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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

November 2, 2019 at 12:05am

#968798

Jouska ranting

Artist: Red Hot Chili Peppers
Song: Soul to Squeeze
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Write about jouska.

From Psychology Today, jouska is defined as “a hypothetical conversation that you play out over and over in your head. For example, replaying an argument in your head where you say all the right things and “win” the argument, or practicing asking your boss for a raise and playing out his or her responses and your comebacks.”

I wish I could properly answer this prompt, but I quite honestly get into so many actual confrontations that having jouskas with myself doesn't even come into play. I mean, I probably should have hypothetical arguments in my head because I fucking suck at them once I open my mouth, but who has time for hypothetical when you've got the real thing?

I'm really flustered right now because I've had a very confrontational day so this might be rant-y.

So, I really only have 2 modes of argument and which one I use depends entirely upon whether or not I actually care about the person I'm arguing with.

If I do, I get overly emotional almost instantly. Like, I get kind of stone-y. Super cold and quiet at first. Then I become instantly enraged because I rarely 'start' arguments. I hate confrontation so I will just continuously let things slide. But other people aren't like that, and I fully respect someone approaching me directly when they have an issue.

However...

I cannot emotionally take it when I care about the person. I don't know what it is about it that makes me panic, but I just do. I do the brick wall thing, get enraged, and then start crying. I don't care if I'm not supposed to cry all the time. Still gonna do it anyway.

The worst part of it is that I want people to be able to talk to me. If I do something that upsets someone I care about, they need to be able to talk to me about that without me being like, OMG

It's super frustrating for them and for me. It's even worse when I know they're right. I can't help but get angry because my brain is like, "Well, I think I've done pretty well given the fact that X, Y, Z." But that's not really relevant, is it? If someone has an issue with you, they need space to air that out to you whether you've been through a lot, are going through a lot, overcame a lot, do pretty well considering, etc...

If my 3-step program to arguments is 1) turn into a brick wall, 2) become enraged, 3) start crying... then my 2nd method of arguing is to just do Step 1.

This is extremely easy to do when you don't care about the other person or what they have to say. There's nothing more simple than just completely checking out of the conversation. It's not even about pretending you don't care, because you're not pretending. If I don't have an emotional relationship to someone or the topic we're arguing about, it simply never progresses to Step 2 of becoming enraged.

It's just like... oh, you're upset? That's cool. I'm an actual brick wall for the duration of this conversation because there's nothing you can say that will affect me.

It sounds bad, but it actually doesn't work terribly for professional relationships. You're supposed to be 'professional' anyway, and what could be more professional than being cold af? In business, anyway. I don't know about other fields. But business pretty much expects you to be carved out of stone. The conversations in general are slightly clinical and cold. Showing emotion would be inappropriate anyway.

When it comes to jouska, my version of that probably comes about more in relation to actual conversations that are going to happen.

For example, I got into an argument earlier. I knew the other person was right even as we were arguing, but I couldn't swallow my pride and need to defend myself to just say, "You're right." Since I started writing this entry, I calmed down some and thought about the best way to apologize and how that conversation might go.

And then I actually took a break from writing to go do exactly that.

Exactly as practiced in my jouska, "I'm sorry I got so worked up earlier. I understand where you're coming from, and I know that you're right. I got upset because I felt like you were disregarding the circumstances of my situation, but I want you to feel comfortable talking to me without having to worry about how I'm going to react."

Nice and simple.

I know jouskas are "hypothetical" and "played out over and over in your head," but if you knew how many times I've had to practice and then deliver similar apologies, you'd see that it really does count.

You're so polite indeed
Well I got everything I need
Oh make my days a breeze
And take away my self destruction

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