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101
101
Review of The Coming Storm  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Summoning the storm is none other than the familiar evil, the serpent.
Poet's imagination takes us all the way to the Garden of Eden and the serpent that despoiled its peace and glory.

Hi Pepper!
I am Jaya reviewing this allegorical poem for your WDC Account Anniversary. Congratulations on this cheerful occasion! *Cake2*

Have a wonderful day!

What I like-

The imagery which makes me believe it.
The gathering storm on the horizon.
Its quality of damaging stability and safety.

The figures of speech you used.
" Cold and envious, his anger seethes," (Personification)

"Their soft pink petals
basking in the orange glow of the moonlight --(visual imagery)

The comparisons that brought in the Serpent.

It flows well.

Write on!
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102
102
Review of Pluming  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is the way my plumbing bill went up too.

Hello Vanishing Vapor !
This review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this cheerful occasion. *CakeB*
Have a delightful day!

Indeed, plumbing is an important part of house construction.
Like the elements that take care of life, the skilled personnel see to the long life of a house. Antiquity and environment seem to weaken houses, at least in my part of the world.

“weak pressure
crawl space flood”

Onomatopoeia helps me see the damage to pipes and the purse as well.
You are right.
Nothing much to do except
“watch
wait
wonder”

It could truly be a testing time when it happens with guests at home.

Reality is reflected in telling imagery.

Write on!
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103
103
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi lucasfitzmorris !

this is truly a captivating story.
I loved the narrative style and the first person point of view.

My review here is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on entering a new year of creativity at the WDC. *Cake*
Have a delightful day!

Here is the gentleman lost down in the memory lane even as he went fishing.
This is one way of rediscovering the pleasures and pains of past, which certainly plays a pivotal role in our present and future. Isn't man a summation of all the three phases of life?

The decision to let the big fish go is clearly an indication of change of heart. He was able to relate with it with regard to age and experience.

I can see that fishing is good for mind and spirit.
"They seemed to share a moment of understanding and of respect as she was lowered into the water."

The end seems to show the gift for an act of kindness loud and clear in the return of his long lost son's family back to the fold.

Write on!
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104
104
Review of Fade Into Memory  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Lostwordsmith !

This poem sounds like a tribute to winter beauty. Each season has its own merits of glory.

I am lucky to have chosen this poem that won accolades to review for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you step into a new year at the WDC welcoming more works of creativity. *Cake*.
Have a wonderful day!

Winter goes against your "expectations". Glad it did so. The coolness in the January snow, the joy of spring, the rainy skies of July, the clear blue of summer skies; the list of nature's charms is endless.

You have a perfect eye of appreciation as I could glean from the poem.
"No melancholy, only contentment,"

Free style poem flows with true to life imagery.

Write on!
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105
105
Review of Momentums  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you so much for three definitions of the word “momentum”.
It’s great to maintain momentum in reaching goals.
I have different goals needing momentum. Some slow, some rapid.

I found out by experience how tough it is to keep the progress undisturbed.

I try to maintain the progressive nature of work both domestic and in work outside of it.

Sometimes, procrastination intercepts my momentum. I need to put in double effort to bring it back to my normal speed.

I realise we need to be disciplined to maintain momentum.

These are my observations.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!*Cake2*

Write on!
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106
106
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I would call them perfect things of contentment.
I spotted this poem of things of beauty in "Random Scribblings." Lucky to have found a kindred soul.

Hi Thea, I am Jaya, reviewing this lovely poem for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you open a brand new page of creative writing. *CakeB*
Have a lovely day.

Books, pens and people colour your choices, your favourite things.

I am impressed that you have wrapped up an entire life of joy in this free style poem.

"Big Mom, Aunt Minnie, Aunt Mae" make it even more interesting and set me thinking of your warmth towards them.

I will add new books with a delightful scent of their own to (my) list.

It flows well.

Write on!
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107
107
Review of Her Dimples..!!!  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The little girl's love for mom is depicted with great imagery.

Hi Nine! this review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you start a new year at the WDC.*Cake*
Have a lovely day!

The infant is described so well that her sweetness reaches out. The spark divinity is so tangible in her angelic face.
"Captured the moment when tears met the smile.!"

Her bond of affection to her mother dear is something that never fades, loving her forever.

Human beings are so lucky that they have a mother to bless them and take care of them till the end.

It flows well.

Write on!
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108
108
Review of Stars  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the way she found out the long awaited answer to a question on her mind.

This boy seems more knowledgeable than the others, who couldn't help her understand the stars.

I am impressed by the fact that we rediscover here, namely, the stars are forever, lasting for eons.
" “I think they mean forever. I think they mean lasting longer than we are alive. Shining out like that. Like they want to be seen.” "

Come to think of it, I do see the glitter and twinkle of a star that lend company for countless lonely people, anew.

Language and style are a true draw besides the meaningful message.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake*

Write on!
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109
109
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Old Hull wears a historic grace, catches the eye of the viewer during the pale sunset.
The colours captivate. Only nature can do that. I can imagine the quiet streets and the silent stores.
"Huddle" shows their close proximity to each other. The feeling of looking at an old town is successfully conveyed.

As opposed to the small stores, comes the looming tower against the same horizon. A visually impressive description comes through clearly.

And then we go back to the sky, where started the tale of Old Hull, now smeared in color, apricot.

We get a taste of "muted" history.

Wonderful verse, free and flowing well.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!

Write on!
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110
110
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi elephantsealer !

I found this short and sweet verse in your port. I am glad to have come across it.

My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this cheerful occasion. *Cake*
Have a lovely day!

My first reaction on reading this poem is " what a precise rhythm!"
You see, we don't all get it that smoothly or spontaneously.

In crisply flowing lines, you gave me taste of dreams, love and the vital things that comprise life.
"Of love that's deep, divine
Of life with hope within"

Its impact is even better if one recites it.

Write on!
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111
111
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I find this article on environment pollution quite informative.

My review of this essay is for your WDC Account Anniversary.

Congratulations as you step on to a new creative year at the WDC.*Cake*

Have a great day!

It seems we are living in a dangerous situation. The kinds of pollution, you mentioned are very much present everywhere.

Every country suffers from environmental hazards. No wonder we have various diseases born out of filthy atmosphere. It is a global threat and everyone of the nations and their citizens must become aware of the dangers pollution of various kinds and change their pattern of life accordingly.

A suggestion if it is ok with you.

You told us about the various types of environmental pollution. The danger is clear and present.

I only suggest give us some measures to counter this threat to life and health.

Many of us will benefit if we know how to take suitable measures to keep our environment clean and healthy.

Thank you.

Write on!
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112
112
Review of "Come with Me"  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A wonderful descriptive piece.
Her beauty unfurls with each sentence.
Picture perfect beauty, who invites the author (perhaps) to share the blessings of life.
Dream girl comes to life.

Imagery is visual and I can see her before my mind's eye.


Edit-

"You're heart, stolen by the smile."
(Your heart, stolen by the smile.)

"... lips glistening with the sun."
( lips glistening in the sun.)

Just my thoughts.

Write on!
The colorful glory of sunrise.


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113
113
Review of THIS PLACE  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The use of personification is done quite appealingly.

A mental condition where the victim is a sudden prey to the hovering enemy is described figuratively.
"He lurks & waits to consume & Play ."

A few edits regarding language and spelling.

"vast & open"
(vast and open
please use "and" in place of its abbreviated version,&)

"THIS desolate place dark & frigid ."
(This desolate place is dark and frigid.)

"THEIR END IS THEIR NEW BEGINNING CEASING NEVER TO AGAIN BE FREE DAMNED IS HE & NOW SO THEY."
(THEIR END IS THEIR NEW BEGINNING. CEASING NEVER Again TO BE FREE. DAMNED IS HE and SO are THEY.)

Doubt-

Is the use of capitals for highlighting your thoughts?

Spelling-
"HE LYES IN WAIT...."
(HE LiES IN WAIT...
lie and lye have different meanings.

Write on!
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114
114
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

this article on wellness under pressure is great.

I found this in your port and I am happy I read it to understand the hidden facts of thyroid problems.

I am reviewing this article for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on this cheerful occasion. *Cake*
Have a happy day!

The people I know, who suffer from hyper or lower thyroid activity are victims of many problems springing from it.

Your advice regarding the kind of doctor that offers encouraging remarks is very valuable.

I admire the way you have researched the field of thyroid disfunction and the way to monitor it before things go out of our hand.

Thank you for a great write up.

Language and style are outstanding.

Write on!
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115
115
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

You spoke of colonization and the enforcement of a foreign culture on the native population.

Then you talk of mushrooms flourishing even before algae and moss.

My thoughts-

The topic of this article is not one, but several.

Edits-

1." Mushrooms were before everyhing I dont know how they were the first ones to florish in an barren earth but they did.'

( Mushrooms were before everything. I don't know how they were the first ones to flourish in a barren earth but they did.)

2."I see them as mighty beings who paved the way to all life on earth,
now they are just seen as gross,ugly and disgusting which does not do them any justice. Since the early ages colonies of cavemen / tribes used mushrooms in rituals wich means they valued them greatly seen as they used them in rituals and depictions. How did the reputation of the mushroom fell like this is astonishing but I blame colonization and people colonizing other communites whilst inforcing their own bliefs and rules, completely trashing their culture and everthing they belive in. Thus they shun and neglect the very thing that made them be in the first place:Mushrooms.

(I see them as mighty beings, who paved the way to all life on earth.
Now they are just seen as gross, ugly and disgusting which does not do them any justice. Since early ages, colonies of cavemen / tribes used mushrooms in rituals, which means they valued them greatly. They used them in rituals and depictions.

How did the reputation of the mushroom fall like this is astonishing. But I blame colonization and people colonizing other communities, whilst enforcing their own beliefs and rules, completely trashing their culture and everything they believed in.

Thus they shun and neglect the very thing that made them be in the first place: Mushrooms)

Hope you will find the edits useful.


Write on!
Glorious and Joyful


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116
116
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your narration is interesting.
Language and style are outstanding.
The character of the samurai is arresting.
Description of his momentous acts of bravery catch the reader's attention.

My thoughts and suggestions if you like.

Give me a physical picture of the Samurai.

A little family background of the samurai helps me in understanding his longing for the sword.

Who was his master? His father?

Create some dialog.

Show his mettle.

An example or two showing him in action would be impressive and interesting to the reader.

In other words add more flesh to the story.

Write on!
Glorious and Joyful



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117
117
Review of Dear Whoever,  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the way you say, "I feel fine" despite going through trying times. Few would keep such brave front.

Hello, I am Jaya and I am reviewing this well-written poem for your WDC Account Anniversary!
Congratulations and have a lovely day! *Cake*

You depicted life in vivid word pictures.

"I paint this picture upon this page
But the words are fading as they age"

Everyone passes through some difficult patches in life. While some succumb to such circumstances beyond strength, some survive all of them and rise from the thorns of life.
You obviously, belong to the second type of humanity.

My only suggestion is,

separate the rhyming couplets.
That will certainly make the poem more appealing.

It flows well with appropriate word choices and line endings.

Write on!
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118
118
Review of In the devils way  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

in this poem, faith is voiced well, a bit different from the usual way.

I am reviewing this short but strong verse for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations! *Cake*

Have a wonderful day.

The devil is given the task of getting the believer out of the safe net of the Savior. Wow! what a thought!

It is a foregone conclusion that evil cannot separate the devotee from God.

Imagery is visual and the flow is fine too.


Just a few edits if you are okay with them.

"The devil he dont want me here, guess Im in his way."

(The devil, he won't want me here, guess I'm in his way.)


"Saviors name."

(Savior's name.)

" have fell on fertile ground."
( have fallen on fertile ground.
or fell on the fertile ground)

"I really dont know just what it is, but he cant bring me down.'

(I really don't know just what it is, but he can't bring me down.)

"Im strapped in the good Lords armor, that gives the devil fits,"

(I'm strapped in the good Lord's armor, that gives the devil fits,)

With best wishes,

Write on!
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119
119
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A well written piece on the cruelty of war. War makes people insensitive and coldly detached.

The brother, who fell to the enemy's bullets could not be picked up till the next day. He was dead to the world on a cold earth.

Even nature wears a hostile weather with snow covering the land and it becomes difficult to identify and bring home the dead folk.

We can see numberless deaths around, still the war goes on.

Aren't we just a bunch of sinners, each contributing to our punishment in hell.

Edit-
"respected sides"
(respective sides)

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary! *Cake*

Write on!
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120
120
Review of Eternal  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

there is a new angle to this ghost story. I can't call her a ghost either because she behaved with goodness. Calling her a good soul might be more appropriate.

I notice she word black and not white.
Could there be reason for this attire?

Here she comes walking on the cloudy path from the moon to give a floral tribute to her recently passed lover.

It is a lovely thought, showing a heavenly gesture from a dead soul.

The first line is truly a hook.

"The lady in black stepped through the mist and appeared in the cemetery."

My thoughts and a doubt-

It is sensible that she has no conversation with her erstwhile lover. Yet, she came down to place a rose on his grave. There is human emotion attached to this gesture. She even gave a kiss to his headstone.

So what stops her from acknowledging his soul, which just rose from his grave?
They could have gone together into the night through the mist.



The above are just my thought.

Language and style are above the top.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!*Cake*


Write on!
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121
121
Review of Horse Land  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The thrill of riding a white horse is well shown. However, with a few changes, this story will look more appealing.

Edit-

"Well can I pett him?"
(Well can I pet him?)

"Her eyes filled with tears with happiness."
(Her eyes filled with tears of happiness.)

"" Butiful name sweetie! ""

( " Beautiful name sweetie! ")

Suggestions-

Please divide the story into paragraphs.

Double spacing between conversations is important.
It gives clarity and the reader finds it appealing too.

Please check your punctuation too. Insert commas where necessary.

Write on!
kids at play



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122
122
Review of change  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have several good points about the main topic. Yes, change is vital for progress. No wonder they say, change is the law of life.

Here are a few edits if you like-

"So many people think this but now I will tell you what I think."
(So many people think like this. But now I will tell you what I think.)
Split a long sentence for more clarity.

"man kind."
(mankind)

"Without change we would go basically insane and no I don't mean what you think I mean insane means when you do something over and over again expecting a different result except without change it would always be the same and we're all basically going insane at that point."

The above one too long a sentence in which meaning is lost. Please split it into more sentences.

"your hole life."
(your whole life.)

Your last sentence has logic. But it got lost due to the length of the sentence. Writing needs more clarity.

Punctuation-
Comma and period should me inserted where necessary.

Please divide the whole essay into paragraphs, each with a point of its own.

Write on!
kids at play



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123
123
Review of Mountain Scene  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Diana's reverie is absorbing as I read through the story.

It is certainly like fairy tale romance that continues to be so as she went ahead to join Jared and her little son.

The flames and the tragic deaths are quite sudden and all good things came to a sudden end leaving her caught in the gyres of tragedy.

I enjoyed the narration.

My only doubt is about the flames, which she saw.

You said.
"...saw flames that stretched toward the base of heaven itself."

If the flames are that high, there must be smoke emanating from them and spreading around and down the hill as well.
But we don't see a spec of it as she drove up the hill, neither do we hear the sound of two explosions.

Also, it is odd that no other houses are mentioned besides this one lonely one.

These are just my thoughts not meant to offend.

Have a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary!

Write on!
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124
124
Review of The Contact  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This mini monologue, which is about contacting a girl, needs revision.

My suggestion is absolute focus on grammar.

" when we had given the project a..."

( when we had been given the project ...
or when we were given the project ...)

" girl which I had crush on was on my team."
( girl, who I had a crush on was on my team.)
Who for persons and which for things.

There are places, where small case i is used instead of capital I.

With necessary edits in place, this piece of prose will look better.

Write on!
kids at play






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125
125
Review of Hank's Flower  
Review by jaya
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Winchester Jones,

I saw this short story in your port and I am reviewing it for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations as you register one more year at the WDC, for more creative writing.
Have a lovely day!

The little girl Janey Jane's character shows a warm and affectionate heart. she is kind and concerned about the flower getting drenched in the incessant rain.

" “Hank's flower” "
has a story of its own.

You did a great job regarding the sudden change in weather from " Blue became gray."

You have described events in a way that can be visualized.

My doubt-

I wonder if the use of "fat" regarding the description of rain drops is appropriate.

"...hum of raindrops, loud and fat and steady,.."
As you listen to the rain, the sound effect could be loud and steady.
The use of "fat" suggests you are looking at it, which is not the case here.


It is just a thought.

Also,
"When the rain began sounding like fingernails against her bedroom window.."
"fingernails" suggest a scratchy sound like the brushing of a branch against window. I wonder if rain could do that on the window.

Just a thought.

Write on!
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