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Review Requests: ON
1,098 Public Reviews Given
1,125 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was a brief look at physical fitness and then a biography at the end.

As far as the physical fitness component of this piece, it was very simplistic. Sports Science is where I started my first university degree, and this misses so much. Some cannot through physical impairment do either of these. What about maintenance of the body through isometrics? These are important for those who cannot exercise.

Then there is sleep, an often neglected part of physical fitness. And co-ordination, balance, flexibility, etc. These two are major components, but not the only ones, and there needs to be options for those unable to do them.

Then you add a performer as an example of fitness at the end. It is out of place. It feels just like an excuse to say you met her. And as far as fitness goes, the best examples have been shown to be Olympic level gymnasts.

As far as an essay form, it followed the introduction-body-conclusion format fine.

Technically it does need a good edit, and why so many words in capitals?

Look, this is a good basis for something that could be used to support physical fitness in others, but it missed too much and the biography section did not fit.

Sorry.
2
2
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Found this on read and review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

This is a great bit of flash fiction, with two intersecting love stories entwining at the same time.

I do have to say, though, I was confused when Susan came to the door. You called Frank Jane's brother, when Jane's brother was clearly Jeff at the start. The names became mixed up. Frank was surely Susan's brother? Or was Susan introducing Jane's brother to Jane in order for brother and sister to be Valentines?

There were quite a number of editing errors as well. You changed verb tense in the middle and there were some other mistakes (the most obvious being "brother-in-law's" should be "brothers-in-law").

So, a fun little bit of flash fiction, but that middle section got really confused.
3
3
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

Wow! The old man really had it in for Tanner, didn't he?

This story did not take me where I thought it would and I always appreciate an ending I don't see coming; does not happen anywhere near often enough.

Technically, this was great - I saw no errors, and that is also something I don't see often enough.

The set up made sense, and followed the logic of a will bequest, down to signing the receipt and not wanting to be accused of theft by the butler. Tanner, the only character we need to know is portrayed as a naive and somewhat disinterested person, yet with his head screwed on right, acting just like someone would if they had to go to a will reading of someone they hardly knew.

This, however, does bring me to the problem I have with the story. Tanner is just this person, and yet he is killed. Just like that. We get to know him as a flesh and blood person, then he is done, and it makes me, as a reader, wonder why. We got no inkling that he deserved such a fate or that the old man was that cruel - he just... died.

It felt unnecessarily harsh, to me. Even having the old man being on the train and saying he didn't want to do the journey alone would have been something.

Sorry. It just drew me out of the tale.

Anyway, the story itself was still a fine one and the reveal at the end of just what the train was was well done as well. You have a strong turn of phrase and it makes reading this work easy.

Good luck going forwards.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Shadows of Desire  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


A sad little romantic tale of a love that is curtailed by death. The story it tells is a good one, and we can envision the two characters at its core, right through to the tragic end.

The rhyme scheme is held well (though the use of the word "ilk" does feel forced). However, the rhythm feels off. I read poetry out loud and this was awkward. A rhyme like this, and especially after the first verse, needs a constant rhythm. That first verse is fine: 9-9-10-8 syllable count. Then we have 9-7-9-6, 10-9-11-9, 10-10-8-10 through to the last 9-10-10-13. To me (and this is just my opinion) some tightening of the rhythm would have helped and made this easier to say out loud. Sorry.

Still, the poem itself was a decent rhyming story, with emotion included between them and then a final sad denouement.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review of Upstaged  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


What an intriguing tale! Wasn't sure what to expect, but I certainly got something i was not expecting.

I think I have it: Irene was an illusionist, the standard stage magician who bamboozles through sleight of hand. However, her sidekick, Daphnie, has actual real magic powers which came to the fore and showed themselves during this performance.

I am not 100% sure what she did, but it was enough for the audience to realise she had done something impressive. Not sure how they knew it was her, but there you go.

As you can tell, parts of the tale did confuse me, but you told the story really well. technically it was strong, and the way you described the action and the two characters - with the exception of that one piece of magic (did the box melt or something? what happened to the dove?) - painted a picture. What was even better, for me, was that I did not see the ending coming, and I like it when that happens.

You followed the prompt very well, and the ending where Daphnie had stepped up to enter the spotlight, but there was now that element of doubt between them, works well.

Well done, and thanks for sharing your writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Slide to Oblivion  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary.

This is an interesting look at a potential future. The idea of AI controlling everything is a very real concern, and this really does paint a worst-case scenario, and yet leaves an element of hope at the end for those who have already chosen to live off-grid.

This, however, does not feel like a story. This is an article or op-ed piece couched in a fictionalised account of a world to come. It is pure tell, with no show, a list of things that happened to lead to this final person in NYC. It is something nowadays called creative non-fiction, and I think if this was revamped a little amongst those CN-F lines, with more through-ways of events leading to one another and reasoning behind the events happening, this could also be a powerful piece of writing.

However, two things do no ring true. First is the USA banning guns. If it hasn't happened yet, then it is not going to happen. The USA sees guns as not just a right, but a necessity, in order to keep control of a government that could go wild. As a non-USian, I cannot see a time when the States will give up their weapons. the second is closing borders. You have too much coast-line to do that effectively. Sorry, but those two elements do stand out as improbabilities.

Technically, there were some misused words (e.g. wandered for wondered, able for capable, etc.), some misspelt words (e.g. taxies, etc.) and some punctuation errors. This needs a really good edit.

So, the idea is good, but the presentation and editing, in my opinion, could do with some work. Sorry.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi!

Welcome back! I didn't even know you'd returned...

Well, I am sure I have read this story before, and probably reviewed it, and probably gave it a good rating. I know I've read it, though, and i do remembering enjoying it.

So, in that vein, let me review it again for you.

This will be brief.

Technically, great. Not a thing wrong over such a long work.

Story-wise, I really liked the narrator, Ben. As a character, he felt believable, and seemed liked a decent guy. And Laurie was an interesting one, mysterious, and then, at the end, surprising. Their interactions felt natural and they built the core of the story.

I enjoyed this tale before and I still really like it. Character creating the tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wasn't sure where this was going... and then that twist at the end. Right out of nowhere. I like being surprised like that. And, being at night, being blind would be so difficult to detect.

Technically, this was fine, not a mistake to be seen.

I can see the prompt there, but I'm not sure of your word count limitations. In that regards, it did feel muted and rushed. We have a narrator who is lying to the police, not even sure if her friend ben committed the crime or not, and we have no emotion, no doubts, just words being spoken. There is so much more scope here for really putting the element of doubt into the reader's mind before the twist.

As usual, this is one person's opinion. And it was a good tale.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of The Big Break  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This was an odd little story that could easily have been a tale of relationship. But the characters felt inconsistent. Bill was insistent, then contrite, then plotting; Chase was disbelieving, then he agreed, then he was ashamed, and yet he let it be known he'd fall for it again, despite his initial skepticism.

I'm not sure what the idea behind the story was meant to indicate as well. That Bill is a jerk and Chase is gullible? In a short story there is generally some form of growth in a character; this felt like it was going to continue, and so no character growth was evident. It was like it was the first part of a much longer work.

Technically, you need to check punctuation. It does need a good edit. Having said that, you did follow things like rules of paragraphing really well, which I don't see often enough here at WdC.

There is a good story in here, but it was delivered with some confusing elements. The fact you are writing, though, is a positive. Keep on working at it and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of Catching Cold  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi. I read this story with interest. I wasn't sure about it, but the fact I read it through three times told me that it struck a chord within me. It was a sad story with a sense of hope - though not necessarily long-lasting - at the end.

I was confused by two things: How long ago did John leave Shawna? Did he and Carol ever get together or not? That sort of felt odd. My guess was he lied about being with Carol, so he had got together with her and the break-up was recent, but not too recent. How'd I go?

So, I found the questions you had at the bottom:

Can you describe your impressions of the characters?
John felt like he was rather wishy-washy. He did not feel like he knew what he was doing, and that he just did what felt good at the time. Almost child-like.
Shawna seemed resigned to her fate. She didn't seem happy.
Carol seemed like she wanted out of everything. But she did not feel like she was in it often enough.

Does John really seem to love Shawna? If not, what do you get from him?
I don't know, but he comes across as just not wanting to be seen as the bad guy. He does come across as immature.

Should Shawna really take him back so easily?
I don't know. Their relationship felt odd. Why was she in the car with him, after they'd already broken up? It was confusing for me.

What lie does John think he should have told Shawna?
That he was not with Carol?

What does Shawna mean at the end?
That she considers Carol is the second best he would have settled for.

So, look, this story was intriguing, and technically it was strong, but there did feel like there was a lot of stuff I didn't personally understand. Still, it grabbed me.

Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I came across this on Read & Review and thought I'd give it a go.

The main thing I enjoyed about this story was the subtle way you told it - the new location, a new teacher, problems with other teachers, fitting in "again", everything. You didn't need to info-dump; it didn't need to be explicit. Well done.

Technically, there were a few punctuation issues, so this could do with a thorough edit.

I think, however, my main problem was the way the story head-hopped, from Rebecca to her mum and back and forth. I think keeping the whole thing within mum's head would have alleviated this, and given some more scope for her emotional stress to come out.

Still, a good little flash fiction piece. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Daycare  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! I found this on Read & Review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

First, I liked the way you introduced the information. In flash fiction it is tempting to info-dump, but you didn't have to because this worked from the get-go.

While I know flash fiction is very restrictive, the ending felt rushed. The last two paragraphs felt like they could have been expanded; maybe getting rid of the ice-cream snack section would have given more words for the ending?

Anyway, minor nitpick - great piece of flash fiction. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this on 'Read & Review' and found it a charming little story, giving life to the images in the old paintings, and their worries as to what would become of them.

The story makes sense and flows nicely, but it does feel like there is some emotion missing from the characters. Some concern, but only Marie gives any genuine emotion, and even then it was not huge. Surely they would have been more worried, even panicked, considering how they celebrated at the end. I think some more show of how they felt - even if painted images - would have made it feel more relatable.

Technically, it was very clean.

So, this was a strong story, but I feel it could have been even stronger.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi! Happy 1 year anniversary on WdC.

This poem I decided to review because it really did speak to me. As such. Mine was the 25th Reunion and the woman who approached me and told me she’d liked me was one I had written about as well. But I could not reconcile the person I was seeing with the girl from English class.

You have captured that so well, that feeling of change, of the fact that the past is just that, and while I had a conversation with the woman, your one line would have felt appropriate at my reunion as well.

I read poetry out loud, and on the second try I think I found the way to say and present it, and it worked well, except I kept stumbling on the length of this line:
wearing what appears to be his favorite plaid shirt from high school
It just made me want to rush.

But, really, the poem captures a feeling many of us can relate to. If not autobiographical, you have certainly tapped into an emotional font that works well.

Nicely done, and good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Her First Time  
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I know this is older, but your bio block says to review these older pieces, so here I am.

I realised the misdirection at the start, but the use of the needle threw me, so the ending was a very cool twist. This was a fun little bit of flash fiction.

Technically, I saw nothing amiss, and the dialogue felt natural with that double entendre running throughout.

My only little thing is a WdC reading thing, and that would be to separate the paragraphs a little more obviously.

But, in all, a fun read, and one I really enjoyed. Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review of What they saw  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is the sort of story that makes an impact in the little sidebars in Reader's Digest magazine or the like. As such, I am going to review it as if it was being prepared for submission to just such a magazine.

First, technically, this was fine. I could not see any errors. Nicely done.

As to the story, it felt rather diluted. The events were told in order, but that was all. It actually made the members of the convent (which would normally be nuns) come across as judgmental and not very nice people, who had to be convinced by a blind woman what they were not seeing. Where was the emotion, the chance the girl was upset, that Marilyn had to defend her? Where was the change of heart, beyond "persuaded"? This lends itself to so much more in-depth examination of prejudice and emotion.

And if Marilyn was blind, how was she getting to a convent she had not been to before on her own? That seems dangerously reckless. And how did Marilyn, who was the one telling the story, know what the girl looked like? If the convent residents told her, that was even ruder of them and really paints them in a negative light.

There is so much potential here for a sale. I feel it just needs more people-involvement.

And, from a WdC point, I'd separate the paragraphs a little better.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review of PO'd  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have come to enjoy reading your work. I did write a review for one of your pieces recently where I said it felt muted, that there was not enough of the narrator.

This little "editorial" (I'm not sure what else you could have called it) was just the opposite.

I do know this is an older piece, but the title alone made me want to have a look, and I was glad that I did.

You captured the frustrations of the act of urination when you have to hold on and then it won't come out so well. Little details like "don't try so hard" and "shivers travel up your spine" capture that feeling perfectly.

And I laughed. This was funny. The truth put in such a manner is often the best way to approach comedy, and this was spot on. Obviously, it is something around half the population can relate to, especially having to wait and wait... and then in the bathroom wait again! Then it won't start and...

You captured this amazingly.

And, technically, as with all your work, spot on.

Thank you for sharing this and for making me laugh today.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I have come to appreciate your writing recently, and so seeing you in Anniversary reviews, I was glad it gave me an excuse to read something.

And what I read was this really depressing piece. Nature being frowned upon so Earth could become completely humanocentric feels... inevitable. Doing it from the point of view of one man trying to be a rebel is a great way to present it, especially as he does not know what is going to happen after he dies. His voice is full of optimism, and yet also inevitability.

Okay, nitpick time. Why would the government who is promoting this man-made world concept allow documentaries about the hardiness of nature to exist? Why was the narrator apparently the only one affected by what he saw. It did not ring true.

But, apart from that, great story.

And happy WdC anniversary.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review of Phoenix Rising  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I know this is an older piece, but it came up on read and review, and I enjoyed it, so I thought I'd leave a quick review.

First, what a great take on the phoenix tale! Transforming it like this was really well done, and the little comment that maybe he needed to find a less public way to do this next time was a cool touch.

Technically, this was great; no errors.

My only nitpick is that Casper starts the story feeling the burden of a long life, reminiscing about how transport has changed, and yet at the end, he is happy to go through it all again, even whistling. It just did not feel like the character we are introduced to at the beginning would be like that, even though he has no choice.

Still, really good story, one I enjoyed a lot.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
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Review of Cashiered!  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Found this on "Read & Review" and, I have to say, it has been a while since not only did I not see where the story was going, but that it brought a smile to my face.

The build was well done, with a set-up that made sense, and technically, this was very clean. No errors here.

My only suggestion - and I know it's flash fiction, so word count is at a premium - would be to make Jason's sense of panic more stark, with genuine fear he was going to have to explain a joke to a cop. As it was, it almost felt like he just accepted someone would call the police.

Still, I did enjoy this; thanks for making me smile today.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
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Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was an interesting list of personal thoughts, reminiscent of the old "ruminations" website. There is some food for thought here, and many of them ring true. Of course, there were a number I do not agree with, and a few that I did not understand. But as a look into how you are/were thinking and see/saw the world, it is fascinating.

Technically, there were some errors, but I am not sure the idea of correct grammar/ punctuation was high on the list of priorities with this.

The large gaps in the dates were also interesting to note. As it was, the length was about right; it did not feel like it overstayed its welcome.

Well done, and it is always good to see something different on WdC.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review of The Weaver's Tale  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found this on Read & Review.

This is a charming little vignette, the sort of fairy tale told to encourage people to do their best work.

It is not really a story, as there is no conflict - it is just a thing that happened. A man was asked to make a tapestry, and he did. That was all. It also felt very muted; there was no emotion in it. Even in a story for young children, there should be some sort of emotional build.

Technically, this was strong. No mistakes and easy to read.

It is just that the story was just there. It did not stir anything. It just was. And there is nothing wrong with that, for the right audience. I just felt there was an opportunity for this to be so much more.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review of Who Are You?  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi. This came up as a random Read & Review, so I thought I'd give it a go.

The idea behind this is intriguing, as a mimic adopting another so completely as to become lost in them. Feels like method acting, Daniel Day Lewis in My Left Foot. Really strong concept. Could lead into a horror/thriller tale (Single White Female).

Story-wise, there was one issue to me. For the mimicry of Arielle to work as a performance, the audience would have to know everything about her, and yet she was just a bohemian artist. If she was world-famous, that would be different, but that was not how it was presented.

Technically, this was very clean. I could see no mistakes, so excellent work.

My final thing, though, is that this felt like a plan for a longer story. There was no emotion; it was all tell and no show. You have a very strong basis here for a decent-length novella. As it stands, it feels muted.

Sorry, but remember, this is one person's opinion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
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Review of I have never  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This came up on "Read & Review", so I thought I'd give it a go.

Funny little poem, using the rhyme scheme to get some of the nonsensical humour, and finishing with the cyclical verse to tie it all up.

Nonsense poetry is so difficult to write and yet make some form of sense, and you have managed that so well.

Now, I read poetry out loud, and the rhyming scheme here demanded a constant rhythm, like a song, but the variable syllable count did make it difficult to get into the swing of things. I know it is nonsense, but that element of recitation can make the difference.

Of course, this is only my opinion.

Still, fun poem!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review of Billy  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I really liked this. The Western is a genre I've dabbled in - and had published - and I always enjoy reading a good Western short.

The language was perfect for a Western story, with the right amount of tell v show, and the language I've become used to in the genre. The build of tension was also well done, and you didn't over-egg it. The knife in the hand, pinning the sixth card, was a nice touch.

My only issue was the ending felt like it dragged on a few lines too much. And bounty hunters as card sharks feels like too much. I think, personally (just my opinion), I would have mentioned the low guns - as you brought up earlier - as a "city thing", and then him leaving, as you'd already told the reader he was Billy the Kid. And the catching him asleep line is just there, as he was not killed in his sleep.

That's it, though. technically, great, story-wise a load of fun, and fits the genre perfectly.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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