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1,210 Public Reviews Given
1,433 Total Reviews Given
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176
176
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love it! This is one absolutely beautiful piece of
writing, of nature writing, of Indian lore and mythology, of the confict we all feel between/among cultures, especially those of us to speak more than one language,

Your last paragraph is priceless! It is indeed in these woven connections that we realize communications
to knowledge, imagination, intellect perhaps. And so often, when we allow others into our own space, our home, our forest, our mind, or our hear we long only for a return to our own story.

EXCELLENT JOB!

Keep Writing!
VerySara

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 

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177
177
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yeah, this is really nice! Good poem, indeed!

Which doesn't give you much constructive criticism, but the poem does not leave room for much. It does
suggest the sentience of all beings great and small, and certainly teaches that we can learn from anything, anywhere, if only we are open to the call.

I love this piece. it is what I would call a MUST
READ

Be well, and keep writing!
VerySara

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 

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178
178
Review of Oasis  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem has certainly a wonderful idea behind it, and has some very wonderful lines.

I have a few comments: In the lines "Hoping, of my own violation/It's not as empty as before." At first
I though you must mean "volition" rather than "violation" but there I realized that you are possibly speaking of orgasm as "A truly satisfied thirst" in the first stanza. Not, I'm not Dr. Ruth, but I would say that if you are thinking of the sexual act as in any way a violation, you are in trouble with
your thirst! Big trouble.

You do not mention meeting another person, and as far as I know an oasis in the desert need not contain anyone else. You explore with great caution.

I love the lines: "As I try not forcing the locks of any doors/Until I've gained the trust of the walls." That is really wonderfully good writing.

In the last stanza, I cannot tell if you are going around circles in the Oasis or in your mind, or in your heart, and if you end up back in the desert because of your lack of trust, built from being hurt,
or whether you have given up and just run into too many obstackes that you end up in the sand again. Perhaps there was never anyone there in the first place?

I hope some of this makes sense to you, and I hope that if you do review the poem any you will let me know and I will re-review it if you'd like. Since you tell us it is about relationships in your description,
I can find no other way to read it.

All best, and keep writing!
VerySara

My review has been submitted for consideration in
"Good Deeds Go Noticed" }/b}

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179
179
Review of A Desert Oasis  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (3.5)
This story has a great deal of potential, and your descriptive poewers, especially in the beginning, are
wonderful. I could just picture Lori on that couch
with that laundry and that mess. Good writing!

I have a major problem with Shawn's characterization,
however. If he comes home each night so such a mess,
and has asked Lori repeated to clean the house, I cannot for the life of me understand why he gives in to her so quickly. Obviously Lori has done this before
as you tell us. Then at the first sound of his daughter's voice "Why is Mommy crying?" Shawn gives in.
I get the feeling this guy is a reall wuss. He has
several options here. He could ask the child to get
dressed and go outdoors to play, or he could take Lori
to another room. He has to make his position more definite. More final. I get the feeling he puts himself through this nightmarish routing at least once
a week.

It's wonderful that he loves his daughter so much. But
couldn't he wisk her out of the house, and take care of
her himself? He has so many more options than to give
in to Lori that I feel really cheated in this story.
I think you need to develop Shawn's character further,
unless you mean him to be a week wuss. Is that why you have used "A Desert Oasis" as the title? Is his
wife, daughter and "home" water in the sand to him?
It's just not believable, given how miserable he is when he is in the car.

Try to revise this, and if you have to, make it longer.
Make the dramatic tension more dramatic either by his leaving and taking the daughter, or by somehow forcing Lori to clean things up. He could break the TV. The
dismissal of psychiatric treatment is too flip also.

I know I sound like I thing this story's terrible and I don't. I think you have a great idea here, but that first of all, you should bring the reader into the action, and that the dramatic tension needs to be set up and resolved in a more mature manner.

Think about it, please. If you decide to do some more
work on this, let me know, and I will re-review, if you
wish.

Be well, and write!
VerySara

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 

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180
180
Review of Bethlehem  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent poem. I do not believe there is one word or one letter out of place, and I do not think that I could add anything to possible make it
better,

This is a MUST READ

All Best,
VerySara
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181
181
Review of Poetry  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an honest and really quite beautiful way to
describe the essence of poetry, and how it effects one's life, and the really touching depth of love expressed in the final stanza, I take to show the poets' intensity of feeling for the non-materialistic
things of life. "Fortunate fraility" is a lovely phrase
as are the last three lines.

Congratulations. Good job!

All best,
VerySara
182
182
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is quite a provocative little poem, cleverly composed; the question that is asks is quite answerable for me, for for others, I wonder, My position on America's policies, both foreign and domestic is not a plesant one now, as it was in the long long ago. I take the "sunshine patriot" to be the one who is there for the country when all goes well, but when war comes and winter sets it, departs.
Despite intepretation, I like the poem. It makes the
reader think.

VerySara

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183
183
Review of Epilogue  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful poem. I love when a poem says so
much is so few words. This deserves its awardicon!

Good Write
184
184
Review by VerySara
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
You have some fine lines here, particularly in the
second stanza. At first I thought you must have seen
a an exhibition of Chagall, but then decided it is something more modern.

The last two lines of the poem are great! I am sorry I
don't feel that the poem has earned them. I find, for me, that the transition from the first to the second stanzas is not made smoothly, with only the color of the moon (which is usually white rather than yellow)
in common.

As you know this is but one opinion of many, and you have many others. In the end, it is YOUR poem.

All best,
VerySara

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185
185
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
As did the Man With the Blue Guitar, and as did Picasso, eventually. This has always been one of my
favorite of his early paintings.

Your poem is excellent. The rhyme is just sparse enough to seem to match the painting, and the joy and
the sorrow that is seen in the painting and the man in
the painting.

Good Job!

VerySara
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186
186
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
That is some window you have there, my friend. It must have a fish-eye telescopic time-travel lens or
glass in it to see this all in one viewing. I have,
in my little life, been able to travel more than most and less than some, but the only thing I can compare this with is being on the 9th floor of a hotel in Casablanca, Morocco and looking down at the crowd below for the first time. At first it was a blur of
faces and people and slowly, slowly it began to change into a texture of emotions, faces, personalities, and
"threads" as you so aptly term them. It happened to
me once in New York City also, when I was up high in hotel at the North End of Central Park, only the faces were more familiar to me as America is my native country.

You move quite descriptively and quickly through these
images, emotions, and threads, and I am sure it has taken you years of learning and seeing to be able to do this. This is not the writing of a young person in a foreign land for the first time.

You may call this an allegory. a view into the (you spelled it teh - typo but since it's in the title entry you probably should fix it) structure of creation. This is, of course, a very spiritual way of
looking at this melange before you; I could say it is a tapestry of life. Either way, it is spiritual, highly, in nature, and only someone with a deeply spiritual nature would see these conections, I think;
I myself would say that it would be someone well versed in Buddhism or one of the Eastern religions where everything is One and every deed or action has an effect on every other deed or action, and all peoples are connected through grace, through sorrow, through loss, through whatever force or power one chooses to call that mighty cohesion that appears to be
in the entire universe.

I know I'm going a little off of the subject here, and
a little beyond the scope of a "review," but your fine
article has brought all of this out in me. Theology and philosophy and favorite subjects of mine (I majored in philosophy in undergraduate school), and I love to talk and/or write about them. I see you have included "mythological" in your categorization of this piece and I find that fascinating. It must be that you feel (dare I say realize?) that there is no one set way of looking at who we are, how we got here, etc., and I am sure you realize how blessed you are to be able to write a piece such as this and to see these cross "threads" present in the great tapestry that we
call our world.

I apologize for going on and on here, but as I said,
this piece has brought out certain of my beliefs and affinities with what you have written and I am appreciative of that, and in turn wish to share.
All best to you, you wife and children. Please, keep
writing!

VerySara
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187
187
Review of Oh Night  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is one beautiful poem. Thank you for writing it,
and for sharing it with us here at Writing.com. It is
a pleasure to read. It left me feeling so peaceful, so
hopeful, so grounded, so inspired. Thanks.

Be well,
VerySara

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188
188
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
How sad. You are correct...it is one of the saddest days in a pet owner's life. I have always owned and
loved animals, and had them in all colors and sizes,
genus and species. Your poem moved my heart also.

You stay with your rhyme scheme and meter throughout the poem. As sad as it may be, it is also good.

All best,
VerySara
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189
189
Review of Seducing the Wind  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love it. Your writing is very good, and your characterization also. You had me convinced she was
a goner. Assume this is the beginning of a longer
piece of work. If not, it could stand alone. Some
people like ambiguity; others do not.

My favorite part is the paragraph beginning "The sea rose up behind her." You have some very compelling imagery in here!

If this indeed is a "Prologue" for a long story, novella or book, you have done a good job setting things up. I shall await the next installment!

Be well, and write"
VerySara

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Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is absolutely adorable! Were you, or are you,
a philosophy major? I was, so it is even more enjoyable. It's really very clever. I am not happy with the last two lines, though. "I believe I am
relying on consensus" is okay, although probably not
true because you are speaking in metaphor or poetry and the little girl is speaking in cold, hard, unfeeling science. There has to be a better way to this..."I am relying on the senses/and you on some
duality?" pooality? -- it's really good.

Be well, and write!
VerySara
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191
191
Review of Sinful Christmas  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
GOod poem. Clever. I like it. I wonder why you did
not write the last line "and on Christmas night, rights
me." It's you poem. however, and you did a really
good job.

Congratulations!

Be well, and keep writing!
VerySara
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192
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Review of Last Caress  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a serious love poem in free verse, and it is
very effective. I went "gulp" when I read the last line.

What I Like About This Poem

I like the free flow of the words down the page. I like that you shed a tear, that she woke up smiling, and that "we loved one more time". It is lovely.

What I Don't Like About This Poem

I'm not sure I like the word "desparation." It lends
a frenzied nature to the love-making, but why does it
have to be desparate? Is he running from the law? The situation sounds frantic. I don't mind the ambiguity of the reader's not knowing the details, but
even if he has to catch a plane, it seems there would be time.

Overall

Overall, this is a good poem about two lovers parting under some desparate circumstances. The simplicity of the poetry is a nice contrast to the complications presented in the poem, and you are good at doing this from the little I have read of your work.

Good poem!
Be well, and keep writing!

VerySara
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193
193
Review of The Bunny  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem leaves me with a curious sadness, I'll to explain better what I mean.

What I Liked About This Poem

I liked the free verse style (a favorite of mine) and here the free verse and the spacing of the words adds
a lightness to the sadness that is ultimately at the
basis of the poem. I like the ambiguity present in the poem -- the reader does not know if the bedmate is
out of town, dead, or has simply left. We do know that
he/she loved her bunny.

What I Don't Like About This Poem

Not much, really. It's a sad poem, but not too sad. And it's a light, almost cheery poem, but not overly so.

Overall

I think you have done a good job here. If I absolutely had to make a suggestion for change, which I
don't, I'd suggest you but the "Very Cold" closer to the "I felt cold" but I am not sure that would make the
poem "better" You did a good job here!

VerySara

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Review of Love Steps away  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
There is a great deal of feeling in this poem, and
the ending is quite sad. You have a talent for telling an entire story in a few words, and I hope that you will continue writing, and posting your work here on Writing.com. You have good potential!

All best,
VerySAra
195
195
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this poem. I like the imagery; I like the repetition of certain lines, "he rode, he rode" especially. They work very well here. I see that you wrote this quite a while ago, and revised it recently.
I would have loved to have seen the first draft.
Also, I got the feeling of the Revolutionary War, or the Civil War, I wasn't sure. The last stanza brings
a beautiful, albeit sad, ending to the poem.

Good job here!
Be well, and keep writing!
VerySara
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196
196
Review of Armed Vision  
Review by VerySara
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a good satirical piece, with a great deal of
truth in it. I've been out of college for a while,
but you took me right back to my Freshman rushing days,
and the year it took me to realize I wanted nothing to do with that life and the people who wanted that life.
Your last paragraph is ambiguously wonderful!

A few things:
Second line, second part: " I've used Nair and smelling like a lemming. er,..." "er?" -- I'm not sure it this should be omitted or if you mean another word.

In the next line the last word "shaw" is, I think, "shawl."

Those were the main two that I caught. Again, the ending is really quite good. It is one mark of a good writer to draw the reader in, and you managed to do that with this reader. As I said, I went right back to my Freshman year.

Be well, and write!
VerySara

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Review of 'Dante Alighieri'  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (4.5)
Written like a true man of the sea!
I am becoming a true fan of your work. Each poem or
piece I read is better and better.

This poem left me with an overall sense of adventure in the hands of people who knew what they were doing with the ship, and were up to anything that might happen. Bring it on!

I love the lines "...storm swetpt tides/pushed and shoved by moons of discontent". Lovely.

You must be a sailor who really loves to sai. I like
on the Florida coast, and your poem makes me want to see who I know in the Marina!

GOOD JOB
VerySara
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Review of To Dance the Wind  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sweet piece, and quite beautiful in its fantasy, and in its reality. I love it!
One small thing: third paragraph from the end, do you
mean "I moved in unknown 'patters'" or patterns? I have the feeling you meant what you wrote, because earlier your use of the word "crevasse" sent me to my dictionary, and indeed, you were correct.
I see this was written some years ago. I am just now
finding it. IMO, it is a GREAT WRITE! A pleasure to read!

Be well, and keep writing?
VerySara
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Review of Trying  
Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful poem. You have introduced me to yet another form of poetry, and I love to learn! But this poem itself strikes be as ingenious.

Congratulations on the poem, and the prize!!

All best.
VerySara

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Review by VerySara
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good poll, but I think the percentages were predictable, don't you?

VerySara
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