Rogue♥Sherri's (rogue_red) Reviews

Rogue♥Sherri

Review Requests: OFF

968 Public Reviews Given

1,024 Total Reviews Given

51

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3275414

Review of It's the Journey

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

I really love this piece Shelley. There is such a genuine expression of emotion and affection that I felt as though we were having a conversation. I understand how you feel too. For you it was a twenty year gap in your writing and for me it was a life time of not being heard. Yes, when I found WDC I too felt that special connection and I am so glad that you decided to come here to share your gift with us.

Thank you Shelley for gifting us with your words.

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52

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14 days may be credited.

#3274377

Review of Loogaroo

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

Hi there. One of the key components for any short story is a plot. The plot is a series of events lead by the main characters that bring the character into conflict then on to resolution.

This story really doesn't have that. If we take the narrator as the main character we see him approach a situation that could involve conflict (she wants his blood, he doesn't want to give it). Instead of having a situation where the main character must fight for a resolution the story simply ends because she takes his blood.

Try and spend some time developing your stories to include plot and conflict and you will have a much better caliber of story. Keep writing!

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53

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14 days may be credited.

#3274372

Review of Beautiful

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. This is review 2/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

This story has so much potential even I am getting excited. Here's the thing. The whole second person POV is really annoying and it just doesn't work. What it does is proposes a situation as though the reader were the main character. Now that's not such a bad thing if you are writing about real life but when writing about fantasy such as this you may want to consider writing it is first person for a really deep emotional experience or limited third person to give a wider scope of all the characters.
It seems to me that the vampire has a story she wants told. Her character is begging to be allowed to speak. With the right POV and a much longer plot this would be utterly amazing. I don't even like vampire stories and yet I can feel the vampire aching to speak.
I really hope you extend this piece because it really does have huge potential.

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54

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3274331

Review of Wild Things

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

Welcome to WDC! I can see from this small piece that you have a great imagination and a real talent for dramatic description. As gory as this little piece is I can actually see it in a children's book, well, after the blood and guts has been tamed a little

.

Is this a parody or different spin on the movie "Where The Wild Things Are"? I thought it might have been judging by the description. You may want to make a note that this is a spinoff of a movie rather than just posting the title. It helps keep things clear.

If this is just the beginning of what you have to offer then we are all in for a treat!

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55

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14 days may be credited.

#3274216

Review of True Grit Scene Spoof

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Well, I certainly had a giggle reading this. Mind you horse farting does that to me. It is easy to see you have quite the imagination and it's great that you are able to express yourself. As far as actual literary merits this piece doesn't really scorch a blazing trail. There really is no plot because JW could have thought those lines after the first interruption and he never did get to resolve that issue.
Keep plugging away and having fun!

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56

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14 days may be credited.

#3274202

Review of White Fire

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

So often love is romanticized through images of Spring or Summer's heat but never have I read of love reflected in Winter's innuedo. What amazes me more is how you make it seem as though one is borne of the other. You entwined the two themes so seamlessly that the entire poem creates an entirely new image.

The poem reads like silk and is so beautifully fluid. What can I say but hello perfection! There isn't a single word I would change. Absolutely breath-taking!

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57

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14 days may be credited.

#3274193

Review of Men in Black

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. Flash fiction requires a lot from writers. Firstly there is the need to come up with a story that is intriguing enough that the reader is drawn in but simple enough in that the story can be wrapped up into a neat little package. This piece does that quite well. What I like most is the colorful characters you have created in such a short space. Even the absent 'Mrs' Crenshaw is given life by a single well played line.
Jeb Crenshaw is completely believable to me. I had the entire scene in full color in my mind. What's interesting about that is the fact that there is no setting whatsoever. You have cleverly relied on reader knowledge to paint that component while spending your valuable word count where it was needed - actually telling the story. Well done!

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58

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3270131

Review of Where'd The Time Go

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

This is a lovely poem and as a mother I was so very touched. I hope my children are so thoughtful as to write me a poem one day.

Again the editing is a big issue. I am sure you want to give your Mom only the best work you can do so always spell check your work and if need be get someone to help edit the poem before posting it.

November 4th 1993,

Thats the year she gave birth That's

To me.

Video recordings ever such age two. "such" should be 'since'

Just to remember all the things I do. "do" should be 'did' because you aren't two anymore

I got older, she did too.

Harder to agree on things to do.

Now im in high school, "im" should be 'I'm'

Everythings changed. "Everythings" should be 'Everything's'

Now that im older things will never be the same. "im" should be 'I'm'

I thank her though,

Oh so dearly for giving me all I could

Possibly dream.

I have no regrets, not one at all.

All I want to say is thanks, I love yoiu mom! "yoiu mom" should be 'you, Mom'

Keep up the good work!

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59

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3270119

Review of If You Ever Left

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.

Hi there. This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

Hi there and welcome to WDC. This is a very intense poem that shows the authors fear of being abandoned by her lover. You express the depth of your emotion very well and this poem is extremely honest and vulnerable in its message.

The poem does need a good edit as there are quite a few basic punctuation errors.

My heart would stop,

For I wouldnt breathe. Apostrophe needed - wouldn't

You are the oxygen that I need.

There would be no purpose

Of waking up. "Of" should be 'in' and doesn't need capitalization

Without you beside me

My heart would erupt.

My eyes wouldnt open, Apostrophe needed - wouldn't

Swollen from crying. "Swollen" doesn't need capitalization

My heart would have no beat,

I would just feel like dying.

So as I sit here praying to god "god" needs capitalization - 'God'

That this day never comes for ill truely be gone. "ill" should be 'I'll' and "truely" is misspelled - 'truly'

Great start! Keep writing!

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60

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3267473

Review of Farewell, Dad…Sort Of

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
Disclaimer

Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give.

Hi there. I read this poem several times for two reasons. Firstly there is a lot to take in from this poem. You say so much more beneath the words than you do through them. Secondly I reread this poem because of the incredible sadness I felt when reading it.

There is something so cruel about Alzheimer's and the worst part is that I don't know who suffers more. Is it the elderly person who is lost in a fog of uncoordinated memories or the family of this person who have to accept the empty gaze of a stranger born on a familiar face. For me both are heart breaking and I cannot begin to imagine how difficult such a situation is to deal with.

This is so much more than just a poem. It is a testament to your father's life and the loving relationship you both must have shared and it is an expression of grief even though such grief is well tempered within the strings of fondly held memories.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece.

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61

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#3267448

Review of Itzpapalotl

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
Disclaimer

Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give.

Hi there. Well I spent a good five minutes trying to pronounce the title of this story which is always a fun thing to do.

The first thing I noticed about this piece is the wonderful writing style you have. The sentences are very well structured to give the information in a freshly creative way. This caliber of writing is a gift indeed.

And now to the bad news

.

I don't know if this piece was written for a contest and had a limited word count or whether this story felt fulfilled to you. I can only base my opinion on the information available so I have to assume it is a completed work. I found it unusual that someone who writes prose so beautifully would neglect the bones of the story to such a degree. Basically this story has no purpose, no promise to the reader of a literary journey worth sticking around for. This story is about a man who buys a statue then dreams that the statue wants him to kill his neighbours so he does.

Had George been a priest this story would have taken the expected journey involving conflict and its necessary resolution but he isn't. He's just George. He didn't appear to be in the least conflicted when asked to begin a murderous rampage opting instead to be complicit and reap the reward.

I can see this is an older piece and I will be sure to pop into your port and see how your writing has grown over the years. What an awesome thing it would be if I discovered your structuring skills had come up to meet your stylized prose! Thank you for sharing your work.

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62

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#3264786

Review of Par Excellence

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
Disclaimer

Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give. This is review 3/3 in your auction package.

I just love this poem!!! It is so beautiful! When reading this poem I felt that it was the perfect reflection of the topic, the Koyal bird's song. This poem has such a wonderful lyrical quality and once again you have astounded me with your vision.

This entire poem is an exquisite painting, a masterpiece of imagery that rips the page apart with its lushness. To see the world through your eyes and ears is a beautiful thing and there isn't a single thing I would change about it. Congratulations on capturing this Eden in your work!

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63

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#3264629

Review of The Magical Egg

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (1.0)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
Disclaimer

Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give. Hi there. This is review 3/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

on behalf of Smile World-Wide.

Hi there. It is good to see that you have spell checked this item. It makes for a much better read when it is free of errors. You have this listed as a short story but to be honest I couldn't make out what this story was even about. There doesn't seem to be any story line, any reason for it or even a cohesive line of thought. I'm sorry if this seems harsh but I just didn't see the point at all. If you would like some help on creating stories I am more than happy to help.

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64

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#3264627

Review of Smoke Away 1-1-10

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (1.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
Disclaimer

Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give. Hi there. This is review 2/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

on behalf of Smile World-Wide

Hi there. I can see you invested some very intense emotions into this piece and it's great that you express yourself.
Poetry is more than just writing what you feel or think. It's about expressing those thoughts in a creative and artistic manner. Can I suggest you look at some of the poetry written by other authors here on WDC to get an understanding of what poetry is.
It is also really important to spell check your work. I found it really hard to get a good feel for what you wanted to say because of all the errors.
If you work at fixing the mistakes I will happily re-rate this item. Keep writing and keep expressing yourself!

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65

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#3264617

Review of The Man Of 38 2-11-08

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (1.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
Disclaimer

Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give. Hi there. This is review 1/3 in your Read All About It Package from "JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

gifted to you by Just call me Omni

on behalf of Smile World Wide.

Hi there and welcome to Writing.com. It is great to see the enthusiasm you have for writing which shows by the number of new items in your portfolio. Many people feel a bit shy about putting their writing up for everyone to see so I think you have been very courageous. Well done.

As we learn to write creative stories like this one, the first thing we do is write whatever is in our head. This is a great way to start. Now that you have put your ideas down on paper it is time to look at how they can be improved.
The easiest way to do this is by using a checklist that outlines all the important parts of a short story.

Short Story Checklist

Does this story have-
A beginning?
The beginning of a story should introduce the reader to what and who the story is about. This story doesn't really do this. There is no clue to what is meant by a second lunch, who is doing the punching and why and what this means to the character.

A middle?
The middle of the story is where the action happens. This is where the characters interact to create the actual story. There isn't really a storyline here.

An end?
The ending is where the characters sort out whatever problems happened in the story. There is a bit of an ending but without knowing who this story is about or why they are being written about it doesn't mean anything.

Does the story have-

A plot?
A plot is a series of events involving a main character that work together to create the story. This doesn't happen here.

A main character?
The main character is who the story is about. There is a main character but we know nothing about him/her.

Setting?
The setting is the environment in which the story takes place. We are not told anything of where this story is set.

Conflict?
Conflict is where the main character has a problem that needs to be sorted. There is some conflict but without any setting or reason this conflict means nothing.

Resolution?
Resolution is where the main character sorts out his/her problem. In this story there isn't any adequate resolution.

Is the story-

Checked for spelling and grammar?
Spelling and grammar are very important because it is annoying to read a story that is full of mistakes. This story has many spelling mistakes as well as grammar mistakes.

Edit Points

A Second lunch and another punch. My eyes roll behind my head.

I think this should be "my eyes rolled back in my head". I felt as if i delcined

'i' should be I and 'delcined' should be declined from my body.
I knew i

'i' should be 'I' was there but i

'i' should be 'I' couldn't move my body. People asked if i

'i' should be 'I' was okay and i

'i' should be 'I' thought i

'i' should be 'I' answeared

'answeared' should be 'answered' " im fine"

'im' should be 'I'm' and there should be a full stop after fine they

'they' should be 'They' must of not heard me.
The clock struck 1:00pm and i

'i' should be 'I' was just laying there on the floor. I heard a door open. I was numb.
I got up and tripped as i

'i' should be 'I' tried to runaway

'runaway' should be two words-'run away' from a man staring at me with a knife.

should be from a man with a knife who was staring at me "why

'why' should be 'Why' am i

'i' should be 'I' running away?" I thought in my head.
I felt a slight pinch which then felt like a sting. I awoke in a safe hopsital.

'hopsital' should be 'hospital' It turned out i

'i' should be 'I' was

'was' should be 'had been' there since i

'i' should be 'I' was fifteen years old.

Keep writing and remember to spell check your work. If you need any help I am always willing to do so.

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66

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#3255377

Review of Desire's Goodbye

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (2.5)

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Hi, I'm Rogue Red

I am a reviewer for

"JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM TEMP CLOSED"

"Simply Positive Review Forum " "Invalid Item"

"Invalid Item"

NOTE: Clicking on any of the blue dotted lines reveals an extend description.
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Please note: I hope you find this review to be helpful and encouraging. I am still learning so please feel free to take or discard any suggestions I give.

Hi there Summer and welcome to WDC. Heartache is often the fodder that feeds our muse. This poem talks of a love lost, decisions made and the resulting outcome. To be honest I found this poem really hard to follow. The lines are very short and often there are incomplete thoughts and unconnected ideas which fail to carry the message. Because of this the majority of the impact that this poem could have delivered was lost. With some work at building strong stanzas this poem could be lovely so keep writing and growing!

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#3255342

Review of Take Off

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

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Hi there and welcome to WDC. You have a natural ability to tell a story and this is a great skill to have. You describe things very well which makes the events you describe very realistic. What this story lacks is a strong plot. Even though the main character has to face his fear he really doesn't make any decision to do so nor does he control the events that lead to him dealing with the fear.

Without those basic components all we have here is a well told snippet that holds little purpose. Say for example the man freaked out on the plane and in his irrational state he threatened to kill someone unless they let him off the plane. Well then the main character is at a point of climax where he must choose how to resolve the situation. Does he continue to try and force the pilot to land or does he try to deal with the source of his fear?

All good stories must contain questions, situations that force the main character into conflict that must be resolved. If you apply you excellent writing skills to a stronger plot framework you will have a very successful piece.

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#3255329

Review of The Great Game

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hi there chesschamp and welcome to WDC. You have a natural ability to tell a story in such a manner as to involve your reader. The use of setting and descriptions is very well done and provides the perfect stage for your characters.
What this story does lack is a plot. Typically a short story needs a character who, through a series of events, must face some sort of conflict or dilemma and then, that character must resolve the situation. This creates a feeling of being on a journey, with a beginning middle and end.
If you extend this piece to involve the necessary elements you will have a great piece. So please keep writing and extending your work!

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#3254843

Review of Minding Fido

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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gifted to you by emerin-liseli

This poem is expertly crafted and reads very smoothly. I love the way you write with such ease. There is a conversational tone to this poem that makes the reader feel very at home. Great work.

The form seems to be well met and I see no areas in need of mending. Keep writing!

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#3254359

Review of Equilibrium

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hi Ken. I have always been a fan of your work and this piece only reinforces that. I love the way you always come up with so many different words to express the same idea or theme, this in itself is a great skill to possess. You control the flow so very well and yet this well choreographed piece appears to spring up as naturally and perfectly as any organic organism. You have perfectly and seamlessly woven together the message and the vehicle with which you transport this delight to the reader's mind. Thank you again for such a treat.

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#3251073

Review of Each Moment Passing

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What a wonderful thing to write for your sister. The promise that you make to her is so precious. I'm not sure my sisters and I have ever said anything like that to each other which is a shame.

The simplicity of the poem reinforces the message. There is no flowery additives, just a beautiful promise to always be there.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem.

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#3251058

Review of Freedom's Key

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hi there Jenny. This poem is so well written. I found it to be a very smooth read and you presented your message well. You know the great thing about this poem is the fact that it doesn't even matter what kind of freedom this poem is about because you have written this in such a clear manner that it could apply to freedom of any kind.

Another great piece! Thank you for sharing.

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#3251006

Review of So Far Gone

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I am so impressed and humbled by this piece. Your honesty is beautiful. When reviewing I try to avoid commenting on the subject matter but I am going to break my own rule.

I understand completely about the reoccurring stumbling block; I have a permanently flattened nose from all the times I fell on my face. I used to berate myself endlessly for always failing until I realized something. If I am constantly falling on my face then surely I must be continually getting back up. The fact that I get back up, dust myself off and try again is to my credit. I no longer allow anyone, including myself to see only my falls. I will, until the day I die, continue to strive for better. Better health, better relationships, better stories because to do otherwise is to lie down and die.

You, my friend, are stronger than you know.

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#3250948

Review of What Rights?

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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Over the years we have seen many advances in society's acceptance of varying lifestyles but even the word accepting seems to me to be insulting. It suggests that those who hold bigoted ideals are actually in the right and that those who are different need their acceptance, their approval. Such narrow minded people need educating.

This poem expresses both the pain of the struggle to live in such a critical world but it is no pity party. Instead you express yourself with strength and confidence, showing them just how little their attempts to confine you have succeeded. Very well written.

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#3250946

Review of Without You, I'm Better

Review by Rogue♥Sherri

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Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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Hi there Wyn. I get the sense that this poem must have been very cathartic to write. You express many reasons why being without the subject of this poem is such a good thing. Sometimes it isn't until we are free of the storm that we realize just how bad it was.

This poem has a fantastic rhythm and reads very well. Of all the lines the last is my favorite. It is defiant and final; a real slap in the face. Great work.

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