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This is my blog. I just went through a divorce; it was the worst thing that has yet to happen to me. This is me dealing with it and life. It's my blog; I write about what I want. I hope you enjoy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above was me about three years ago. It is the most up to date digital photo I have.
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| Last night, my writing class took place. We were critiquing three stories. The first two stories went well. Everyone in the class got to critique the stories. We then took a break, and the last story was up next. It was a lady in her late 40's who wrote this story we were critiquing. She is very opinionated and verbose in her critiques of other's stories. When we began to critique her story, she would not shut up and listen. She kept trying to explain every little detail in her story. Only three of us out of nine got to critique her story. She was just too attached to her story to be able to accept any help on it. It had a lot of potential, but it needed a lot of work. But she had to talk. She couldn't listen, and she fought some of my suggestions. She had the wrong plane, and she had her main character as a tail gunner when he was a ball turret gunner. When I tried to explain that there is a difference in the two positions, she got angry. I tried to be nice; maybe I wasn't. I think, however, that she was just too close to her story. She thought it was perfect and didn't want to hear that anything is wrong with it. I hope that I didn't piss her off too much. She had a lot of good ideas, but she tried to pack them all into one story. Too many ideas in one short story doesn't allow for detail. Too many plots in one story creates more of an overview, or synopsis, than an actual story. I told her that I wanted to see more of her story as individual pieces. I hope that she continues with it; it just needs a lot of work. This got me to thinking about being a writer. I think that you have to develop a thick skin as a writer. People are not going to like your work; someone will always think that you could have done this or that better. However, it is important to know when to let criticisms roll off your skin, and when to implement suggestions. Then, get out the pen and revise. This lady also taught me that sometimes you have to do a lot more research than you will actually use in your writing. She did a little research but not enough, and it showed in her writing. It amazed me how much it came through in her writing. I have learned so much from this class and my fellow students. I may seem negative about the woman above, but I am not. Her story seemed more of an outline of a novel rather than a story story. Or maybe it was a collection of short stories. But I have learned a lot from reading hers. I have learned to let some distance stay between me and my story. I have learned that a thick skin is not necessarily a good thing. I have learned that half assed research shows in your writing. I have learned that I pull my punches when I write. I don't go straight for the heart. I need to get into the emotions more. I should get into the dirty, grimey emotions that I feel so that I can bring those emotions on to the page. I need to read my dialogue aloud to check for reality. Finally, I have learned that I cannot follow my writing around and explain what I meant to say. I have to say it all on the page if I ever plan to get published. A story should not leave any questions unanswered. If it is an open ended story, the reader should get to the end with their own ideas of where the characters are headed. But anything raised in the story, should be answered in the story. For example, if I say my character can read Arabic, he/she should use that in the story. Or the reader wonders why the author said that. I still have a long way to go, but this is why I am dedicating more time to writing. I got my hour in yesterday. I will get my hour in tonight, and I have an hour set aside tomorrow. My focus is now on short stories. I really believe it is good discipline to try to be so concise and short while keeping all the parts of the story there, beginning, rising action, climax, falling action and denouement. This is strange to me because I never read short stories. Now, I am definitely starting to read them. I have no way to end this post, so rather than gush on forever about my love of writing, I will just say... Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
The lovely lady, Thea   , tagged me. I went to the hospital, and they gave me antibiotics and the following directions to rid myself of this silly tag:For those tagged, here is how the game works: Link to your tagger and post these rules. List eight random facts about yourself. Tag eight people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them). Let them know they’ve been tagged. So, here are eight things you wish you didn't know about me: 1.) I am legally blind in my right eye. 2.) I get teary watching lovey movies. (How embarrasing is that?) 3.) When I get nervous, scared or excited, I resort to calling people sir or ma'am. 4.) The only thing I really want in life is one baby boy and one baby girl. 5.) I prefer boxer briefs. 6.) I like being cold because I can always run under the covers, especially to cuddle. 7.) My natural state of being is nude if the window shades are all drawn. 8.) I am highly allergic to cats, but I will have to be dead before I give up my two kitties. And...((((Drumroll)))) please... 9.) I am really a 9 year old girl. Just kidding. 9.) I am not a dog person, but if you ever saw me around a mutt, you wouldn't know. Now, I have to tag someone, and let's face it, I am too damn lazy to do that. Let's hope the antibiotics work! TAG YOU'RE IT! As for my biggest fears, I am more afraid of not being able to pay my bills than of dying. I am afraid that I blew my chance at a happy marriage when my wife walked, but I am more afraid that she will try to come back to me. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Tonight is another edition of my writing class. We are just about through with our first round of stories. I still like my story the best, even if the class or the professor didn't. I am happy that I have finally finished a story. Before 2007, I had never finished a story. I usually see a beginning and an ending, but I always get stuck in the middle of the story. I get mired in the middle of the plot. The professor has made it known that writing requires sacrifice. It requires a focus to set aside time each night to write. It means practicing, practicing, practicing. Reading, writing and revising are the three R's in a writers life. His favorite questions are, "Are you willing to not go out with your friends in order to write? Are you willing to finish a story instead of going bar hopping?" I can answer that truthfully; yes, I am. I haven't been making those sacrifices. I have been going out to relieve stress. Only, clubbing, dancing and bar hopping are not relieving my frustrations in the same manner that they have in the past. I find that I am happiest and most at peace when I am writing. Writing is a frustrating process for me, and I struggle with every sentence. Is it phrased right? Is it clear? Is it too verbose? But, it relieves my stress. I don't know why the stress of writing replaces the stress of my job and then disappears. It seems that when I am on a roll, the time disappears. However, when I have the writers block, the cursor blinks taunts at me. "Come on. I'm waiting." It flashes in Morse code. Well, my social calendar is very sparse as it is. However, I never seem to have time to write or read. My exercising has suffered, too. I haven't exercised in a long time. I am still eating better than I did when I was married, but I need to get back to jogging. So, I am going to make an effort to write more. Before work got all crazy, I was writing an hour per night. Now, I am lucky if I get an hour per week. Before work went nuts, I was running twice a week. Now, I jog up the stairs to the bedroom, only. Why did I stop? I am lazy. Work has been riding my butt, and I am feeling very low about the divorce and the direction my life is going. But those are just excuses to enable my laziness. However, that ends today. I plan to write for an hour tonight, and I can't run before or after class. However, I can take a walk around campus before class, and I will. (Imagine how terrible class would be if I walked in all sweaty and out of breath from running!  I would stink everyone out of the room!)I guess that I need to commit to writing if I ever want to get published, or I should just understand that I will be tinkering around if I do not commit. Writing means a lot to me, and in yesterday's post, I said that happiness for me was laying down next to my best friend and saying good night. Well, now, the criteria for happiness has now changed to writing and seeking publishing. If I find a best friend along this path, I will be happy. If that best friend is someone to say good night to, then I will be happy. As long as I write, I will be on the path to happiness. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| She had ebony hair that curled in toward her chin. It hung straight around her head and shined like a freshly waxed car in the summer sun. The black strands framed a heart shaped face with a smile bigger than her face. She had a thin upper lip that only showed its presence with make up or a little make out. Her nose was almost too small for her face, but it worked. She said her eyes were brown, but they varied in shade like the leaves during a Missouri autumn. Her touch was ice cold, and she always told me, "Cold hands, warm heart." I never minded the cold touch because my heart passed through the connection of our skin to rest beside her heart. We shared poems, and she inspired many more. I fell in love with her so hard and so fast, but we knew it was doomed from the first kiss. She would be leaving in December; she was off to a better life. We made plans for me to come visit her, but we both knew they were just words. I couldn't say good-bye. The words stuck in my throat; to let her know how I felt, I created a little electronic book of memories for her of the town she loved. Then, I wrote her a letter; I said what she meant to me. This woman had opened up worlds to me. I first felt like a writer listening to her critique my poems. We would sit on her bed side by side, reading, laughing and sharing something so rare. As good as those days were, I don't miss them. My time with her was perfect the way it was. Any longer or shorter, it would have been less somehow. I have had all too brief moments of perfection a couple of times in my life. A number of spectacular moments were with my wife. Only, we had different definitions of perfect. She was looking for the true, boring perfection where we don't argue, and everyday is candy, beer and multiple orgasms. I was looking for the happiness that comes from laying down next to your best friend and saying, "Good night." Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Once again it is Tuesday; I seem to come to this day at least once a week. It is stupefying how many Tuesdays that I have experienced in my life. Anyways, I am having trouble coming up with a second story for class. My first story was not original, or so the class said. So, I am trying to come up with an original story. I am stumped. So, I need to figure out what I am going to write about. The professor doesn't like sci-fi/fantasy. So, I won't write one of those, but does this mean that he doesn't enjoy other genres like detective stories or novels? I will just write what I want, and hopefully, it will be a decent story. I have a couple of different scenes in my mind, but there doesn't seem to be a plot involved with it. One story I want to start with the following phrases: John sat in the coffee shop, and Jane did not. Jane was in love, but John was not. I like it as an opener, but I cannot think of where to go from there that is not cliche or unoriginal. We'll see. I hope all of you out there are doing great! Bonne chance! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| "Do you think, then, that we should invade all the countries who torture and kill civilians?" - Lorien Thank you to Lorien for her comments to yesterday's blog. I appreciate it. The above is a question that I receive a lot when I talk about evil existing, and it is an answer that avoids the issue that I brought up. No, I don't think we should go to war everywhere. But there was strong enough evidence to depose Saddam that Congress voted for it. It was a bi-partisan vote. To believe that all of Congress received their briefing from the administration is a joke. The evidence was there, and the evidence was wrong. Now, it is easier to blame others that to take responsibility; I think that is the definition of politics, though.But what would I know? Because in our sound-byte society, the above question makes me a warmonger. It dismisses the complexity of me. Of course, I dismiss the complexity of me, in my posts, also. But it is use such a question to dismiss someone you disagree with. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| I have been reading about World War II a lot lately, and the type of people that carried out this war. I have to stop because it just depresses me that those type of people will never be seen again. This is because the inherent belief in an absolute right and wrong is missing from my generation. Some things are right, and some things are wrong. My peers do not seem to understand this, or if they do understand this, they lack the courage and will to stand up for what is right. Certain things are not definable as right or wrong. Abortion, gay marriage and welfare are topics that not everyone agrees about being correct or not. However, rape and murder can be agreed upon by all sane people to be evil. Christianity, Islam, Judaism and Hinduism have strictures against murder. Yet, my generation and the hippies will only say it is evil if it is an American that commits these atrocities. Saddam Hussein used chemical weapons on people; women were raped in front of their husbands as torture. Yet, according to the American left, he should have been left to continue this inhumane treatment of his people. He is from a different culture, so America should never have imposed its view of right and wrong on a different culture. The populace could not raise up and give itself independence. This, according to the political left, is just too bad for them. The American left say that it was the wrong war. Freedom is not something that all people want, apparently. Rape and murder is okay if it is committed by another culture. It is better to take the chance that a mass murderer has nuclear weapons than to find out that he was lying. It is wrong for one culture to tell another that basic human rights should be afforded to everyone. This is what the Democrats and war protesters are saying to me. I weep for a generation that hates America and its soldiers more than a murderer and rapist. I weep for a generation that bows down under the weight of Islamic terrorism as we are doing. I weep for a world that finds a hero in a man who calls American soldiers murderers. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| "The Fairness Doctrine was a United States FCC regulation requiring broadcast licensees to present controversial issues of public importance in a manner deemed by the FCC to be honest, equitable and balanced. The doctrine has since been withdrawn by the FCC, and certain aspects of the doctrine have been questioned by courts." -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairness_Doctrine The Fairness Doctrine is beginning to raise its ugly head, again, in America. The Left Wing Congress in America has members that wish to reinstate the Fairness Doctrine. In other words, the political party that claims to advocate free speech wishes to censor radio or television programs that it finds controversial. It is free speech to put graphic pornography in magazines, but to criticize the government or the ruling political party is not free speech. To me this is beyond scary; it is the beginning of the end of America. America was founded on the principle that everyone has the right to say what they want. No one has to listen to what a person says, though. Each individual should choose what they wish to listen to. Left wing comics are always saying that if the listener doesn't like what they are saying, turn the channel. Can America not do the same with Right wing radio talk show hosts? Yes, it can, but it chooses not to. It chooses to listen to talk radio. Air America was an attempt by the Left to break into talk radio, but the public found it boring. The radio syndicate went bankrupt because people chose to listen to conservative hosts like Rush Limbaugh. Advertisers didn't want to pay millions to reach hundreds of people. They could pay Rush a little more and reach millions of people. However, a small majority in this country believe that this is not fair. Since it isn't fair, the government should make it fair. Since when did Americans become so spoiled? When did Americans lose the concept that in a democracy, majority opinion rules? When did this happen? Life is not fair. It never has been. Ever since Ug hit Ugina on the head and dragged her back to the cave when Og really wanted to bonk Ugina on the head, humans have known life is not fair. In today's America, though, people believe there should be fairness in everything. Bobby's team lost the game, but its not fair because the game rewards kids with skills. Since it is not fair, there should be no winner. This is part of our society's thought process. Instead of celebrating that the other team was better at something than Bobby, we celebrate Bobby's pure inadequacies. Yay! Let's focus on what Bobby can't do, as opposed to what he can! Once, we celebrated our differences. We celebrated that certain people are better at certain things. Now, no one is better than anyone else at anything. No one is special in this country anymore. We cannot accept loss in this country anymore. If most of America believes in some type of God, and you do not, just file a law suit so that you can impose your views on millions of people. If you believe that right wing talk radio is wrong, whine to the government. If someone says something that goes against your beliefs, make sure that you do everything in your power to silence them. Because if Congress can silence its critics on the radio, why shouldn't you be able to silence me because I don't have the exact same beliefs you do? Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| A structural engineer looks at how structures behave and how they are affected by the forces on them. One way in which a structure carries load is in bending. The example of this would be a traffic light. The light, a.k.a. load, sits on a pole that extends over traffic. The pole is held up by another vertical pole that goes to the ground. So, we say the horizontal bar 'bends' the load out to the vertical pole. Now, as we all know, everything has its breaking point. It is inherent in the material what that breaking point is. No matter what the shape of the material, it will break at that point. That is a hard fact of science. The only way to avoid all of the bending resulting in a material failure is to give the structure some support. For example, add a strut to the traffic light pole. The same is true in life. We can only bear so much weight; we can only bend and change so much. Finding support is something that is difficult at best, but it is out there if one just looks. Asking is a big step in seeking support. It always comes from strange places, and it will always inspire and humble. Giving support is one of the best ways to give back to society. Blessings are all around, but the best blessing is the people in everyday life. One never knows who needs help or who is willing to give help. It pays to always be ready to help someone, and it pays to always be humble. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| I am still here, and I am still busy as all get out. I am going to try to write a real blog tomorrow. I am just so busy at work and at home. :) It is nice to be busy, but I am looking forward to a break this weekend. I hope everyone out there in Blogville has a great day. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
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