking that it will not take effect to thier kids. Especially when their actions are not considered. It's the kids that have to deal with the aftermath. And the kids will think that, what is going on, is somehow, their fault. when they don't understand that what they are going through, is not their life, but the parents. We just hope to learn from the parents mistakes, in order to make better paths for our own. And you are not broken, by the way. you are aware that their is something wrong, and that is the frist step to healing. okay, i got off topic. sorry about that. i liked it a lot. keep on writing.
if that is a child's story, man, i would love to see how you would do with writing a horror story. really enjoyed this short poem. reminded me of a grimms fairy tale in a way. loved how it was writen and how some of the words played well with each other. keep on writing. would love to see what you come up with next.
a nice day at the beach. especially when it feels as if you are in a private beach. something that we all need in our lives. like how this was writen. i could actually feel myself in the water. keep on writing.
Sounds like my days in college. And never learned to study earlier, rather then the night before. brought memories. Like how it was writen. keep on writing.
I don't know how I feel about this one. I like how you wrote it. Very smooth and straight to the point. I am not so sure how it ended. i understand that the main character had issues with the parents but we didn't really delve into this. for this reason i am not so sure how it feels how the parents died? and what about the sister? was she apart of this bomb? anyhow, keep on writing.
I can sense the saddness and the frustration in this poem. but we cannot assist those that do not wish to be assisted. all we can do is move out the way and hope that one day the light will shine over them. keep on writing.
I like this because it is so true. We are our best ivestment and it is up to us to ensure that we stay that way. I like this and understood what you were trying to express. keep on writing.
So far, what I am gathering, is that this book is about birth no longer existing, because of sin. Interesting concept. I would recommend that you read the chapter because there are some mistakes. one of them being Erik. You spell it Erik, Eric and Erick. Keep writing.
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