Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (4.5 /5)
This is such a wonderfully clever and romantic story. I am absolutely in awe of how you have written this entire story from the puppy's point of view. Not only have you accomplished this expertly you have done so with such apparent ease! You have maintained that innocent approach and not once did you give Buffer too much understanding of the situation. Very well done.
I did find some of the word choices interfered with the flow of the story such as this line here. All is grist to his maw,. This story is so well done that using slightly more common place language would not detract from it at all.
2. The Chores - (4.5 /5)
For the most part this story is very well edited.
There was a sound like someone running into wall or other hard object
I thought perhaps a word or two might be missing.
There was a sound like someone running into a wall or some other hard object
3. The Reception - (4.5 /5)
This story was both comical and romantic, two qualities that blend so well together. I really loved it. Awesome work.
Final Rating - (4.5 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
This is a MOD REVIEW BLITZ review!
Come join the fun!
Now updated to review all case colors. Help make "Halloween Review Stew" and win prizes! by Brooklyn
1. The Creation - (5 /5)
When reviewing I always aim to keep my personal opinion separate from my critique of the technical merits of the piece. Sometimes that is easy to do and other times it isn't so easy.
On a technical level I found this essay to be compact, direct and extremely well written. You present your topic and proceed to quantify your opinion with clear and cohesive comments. Rather than try to argue your point you simply state why you hold the opinion that you do which results in an awesome piece of writing. You have used the layout well, setting out your points clearly and summarizing the piece perfectly. This is a fine example of professional writing. Well done.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
I found this piece to be very well edited and saw nothing that needed correction. Thank you for taking the time to do so.
3. The Reception - (5 /5)
Here is where I get to express how I felt about your piece. You show such a wise and healthy attitude toward an illness that could have left you bitter and resentful. So often I hear people complain about their lot in life (as I have done) and blame their unhappiness on some event or illness. You show us that through challenges we are refined and strengthened. I relate to this piece so very much. I have not had such an illness but I experienced a very damaging marriage that nearly destroyed me. But it was because of that suffering that I learned the things I did. I grew into a strong and happy woman because of the suffering. Thank you so much for sharing such an inspirational piece.
Final Rating - ( 5/5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (4.5 /5)
Hey there Jyo. I really enjoyed this story. I find you have such a diverse creativity in that you are able to alter not only the material you write about but the style with which you craft your work. This story has the most amazing lyrical quality to it. You spin worlds into a deliciously lush feast that pulls the reader deep into the story.
Marla has quite a unique dialog which gives her such a depth. I love the way she speaks. I did notice that Janet started to adopt Marla's very unique speech patterns which weakened her uniqueness in this story. Overall I found the plot to be very well structured and the setting was simply exquisite. Well done.
2. The Chores - ( 5/5)
I found this piece to be perfectly edited. Thank you for attending to that so well.
3. The Reception - (4.5 /5)
I was so fearful for the baby during this story. I did a great job in weaving a spooky and creative tale. Awesome work.
Final Rating - (4.6 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
WOW, This is an extremely well structured and thought out essay. You present your ideas and philosophies in a clear and coherent manner supporting them with the appropriate material. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
From a personal point of view on this topic I find myself incredibly confused as to what poetry is, what it is for, when it is good and when it is bad. I have just recently started writing poetry and I write almost exclusively within the structure of form and meter or syllabic patterns. I do this because it forces me to think about every single word I choose and whether that word will convey the meaning I want to express.
I really have a hard time with free verse simply because I don't know what makes good free verse good.
Your essay presents an interesting view regarding free verse that the multivalence theory but this excerpt here caused me to wonder.
Dan Sturn takes that philosophy a step further. In this global economy, where poetry is being translated from one language to another across all barriers, meter and form are simply not possible in order for a poem to reach all potential Readers. Thus, structure and craft as a whole must take a back seat to meaning.
Even free verse poetry suffers when faced with translation. Words that have a specific meaning here can and do have quite different meanings not only in other languages but even other English speaking countries. As a non-American I have had this problem arise within my work. I think that all language has rhythm and technically that rhythm is measure or quantified using meter, syllables and stresses. To me, poetry is so much more than a message in a bottle. It is so much more than an intellectual art. To me, with my very limited understanding, poetry is music. It is the creation of linguistic symphonies; sounds playing off each other to conjure images and feelings the involve the reader in a truly multi-sensory experience.
Thank you so much for an entirely intelligent and provocative essay. It is brilliant.
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (4.4 /5)(av. of five sub categories)
Hi there billwilcox. I have just finished reading "Adriana's Tale" and am humbly offering this review of your short story. Now I must say that I feel incredibly unqualified to review your work as it is of such a fine standard but I also believe that as one author to another, our honest reviews of each others work is what allows us to write with distinction. Please understand, it is because I think that you are an exceptional writer that I have given this story my utmost attention and intend thoroughly examine this piece. "To whom much is given: much is required."
The Plot- (4.5 /5) When evaluating the plot of a story I look for the following components.
-Has the plot been activated within the first paragraph? It is essential that things start of quickly in short stories.
-Does every scene contribute to the progression of the plot?
-Are there sufficient complications to cause the characters to evolve and is this done in unison with the plot.
-Has the author allowed the characters to tell the story and/or shown development.
-Is the plot and conflict successfully resolved at the end.
I found the plot to be solid and well planned. I think you have perfected the art of 'beginnings'. You have successfully introduced the reader to both the protagonist and the action within the first few lines and you have done it superbly. Generally speaking, flashbacks are a bit dangerous in short stories. You have such a short space of time to create and promote the fictive dream and flashbacks threaten to break to forward fluidity but I think you worked it well. The use of narration is minimal and yes the characters led the story but I want to touch on that a little later. Suffice to say that the events were well timed and the pace well managed.
Now, when I look at the scenes and whether every scene contributes to the advancement of the plot I come across an area that I have some concerns with. When Adriana goes home she lays in bed planning what she will do. She has a terrifying nightmare which changes her "somehow" and after being huddled beneath her bed for hours in a state of shock she decides this must stop.
Now Adriana had already decided this right in the beginning as she sat by the creek and it is not enough for the author to say that the protagonist has changed. You must show us how she has changed and why this change was necessary to further the plot. The nightmare scene and ensuing terror are both exquisitely written but personally I believe if you cut that scene completely it would not change the outcome of either the protagonists character nor the plot and isn't that the test for all scenes? This story is written from Adriana's point of view but we, the reader, have not been privy to the inner psychological changes that brought her out from under the bed. Nothing had changed. She had already decided this all had to stop and had been formulating the plan before she slept. The horror of what happens had been drummed into her time and time again by her father and she had experience great loss before. Can you see where I am coming from? The Characters- (4 /5) When looking at characterization I consider:
-Can the reader identify with the protagonist
-Does the story show the strengths and weaknesses of the protagonist. Ideally we should see the protagonist struggle to achieve or over come her conflicts.
-The protagonist struggle ought to be the backbone of the story.
-Use of all of the protagonists senses.
I think Adriana is very easy to identify with. It is easy to feel empathy for her and to want her to succeed. I do think that the internal conflict within Adriana was neglected a bit. I would have liked to see more of the battle between emotion A versus emotion B within her. Such conflict deepens the character giving a more three dimensional feel. This also leans back toward the plot issue and the two issues combined means that Adriana's character doesn't develop sufficiently to fully appreciate her experiences.
The character of the father is somewhat lacking. I felt he was more of a prop rather than an active character who had reasons to advance the plot. A lot of the sterile characterization comes from a lack of character interaction within the story. If we had been allowed to see the intact family unit interacting then we could better understand the motivations of the characters. The Setting- ( 5/5) When looking at the setting I consider:
-Is the setting given in such a manner that it is in keeping with the mood and theme?
-Has the author presented the appropriate amount of setting?
-Is the setting unobtrusive?
This is your master skill. You create images and settings with such ease and fluency that it is clear you speak another language altogether. Every description is a woven tapestry of carefully selected words delicately positioned to garner the highest appeal and most effective use. Not once did I feel as though I was having the setting told to me but rather I was given perfectly sculpted environments from which the story sprung. I am most impressed with this. In particular I love the way you personify certain aspects of the setting which allows the reader to feel the setting. I could almost smell the moist soil and the wretched cavern. Very well done. The Dialogue- ( 4/5) When looking at dialog I consider:
-Does each character have their own voice?
-Are the characters expressing themselves through their dialog or are they speaking for the author.
I understand the difficulty of writing speculative fiction short stories. The bane of every author is to give the reader sufficient information so they understand what is happening without resorting to author intrusion or character lectures. You have used the flash back scene and the father's dialog to effectively tell the reader the story. The father tells us why Nob Hill is a problem, why the characters feel the way they do and sets the premise from which Adriana acts. I felt that his dialog was stiff and there was just too much of it. If the flashback had involved all three characters discussing the history then you could have used that as an opportunity to develop some personal relationships. The language structure is very formal and in reality we don't speak like that. This made his dialogue feel like narration and author intrusion. I cannot understand why a father would need to rehash the gory details with his children time and time again. I would expect that even under the guise of a lesson the more horrific details would not have been repeated.
The Style and Word Usage- (4.5 /5)
You have a wonderful writing style and I applaud your word choices. You use your words wisely and with skill and care and this gives a wonderful unique quality to your work.
I noticed you tend to use 'the' a lot and I felt that there were numerous places where it impeded the natural flow of the sentence. Typically I use 'the' when I want to itemize or select one thing from a group and I use 'a' when selection does not matter. For example, you wrote:
"The storm had passed and the cool, dark rainwater slipped down from the mountainside and ran into the coiled and crooked creek below."
consider this:
The storm had passed and cool, dark rainwater slipped down the mountainside and ran into the coiled and crooked creek below.
You wrote:
"Returning from the memory, Adriana plunged her gaze back into the water and the reflection of the melancholy pines that lined the shore. She watched as the hidden sun peeked through the overhanging trees and flecked the creek with diamond scales as the bulging watercourse bubbled and gurgled around the smooth brown rocks, caressing the faces of the stones like the tears that even now streamed down her cheeks."
Consider a little trimming and reworking such as this:
Returning from the memory, Adriana plunged her gaze back into the water painted with reflections of melancholy pines that lined the shore. She watched as the hidden sun peeked through overhanging trees and flecked the creek with diamond scales. The bulging watercourse bubbled and gurgled around smooth brown rocks, caressing their faces like the tears that even now streamed down her cheeks.
Now I am no expert and this is your work so please feel free to disregard any suggestions I make.
2. The Chores - (4.75 /5)(av. of two sub categories) Grammar and Punctuation- ( 5/5)
I could not fault the grammar or punctuation. Thank you for taking the time to edit this so well.
Sentence Structure- (4.5 /5)
You are very good at controlling the pace by using shorter sharper sentences when you want to build tension. Great work. I noticed a couple of sentence where you did an unusual structure.
Here they are here:
"The lightning punctured the dark veil of the night, flared so brightly it stung Adriana’s eyes."
The switch from night to flared is very abrupt and although it suits the mood I think (and I could be wrong) that it ought to have a comma after brightly because the phrases "Punctured the dark veil of the night" and "flared so brightly"
are two actions that happen to two separate objects but from only one subject. "The lightning(subject) punctured(verb) the night(noun)" and "The lightning(subject) flared (verb) so bright it stung Adriana's eyes (noun)". I could be shooting myself in the foot here but I think the rule is that when two dependent clauses share a subject then the clauses are to be shown as having each their own relationship. (geez I hate grammar) Anyway, I think it needs a comma after 'brightly'.
You did the same thing here but I will save myself some embarrassment and just point out the sentence.
"Abruptly, with a gasp, she scrambled out of the shadowed-corner and across the floor—crept under the bed."
The abruptness of the ending clause really tripped the flow for me.
3. The Reception - (4.75 /5)(av. of two sub categories) First Impressions- ( 5/5)
I loved the beginning. You immediately drew me in and had me wanting to read on so great job. I think you have an awesome writing ability and I hope I too can write as well as you. Overall Reader Enjoyment- (4.5 /5)
I wanted this story to be longer. I felt a little disappointed that I didn't get a chance to get to know the characters as well as I could have. I would love to see a longer version of this that starts Balsek's disappearance. It is a fantastic story line and you write action and setting perfectly. Awesome work.
Final Rating - (4.63 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (2 /5)
Sometimes beauty is born from a speck, other times it is lost in a mountain. As I review I am privileged to learn so much about my own writing. This is why I review.
I understand that this is primarily a novel outline but to be honest, it is fraught with problems. I love that you have such an expansive imagination but in my opinion you have lost the soul of your story beneath a mountain of distraction. Ultimately your story is one of a boy who seeks to be loved but you have smothered it beneath superfluous condiments to the point where the original ingredient has lost its unique and delicate flavour.
Characterization: This critical element has be almost completely abandoned in favour of fantastical setting and story structure. Characters are the essence of great stories. Readers relate to the characters and if they are opaque vessels created purely to support a greater message then the story itself will fail to satisfy the reader's appetite. Why should the reader care about the boy with the unpronounceable name?
Plot: You have this classed as a children's story and yet even I struggled with the names. There is little appeal to children with this story. I imagine that children with be horrified at the prospect of a cow giving birth to a human child. It doesn't matter how special you make the cow, ultimately it is rather grotesque and entirely unsuitable for children. When writing for children you must factor in reader knowledge and understanding and this story is a handful for adults let alone a child. Simplify the names, simplify the storyline and try not to scar your youthful readers.
On another point, you have links to music throughout your draft but novel's never come with audio cues etc. There is no point in using them and in fact, good writing can conjure the same effect without the need of props. 2. The Chores - ( /5)
I won't grade this on chores as it is a draft.
3. The Reception - (2 /5)
After reading through other items in your port I feel that your writing is thinly veiled religious propaganda. Now I have no problem with spiritual writing. Not at all. The problem is in the motivation behind the works. When a person seeks to push personal opinion through a story what you have is a religious parable. I am a reader who has a great appreciation for spirituality in all manner of expression but this does not read as such to me. The complex psychological undertow really pulls this piece well away from being suitable for children. I believe if you simplify and strengthen you could make quite an interesting story but first you must find and foster the beauty born from a speck. Good luck and keep writing.
Final Rating - (2 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
This is a great start to expressing yourself. Given time and a better understanding of the mechanics of poetry I believe you could do very well.
P.S Your room is a mess, you might want to think about tidying it when you get home. Miss you.
It is amazing where inspiration finds us. From this awesome piece I think you have shown us that writing, and the reading of other's work, has the ability to take us many places and reveal many stories along the way. This is really well written and a fresh and honest read. Thank you for sharing.
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (4 /5)
Hi there. This has the makings of a great story. It has suspense, intrigue, action and drama, all of which blend to make for great reading. The first hurdle you face is convincing the reader that your story is worth reading. The beginning of your first chapter is where you need to gain the readers interest and at present, its a little weak. Firstly, when I read it I assumed the missing son was a child. By incorporating some description or other information you can let the reader know he isn't. Secondly you start of with a great line but it isn't really followed up. Instead you launch into a description of the antagonist. You need to identify the protagonist and give the reader a reason to like him. We want to root for the good guy. Secondly, hook your reader with an exciting action sequence like when Kal bursts into Thymus's place. This is guaranteed to have the reader ohhh and ahh, eager to know what's going to happen next. Always end a chapter with a cliff hanger event. Remember you want the reader to turn pages, move on to the next chapter so bait your hook well.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
This story appears to be well edited. Thank you for taking the time to do so.
3. The Reception - (4 /5)
I enjoyed the story but I think it needs a little work before it is wow material. Great start and keep writing.
Final Rating - (4.3 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Very well done. What is really spooky to me is how my entry has some similarities. I hadn't even looked at your piece before now and yet I wrote about a ninth daughter of a ninth daughter. Her mother had the power to choose a special power for her ninth daughter but she paid for her choice with her life. Super creepy!!
This is the beginning of something but I am not sure what. There really is nothing here other than a small piece of dialogue. You write dialogue really well so I would love to see this extended and supported within a plot. I think you show real potential for writing you just need to provide the structure for it. Good luck and keep writing.
Absolutely brilliant. I loved it. I am so impressed with what you have come up with for the contest and you have executed it perfectly. You tell a story and create an air of wonder and amazement while doing it. I am sure you will become a well known name here on WDC with such a creative flair. Awesome work.
Hi there, a good start to what could be an interesting story. I think you need to spend more time developing the scary factor before jumping into the "seeing red" part. I like your descriptions and the idea of using a garden gnome in a horror piece is quite unique. Good luck and keep writing.
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (4.5 /5)
Hi there. This is a very touching piece where we see a grief stricken Emma trying to cope with her cousin's suicide. I think you have worked the theme beautifully and expressed the emotions of the story with great authenticity.
2. The Chores - (4 /5)
There were a few spelling errors but nothing major.
Edit points.
"almost irridescent(iridescent) and unreal shade of green."
"What he did was so senseless and rediculous(ridiculous) but how can you be mad"
"She wrote what she wanted to say to spring, to april(April), to God, to Andrew, to whoever would listen. Her tears, mixed with pollen, foromed(formed) little circles on the glass patio table."
"what a shame it was that the cemetery was so unkept(unkempt)."
"Stop your insistant(insistent) badgering"
3. The Reception - (4.5 /5)
This is a very moving piece that draws the reader in and shares with them the extended ramifications of suicide. Well done and keep writing.
Final Rating - (4.3 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - (4 /5)
Well, I really do not know what to say. There is blatant kiwi bashing in this piece which is most uncalled for given that Kiwis are brilliantly talented and uniquely gifted people. With that aside this piece is well written and funny. Great use of the prompt.
2. The Chores - ( 5/5)
This piece appears to be well edited. Thank you for doing so.
3. The Reception - ( 4.5/5)
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece. I love the way you portray the characters. I just wondered why you would set up a monopoly game and then go home? Good Job and keep writing.
Final Rating - (4.5 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
1. The Creation - ( 3.5/5)
You are such a cheer leader Summer. You have this lovely positive view of life that is absolutely radiant. With this small piece you have written on being all that we can be I think you really ought to dig deeper and quantify such statements. It's all very lovely but reality is seldom so simple and such topics are worthy of deeper consideration.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
Perfectly edited, thank you.
3. The Reception - (3.5/5)
I love that you find such positive ways of addressing the world but it felt a little contrived. For example, you say, "There is no limit on what you can or can not be, for life is what you make it to be." and yet the proof says that we are limited by various things. It doesn't matter how much a starving Ethiopian child wants to feel full; it's not going to make food sprout from the ground. I am a firm believer in positive thinking and creating the future we want but I also believe we are limited and that true happiness, Eudaemonia, is found through accepting limitation and maximizing potential. I respect we have differing opinions and well done for expressing yours so eloquently.
Final Rating - (4 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, welcome to WDC
1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there. This is an interesting little story about two brothers who are quite different and one aspires to be more like the other. I think the story is quite good but I feel that you have rushed through it a bit. If you slowed it down and spent more time developing the characters and plot then this story would be really great. Don't forget to use descriptions to show the reader where everything is taking place and descriptions of the character so the story comes to life in their minds.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
This piece appears to be well edited, thank you for that.
3. The Reception - (3 /5)
The story is nice but it is under developed. It really needs extending to develop the plot and characters more. A really good effort and great start though. Keep writing!!
Final Rating - (3.6 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, welcome to WDC
1. The Creation - ( 4/5)
Hi there. I really do love your style. You have a natural writing ability that given the appropriate structure, will result in some outstanding pieces. The problem with this piece is that the first half and the second half really have no connection. There is no cause and effect. Try extending the first half and give reason for the second half to happen. 2. The Chores - ( 5/5)
The punctuation and grammar are well attended to. Thank you for that.
3. The Reception - ( 4/5)
I love the second half of this piece. Your description of sky diving was beautifully executed. Please continue to write as I am looking forward to more of your gems.
Final Rating - (4.3 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, welcome to WDC
1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there. Well what an interesting idea. I love the attention you have put into thinking about this idea. What this story needs though is a resolution. You never actually get to the point where you discover the truth about the sandwich. The problem is that without resolution this story feels incomplete. 2. The Chores - (5 /5)
The grammar and punctuation are well attended to. Thank you for that.
3. The Reception - ( 3/5)
This is an interesting start and with some work could be a great story. Keep writing!!
Final Rating - (3.6 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, welcome to WDC
1. The Creation - (3.5 /5)
Hi there, this is a great start to an interesting story. I think you have given your characters a great voice which gives them an interesting personality. Don't forget to give the reader a little bit of imagery in the form of descriptions and setting just to fill out the story more.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
The editing has been done well. Thank you for taking the time to do so.
3. The Reception - ( 4/5)
You are off to a great start and I really enjoyed the fresh new approach. Keep writing!!
Final Rating - (4.1 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, welcome to WDC
1. The Creation - ( 2/5)
Hello there. Well this is an interesting piece about cruelty and slavery but from an unusual view point. Firstly you need to change the rating to 18+ due to the violence in the content. I think this story could have been very good if some time and attention had been spent on developing it properly.
-The characters are under developed. They don't have names or descriptions for the reader to identify with and there is little reasoning behind their actions.
The plot has huge holes in it. How did the man get the letter, how did the wife write and send the letter if she was left standing on the cliff? The cause of death for the wife is impossible. After three days she would have died from a combination of dehydration and exhaustion. It takes more than three days to become malnourished and muscles wasting also takes extended time. Also, why would the brother buy a slave for his brother if he want to change his brother's cruel nature?
I think that this piece also has sexual undertones, hence the slave wearing a mask. 2. The Chores - (2 /5)
There are quite a few errors in this piece. The title needs to be capitalized and a spell check done. There are also numerous areas where words are missing.
The man’s brother, wanting to bring (the) man out of his new personality,
It(should be She) wasn’t your average slave
“Till I return, I order you to stand in(should be 'still') and to not move from this spot!!”
There are many more but I'm sure you get the idea.
3. The Reception - ( 2/5)
I struggled with this piece as I felt it really needed more attention to detail. It is great that you are exploring writing and I encourage you to continue to express yourself this way.
Final Rating - ( 2/5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, You have just been delivered a "Invalid Item" Review!
1. The Creation - ( 5/5)
I just love this poem. The message it conveys is so delicate and playful and yet there seems to be a depth to it, a hidden undertone. I get the feeling that in this piece you are saying so much more than the words allude to. The imagery I get from reading this piece is simply wonderful. As writers I think we strive to interpret the world in a truly unique way. We see things non writers miss. Your poem takes that one step further by showing us as writers that the depth of discovery is limited only by our imagination.
2. The Chores - ( 4/5)
This poem is well edited but there were a few places where the meter and pace were a little off.
Now I am only learning poetry myself so please understand that these are my suggestions only and that I do not suppose to know better than you what works and what doesn't.(my suggestions are in blue)The changes I have suggested a merely a possibility to smooth out the meter.
Have you, I wonder, ever given a try
to see with your ears and hear through your eyes?
Imagine the sound of a tear when you cry
or envision the tenderness of a soft lullaby.
Think of that which may be seen in a sigh
the same might be heard as you watch a kite fly. Think of what may be seen in a sigh
the same may be heard as you watch a kite fly.
Do you ever listen as thin clouds whisk by,
or visualize the music from a parade nearby? Do you ever listen as thin clouds breeze by,
or visualize music from parades going by?
You've probably never seen a battle war cry
nor ever heard a river run dry. I doubt you have seen a battle war cry
nor ever heard a river run dry.
Ponder the sight of sounds way up high
then listen for lightning to flash in the sky.
Won't you, I ask, just give it a try
to see with your ears and hear through your eyes?
3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
Beautiful work and wonderfully creative. I really like your style.
Final Rating - (4.6 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, You have just been delivered a "Invalid Item" Review!
1. The Creation - ( 5/5)
Hi there. Wow. See, here is the true beating heart of Kristi. This piece, borne of gratitude for friendships, speaks purely of the value you have in those very special people who have made their way into your heart. You write so beautifully in this piece. It reads effortlessly and with true authenticity.
Aside from the emotional aspect of this piece it stands well on a technical level. You present your topic with a well-worded introduction and then move into explaining why you present it. Your reasoning is sound and not built around emotion but rather you have put the effort into thinking about why some friendships work and what it means to experience them.
2. The Chores - ( 5/5)
Thank you for taking the time to edit this piece well.
3. The Reception - ( 5/5)
I have reviewed other pieces of yours and told you how I sensed some hesitation. I explained that I felt you did not trust yourself to write fiction and this piece proves my point. You write exquisitely Kristi! Every sentence, every word exudes genuine heart and the reader feels the emotion and tenderness with which you wrote this. You are a blessing to your friends, that much I am sure of. Thank you so much for sharing this piece.
Final Rating - (5 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Disclaimer: The purpose of this review is to offer my opinion as one writer to another. As a writer I understand how precious a piece of work can be to it's creator so my opinion comes with all the respect due to a fellow writer. I do not claim to be an expert nor do I assume to know better than anyone else what work's and what doesn't. I offer my opinion as a means of supporting you in your writing journey. If you have any questions or comments regarding my review please feel free to email me. May your pen dance with joy as you weave your wonderful tale.
Unless otherwise specified this review is for this piece only. If it is a chapter of a book then I am reviewing this chapter only. Your final rating is based on the average of all the scores given throughout this review. I will give you a rating between 1 and 5 for the following categories.
Hi, You have just been delivered a "Invalid Item" Review!
1. The Creation - ( 3/5)
Hi there. Well what a twisted tale!! You have such a vivid imagination and you write action scenes very well. This piece is very well paced with a constant flow of action. The problem for me is that this is one of those "it was all a dream" themes. Basically, if you are going to write an dream as a short story it need a separate plot to house it. Having a dream pose as a story simply doesn't work because, as you know, dreams can be about anything. When a reader goes through the story and bizarre things start to happen the reader either assumes it's a dream and then loses that "Oh, my what is going to happen next" or the get confused as to what is happening. If we take your dream story and crafted a plot to carry it it might go like this.
The female character works at a graveyard as often gets a bit spooked. Her supervisor delights in making things worse by telling scary stories about ghosts and ghouls that he has apparently encountered while working. One day the female character has to work a double shift to cover for the supervisor. (here is where your dream story comes in) Now the reader has no idea whether the female character is being hunted by ghosts and ghouls or whether she is dreaming so they are glued to the story. You have provided a premise where the events in the dream could actually be a real demonic attack. Without the supporting plot there is no reason for the events to possibly be real. The other weakness that comes from not having a supportive plot is that there is very little room for character development within the dream sequence. The reader needs to identify with the protagonist in order to garner that "You go girl" attitude from the reader. We want to root for the good guy but we need to know more about her to empathize with her.
2. The Chores - (5 /5)
This is well edited and I didn't notice any errors, well done
3. The Reception - (3 /5)
Here's the thing. I can feel your hesitation when I read your short stories. The is a real sense that you are not secure in your ability to pull off the story. This gives the piece a stuttering feel. I believe that if you let go and relaxed you would see much more fluidity in your style. You try to follow all the rules of short story writing by describing this and that but it feels forced. I have read some of your non-fiction work at I can see you speaking freely and so eloquently but here there is tension and I believe it is due to you being unsure of your abilities. I really want to encourage you to continue to write short fiction because you are a great story teller you just need to trust in yourself a little more.
Final Rating - (3.6 /5) *Score is based on Average of the three categories
Really nice work. You need to change the rating though.
" E: Everyone
All Ages
This rating signifies that the content of this item is intended for everyone of all ages. There are absolutely no references to sex (other than gender), drugs, alcohol, violence, cursing (of any kind), derogatory names or any combinations thereof. "
I suggest changing it to 13+
" 13+: Recommended for Readers 13 Years and Older Only
13 and Older
This rating signifies that the content of this item is intended for readers 13 years of age and older and may be inappropriate for any minor under the age of 13. We recommend that supervising adults not allow such minors to read 13+ content. Horror and violence may exist at a moderate level, but do not exceed extreme levels. There may be mild references to sex, drugs or alcohol, but do not exceed extreme levels. Mild swearing may be used, but but no use of the harsher sexually derived words may be found. "
Great work
Maggie
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