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This is my blog. I just went through a divorce; it was the worst thing that has yet to happen to me. This is me dealing with it and life. It's my blog; I write about what I want. I hope you enjoy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above was me about three years ago. It is the most up to date digital photo I have.
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| Today, I have my performance evaluation. I will discuss with my manager my performance over the past year. He knows about my divorce, and the difficulties associated with it. I know a big question in his mind is, or was, has this divorce affected my performance over the course of the year? My wife left the day before St. Patrick's day here in 2007, and the divorce proceedings started in April. I told my boss because of certain things she had said. I didn't want anything negative affecting my job. However, my divorce has not affected my performance. I have stepped up and worked very hard this year. Most of the people that I work with think that I am a level 2 engineer. I am only a level 1 engineer, which surprises my co-workers. I really feel that I stepped up and flourished in this position. I started on this program back in February, and I have really worked hard at it. Since my peers are surprised that I am simply a level 1, I had them rate me and my performance for the year. The managers here ask for feedback from your co-workers to get an overall view of your performance. I sent in four names; three of those names were the most shocked that I have not been promoted yet. So, at 11 am central time, I will learn just how well my peers and my manager think I adjusted to my new program during a tumultous personal life. Check back later for an update. Today is a double blog Wednesday! Take care! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| As I was walking to French class tonight, I passed by the Washington University Political Review. Now, as this is a University and political free thought is no longer tolerated on America's campuses, I was expecting something bashing Bush. Low and behold on the cover is a caricature of Bush as a Cowboy and Cheney scowling like the warmonger he supposedly is. They are riding a bomb towards an unknown destination. Next to them astride another bomb is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He is not portrayed as a Cowboy. He is drawn as thoughtful, even a little sad. He is a sorrowful scholar headed towards a confrontation with that cowboy and that warmonger. His look is that of a man trying to figure out how to talk to the children at the head of our nation. Now Bush is portrayed as a Cowboy, and Cheney is portrayed as a man eager for blood. This is fine, but when was the last time either of these guys called for the destruction of a people? I don't care that the paper bashes Bush; good for them. The fact that Ahmadinejad is portrayed so peacefully offends me to my core. Would this paper portray Hitler as a peace loving head of state, too? Would he have the stoic look of a man trying to find his place in the world? Because Ahmadinejad and he share a similiar view of the destruction of Jews. Below is a quote from a 2005 CNN article: "Ahmadinejad comments were made during a meeting with protesting students at Iran's Interior Ministry. He quoted a remark from Ayatollah Khomeini, founder of Iran's Islamic revolution, that Israel "must be wiped out from the map of the world." The president then said: "And God willing, with the force of God behind it, we shall soon experience a world without the United States and Zionism," according to a quote published by Iran's state news outlet, the Islamic Republic News Agency." So, it offends my very being that a person who wants to wipe Israel off the map is portrayed as a peaceful, thoughtful man. He is just as much of a cowboy as Bush, and he is just as blood thirsty, if not more, than Cheney. But, as usual, it is easier to hate Bush and Cheney. It is even popular. But to say that Mr. Ahmadinejad is bad, well that's not politically correct. He is from a different culture; so, he can be forgiven his bloodlust because it is cultural. He can be forgiven his bigotry because he is a product of his culture. What crap! Genocide is wrong, no matter what culture anyone has grown up in. I am sure that the response will be that the U.S. wants to wipe Iraq off the map. That's fine. It is straw man response that shows little research and thought. I am okay with people thinking that the U.S. is an imperial nation because time will show that we aren't. I wonder if during W.W. II people were calling us Imperialists. I should probably look that up, but I have wasted too much of precious time arguing with placaters. History has shown us what appeasers like Mr. Chamberlain have accomplished. Who is our Chamberlain? Because it is starting to feel like we are ready to repeat history. I believe that we should deal with Mr. Ahmadinejad in a peaceful, respectful way. That is what I believe America is all about, but to lie to ourselves and portray him as a peaceloving man is shameful. Evidence abounds to the contrary. Reference: http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/10/27/ahmadinejad.reaction/index.html Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Yesterday, I was lazy. I didn't work as much as I should. It was rainy, and I was feeling very content from my date the previous night. I got a few necessaries done, like going to the library. But, I just didn't get any writing in, and strangely, this started grating on my nerves. I still feel it today. After work and overtime, I am going home to sit in front of a screen and just write. About what? I don't know. We'll see. It will probably be crap, but that is okay. A long time ago I let myself be okay with writing crap. Because, not everything will be gold, but not everything will be poo either. So, I just write. If gold comes out, I run with it. If crap comes out, I pat myself on the back for sitting down and just doing it. That is one thing I love about writing for myself. I don't have to produce Hemingway or Joyce everytime or even most times. I can produce nonsense full of plot holes and typos. But I'm just happy to be writing. I hope you all have a great day! * * * Interested in colonizing space? Check this out for the reality of it all. http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2007/06/the_high_frontier_redux.html... It's a hell of a good reminder that those sci fi guys are more sci than fi. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, we began the night walking to tapas restaurant down from her apartment. She had never been, so it was a very good first experience. The tapas was great, and the sangria was okay. However, the conversation was excellent. When we got done talking, we went to a little wine bar for some jazz and yet more conversation. We each had a glass of a very wonderful Pinot Noir, and the conversation got better as we got more comfortable around each other. She had surprises that were great; we shared embarrassing moments and fun stories. And there will be a second date. I was never nervous around her. I was very excited all day, and it worked out well. She was great, and I gave her a single rose at the front door. She looked great when she got to the door. OH and she has a cat! Yay! Her cat is more of a 'fraidy cat than my little Saleen, though. Well, that's about it for now. I had a great weekend, and I hope everyone did, too. Grifter |
Well, I spent too long getting my mani- and pedicure, so I don't have long to blog. The hair stylist suggested I go with my hair up and off my neck to show the swan-like plunge into my bossom. I have my little black dress ready to go with a single diamond pendant that rests in the valley.  Wait, that's not right. Damn cough syrup. Anyways, ready for my first date in a long time. I am not nervous, yet. But the shakes will come.  So, the plan for tonight is this? We are going to meet at her place and start out at a little jazz club. Then, at the jazz club, we are going to make our plans. I believe this is called controlled chaos or being spontaneous. If she likes me, it was a very spontaneous night. If she doesn't like me, I will be a ball of controlled chaos. Either way, I'm unpredictable. Like for example, I didn't send her flowers. I scheduled a surprise high cholonic for her. Sometime before 5 o'clock central time, a team of four will surprise her with a deep cleansing. If nothing else, I will be a memorable date. Just kidding, of course. I have to go pick up a flower for her. I'm more of a single flower guy on the first date.Anyways, I hope you guys are doing well. Check back tomorrow for vague hints, suggestions and lame innuendo. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Sick as a dog. Didn't get to work. Asthma problems. Didn't get to read any blogs. Recuperating for date. Will update tomorrow morning. Have a good one. |
| My night can be summed up with one sentence from my professor. "This piece is one revision away from publishable." Can you believe that? I can't. I still can't. I knew this story needed work, but I thought it needed much more work than the class and the professor thought. I took detailed notes and will be revising. I do plan to send this out for publication. I have one journal that I plan to send it to, and I will have to find more in the likely event the first will pass. The criticisms were small; he sounded too sophisticated for a 13 year old. Take this or that sentence to tighten. The major criticism was there was not enough description of one of the supporting characters, Brock, and the climax scene was too short. I needed to take advantage of the writer's ability to slow down time in a scene to let the reader experience the full details. The praise was heaping, which is something I never expected from my writing. I am just not that good, but I am starting to think I can be that good. When I discussed my M.F.A. with the professor prior to this story, he wanted another class under my belt before he gave me a recommendation to the writing program. Last night, he told me that he would give me a recommendation. That is a very, very powerful statement to me. I was shocked, but thankfully, my polite instincts kept me from being speechless. I just said Thank you, very much. So, last night was great. Personally, I had a tough time writing this story. It was based on a very shocking, horrifying moment in my young life, and I tried to capture what I felt. Then, as I revised, I was convinced that the emotion didn't come across. It is hard for me to get emotion down in the revision. However, everyone in the class said the emotion came across. It was just gratifying to know that my work was able to stand on its own. I didn't have to explain to everyone what I meant, it finally came through in and beneath my words. This story had me really questioning whether I was a writer or not because I just wasn't happy with what I turned in. I'm still not, but now that I have suggestions on where to focus my efforts, I like the story more. I really thought I just phoned this story in, but the response was the opposite of the trashing that I expected. Well, I have work to do, and the professor gave me specific parts of the story to revise, and he wants to see me send this out. I will celebrate this Saturday night, on my date, with a glass of wine and some good jazz music. The divorce papers are signed, and I go to my lawyer's today to sign them, myself. Last night was the best night I have had since New Year's Eve 2006. I guess it was the best night of 2007 for me. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Tonight is an auspicious night for me. I get my story back from class. I hope to have some decent feedback. I also have to tell this new gal that I am going through a divorce. My wife signs the settlement at 5 pm central time, and I will be stopping by Barnes and Noble before class. What a great day! Well, 2007 is soon to close, and 2008 will bring a better year for me. I know it. But just in case, I gave blood the other day to build up a little good karma...oh yeah, and to save a life or something. Have a great and wonderful day. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| If the infinite universe crowd is correct, then I got the shit end of the deal. Right now, in other dimensions, there are millions of happy Grifters out there who've made all the right decisions. Me, I'm the lucky schmuck to always chooses the slow check out lane. In a decision between egg salad and tuna salad, I will choose the one with food poisoning, while some other me in a different universe just burped and said nice sandwich. Of course, if the multiverse crowd are right, somewhere out there in the cosmos, Santa brought a pubescent Grifter, Cindy Crawford in edible underwear for Christmas. Me, I got an asthma attack that year... and the year before, and the year after. But hey, I do get some of the yes answers to go my way. For example, I got a buy one, get one free under my Diet Mountain Dew cap tonight. That's right. Take that multiverse! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
So, I am working on a blog about being ready to date. I accidentally posted the rough draft, and Mr.Monk- GPs for the poor   saw the first draft. He was very supportive with very kind words, as per his usual, but he wasn't supposed to see it yet. Then, I had another blog about how hard it is for me to blog, and I lost it. Today isn't my day.Good news, though. My wife signs the papers tomorrow. Then, I will pick them up and take them to my lawyer to sign them on Thursday. Yay! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
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