"Mike, just come home." This is sad JP, when couples go their seperate ways and reconcilitation is not a word they think of. This story is heartwrenching and sad, because to lose one's job is bad enough; but to lose a family too? That just has to be too much.
I saw no errors, and the grammar fits well. But the subject matter is sad and heartwrenching.
This is so sad, when a child won't let us in. This poem made me think of another child who shut herself in, and wouldn't let anyone near. The subject matter is so today when there are many children in gangs, or by themselves on the streets.
While I was reading this I wanted to give all the children of the world a great big hug and tell them it will be okay, and just hold them there, til they stopped shaking and crying.
You have written a very deep, from the soul piece, Sara, and thank you for sharing. Always WRITE ON!!!!!
This is a very profound piece Window Writer. I has a lot of meaning, and the message comes through very clear. The senses to tell in here can be felt, and the longing too. Since this is a free verse, I will not mention any errors, because in a free verse there aren't any no matter what anyone says.
You did wonderful writing this. Thank you for sharing this and always ... WRITE ON!!!!!
This is cute, and I could actually "hear" the echo as I read through this. I do not find errors with poetry, because as I said earlier, poetry is as personal as the person wrting it. But I liked this poem, because it does actually echo. Keep writing and entertaining us with your soulful thoughts.
This is a very deep subject to write about. My muse has taken on several shapes and attitudes since writing my first poem in the 5th grade. My muse is female, and she screams, laughs, cries, pleads, and wonders why. My poetry for the most part tells of my life, but recently my muse has become very calm and elated, and tells me to write poems in that way.
I saw only one error in this piece. In the last sentence of the very last line of the last pargraph, the word "find" I believe should be "finding".
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on how to find your muse.
Purrrrrfect! this poems flows well, except for one line. In the 5th line you seemingly have two lines running together.
I wish to change the world not for me and teach my baby, How to see,
I would bifurcate this line at "me" and start with "and" on the next line, then you wouldn't need to capitalize the "H" in "How".
But this poem flowed very well, and yes, the miracle of a life growing inside of you, taking shape, forming fingers and toes, eyes, ears, nose and the mouth, are all very precious.
WRITE ON!!!!!! Kevina, you are doing very well.
With Love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Jessica thisis a very good story of love and friendship...it was written well, but there are a few grammar mistakes in the first part of the story, and dialogue should be separated, and each person speaking should be on a separate line.
Other than that this is a marvelous story of two friends accepting that they love each other, but wish to remain best friends, by not coming out that they are gay and love each other, because being best friends is loving each other too.
Allisen, this is a very touching piece. Yes, as we look back at our families fading in the distance, we cry, because that is the day we are expected to start being responsible and grow up. You have written a very good poem from the heart and soul.
There is only one flaw I see, and that is in the third line from the bottom. you wrote "Straighting" and it should be "Straightening."
But other than that, this poem made my heart melt...keep on keeping on, and always WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
(c:red)Grammar:(/c)(c:blue)In the second line you wrote "laughed", and it should be "laugh." In the third line you should have a comma after, "He the rose up," and in the 5th line there should be a comma after "astray".
As for the rest of the draft, I didn't see anything else that needed correcting. It is a nice decsription of the wind Komen. Thanks for sharing.(/c)
(c:violet)Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."(/c)
All right babygirl, this is really good, but the so soons after each stanza should really be on its own line. Inothwer words it should be the last line ot each stanza. Also, you ask questions in tis poem too, and there are no question marks. Please edit this poem so it flow easier.
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be thi sgirl in me, Then I have the right to be."
This is so sweet. I never had a chance to be a little sister, and I never had a "real" big sister since I am the oldest. This story really makes the heart melt at the end, when Alice and Mindy are talking. Thanks for sharing.
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Thank you Regina for sharing this with us. This little story is full of emotion, anger, and abuse. My teddy bears are loved, and not abused. This story is very horrific.
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Kayla, this is a good poem, but there are a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes.
Suggestions: My suggestion is that you re-read this, and correct the grammar and the spelling, using a dictionary if you have to, and theN rewrite this, and post it again. Thank you.
This poem does have a real message, it just needs to be edited.
Thank you for sharing, and always...WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, then I have the right to be."
OMG Kisha, this is such an emotional piece full of turmoil. But I wonder tho, that when we are broken, can we ever pick up the pieces again, and go on?
Thank you for sharing this emotional part of your soul, and always remember to...WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
For sure Sassy. This poem reminds me of the song, "In The Year 2525", by Zager and Evans.
What you have written here is so true, and scary, that it frightens me sometimes to see that most of the world has given up on God, and His son Jesus. Most people don't seem to have any faith any more, not like when I was growing up in me pre-teens. What happened? Why don't they believe anymore?
I don't know who gave you only 3 stars for this, but it does deserve 5 stars. I wish everyone would heed what you have written here.
I loved the second stanza, and this is what people need to heed.
The grass may appear green
You might think the sky is blue
But underneath the mask of happy
You'll find what's really true
FOR SURE!!!
Thank you SassyDiva for sharing this altruistic insight, and always rememeber to...WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
OMG Sassy, this is so beautiful. It reminds me of my poem "We Stood Outside In The Rain".
I really liked this poem, it is so beautiful, so romantic, so surreal. The imagery you painted here, is very vivid and colorful. You have a very real talent for keeping the reader reading. Thank you for sharing SassyDiva, and always remember to...
WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
Thank you John, for sharing. More people need to have faith that god, through His son Jesus, will love us, and walk with us through our lives. Of course, I don't deny that others have other floowings, but our Lord Jesus is my light, and He shall lead me through the life His father has planned for me.
Also WELCOME TO WDC and always WRITE ON!!!!!
With love 'n' hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
This is perfect in my opinion. The grammar, teh punctuation, the form, are all perfect. There is a lot of sadness and other emotions flowing through these lines. But the message here is clear.
There may be some that won't understand this, but then they have "perfect" lives. Those of us who have been through the ring of fire, have felt the hurt, and been so badly abused, know what these lines mean.
Thank you for sharing this, and always...WRITE ON!!!!!
With super love and big as the sky hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
You came in with a bang, sis. This letter hits cnacer right in the heart, and kills its intentions. I give you 4.5 stars because of a minor mispelling, but also for a really courageous write. This is really good, and the grammar is good, except for the minor misspelling, but otherwise good.
Always WRITE ON !!!!!
With love 'n'hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
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