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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by FivetricksterTreats

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

👀intu the Darkness

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Waltz in the Lonesome October

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pumpkin

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

Elisa, Stik-or-Treat

Feb 19, 2023 at 10:26am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I've had decent participation with Journalistic Intentions (even though I know my prompts are sometimes considered "difficult"). I do think that there's been a bit of a shift in regards to contests and activities, where people have been more open to admitting they find some setups too restricting or that they feel intimidated by contests. I would love to be in discussions to address those issues, but so far I haven't been invited.

November 27, 2019 at 12:04am

#970538

What if there's a banana drought?

Artist: Motion City Soundtrack
Song: Can't Finish What You Started
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Write about a time when you surprised yourself with your abilities. Is there a specific time you can remember when you were convinced that you could not do something, and then you did it? Tell us!

Oh, this is just my standard state of being.

I never look upon something with confidence like, aw, yeah, I'm gonna rock this. Gotta keep expectations low, even for myself, so that when I do succeed at something it's a pleasant surprise. Other people definitely have a lot more faith in me than I have in myself.

Let's just breakdown my day today from 12:00am until now (10:30pm). Here are all the things I thought I couldn't do today:

1) Go to sleep. At around 2 in the morning, I had this thought while reading in bed like, I'm never going to fall asleep tonight.

2) Fall back asleep after waking up. I woke up at around 5 in the morning and thought, Fuck, I only got 2 hours of sleep and I'm never gonna fall back asleep now.

3) Wake up. When Kira started cooking breakfast at 7:30am, I thought something like, Oh no, there's no way I can wake up right now.

4) Eat breakfast. Once breakfast was finished, I was staring at my plate like, Ugh, why am I so nauseous every morning. There's no way I can eat.

5) Go to school. Between 8am and 1pm, I thought roughly 46 times, Yeahhhh, there's no way I'm gonna make it to school. The weather sucks. I feel like shit. Etc.

6) Meet with my professor. I had a meeting with my professor set for 2 o'clock and definitely thought, I'm not going to get any clear answers from him. This is pointless. I should just stay home.

7) Walk up all the stairs at school. Again, I feel like shit. My breathing sucks. I can't walk up all these flights of stairs.

8) Take a quiz. Always tons of self down involved there. I didn't study for this. I'm gonna fail. I should just not take it. It's a waste of paper.

9) Go home. Once I've been at school all day, then I don't want to leave because it's raining and I have to walk all the way to the car. I forgot my jacket. I'm gonna get more sick if I leave now. I'm just going to hang out in the library.

10) Write this entry. Once I finally get home from the epically long day, then I start thinking about all the things I need to do before I can lay down for the night and try to relax™ for a bit. I need to have dinner, do the assignment that's due at midnight, take a shower, respond to emails. There's no way I'll have time to write a blog entry.

You get the idea. I am just NOT a confident person. I could write a series on negative self talk.

And yes, I did actually accomplish all those tiny things today that I thought I couldn't do.

If it sounds exhausting to you, you're right. I've always been this neurotic too. I mean, the only time I wasn't was when I was on #drugs, but that's because I only cared about 1 thing in the universe during that time.

Aside from that, overanalyzing everything since birth, I swear.

I remember one incident with lil Charlie when I was maybe 6 or 7. My mother and I were going to the store because she forgot to get bananas for a dessert she was making. Our conversation kind of went like this:

Me, in the backseat: Ma, what will we do if they don't have bananas?

Ma: What do you mean?

Me: If the store doesn't have bananas, what will we do?

Ma: Like if they're out of bananas...?

Me: Yeah

Ma: Go to a different store, I guess...?

Me: What if all the stores are out of bananas?

Ma: Why would all of the stores be out of bananas?

Me: What if they got lost on a truck or the farmers don't have any?

Ma: ............................

Me: Ma?

Ma: ... The store will have bananas, Charlie.

So, the short answer, I guess, is that I'm fully convinced I can't do things on a daily basis. I also thoroughly impress myself when I do actually accomplish even the smallest thing. Nothing in life is accomplished through one big action. "I can't graduate school" isn't a time I thought I couldn't do something. It was a series of a million times I thought I couldn't do something. It was all the times I thought I couldn't pass an exam, finish writing a paper, get out of bed and go to school, work with a lazy group on a project, etc.

You just have to keep pushing through the tiny "I can't" moments until you get an "I did."

It doesn't make a bit of difference if you start what you can't finish

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