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26
26
Review of Max the robot  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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*Kiss* Welcome to your Simply Positive Newbie review *Kiss*


Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer.

I can fully appreciate how difficult creating a complete story in just fifty-five words can be so well done for this effort.

For me, this piece lacked any sort of emotional connection as it read like a list of actions rather than having that story feel.

Maybe you could write a longer story based on this idea and see how you go fleshing out some of those details. Remember though the golden rule of storytelling; show, don't tell. Create images rather than just tell your reader what's going on.



*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

27
27
Review of Faking  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
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*Kiss* Welcome to your Simply Positive Newbie review *Kiss*


Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer.

I love what you are trying to say and I can see what you are trying to say but I think this piece needs some fresh wording to really paint a picture.

Poetry isn't just short sentences arranged in verses. Poetry needs to paint a picture, create and evoke a response. You could try using words that conjure up images or incorporate metaphores and similies. All these things will help turn a list of short sentences into a poem.

Good luck and keep writing!



*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

28
28
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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*Kiss* Welcome to your Simply Positive Newbie review *Kiss*


Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer.

This is a very well written 'snapshot' moment. The piece is very emotionally evocative but I couldn't help but feel as though there was something missing.

I think, for me, the response to the boyfriend causing the accident lacked conviction. I expected some anger but it wasn't there.

Like I said, really well written but somewhat lacking in authenticity. Given you have such a great sense of style with your writing I can imagine you will be wowing us in no time at all.

Thank you for sharing!



*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

29
29
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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*Kiss* Welcome to your Simply Positive review *Kiss*


Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer.

Wow! Talk about condensed drama! You have done really well to tell such a detailed story in so few words. This piece has a clear beginning, middle, and ending and there is powerful character development.

The drawback for me was the halting nature of the read. It was really evident to me that you needed to cut words to fit in the plot and so the style was compromised. I understand just how challenging it is to meet all the criteria within such a confined word limit but I believe that some of the plot could have been lost to style without compromising the cohesion of the story.

These micro fiction exercises are a valuable tool for writers because they force us to choose every word with intent whilst maintaining our personal style. This piece is a stellar example of such exercises.



*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

30
30
Review of "A Man Among Men"  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Kiss* Welcome to your Simply Positive review *Kiss*


Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer.

I found this poem to be extremely moving both in its message and its delivery. Your choice of words has created a powerful piece that bestows the reader with the writers truest intent.

I especially like the first line as it presents an image that tells me more about the subject than the sum of the words. You use a fresh approach to say something familiar and it works very well.

I had to wonder about line 4 of stanza 3 where you say:

Through them all he never shed a tear.

Given the tone of the poem I am assuming that this line refers to his bravery but for me I felt like it was a slight reprieve, that perhaps you wished he had shown more emotion.

Overall this poem works exceptionally well and I want to thank you for sharing it.



*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

31
31
Review of Mermaids  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


Hi there and thank you for allowing me to review this poem.

I can appreciate what you were trying to achieve here but I think that the word choices hindered the success.
When working with a very short piece it is so important that every word contributes equally to the end product. Some of the word choices, although familiar in their imagery, fail to generate the spark needed to give this poem life.
If we look at the first line, there are three adjectives.
Sleek, Wet, Beautiful
Here is where the reader really needs to feel as though you are about to pull a rabbit from your hat. Find words not often associated with mermaids then craft it in such a way that the reader will forever think of mermaids upon hearing that word.
Writing, whether its poetry or text books is communication and as such needs to be effective. Well thought out word choices will guarantee your message is heard and understood.


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32
32
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


Hi Joy and thank you for allowing me to review this piece. This poem has such a story feel; rich with details and vibrant characterization this poem offers a satisfying read to all. I like the use of consonance and alliteration to add emphasis but I found that choosing to line break and leave passive words like 'and' on the end lessen the potential of this poem. Line breaks offer a pause for the reader and it will be those insignificant 'and's that are left on the reader's lips rather than one of the many evocative words you use.
I really like how this read and especially enjoyed the narrative quality that allowed be to be well and truly drawn in.



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33
33
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (2.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 2 of 2 in your A Little Something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you by emerin-liseli

That has to be the only time I have ever seen quantum physics used in poetry!

It looks like you had some fun with this piece. It is somewhat lacking in poetic merits but I think this was more of a fun exercise for you than anything. I can almost imagine you grinning as you write it.

Writing involves so many facets of our being and it's great to see that reflected here.



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34
34
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

*Star*"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED*Star*

*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 1 of 2 in your A Little Something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you by emerin-liseli
Firstly, when I review items that contain personal opinion my rating and review are based on the items literary merits and are not influenced by my opinion of the subject matter.

This was an interesting if not scattered read that still shines with human possibility. I love to see folks who can rattle off a list of their qualities as quickly as their weaknesses. There is a lot of interesting hypothesis but I found it somewhat misplaced. This piece starts in one place and ends somewhere quite different than what the GPS indicated. Perhaps you could try using a structure template to help create some consistency. I have found such things to be very beneficial.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. *Smile*



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35
35
Review of The Home Visit  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

This is review 2/2 in your A Little Something Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you by emerin-liseli

This is a fun little piece! You have used your words sparingly and made them count. Well done. I would have liked to see you work your magic with the kitchen scene. I have read some of your other work and know that you can whip up some very powerful images. So, yeah, I was a bit disappointed to see that scenic climax described so generically. Instead of 'bloated corpses feasting on body parts' you could have done something like 'his father picked at a chunk of flesh with a piece of splintered finger bone. Now I know that's a lot more words but there are plenty of 'spares' that can be trimmed to make room for a really meaty (*Rolleyes*) sentence.
Thanks for sharing!





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36
36
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there,
I really enjoyed reading this piece of fan-fiction. You show excellent knowledge of the characters and have written them just as I would imagine them to be.
You have taken your characters one step further by introducing characters they themselves wrote about and offer the reader an insight into the motivations of these two authors.
Thank you for presenting such a lovely romantic story.

Rogue



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37
37
Review of The Penthouse  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

*Star*"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED*Star*

*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


Hi there. This is review 2/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you by emerin-liseli

There are moments here where you show your unique style and I really like it when that happens. I think the problem for me is that this story lacks any real plot. I understand that there is a limited word count but even a bit of character conflict would help establish some purpose to this story. As it is this story can be summed up in two sentences. There is an ungodly outbreak of creatures. When they get here I will kill myself. You can see that there is no "Oh what will he do" factor, nothing happens.

Look at extending your work or using your word count better so the minimal word count builds a plot rather than decorative sentences. The decorative sentences aren't necessarily bad, in fact they are great but you need the appropriate stage for them. Work on the plot first and dress it up later if you have words spare.




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38
38
Review of Wiener Factory  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


Hi there. This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you by emerin-liseli

Well this is quite a different story! There are parts in here that really show that creativity in language and other parts that just don't shine. As far as the overall story goes I was a bit confused as to what actually happened. At first you said the workers had undergone a change so I assumed the men became pigs but then you say that the workers were pigs wearing the faces of men like masks and that the men were up on meat hooks. From this I figured that the pigs had traded places with the working men. If this is the case then Nathan shouldn't be talking as he would have been killed along with the others. Watch for such inconsistencies in the plot as it tends to ruin the overall read.

Edit points.
"The blood stopped flowing through the blood-trough; the meat stopped grinding and filling tubes of salted intestine; the bones stopped clanging and churning in the bone pulverizer. "

Typically you wouldn't use three semi-colons in a single sentence. Try using commas instead as they will work fine here.

"He noticed they all seemed to have put on weight, and resolved to take a hard look at the inventory." Earlier on you said that the boss never looked at the workers so I doubt he would have noticed weight gain.

"He wore a pig's carcass over his shoulders like a macabre shall." I think "shall" should be 'shawl'

"All the other workers were hanging from meat hooks, blood-filled barrels beneath them; all but one, who was busy binding up the machinery with his mangled corpse." You can't say "all the workers" and then say "all but one". Also, the semi-colon is incorrectly used here because the second phrases is a sentence fragment.

I enjoyed your colorful use of language and look forward to seeing more of your work.



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39
39
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


Hi there. This is review 3/3 in your Loyalty Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you by emerin-liseli

I am not usually in the habit of reviewing folders but I am making an exception here. I am really impressed by this collection of published work because it shows a writer doing exactly what he ought to do: create and submit work. Now that may seem like the logical thing to do but I recently had a discussion with some writers where we addressed the topic of why some great writers on WDC have remained unpublished.

The conclusion was that many writers don't submit their work or they do so at a minimal rate. Of course there are many reasons why a writer might not submit as much as they could but fear is the key factor.

For some it is the fear of ridicule. What if I submit a piece and all I get is an email full of LMAO's. It is highly unlikely that this will actually happen but rejection can be tough to take.

For others it may be fear of success. As weird as that sounds I know of many writers who fear creating a great piece and not being able to create to the same level again.

Whatever the reason each writer must decide for themselves where they want their writing career to go. I am so glad that you have chosen to gift the community at large by submitting your work Ben. You are doing all the right things and that's a great example to set to others. Great job!



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40
40
Review of Remembrance  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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*Star*"Simply Positive Review Forum *Star* "Invalid Item*Star*

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 3/3 in your second Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

This is extremely well written! There isn't a single wasted word in this story and I am so very impressed. This story tells of a strange happening in the main character's grandmother's attic. You present a strong plot that has reason and direction not to mention the great twist woven in for good measure.

There is nothing I can suggest that could improve this piece because it is simply perfect. Great work!

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41
41
Review of Clarity  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.



This is review 1/3 in your second Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

This is a lovely story that shows the relationship of Audra and Sam. The one thing that really struck me about this piece is how well you have characterized Audra. Her personality is so vivid and strong showing both her strengths and her weaknesses. This high level of character detail in such a short piece creates a very fulfilling read. The reader can easily identify with her and how she feels about the situation.

In spite of its brevity this piece captures a story with heart and a bit of comedy presenting a very well rounded story. Great job!


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42
42
Review of "Fear No Evil"  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

This poem speaks of God's protection and guidance against all things evil. Given the theme of this poem I thought perhaps some better imagery could have been used. I also felt as though this poem didn't have enough personal emotion invested in it for me to really comprehend just how much you value that guidance and protection.

There were some phrases that were a bit tired and common place like "garden of life" and "face of evil". Using phrases that have become common place diminishes their effect and renders them impotent. Look at this poem with fresh eyes and search for the words that express what God's protection means to you. Until you invest some of you into this poem the reader won't appreciate the message.

Thank you for sharing.


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Review of "I'm Not Perfect"  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

Bliss Perry wrote this of poetry:

its power, for instance, to seize upon a physical image like that of a woman
planting bulbs, and transmute it into a symbol of the resurrection of the
dead; its capacity for turning fact into truth and brown earth into
beauty; for remoulding the broken syllables of human speech into sheer
music; for lifting the mind, bowed down by wearying thought and haunting
fear, into a brooding ecstasy wherein weeping is changed into laughter and
autumnal premonitions of death into assurance of life, and the narrow
paths of individual experience are widened into those illimitable spaces
where the imagination rules. Poetry does all this, assuredly.


In seeking perfection I believe we lose something in poetry. There are no hard and fast rules as to what makes poetry great let alone what makes poetry poetry. I believe that when we do as Bliss Perry stated and recreate common experiences in a new light we have achieved perfection. It is true that what is perfect will differ from reader to reader but true perfection is found only in the heart of the author. Who else knows of the poem's true heart?

You express the frustration of every poet in this piece and for this reader, it is perfect!


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44
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Review of Autumn  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

I really love the imagery in this piece. Autumn is one of my favorite times of year due to the wonderful ways it changes the world around me. Your poem captures those changes so very well.

I love the way you not only capture the brilliance of the Autumn color change but also the process of Autumn and why it has its place in the seasons. Each of the things you describe are prompts for memories that every reader will relate to. Great work!



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45
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Review of Genres  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 2/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

This poem which is constructed using the Diamante form is perfectly executed giving the reader a great feel for the contrast reflected within the poem. I don't know that I could do one of these and you make it look so easy!

You have met all the technical requirements of the Diamante which are as follows:

A Diamante is a seven-lined contrast poem set up in a diamond shape. The first line begins with a
noun/subject, and second line contains two adjectives that describe the beginning noun. The third line
contains three words ending in -ing relating to the noun/subject. The forth line contains two words that
describe the noun/subject and two that describe the closing synonym/antonym. If using an antonym for
the ending, this is where the shift should occur. In the fifth line are three more -ing words describing
the ending antonym/synonym, and the sixth are two more adjectives describing the ending
antonym/synonym. The last line ends with the first noun's antonym or synonym.


This isn't so easily achieved let alone doing so and still having a piece that makes sense so well done!


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46
46
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED for your auction package from Rogue♥Sherri

This poem has emotion that is fairly tactile! The way you have written this makes the read so very personal. I completely understand that feeling when a memory rushes in and reminds our heart of a loved one.

The last stanza isn't quite as smooth as the others and could use some work but the overall impression of this poem is one of affection and warmth.

Thank you for sharing this lovely piece.



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47
47
Review of Dark Visitor  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 3/9 in your review package.

In this poem we are given the bonus of a finely told story as well. What impressed me most was the well structured plot within this poem. We have a main character who, through events is brought to a position of conflict and climax with the resolution being of her own doing. It is one thing to create fine poetry but another to be able to tell a tale at the same time.

I would have liked to see a little more of her love interest and their relationship as this would have made her decision that more weightier. You did manage to overcome this however by presenting the main character and her emotions in such a vivid light.

Very well done!



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48
48
Review of Broken  
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you as part of the mystery package you won from the Olympic Auction.

I love the opening paragraph for this story. It sets the scene and begins the plot arc perfectly while still giving a wonderful introduction to the main character.

The story itself is quite emotional and we are shown how Miles reacts to these memories he has in connection to his injuries. The conclusion is warm and well written providing the perfect end to this piece.

The only thing that I felt was lacking was conflict. Given the history Miles has with injuries and the events that go with them I would have liked to see how Miles felt about this current injury other than just waiting for something to happen. Maybe Miles would have become a bit pessimistic and expected that meeting Sandy again was just too good to be true. The lack of insight into Miles psychological state distances the reader a bit.

Other than that you have presented a well written story with your usual high caliber of skill resulting in a thoroughly wonderful read. Thank you*Smile*


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49
49
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 2/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you as part of the mystery package you won from the Olympic Auction.

I really love this story because it uses such beautiful imagery and spins a mystical yet touching story. You have the skills of a master storyteller and your stories have a life of their own.

I have a couple of suggestions for this piece but please understand that they are merely suggestions and I respect your work immensely.

The old journal waited patiently. The fine layer of dust coating it shimmered for a brief moment, caused, perhaps, by it being caught in a chance sunbeam slanting under the peaked eve. Or perhaps, not.

The section in bold is unneeded because you have already suggested that the shimmering is possibly caused by something else and when you use the phrase 'Or perhaps not' it is author intrusion.

The other suggestion I have concerns the beginning of the first person narration. This is where the main story begins and because of this I feel as though too much time is spent talking about the scenery and trip to date. The initial introduction could be reduced to one or two paragraphs describing the terrain and why the trip is happening then going on to mention that a missed turn is how the main character ended up where she did. The reason I suggest this is because in a short story the main plot arc needs to be started quickly and the events described in these paragraphs don't contribute to the plot or to character development.

Using the paragraphs you have written I have this suggested example of condensing that part of the story.

Before.
I had driven close to 5000 miles in the past week and a half. I decided that it was time to land somewhere for a couple of days.

It had been a fun adventure driving a friend to Spokane, Washington as we stopped and saw the sights along the way, yet it was this part of the trip I had been looking forward to. No GPS blinking at me on the dashboard announcing the miles and telling me where and when to turn. That stayed behind in Spokane. I could stop and take pictures whenever my muse inspired me. It was absolutely a grand adventure and I loved every minute of it. I’d taken back roads that curled around mountains, often turning to gravel as I drove. I went down roads with no guard rails and nothing but an abyss off the passenger side. It scared me silly, but I did it, even if my knuckles turned white on the steering wheel.

I was proud and caught myself grinning in the rear view mirror. I pulled off the road at a scenic overlook. Relaxing back against the seat, I once again looked in the mirror. Eyes that turned mossy green when I was happy sparkled back. Very green eyes. My short hair was a mass of curls jammed under my hat. I smiled, thinking I didn’t look all that bad for someone who’d passed the half century mark. Must be the ‘road trip!’ glow, I mused. There certainly was something about the freedom, glorious weather and open roads that called to my soul. My camera, laptop and notebook lay on the front seat. I grabbed the camera and notebook and got out of the car.

Spread out in front of me were three sharp, craggy mountains. Snow shone white against a crystal sky. A lenticular cloud surrounded the heights of the tallest one. I’d seen pictures of such clouds before, but never imagined I would actually see one. There are no mountains in Michigan. Dipping below the mountains, a sapphire lake complete with picture-perfect sailboat skimming across it, sparkled in the autumn sun. I reached for my notebook only to open it and remember I’d filled the very last page the last time I’d stopped. Mental note, I need another notebook.

Half an hour and perhaps thirty pictures later, I was back on the road and aiming for Denver. Denver wasn’t too far from Pike’s Peak, and as I was so close to it, all things being considered, how could I not go see it. It was heading towards late afternoon as I turned off the highway leading south of Denver and drove into Manitau Springs. A quick stop at a service station for coffee and gas, also gave me local comments about where to stay and what I shouldn’t miss.

Missing the turn I needed, I took my next left and spiraled down into town. I could feel my eyes widen appreciatively as I realized that Manitou Springs was a quaint village clinging to the side of the mountain. Old two and three story buildings were crammed together, like crooked, hunched over men braving the cold. Odd shaped windows and decorated porches were brightened by strings and swags of twinkling white lights. The road was cobble-stoned and twisted along the mountain’s edge. High, pointed roofs reminded me of witches hats. Birch-branch benches were scattered every so often. It was so intriguing that I couldn’t wait to get settled and go explore.


Suggested edit.



It had been a fun adventure driving a friend to Spokane, Washington but having covered close to 5000 miles in the past week and a half I decided it was time to land somewhere for a couple of days. I’d taken back roads that curled around mountains, often turning to gravel as I drove. I went down roads with no guard rails and nothing but an abyss off the passenger side. It scared me silly, but I did it, even if my knuckles turned white on the steering wheel. It was absolutely a grand adventure, I loved every minute of it and judging by the glowing reflection in the rear view mirror, adventure was good for me. I once again looked in the mirror. Eyes that turned mossy green when I was happy sparkled back. Very green eyes. My short hair was a mass of curls jammed under my hat. I smiled, thinking I didn’t look all that bad for someone who’d passed the half century mark. There certainly was something about the freedom, glorious weather and open roads that called to my soul.
My final destination of Denver took me reasonably close to Pike's Peak and my muse was itching to take in its beauty. It was heading towards late afternoon as I turned off the highway leading south of Denver and drove into Manitau Springs. Missing the turn I needed, I took my next left and spiraled down into town. I could feel my eyes widen appreciatively as I realized that Manitou Springs was a quaint village clinging to the side of the mountain. Old two and three story buildings were crammed together, like crooked, hunched over men braving the cold. Odd shaped windows and decorated porches were brightened by strings and swags of twinkling white lights. The road was cobble-stoned and twisted along the mountain’s edge. High, pointed roofs reminded me of witches hats. Birch-branch benches were scattered every so often. It was so intriguing that I couldn’t wait to get settled and go explore.

By shortening those opening paragraphs the story has a faster beginning which I feel would be beneficial. Thank you for this wonderful story and I look forward to reading more from you.


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50
50
Review by Rogue♥Sherri
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

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The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.


This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Deluxe Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED gifted to you as part of the mystery package you won from the Olympic Auction.

There is so much about this Christmas poem that I love. I saw the note to read it out loud so I scooped my little two-year-old up into my lap and read it to her. Her response was simply this: "Again.". Three readings later and she slipped off my lap to go get her glasses. They are heart shaped sunglasses but when she put them on she started flapping her arms and calling out, "Look at me, I angel!".

I just love the theme of this story but even more I am so impressed at the fresh idea behind it. Christmas stories and poems have been done to death so it is wonderful to come across such 'new' material.

The only suggestion I have is concerning this stanza.

Just when every girl needs to feel pretty
a head-on collision wept colors dim--
clear glass
blocking out the light--
bandages and scars; without and within.


Because this poem is intended for children I think the description of the accident is a bit too obscure for their level of comprehension.

Other than that this piece is wonderful. Well done!


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