*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
1,076 Public Reviews Given
1,103 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month!

Looking at your port, this highlighted item caught my attention and, reading it, I was captivated. This hits emotions I can unfortunately relate to, break-ups that were delayed, but were inevitable.

The style ran smoothly and the metaphors (infinite shards was nice) worked well, and keeping thoughts light and frivolous seems a good way to go. But that did mean there felt like a slight lack of emotion, about your deeper feelings here, how you really feel if not about the person, about the situation.

But, like I said, I can relate to it all too well.

Thankyou for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
27
27
Review of My First Concert  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I know this is around 10 years old, but looking through your port for an anniversary review, being a music nerd, I was attracted to the subject.

If this is real, I am jealous - you got to see the Beatles!

This is such a loving look back at that heady time of childhood. You captured that innocence and naivete that comes with youth well, and gave a simply detailed account, one probably blurred by the passage of time.

Technically, there were a few places where the punctuation didn't quite work, creating run-on sentences. But the rest was fine.

I think it is also lacking some more of the emotion from your point of view. The excitement was there at the start, but at the end it was more just a reminiscence, muted by time. I think maintaining that sense of wonder throughout would have upped it; even trying to march to the dressing rooms and being stopped by the police felt muted, no more than a school event.

But that is only one person's opinion.

Thank you for sharing this great memory.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
28
28
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What a pleasant memory to have, the Thanksgiving family meal. That is something that we don't have in Australia - family meals are generally reserved for Christmas or Easter. What interested me about this piece, though, was that the memories that stuck the most were peripherals - travelling, reading, a breakfast - and not the Thanksgiving meal itself, not the conversations, not catching up with the grandparents. It made for a different sort of vignette.

Technically, there is nothing I could see out of place, and it flowed well as all good anecdotes should.

Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
29
29
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This read like a fairy tale, and for this sort of story and the flash fiction length, that is fine. The show not tell mantra does not fit in this sort of tale.

I did not get the opening. She could create gold? Her husband used her and she had no children? I get the leprechaun was giving her what she wanted, and twisting it, but those opening incidents did not make a lot of sense to me. The story did not feel like it started until the king was involved. I did see the ending coming, but that did not mean it was not effective. The leprechaun twisting the narrator's wishes did make him evil, so that was well done.

Technically, a few issues with punctuation were dotted throughout; a thorough edit would have cleared a lot of that up.

Thank you for participating and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30
30
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, that didn't go where I thought it was going to go!

The atmosphere you created at the start was perfect, that mixture of darkness and light, and having Niall at the cusp of both was well done. The description of the leprechaun gave off menace as much as the request he made, and I liked the idea of the hole being a "tear" in reality.

I think the only issue I had was that the leprechaun did not seem evil, per se, more opportunistic and akin to the sea-witch in the original fairy-tale of the Little Mermaid. Niall sought him out, Niall agreed to his deal - there was no subterfuge.

The thing is, though, the story was really well done, the technical side of it was clean, and it was 666 words long.

Well done, and thanks for participating!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
31
31
Review of Malachi  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Well, he was certainly evil!

The story of a leprechaun growing progressively angrier and more frustrated made sense, but... That was quite the turn, to go from being paranoid and frustrated to suddenly attacking things with a machete. And why a machete? Would he use an Irish weapon like a claideamh or scian? Or even a cudgel and beat them to death? Make it more whimsical, like shoving 4-leaf clovers in their throats till they died? The jump felt like it was too great, and did not feel leprechaunish.

Technically, there were a few places where a semi-colon would have served better than a comma, but mostly it was clean.

You followed the prompt well, and it was 666 words, so no issues there.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
32
32
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
The story was one of subtlety, the trickster leprechaun being revealed as evil only at the end. Using human greed was a good way of getting close to a victim.

Now, the story - what was the man at the start about? This was the boy and the leprechaun, then his father. The man at the start was just there and, in a story of such limited word count, served no purpose.

Technically, there are a lot of issues with punctuation, especially direct speech. It did make it hard to work out what was going on at time.

The prompt was followed well - the use of trickery before becoming a beast was well done - and it is 666 words.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review of Carrick Fergus  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This reads like the sort of myth that explains an aspect of the world so common in the books I read as a child. You have told the story in that style perfectly; show not tell does not matter in this form of writing. It is almost fairy tale like in tone.

You followed the prompt perfectly - the first of leprechauns as we known them was evil and nasty, and it is 666 words long.

Cannot fault this. As usual, your entry to my contest is of the highest quality.

Thanks for participating.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
34
Review of Rate Yourself!  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What a fascinating look as self-identification as a writer. I think the addition of the half-stars would only muddy the waters and make it more difficult to choose; this way it is more definite.

I like the way you have not ever-explained the poll or the4 concept. You have just set it out in a minimum of words and let the results fall where they may.

When it comes to the results, I guessed that 5 and 1 star ratings would be at the bottom, but more judged themselves in that area than I would have thought. But I was intrigued to see that the majority judge themselves above average. For what it's worth, I gave myself 3 stars.

Still, I think this is an interesting poll and the results really make me think.

Nicely done.
35
35
Review of My Reality  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Your autobiography in less than 2000 words - well done!

Technically, this was strong; I couldn't find anything amiss. Well done!

As to the content, while I understand you just wanted to get the details down and tell the reader about how you reached the current point in your life, it did feel flat at times. How did you feel when you received that final diagnosis? How about when you realised you shared it with van Gogh? Going back earlier, how did you cope with that sense of isolation in your early schooling? What was it like at home? How did you feel reading something not the Bible or an encyclopaedia? All of that would have made this feel more personal. I think what I wanted was a bit more of you, not just the outline but to get to know you.

You've had an interesting and different life to that which most of us can relate to. Maybe I'm greedy, but I wanted to know more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
36
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this in the 'Read and Review' tab, and was drawn to it.

The sense of melancholy is well established about the piece.

One a story beat take, though, if no-one is entering the room, how is the clock still ticking after "decades"? Wouldn't there be rodents or some insects established in the room, especially if the window is broken? Why leave a broken window uncovered, even if from the outside? These things kept drawing me out. I know what you were going for, but the leaps of logic did hurt a little.

However, phrases like "silent promise" do evoke a sense of the dread and pain of the place. Your use of language is nicely done.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
37
37
Review of Rush Week  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, this was an intense story. There was a sort of inevitability about the outcome, though, which did lessen things for me.

The only technical thing (if it could be called that) was the use of the phrase: "confined space" in para 4 - it isn't needed as you've already mentioned it.

However, I think the biggest thing was there was no sense of panic growing throughout the story. He seemed so calm as ripped the casket apart. Where was the growing sense things would not have been all as it seemed? We got a little of his feelings, but what about his physical sensations - caskets are not big (yes, I've slept in one) and movement is not easy - and the smells? It was quite muted and yet it has the hint of being something so much more intense.

Sorry if this seems negative., because the story itself is a strong one. It's just that I found it hard to feel anything.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
38
38
Review of Unanchored.  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Tracker recommended this on her Newsfeed, so I thought I'd give it a read and I am glad I did. You managed to get a real sense of emotion in this piece about the passing of a loving companion. The descriptions include more than just emotion, but also Gracie's actions.

The only thing that felt a little muted was the lack of things like feel and smell. The fur was described, but there could have been other sensations about the weight of the pet as the end neared, the tongue on your skin, etc.

Technically, I found nothing wrong, very clean, and I always like that.

So, my complaint is very nit-picky because this is a well-written and heart-felt piece.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
39
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is an interesting poem, one which does not pick a side, but indicates that atrocities could occur at any time from any angle when it comes to war and those fighting. It does not lionise the soldiers, but wonders why they do what they do.

Its message is string, especially the repeated stanza that ends "...less than human beings."

Now, I read poetry out loud, and this felt like it wanted to have a rhyme scheme. Some are forced - Jews/refuse (this is pronounced ref-you-ss, not ree-fyooz), for example - but most work well. However, that sense of rhyme demands a rhythm, and the varied syllable count made it awkward to say it.

Of course, this is just one person's opinion, and if you were going for a different poetic form, I apologise.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
40
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

I am a sucker for flash fiction, and so was drawn to this folder and just went for the first one in the line.

Technically, this is great. Everything is done well, and it is a pleasure to read something so clean.

The story itself is a nice twist on the police procedural. However, you gave away the ending when you mentioned there were ten ladies and the cop was looking for ten birds. If the number is the one clue, I think it should be a lot more subtle. Fine women sitting at a table, four on comfortable chairs and one serving him everything, that sort of thing. It did make the ending not as impactful as it might have been.

Apart from that, really strong tale.

Well done and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
41
Review of Omen  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I do like an open-ended horror story!

This one, taking a common sight throughout the 1990s and turning it into something nasty, is a great concept. And then having the bad guy get caught... but... works so well.

However, there are some thing I think could help make this stronger.

First, technically - you start with jumps in verb tenses everywhere before settling on past tense. Stick with past, it works. As it is, it confuses the opening.

Next is that this is a lot of tell and not enough show. you show us at the start, using emotions, and again at the end, but the meat of the story is just reporting the events. Focus in a lot more on the fear of the narrator. Build things up... then give us that sense of relief when the bad guy is caught... and then you can really hit it home in the ending. At the moment, there is no emotional peg on which the reader can rest.

So, this is a strong story, but I feel it can be made even more intense.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review of Becoming  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a fascinating piece about your life, and is something that puts into plain English what many of us have trouble understanding.

I was a teacher of those on the spectrum (pre-teens) for a number of years, and something like this from an adult who had gone through it all would have helped me when I started my life in front of those classes. I did have some indication, but this spells it out very clearly.

Technically, there are a number of sentences where commas were used instead of full stops or semi-colons, which did tend to muddy some of the meaning in places. Also I feel this needed a stronger ending, something tying it all together, as essays need to have. It does feel like it is missing a final paragraph.

However, those are technical, and the main thrust of the piece -what it is like to live with autism - is compelling and incredibly informative.

Well done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review of Lasting  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

This is an interesting little story. I read a spiritual meaning into it, though I am not sure if I was reading it right. It would be interesting to know what the idea behind the story was. The idea of the shadow moving up ahead, of someone remembering in a house that was once and will be home, it all has that feel of something bigger about it.

Your descriptions are spot-on, taking in most of the senses, giving it a very real feel.

However, there were quite a deal of punctuation and syntax errors that made the meaning of some passages harder to get my head around. This needs a thorough edit, especially in regards to direct speech and comma usage, plus there is some verb tense confusion. It may seem nit-picky, but it did make comprehension not as clear as it could have been.

And, while I do not mind open-ended stories, the ending left a little too much hanging, especially the identity of the person. Unless it was her shadow... who had somehow got inside and was reading a book.

Still, you have a great way with description and this is definitely a unique tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review of She's a Beauty  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Interesting little humorous poem about karma and someone getting theirs, a sort of revenge fantasy type of poem. These vignettes often work best in poetic form, so good choice of form.

I read poetry out loud in order to get a feel for it. This also brings out a few things that might need looking at.

There are a couple of forced rhymes - walk/flock, bird/understood - but the rest work well in the rhyming couplet format.

The rhythm is okay, with syllable count ranging from 10 to 13. In some cases, it does make it awkward to read, but in general, the 11-syllable lines most commonly used work.

You have opted to use punctuation in-line, so be careful of the direct speech punctuation.

Last nit-pick, watch repeating words when not used for effect (in this case, "ground" in the second-to-last stanza).

In general, though, you have hit all the right beats and have crafted a good rhyming poem, easy to say and with a message at the end.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of No Patience  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Interesting look at impatience and considering it the enemy of time. I don't quite follow. The ancient Greeks considered laziness and procrastination the enemy of time; impatience is just being demanding of time.

However, for the purposes of the story, being confronted thus and looking at the desire for perfection being overcome, it does work.

However, technically, this story needs a thorough edit. There are a lot of punctuation and grammatical errors. the only misplaced word I found was "robbed" instead of "robed" so the rest is all very technical.

While it does not impact the story as such, things like Chronos saying something over three paragraphs without reason is distracting enough to make the reader wonder what they are missing.

Sorry about being so picky, but there is a good imaginative look at psychology here, one that could be easily developed into an expansion. What if all our psychology really was governed by ancient Greek deities? The idea is worth investigating further.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review of The Bike  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a nice vignette, a look at the fallibility of memory, and yet the way it does not really matter when the memory is such a good one. You painted your family so well in this, the hard-working father who wanted to do anything for his child, the mother who looked out for the child. The addition of photographs that don't help the memory was a nice touch.

technically, this was very clean; I saw nothing amiss.

But, yes, I really like this one. Sometimes the things the memory fixates on are not the important ones, and this showed that. What colour it was bugs you, but the bike is still front and centre.

Really well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
47
47
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a story I have not seen before - two points of view, both the same person, but from different facets. This sort of experimental voice is a fascinating way to go about the concept of a dream, and is something that I feel could be explored more; not necessarily by extending this, but by approaching it again.

There are two things, though.

"The dreamer awoke with a start. Me. I was the dreamer." This did not need to be there. It felt superfluous. You had good section breaks and the reader should not have to have their hand held this tightly.

Second was the dream itself. While the ideas were clarified later, the idea of a performance that was alluded to in the opening was completely gone. It became something again to unreality, and that distracted from the intriguing set-up. Especially considering we know this is not the first time.

Technically, this was very clean.

Of course, these are just the opinions of one person, and I do like the way you have approached this.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
48
48
Review of Bobby  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I enjoyed the last story, so I thought I'd come back and check out your port again, where I found this sad tale.

You captured the concept of an embarrassed thirteen year old girl well, and the politeness plus mother's presence of the boy harkens back to another age.

The fact that you remember it so clearly shows the impact it had on you, and the sad ending to the love affair that never was is something that can really stay with you.

The only things that stood out to me were the conversations. Between mother and daughter, it felt like a scene from a play, and stood out as jarring. The conversation on the porch, on the other hand, felt like a quick tell, not an emotional talk between two children. It lacked what a lot of the rest of the story had so strongly.

This was a fascinating look into a time of life that had such a huge effect.

Thankyou for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
49
Review of Strength  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a very interesting take on the prompt. A first date after so long, after such a sad story.

Technically, this was well done; I found one mistake, that was all (a second speaker not having a new paragraph). The shift from past to present tense works well as the memories give way to the reality of the moment. The use of the repeated phrase, "There's my girl," is a nice tying piece of dialogue.

However, as to the story, I think the narrator's forgiveness after so long with no communication feels too convenient. There would surely be bitterness there. I know he had his excuse after the death of Devorah, but that did leave her to grieve all alone. It just did not feel realistic.

However, the story was an emotional one, and one that works well with the prompt.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
50
50
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was an interesting look at the way Covid affected you and people you knew. The whole social distancing thing made it hard on a lot of people, and this was a look at that that I did not consider. See, at the time of lockdowns, I lived in a small town of almost 200 residents. Groceries were delivered by a supermarket 25km away and no-one came or went, so our social connections - albeit wearing masks - were still in person. When I hear about things like this, and the joy of a reconnection, it makes me understand how lucky I was, as isolated as our town was.

The set up of the post makes sense and follows well, from one point to the next, and there is a constant feel of hope that this, too, shall pass throughout.

It is a good read, though a couple of years old now, that still feels relevant.

Well done and thankyou for sharing this here.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
533 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2