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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

November 10, 2019 at 12:22am

#969350

You're not fooling anyone

Artist: Slipknot
Song: Snuff
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : What do you find yourself insecure about? Are you able to overcome your insecurities? If so, how?

You wanna know what makes me super insecure? Therapy websites with names like Serenity Specialists, Clarity Clinic, Peaceful Prosperity… What is up with all the fucking alliteration? Not to mention the totally cringy ‘calming’ names. “Goodbye, honey. I’m headed to the Synergy Symmetry Ascendant Angels Behavioral Health and Wellness Welcome Center Retreat.”

Like, dude, what???

Talk about putting lipstick on a pig.

And then on top of that, they all have the same fucking website design. Like clouds on an oversaturated blue sky with the silhouette of a person triumphantly jumping for joy with their hands in the air. Seriously, if you’ve never been to these sites, go look at any of the psych office websites in your area. They’re obscene.

People with mental illnesses don’t want to manically reach for the sunset while a photographer takes a wide-angle lens shot of them standing in a wheat field. They want to be like baseline normal. Like, you know, an average person who can hold a job and be generally neutral most of the time.

Instead we get to sift through these shitty, overly bright websites with vaguely scientology-esque sounding names trying to find basic information like how much they’re charging, what their credentials are, what conditions they specialize in. Just the essential shit you’d need before wasting your time with making an appointment.

My sense of self is super shaky. My borderline twin can back me up on that, I’m sure. @⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites

. Borderline personality disorder notoriously makes its sufferers not really know who they are or how they feel about themselves.

So my insecurities range from every single thing about myself from brains, to looks, to personality, to qualification as a human being. And on the flip side of that, I have moments where I can get overly arrogant for no discernible reason. When I’m swinging between trying to figure out if I exist at all and trying to figure out why I’m not the only person who exists, my insecurities basically turn on and off.

One minute I can be really down on myself about everything. As in, can’t even think of a single positive thing to say about myself. The next minute I’m overly snarky and insensitive. Obviously, I try to keep that side of myself hidden as much as possible because no one likes someone who’s being a dick. But, just as an example of someone who has seen that side of me… what’s up, ~Minja~

The good thing is (I think) I usually swing out of that kind of mood rather quickly. I go back to self-loathing and then I’m usually pretty sweet because from my perspective literally everyone I interact with is above me.

It would obviously be ideal to strike a balance between the two and be, I dunno, have a rational self-perspective. It’s not going to happen, but it would be ideal.

As far as specific things I’m insecure about, intelligence, for sure. I get insecure at school a lot when people are talking about internships and jobs. I’m over here hanging onto my actual sanity by a frayed thread. I get insecure when people are talking about their grades, even though my grades are nearly perfect. That’s how self-involved I am. It’s not good enough for my grades to be nearly perfect, I need other people’s grades to not be on the same level as mine or I’ll get insecure about it.

I get insecure dealing with other people’s moods, which is ironic all things considered. But when someone is moody and they get a little bit snappy with me, my brain is instantly like, oh look, they hate you because you’re a terrible person, obviously. Instead of just thinking that the other person could be having a bad day.

I don’t really know any ways to overcome insecurity. I think maybe becoming an expert at something could help. Just having your little corner of the world where you know way more about one thing than the average person. At least then you have something you’re really good at that the average person will know nothing about. You can be knowledgable and have confidence in that area if nothing else.

And if all else fails, you can try to get some tips from the Enhanced Elevation Progressive Steps Healing Betterment Network at Tranquil Seas Villa Social Wellness Center. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end

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