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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

November 13, 2019 at 12:02am

#969535

Lie to Me

Artist: Depeche Mode
Song: Lie to Me
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : In what circumstances do you believe it is okay to fib or tell a white lie?

This is a really good question, Em. I thought about how I might answer it while taking a shower and the best one sentence answer I could come up with is: When telling the truth is irrelevant...

I'll explore it a little more and see if I change my mind by the end of the entry, but that was my shower thought on it. There are so many instances where it just doesn't matter whether you tell the truth or tell a lie. And I can't be talked to about moral obligations because my moral compass was born off-center.

I think it's okay to lie when...

it's something personal.
In my opinion, people have a right to privacy in most circumstances. So for example, if someone asks me why I don't take my exams in the classroom with everyone else, I think I have every right to lie rather than tell them that I have a mental illness that requires alternative accommodations. It's none of their business why I take my exams elsewhere, so I feel perfectly comfortable lying about it.

the truth just doesn't matter.
Example: A few years ago at school, the conservative club's posters kept getting torn down around campus. They were often pro-life posters with graphic images on them so the posters were fairly inflammatory and thus got ripped down frequently. But with free speech and all that, the staff eventually tried to intervene. One day I was in the hallway eating lunch and I saw someone come through and rip down every single one of their posters. Like, fifteen minutes later, a staff member comes running through and asks me if I saw someone taking down the conservative club posters.

I didn't turn them in for multiple reasons. 1) It's reasonable to think that several people could have been ripping down the posters. It doesn't have to just be one culprit. 2) Snitches get stitches. 3) I don't think they should have pro-life posters on campus in the first place. That falls under "none of your business" in my book. 4) I had nothing to gain by going out of my way to tell the truth.

it's not your truth to tell.
Sometimes I know something about a friend or family member that they aren't ready to reveal yet to other people. For example, I have a couple friends who are in the closet. When they're not around, if their sexuality comes up, I try to get people to stop speculating on it, but if I'm asked directly, "Nope, he's straight as far as I know." 100% not my truth to tell.

telling the truth would needlessly hurt someone's feelings.
This isn't the same as when someone asks you to honestly tell them how they look in an outfit. I don't lie in that situation because I have no problem being like, "bro, those pants are wayyy too tight."

But there are times where lying is just tactful. For example, your friend just got a tattoo and you think it's pretty meh, but they're clearly happy with it. It's permanent, they're happy. I see no reason to tell the truth if asked your opinion. You can basically lie by omission by trying to think of something good about it and then telling them you're happy that they're happy. "Nice line work, I'm really glad you like it."

Another example is when someone gives you a gift and you're like just wtf, who would want this. There's no reason to not thank them for the gift and act like it's the coolest shit under the sun.

you're protecting innocence.
I've definitely been asked some things by my niece where I'm like, yup, I'm gonna lie on that one. There has been some family drama in the past that spawned prickly questions that I don't want to delve into with a child. Obviously, I sugarcoat the answers and tell her to follow up with her parents. It's the responsible thing to do.

you're forced to in order to benefit yourself.
Anyone who has ever been in a job interview knows this one to be necessary. You know when you're asked an oddly specific "Name a time when you..." question? I don't know a single person who isn't going to attempt to answer, even if they have to make up a scenario using one of their past roles. Not to mention embellishing on previous work responsibilities in order to appeal to the job duties of the role you're seeking.

I could continue, but I won't. Life isn't black and white. There are tons of examples of times when it's not only okay to lie, but it's also the right thing to do. One of the things I've been taught in various forms of therapy (especially group therapy) is that in communication, you should always think of the following before speaking:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it kind?

In group, we were told that everything you say should be at least 2 out of the 3. If it doesn't meet the 2 out of 3 threshold, then you don't say it. Full stop.

Lie to me
But do it with sincerity

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