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Sun, Oct 26, 2025

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

November 7, 2019 at 12:08am

#969162

Orange is king + a mini rant

Artist: Aesop Rock
Song: Gopher Guts
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What is your favorite color? Do you have a favorite color pairing? What’s something in your life that you picture when you think of your favorite color? Do you choose to wear clothing that is your favorite color? Has your favorite color changed over your life?

I was wondering if you would say something about yesterday's entries, Emily

I had a similar prompt for my group one time and quickly realized that people DO NOT like to talk about the generations thing.

No harm no foul though. Coming up with prompts is also, like, incredibly more difficult than it looks.

Anyway, the short answer to this prompt is ORANGE!

I've always liked the color. It's bright, but not blinding. It's visible on both light and dark backgrounds. It's cheerful without being like in-your-face yellow. Orange always reminds me of autumn and that was always my favorite season as a kid. I love when the leaves are orange, red, yellow, and brown. I think the combination of colors looks really cool (or should I say warm?

).

As far as clothing goes though, I prefer rather bland neutral tones. I have a lot of grey, black, navy blue/green, olive green, brown etc. in my closet. I don't think I have a single orange shirt, actually. It's not a color that I want to, like, paint the front door or anything. I don't necessarily like it it on day-to-day things like walls, cars, and desks.

Now that I'm thinking about it, orange might remind me of Calvin & Hobbes

too. Hobbes, of course, was a tiger so there's a lot of orange there, but the comics just seemed to have that warm color palette in general. And I loved Calvin & Hobbes as a kid.

I don't think my favorite color has really changed much over time. There are other colors I really like too though, even cooler colors, like sky blue and lavender.

That was a quick one, so I'm gonna mini rant here. You can stop reading if you just stopped by for the color choice. Also, you could've stopped, like, 5 sentences in if that's the case. Also, also, you could have just read the blog title.

I'm stressing the fuck out at the moment. In fact, writing this entry is my coping mechanism for delaying the actual confrontation of all the things that are stressing me out. I haven't been to school for... a while. I'm over here bragging about how I'm about to be finishing school when, in reality, I haven't even been actually going.

I mean, I still am set to finish in ~6 weeks, but in order to do that, I kind of need to go to school. I have exams next week and I'm wigging out because I'm trying to teach myself senior-level accounting & finance. You know, like the things I would have learned by going to class?

I keep saying I'm going to go to class, but then the next class day rolls around and I can't get myself to actually make it to class. It doesn't help that I've been sick for pretty much the entirety of the semester. Not only do I mentally feel horrible (which is nothing new), but I also physical feel like a literal trash can. I don't know if it's stress-related or something else, but I've just had one thing after another come up for the past couple months. As soon as something clears up, another thing shows up to take its place.

On top of that, I'm playing the waiting game with potential employers. I'm behind on my current job. I haven't clocked in for at least a couple weeks. And I haven't been able to study at all. I was going over something today, for over an hour, only to realize I had gone over the exact same thing yesterday. I was taking notes and flipped to the previous page to find essentially the exact same notes from less than 24 hours before.

So, while I'm physically making studying movements, I'm clearly retaining so little that I can write the same shit two days in a row without even realizing I've done it before. It's just numbers everywhere. My head starts spinning the second I even attempt to study. I have actual vertigo from trying to read and understand the spreadsheets.

I have no idea what to do. I feel totally hopeless in this moment. How do you study something you don't understand? How do you go to class when you mentally and physically feel like a hot circle of garbage?

This is the first time since last fall that I've been legitimately concerned about what I'm going to do with myself. Without health insurance, another hospital stay is completely out of the question. I need to completely reset myself somehow or things are going to really bottom out quickly.

I can just feel it.

I have been my own worst enemy since the very genesis of rebels

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