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This is my blog. I just went through a divorce; it was the worst thing that has yet to happen to me. This is me dealing with it and life. It's my blog; I write about what I want. I hope you enjoy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above was me about three years ago. It is the most up to date digital photo I have.
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I wrote an ending for my story. I took David McClain   's advice, and I just wrote. I came to an ending that I really like. I don't know how well it works with the story. I like it, but I understand what I am trying to say. Anyways, I have finished it. The first draft has finally ended. Word count: 3,400 words.Now, I have moved on to the revision process. I had a goal of cutting out four hundred words to really tighten the story. I read some author's blog who said he tries to cut out 10% of his word count. He said that 10% of a first draft is usually unnecessary. However, instead of cutting it down by 10%, I added three hundred more words. At the end of the first revision, word count is 3,714. The goal for the second round of editing is to subtract 400 words. This is very hard because I love every word in that. I have slaved over whether walked is better than followed or skipped or ran. I added in a nod to my Grandmother with regards to her famous canned tomatoes. However, I am not sure that the canned tomatoes add anything to the story. As a matter of fact, I think it throws in a question. Why canned tomatoes? I have such a hard time getting rid of words. I love them; they are my intellectual babies. But some are just not necessary for a story. I was told in my first submitted story to tighten my words. I was advised that my stories needed to be more concise to be more powerful. When you are talking about your divorce, going into detail about the pattern on the china you bought together doesn't add to the story. That is unless the pattern can substitute as a visual for their communication patterns. This is what my professor has been trying to convey to me. It is hard for me, though. I like twenty words where four will do. Unfortunately, readers don't. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| When I first began to write, I could come up with good beginnings and good endings. I would get stuck in the middle. I couldn't find my way from Point A to Point B. It's kind of like trying to drive from New York to L.A. but somehow ending up in Florida with the car somehow in Canada. On my latest story, I have a beginning and a middle, but there is no end. No, I am not going on and on, it just drops off. Now, I can drive from New York to L.A., but I pass by Los Angeles and am headed toward the ocean with no brakes. I will definitely be asking my professor how to deal with this. Does anyone else deal with this? Does anyone have any suggestions for figuring out a finish? I will keep writing until I figure something out. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, I am doing reading for my fiction class. I am trying to finish my second story for class. I am going with something besides "Boys Night Out." I just think that I have a better shot with this other story. It is amazing because this story just comes to me. It just unfolds in my mind. I have reworked it a couple times. I think I need at least another week to finish it. This week in class we are to give the professor our deadline for the second story. I am working so hard to put this together. I love this class; I love learning about writing. It is a fascinating process because it is so completely different for each person. However, I don't think the majority of my class take it seriously. Some are taking it as easy credit to help graduate. Some are taking it so they can say they are writers. Essentially, they are poseurs. They care more about the perception of being an artist. Then, there is me. I am there to write, to go the through grueling, humiliating process of admitting that I am not good yet. To be good, I have to work more. I have to write more. Practice and reading are the only ways that I can improve my writing. The workshop environment also helps tremendously, but without writing or reading, the workshop is useless. I know that I have hit a wall on my own. The only way to improve is through instruction and group revision. Next semester, I will be taking the fiction writing seminar. I am hoping that there will be more people like me, interested in improving their writing. People who take writing serious like this forum does. If so, I will improve by leaps and bounds over the little improvements that I have already made. I am going to talk to my professor about the MFA program to determine why he believes that I need to wait. I want to jump in and start working with people who are committed to writing. If the next class has at least one other person committed to writing, I will be so happy. I find that the more I commit myself to writing, the more joy I get out of it. The more fun I have writing then elicits more committment, also. It is a strange feedback loop that I am really enjoying. I almost wish that I had started doing this earlier, but I am not sure that I was ready for this until now. Hell, I'm not sure I am ready for it, now. But, I'm going to enjoy it while I can. So, back to work for me before it's back to writing, tonight. Have a good day everyone. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Last night, I finally read Lou Anders blog (link to the left, there) on cover artwork on books. Lou is the editorial director of the Pyr book line. It is a science fiction publisher. He has two entries on cover artwork. Both posts are interesting reads, and the cover artwork has taken off a little in the Sci Fi/Fantasy genre. It looks more adult, and it says, "Hey, we're proud we're Sci Fi." This article interested me because I do buy books based on their covers. I know, I know. It isn't a good thing, but well, if the cover looks cool, I will pick it up and read what the book is about. The most famous book I bought this way would be Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson. (http://www.amazon.com/Snow-Falling-Cedars-David-Guterson/dp/067976402X/ref=pd_bb...) It is famous (to me) because I loved this book. My family who I shared the book with did not like near as much as I did. The question came out, "Did you just buy the book based on the cover?" To which I sheepishly replied, "Maybe." The Sci Fi/Fantasy genre has a ton of really good covers out there now. A lot of them are coming from Mr. Ander's line Pyr. So, I am sometimes shallow and pick up books based on their covers. Most times it works, but sometimes, the book is just terrible. * * * My professor is in love with Gabriel Garcia Marquez. If I ever get through my pile of to-be-read books, I plan to add Love in the Time of Cholera. If I get the MFA program, one of the classes is MFA reading. You can read either novels or short stories. One Hundred Years of Solitude is another Marquez book that I would like to read; it is on the MFA novel reading list. My professor has got me intrigued. So, I saw the movie ad come out for Love in the Time of Cholera came out. Usually, I like to read the book first before I see the movie. I want to picture it in my mind before I see someone else's interpretation. But I think it is a good thing this movie is coming out. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| This morning, I went to shelter management training provided by the Red Cross. So, if disaster hits St. Louis and/or the surrounding area, I have training to help get people into a shelter. But it was more than just that, too. It was a look at all the things that go on at a shelter during a disaster. It was an interesting look into preparations for disaster. We, humans, are just amazing things. We are capable of so much kindness as well as so much horror. The good thing was that everyone at training this morning was a volunteer. Eight people gave up their Saturday morning to learn how to help people. It's kind of an amazing thing. * * * I had started a new story for class. "Invalid Item"  isn't sitting right with me, but it is a finished story if I need it. Well, my new story had the potential to be good. I hadn't saved it anywhere but my work computer. I wrote it during lunches. And, of course, my work computer decided to quit on me. I lost it completely. My backup software wasn't working, and it caused my crash. Oh well, I started it again, and I have it saved out there on the internet somewhere. So, remember back up your stories. Make sure they are accessible if your computer goes down.  * * * Finally, the answer to everything is 42. If you don't believe me, check out Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. This civilization creates Deep Blue, a computer who's job is to figure out the answer to the big question of life. The answer is 42! Hope you all have a 42 day. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| So, I started this blog May 10th of this year. Looking back, I have used this as a vehicle to purge myself of my past and my ghosts. I have dealt and said some things that I never really intended. I have admitted to fears and failures in my life that I have ignored, hidden and even lied about saying, feeling or committing. It has been hard and painful, even a little boring. I still have troubles, and they are the same troubles that I have had in the past. I know what they are, though. I am working on them. What is it about the blog that pulls this stuff from me? I can write about it, and put it out there for anyone to see. But some of the stuff I have posted on here I couldn't even tell my own wife. What is it? Is it the distance? The fact that I don't have to see my confessor? Or is it simply that I communicate better through the written word rather than the spoken? Whatever it is, my life has changed. I see things differently, and I have faced some things that I want for myself. If you go back to my first entry almost six months ago, you will see that I wanted this post-divorce life to be an adventure. It has been. I haven't been to yoga classes, again. I have signed up and pursued creative writing. I have met some interesting folks, and I have made some new friends. WDC has become a comforting place. Instead of finding comfort in a bottle of gin, I have found comfort in the blogs of strangers. I genuinely love reading the blogs to the left there. I wish that I had more time to just dedicate to those people. It is a great learning experience for me, and I feel like some voyeur who has no chance of getting caught. I try, daily, to read each post there, but I can't fit you all in all of the time. This makes me feel bad because each of those links is an interesting person with something offer me. A smile, a good story, an insight into what it means to be a person struggling to make it in this world and a feeling of not being alone in a world that doesn't care. This is really hard for me to come to grips with. How do we connect with someone over the internet this way? How do friendships form simply through text? I don't know, but I am glad they have. Thanks for all the support and the great times. WDC has been my lifeline to sanity during the storm of the divorce. This is funny because this lifeline to sanity has spawned a congressional run by my cat, I have earned my big boy pants after a raid from the naughty gals of bloggville, and I made people laugh by explaining my fear of getting a sense of humor. What a wild ride this has been! Unfortunately for you all, I have renewed my membership for another three months. That's right, you will have to put up with me for just that much longer. What will the next three months entail? Well, here's a preview: - The final papers are going to be signed before 12/31! So, I will be divorced. - Christmas shopping for relatives - Adventures with pumpkin beer (not as fun as it sounds) - Attempts to put comedy and fun back in my blog - The final stages of my immortality elixir - My further battles with Superman for Lois Lane's hand in marriage - My list of things that I look for in a woman (Yes, not being a man in drag is on there.) - The final preview will be the answer to the big question. (It is 42.) Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, last night, we had another exciting writing class. The class had fun with a story that one guy turned in. He didn't carry the story enough. Again, if you have to follow your story around and explain what you meant, you didn't do a good job. The professor got made at the class because he felt we are wasting his time. Most of the class is wasting his time. Granted, he is getting paid for it, but the majority of the class are there just to take a class or just to see what people think of their writing. That is fine, but some of us are there to learn. Anyways, that is a tangent that is best left alone. I spoke with my professor about the MFA program at the other college. He has worked with it in the past, and he thinks it is a better writing program. However, he thinks that I should take the time to refine my stories. He thinks that I should take the fiction writing workshop next semester with a different professor, and then in the fall take the writing workshop with him. Then, I can snag two good recommendation letters for the MFA program. However, the program does not need recommendation letters. But you have submit 30 - 40 pages of work (roughly, 2 - 3 short stories). He indicated that the stories should be almost publishable. On the publishable scale, I am approaching Nowhere Close to Publishable, so I have a lot of work to do before I get to Almost Publishable. So, I am stuck with a dilemma. Do I apply, or do I wait? If I apply and get accepted, that's great. I don't want to burn bridges with the current prof, but I want to do this. If I don't get accepted, then I try again after the seminars. The deadline for application is February 15th. So, I am going to take stock of my situation. I am more than likely, going to apply and hopefully, get accepted. Since my program wouldn't start until next fall, I will be taking the workshop class next semester anyways. The professor asked me why I wanted an MFA. He said you already have a degree and a job. I told him that I wanted the MFA for the workshopping and learning. I know that I will never make money writing, but I still want to write. The MFA program will help with that. It's a resource that I have available to me for very low cost (gas, parking, etc.) in an area of life that I love. I am so lucky to be able to take advantage of this. I don't know what I was worrying about yesterday. I think that worry came from fear of actually being bad at something. I hate being bad at anything, and this MFA possibility excites me, but I am scared of failing at it. I am scared of being called a bad writer. But I only write for myself. Publishing would be a bonus, but it isn't necessary. So, if I write for me, how can I fail? I don't know, but I am still scared of failing, of being a phony, hack writer. But, if I don't try, how will I ever know? P.S. Thanks for all the support, you guys are great! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Okay, so I finally have something blogworthy to write. (If I can type that is!) I found a local area college that has a night-time MFA program. It is a creative writing type program. Thirty-nine credit hours for the degree, 15 of which have to be workshop classes. I am thinking about doing it. I am still hesitating because well, ultimately, I still don't think of myself as a writer. I worry about sucking and yada-yada. Plus, I am worried about being bored with this before the time is up. It will take me three to three and a half years to complete this degree. My biggest fear is that you have to have a thesis in order to graduate. The thesis is a chapbook of poems, a bunch of short stories or the beginning of a novel. My fear is that I won't be able to write enough to make a thesis. But I guess that is what the classes are there for. I am excited about this, and it made realize how much my priorities have changed. I have blogged on here about wanting to be a lawyer, wanting a Ph.D., yada - blah - yada. Well, as you know, I have never pursued any of those other degrees. Why? Lack of drive. Plain and simple. I liked the idea of studying to be a lawyer more than being a lawyer. But I like the idea of being a writer as much as studying to be a writer. The big plus about this whole is that my employer will pay for it!! How freaking great is that? Since my divorce, my life and my priorities have changed. I have started to look at myself. What do I want? I always believed that I was a selfish person. I always felt like I was always asking what do I want. I am not so sure anymore that it was always. I mean, other people influenced me to thinking some things were important to me. Now, they aren't as important as I, once, thought they were. I hate to say it, but Thank God for my divorce. It has opened my eyes up to who I am and who I want to be. Who I want to be, now is so different from the guy I wanted to be last year at this time. I wanted to be a good husband to my wife, and I wanted to support her in some of the things she did. Supporting her meant giving up some things I wanted (writing). She never asked me to; I made that decision. I am responsible for that, but now, I can see that giving that up was eating away at me. Grandma says, "Life is what you make of it." So, I hope each of you is making your life what you want. bugzy is baaaccck!! seems to be. Check out her blog for a quick pick me up!Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| I have found Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg to be a great resource to help with my writing. It has helped spark creativity in me, and if I were writing poetry, again, it would be an even bigger help. It doesn't give the mechanics or the nitty gritty of writing, at least, as far as I have gotten it doesn't. It helped me get through some writing blocks, and it helped me understand some of my thought processes. I highly recommend it! A Bientot! Grifter |
| Well, I finished my story. "Invalid Item" It is up and running. I am going to let it sit for today and tomorrow. Then, it is hack and slash time. Right now it is 3,100 words. 3,000 is the minimum word count, but I could probably pull an easy 300 words out of there right now. So, I will hack and slash, then add, then hack and slash again till I come up with something worthwhile. Or I will run out of time and turn in whatever I got. We'll see. Everyone have a great day. I have a busy day of work ahead of me, and a French test to finish studying for! Au revoir! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
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